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Thread: Advice on adjusting to mermaiding and being socially accepted?

  1. #1

    Advice on adjusting to mermaiding and being socially accepted?

    Once I found out that mermaiding was a hobby, it instantly clicked, and I'm in love with my finfun tail and want to get a silicone tail sometime in 2017 once I know this is what I want/ have the money saved. But since it's such an unusual hobby, there's a lot of "why would you want to do this?" "I don't get it." "It seems...interesting." and it's hard to let myself enjoy it as a hobby when a lot of people in my life don't get the appeal. I care a lot about what other people think of me in general (working on that, though), so being a mermaid is up for some judgment, and it's hard to adjust too. Especially when/ if it comes time to buy my tail, I know I'm going to be judged for spending that much on it, when in other people's eyes it doesn't make sense. I don't want to feel guilty for buying a tail and enjoying something that makes me happy (one of the only things recently that does, too). It feels freeing to be a mermaid, but also it's hard to accept the fact that this is what I enjoy as a hobby since it's not very common. Has anyone felt similar to this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Pod of Cali Vela's Avatar
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    When I first found this site and the whole world of mermaiding I had a little bit of fear of being judged. However I am not usually one who lets what others think get to me. I tried to make a neoprene tail...and fail....so I ordered a silicone tail as well as a neoprene tail to practice with while I waited for the silicone one. When people found out that I had spent a ton of money on a Mermaid Tail I definitely got the "what is going through you head" look. But again I don't really care. So far I have done one party in my neoprene tail and it was great...everyone was very excited about the tail.

    My family is a group that do not judge based on the likes of a person. So when I started to talk about wanting to be a mermaid they were on board. You kind of just have to be the person you want to be and not let the opinions of others get to you. If you want to be a mermaid...be a mermaid!!

    anyways yes I have felt like you do but I would say just let the opinions float on by and only take in what is helpful and nice..... :P

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Vela View Post
    let the opinions float on by and only take in what is helpful and nice..... :P

    That's lovely advice! Not even just for mermaiding but in general

  4. #4
    Senior Member Undisclosed Pod PearlieMae's Avatar
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    You said it yourself "It feels freeing to be a mermaid"...that's all you need to tell people. It's none of their damned business what you spend your time and money on.

    Speaking as someone with more yesterdays than tomorrows, don't waste one jot of energy worrying about what people think of you or what you do!

  5. #5
    I am lucky that for the most part my family is fairly unphased by all my adventures. I find it helps to talk about it being a whole community, that people do it as a job and for charity and ocean conservation. It's hard to be too negative on something that helps people and makes kids smile. But mostly, they'll see it makes you happy and hopefully they can't fight that either.

  6. #6
    i feel that, at first i was worried about what my friends and family would think, but once i embraced it and put myself out there,you couldn't believe the positive responses i got from them! i thought my dad would think im nuts for wanting to go to mermaid school but he actually thought it was a really cool idea!
    as for making friends on mernetwork im new at this site and am having trouble making new friends. out of 20 emails ive sent out to other mermaids only one is interested in meeting up and going for a swim with me...
    wich makes me sad but one is better than nothing!
    dont let other peoples opinions of you matter. its your own happiness that needs to be priority!

  7. #7
    I am a people pleaser through and through.

    My family absolutely hates everything I do, especially mermaiding. They say it's childish, a waste of time, a waste of money, and so much more. My dad yells at me almost every day because I like to talk about mermaids and how much joy they bring me.

    However, it's not their life to live. At the end of the day, you're all you've got. If you can't love what you do, what's the point in doing it? You have to realize that you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself.

    I feel like I'm being harsh, but it took me seventeen years of listening to all the hatred from my family to realize that I'm never going to be what they want me to be, so I might as well be what I want me to be.

    Children love me as a mermaid. A foreign family absolutely adored me. My 50-something male psychiatrist thinks I'm his coolest patient ever. My manager and a bunch of my coworkers love what I do. Just because my family hates it doesn't mean everyone does, and just because one person doesn't like what you do doesn't mean that the world will crumble at their fingertips and everyone will listen to them. There is good and bad in every situation, darkness and light, the polar divine that lives in everything. You just have to learn how to shape that darkness into a different form of light.

    All my (mer)friendly love.
    Twilight darkens, yet there in the shade,
    Lies a glimmering shadow, the wild mermaid;

    As night draws ever closer, there's a choice to be made--
    Will you stay as you are, or be delivered to the waves?

    Laumina the Storm Siren

    Instagram: mermaidwhisperofficial | Facebook: Mermaid Whisper | YouTube: Mermaid Whisper

  8. #8
    I have aways been the kind of person that doesn't give a S*** what people may think of me. I am my own free bird! If you enjoy something and it brings you happiness, then who cares about others opinions.

    And as for spending tons of money, I know some people who drop $500 for the latest pair of designer shoes or bags, so saving up for a tail doesn't seem so crazy after that. There is always going to be people who say and judge you, but just ignore it. Secretly they are probably joules they don't have the courage to pursue their own dreams

    And @Arquamella Culture A lot of people on here are busy with their day jobs and other things so don't take it personally. There will be a nice Meet up where you can come and meet a bunch of us Mers

  9. #9
    Senior Member Undisclosed Pod Mermaid Summerlilly's Avatar
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    I've tried mentioning mermaiding to my friends and family before and every time they either tell me that's it's not a real job or that having a tail is a waste of money.

    Can I rant for a sec? Thanks.
    So I love my aunts and everything but this summer I was talking about my shell top that I was working on and how I wanted to keep saving for a silicone tail.
    They were like; "How much do you need to save? Somewhere around 100/400 bucks maybe?"
    And I was like; "No no, I mean somewhere around 3000/7000 bucks."
    They stared at me then started to talk about how much of a waste that is and I said it was so I could maybe join a pod or start a business when I'm older. They told me to just ditch the tails and get a real job. I promptly overreacted and may or mat not have said that that's why I've said to always abandon dreams and aim low so when I get a slightly better job than what I was expecting I'd be happy.

    All my friends laugh when I mention my tail except for my very best friends who love the idea of mermaiding and support me completely.
    Not that I REALLY care, but I would love for people to understand me. That's why I love it here on MerNetwork with you guys.
    beep boop get some soup

  10. #10
    Summerlilly, that's pretty much my exact situation too. I get you!

  11. #11
    I feel like you've got a lot of the same advice already but it's good advice so I'm gonna say it again. If you love it, the. Do it! What Whisper said really strikes me. Although I am not in her situation, I understand. Not everyone is gonna love it or get it but who cares. You need to be happy before you can make other people happy.

    as far as the cost goes, it's not a waste if you get good use out of it. What about those people who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a super fancy car then lave it in a garage all day. Or people who spend hundreds on baseball cards. Or thousands of dollars on season tickets on the fist level of a sports complex. Most of those things seem like a huge waste to me but nobody bats an eyelash when you say you spent 100 grand on a car. 3-5 grand on a tail (something you actually use, that gets you in shape and that you could build a business from) doesn't seem like a waste to me at all.
    The Magical Mystical MerFanc
    A Welsh Lake Monster with control of weather, water and water creatures.
    Resident sea monster, best friend of sharks and ducks, lover of the Deep Ocean.
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  12. #12
    In my experience, the more aggressive you are about your likes and hobbies, the more confident you'll be about them. And I don't mean in your face aggressive - but more, "yes, that IS what I'm doing" kind of aggression. I got a lot more flack for doing pageants than I do for mermaiding so my experiences are more from that side. For me, it helps if you're a nerd about it and can talk about why you want to be in it. Ex: this girl I competed in a pageant with went to Columbia Law School and opened her /own/ orphanage. Why WOULDN'T I want to be associated with her?
    "SeaSparkles" "Spindrift" "Enakai" "Cuddlefish" "Confused"
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  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Katieloo View Post
    Once I found out that mermaiding was a hobby, it instantly clicked, and I'm in love with my finfun tail and want to get a silicone tail sometime in 2017 once I know this is what I want/ have the money saved. But since it's such an unusual hobby, there's a lot of "why would you want to do this?" "I don't get it." "It seems...interesting." and it's hard to let myself enjoy it as a hobby when a lot of people in my life don't get the appeal. I care a lot about what other people think of me in general (working on that, though), so being a mermaid is up for some judgment, and it's hard to adjust too.
    Well, maybe you need to see it like this - those responses you listed aren't necessarily negative, your friends just don't understand it because they've not heard of it before (imagine if your friend came to you and said 'Hey guess what? I just love to dress up like an alien!'. You would be like what?). This is your chance to get really passionate and tell them all about Mermaiding and how wonderful it is and all about the great community of Mers all over the world (explaining to them there are professionals making money from it and lots of people all over the world doing it recreationally too) and how you love to do it too.

    Some will get it and you might even convert some of them to wanting to be a Mermaid themselves! Worst case they continue to be close minded about it but thats ok, that just means they're not going to be into it so you can go and tell some other friends until you do eventually find some who love it along with you. You may be surprised out of your friends how many are actually in support of Mermaiding once you go and do it and then share with them photos or stories or tell them how passionate you are about it!

    Remember not all your friends have to like all your interests, you might have other friends who like other things about you, and then you have those who like Mermaiding. Just focus on sharing your passion with those who are equally interested and don't bother if others still don't get it/are not into it.



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  14. #14
    Senior Member Euro Pod Moonchild's Avatar
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    Hi everyone! I'm so weirdly excited about this thread, like, I thought I was the only one having to defend herself from other people's judgement!!

    I agree with all of you, it's matter of knowing yourself and doing what you like to please ONLY yourself. I have been doing this (stop trying to please everyone) since I finished high school, I used to be the perfect student, always straight A's, very bright, always putting responsabilities first, super mature... or at least that's what everyone thought bc I was miserable as f*ck, I had crippling anxiety and ended up developing depression and anorexia, because I felt like I was never good enough and when people told me that I had to be THE BEST at something if I wanted to be succesful in life I wholeheartedly believed them, so I put my interests at the very bottom of my priorities list, because srsly, who has time to be happy when anything less than an A+ in a test can ruin your life (note the sarcasm).
    So... I graduated and I was super miserable and I couldn't even think of going through the same nightmare at uni, so I dropped out after the first year and started focusing on the things that I DO like: I started vocational training to be a photographer, I joined a circus school AND I started trying every little thing that appealed to me even if people thought it was weird (aka made myself my first fabric tail).

    Do I still get a lot of judgement? Yes. Do people thing I'm wasting a lot of money and time on things that don't really matter? Hell yes. Am I A LOT HAPPIER than when I was just trying to please everyone around me? ABSOLUTELY.

    Also, the people who really care about you become a lot more supportive about your interests when they see they make you genuinely happy... My dad is the most conservative man on Earth, and even he has stopped trying to change my mind on these thing. It's not like he likes them, but at least he stopped making the nasty comments that could bring me doing.

    So the moral is YOU DO YOU!!!

    Enviado desde mi Aquaris X5 mediante Tapatalk

  15. #15
    My mum said its weird. Good thing that I don't really care

  16. #16
    I'm in the same boat as many others. I grew up in a town where you were heavily judged based on who you were, what family you came from, what job you had...so on and so forth. God forbid you work in fast food or retail! I'm in retail and I can't tell you the amount of sheer disrespect the community has. I once had a woman spill her blazing coffee all down my front and then roll her eyes before proceeding to scream at me and demand a manager to tell them that I had run into her and ruined her six hundred dollar gown. Bear in mind, she didn't have a drop on her. So this gives you an idea...and that's just scratching the surface.

    I've always been the odd duckling in my family and none of us really get along. I've always been into arts and anything different (which was definitely not always well received by my family). When I moved away with my boyfriend, that became the best point in my life so far. I found out about mermaiding some time after and he has been entirely supportive. Anytime I go out swimming, he is always there - always in the water with me. I've even convinced him to try out a tail come next season! I recently told my family about my new hobby and one of them quite literally asked if I was mental for spending so much on a tail (and this was just for my ~$120 Suntails without mention of the silicones). I just find it a bit ironic because the same person drops $800 for the newest phone yearly along with buying a brand new car every three years or less. At least I'm not being an old prude!

    On the same side, I've heard it all. "You're just throwing away money. Do something worthwhile with it." (Just like those $150 pair of heels you only wore once?) "Are you mental? Who spends that much money on a swimsuit?" (Says the woman with a $1,200 gown hanging in her closest that she has "for emergencies.") "You could go to college with that amount of money!" (I'm going to college anyway. ) "You live in Ohio. It's cold constantly! Why would you waste money on something you can only do for two months?" (There are these wonderful things called yearly gym memberships!) And my personal favorite "Are you suuuuuuure about this? I mean...people are going to look at you strangely. Aren't you afraid of being judged? It's just not normal." (Sorry, but nothing I do is normal! I think I'll be okay.)

    On the flip side, his family is entirely supportive of me. His mother has offered to help me design some basic fabric tails and help out with tops! Of course I got the "are you crazy" look at first from them (it is inevitable) but once I explained it, they were on board! They are the best. I often have them asking me how my training is going or how long I can hold my breath now. They're the best and I just adore them to bits! So I've been on both sides of the fence. Can definitely say that I prefer this side!

    All in all, I'll echo what everyone else has said. Do what you love. No one else can define your happiness. Even if it isn't conventional, try it out! See if you like it. It could foster a life-long love of the activity. We only have a short time here and with the people around us. Don't waste it appealing to others. I've seen the end result. It isn't pretty nor worth it. Enjoy doing what you love and never be afraid of trying new things. While you'll get a lot of crazy looks, there will always be something that makes it worth it.
    It's like the tide, always falling and rising
    I will carry you here in my heart
    You'll remind me
    That come what may, I know the way
    I am Moana - Disney's Moana

  17. #17
    I love everyone's responses, I'm glad a lot of people were happy to be able to relate to this too

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