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View Full Version : Where have you been, Octavia? (possible triggers)



Mermaid Octavia
04-22-2015, 04:34 PM
Triggers: mental illness, abuse, suicide threats

Swimming in a swamp, apparently! And I mean a metaphorical swamp.

I've been absent from the network for probably, oh... 6-8 months? I'm not sure exactly when my activity died down precisely. Last time I was here in earnest, I had been kicked from my volunteer mermaid group (here locally) and they would not respond and tell me why (this was mid/late November 2013). That set off a spiral of depression for me. I was booted just as my silicone tail had arrived and I was quite devastated. I let it show very prominently and I apologize if I had created drama from it.

I did my best to move on from that and did several parties and charity events on my own. It was so much fun, I can't even express it to you. <3

I have a younger sister (younger by 4 years) who has been a hellion most of my life. I'm 28 now and I'm sure many of you can relate. She did nothing but complain about how much she hated living at home, so in the summer of 2014, I found us an apartment and moved her in. She did nothing to help with the process and complained most of the way. I should have seen that red flag flapping and just put an end to it then, but didn't. She had never lived on her own at the age of 24, couldn't really hold a job and had no friends. I thought this change of scenery would be good for her.

Long story short, she didn't even last 4 months on her own with me (November, 2014). Any time a bill came up, a suicide threat came with it. She verbally and emotionally abused me for months on end and I put up with it. She ended up in the hospital 3 times (that I'm aware of) for suicide threats in the span of 6 months. When I finally quit giving her the attention she was craving by acting out, she threatened to buy a gun and shoot herself and ran away. She ended up at my mom's and lied to her, saying nothing had happened between her and I and that she was staying with mom to "keep her company." :confused:

After breaking the lease and expecting me to pay for it, she ended up living with mom for 2 weeks before mom had enough of the abuse and kicked her out. Then she ended up with dad, alienated and abused him, made another suicide attempt in January 2015 and landed in the hospital. She did nothing to improve her behavior and I finally went no-contact with her. She up and decided to drive across the country from OR to PA to live with someone she met online. Her shenanigans cost me roughly $3,000 and wiped out my savings but I consider it the cost of learning a lesson, and the cost of freedom.

It's been a whirlwind. But it's not been all bad!

With my sister blessedly gone, so much stress has lifted from my life. I met a wonderful and very handsome (AND STABLE!) man in the summertime of last year. Our anniversary is June 1st. He stuck around despite my sister's insanity and supported me through all of it. I couldn't thank him enough. My sister even abused HIM and had I known about it, would have fluke-slapped her so hard. My man is one of the brightest lights of my life now. :) My mersona helped me persevere as well. She is more confident than I am as a human and sometimes I do get self-conscious that my tail is not a brilliantly bright color. But in the end, it's perfect for me. The glow of it reminds me of the light at the end of the dark tunnel, and that not all darkness is bad.

My sister did end up being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in January, something I've been reading up diligently on. I found the best way to have a relationship with her is... not to have one at all, at least until she comes to the realization that the damage she has done is her own doing. She's very good at blaming everyone but herself for her own problems. I wish her the best but from afar.

Now summer is right around the corner and with it comes warmer waters, more events and spending lots of time with wonderful people (and merfolk!) So the moral of the story is that the swamp eventually dissipates and you'll come out stronger at the end of the journey. :)

Maethor
04-22-2015, 05:04 PM
I'm so glad everything is getting better!! I hope your sister finds some peace and stability soon.
I love your tail so much!! Tails don't have to be sparkley to be awesome! You have such a fierce, majestic, powerful looking tail.

MermaidCelesteFL
04-22-2015, 06:29 PM
I know your feels. My mom has borderline personality disorder, and she makes everyone's life a living hell. From the suicide attempts/threats to the empty and endless lies about everything, it's insanely difficult being near her, nonetheless being related. I hope everything works out much smoother from here on out.

Mermaid Octavia
04-22-2015, 11:34 PM
Thanks you guys. :) I hope to return to the forum more regularly from here on in. (And I <3 you, Maethor~)

Celeste, I am so sorry your mother is BPD. It's just hellish and heartbreaking. Nobody should have to go through that. :(

Morticia Mermaid
04-23-2015, 02:02 AM
WB Octavia! I just recently returned myself! Would love to have you come join us this summer for Pirate shenanigans :) <3

SIF
04-23-2015, 03:51 AM
can I come?

Winged Mermaid
04-23-2015, 03:57 AM
So glad to hear things are going better now! Man, what a toxic situation :( As I was reading, I was going to suggest looking into BPD. From what you said she presents classic symptoms. It's good she got the diagnosis, but that's just the first step of course. I really hope your sister seeks treatment. I've heard therapy, specifically DBT is an invaluable treatment for those with it. (My sister is a psychologist who actually specializes in treating patients with BPD.) I know it can be hard to get them into treatment, but it can really turn their lives around if they own up to their behavior and work to better themselves.

I suggest you contemplate and place down firm boundaries for yourself when it comes to her, and if she ever comes calling/knocking (cause she will, they always do) let her know your boundaries and stick to them. It's harder than it sounds for sure, but it's the only decently healthy way to interact with someone who has a history of toxic and abusive tenancies. I'd even write them down so if you get flustered you have it to remind you. There are also books on having healthier relationships (family or otherwise) and/or recovering from the manipulation/abuse/toxicity when it comes to people with BPD, may be worth looking into!

And most of all remember that we love you and are here for you if you ever need to talk or vent :hug:

Maethor
04-23-2015, 10:51 AM
Thanks you guys. :) I hope to return to the forum more regularly from here on in. (And I <3 you, Maethor~)

Celeste, I am so sorry your mother is BPD. It's just hellish and heartbreaking. Nobody should have to go through that. :(
Awww! Thanks! :D

Mermaid Jaffa
04-23-2015, 11:34 AM
Glad to see you back and feeling :cool:better.

SeaGlass Siren
04-23-2015, 05:42 PM
Octavia we missed you! Welcome back!

Sorry for the situation you were put in. That must have been incredibly rough

Mermaid Octavia
04-24-2015, 05:04 PM
@Iona - I've completely cut contact with my sister, blocked her in every avenue I could. As of right now, she is not accepting any responsibility for anything that happened, recently or even in the distant past. She was extremely rude to our mom while driving across the country, even after mom gave her $500 to fix her car before the trip. Mom is now no-contact with her as well. My sister's burned every bridge she had and poured gasoline on them to help them along...

@SeaGlass - Thank you, I appreciate it. :) I'm hoping increased awareness of BPD will help people not fall victim to these abusers. I know they're mentally ill but at the same time, they have a responsibility to treat people around them well and take responsibility for their actions. Here's to hoping it gets through my sister's head that she can't go around treating people like garbage and expect them to stick around!