The Big "C"

[Celaeno]

Just found out my mom has malignant melanoma. My aunt(on the other side of the family) died of the same cancer a few years back, so I'm familiar with the treatments and what happens. Just trying not to freak out. She has an appointment with an oncologist to get a PET scan to look for other cancerous masses and find out what stage it's at, but not until the 31st, which seems like an awful long time to make a person with an aggressive and deadly cancer wait. My mom is the kind of person to ignore things, so there's really no telling how long she'd had the initial mass before it was found. I'm kind of terrified that it'll have already spread to her lymphatic system. My aunt was a very robust woman and lasted quite a while through aggressive treatment. My mom is 100lbs soaking wet and a very slow healer(like me). I don't think she'd hold up well under aggressive treatment.

[SeaGlass Siren]

:( I'm sorry

[-Annwyn-]

I'm so sorry to hear your mother is so unwell. :( I hope she pulls through and recovers. <3

[Celaeno]

I'm kind of terrified she's going to try to treat it herself with homeopathy. She's very anti-science.

[Meilyn]

Most of the treatments they give in the hospitals are worst than the cancer itself.

No matter what she chooses, the best thing you can do for the both of you is to love her unconditionally with all that she chooses to do and show her often. Make sure she knows it.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Omg, I'm so sorry, Celaeno. I'll be praying hard for her AND for you! Please, don't hesitate to message me if you need to talk. Love you, mersister. :hug: <3

[Celaeno]

I live on the opposite side of the globe, the distance really sucks. :(
She and I have always had a difficult relationship, so navigating these emotional waters is extra-tricky.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

I wish I lived closer so I could give you a hug!!!

[Celaeno]

Thanks, I appreciate that.

[Echidna]

Most of the treatments they give in the hospitals are worse than the cancer itself.

This.
I've seen 5 people die up close not from their cancer (they were quite swell one day, dead 2 days after), but from the "treatment".
My advice is:
research the hell out of it and read what people say/did who had it and survived.

Then decide if you want it treated or not, and if yes, how far you are willing to go.

Don't try and pressure her into taking the treatment if she is more comfortable without.
She might have more time (and an indefinitely better one) if she tries natural remedies tbh.

Either way, good luck!

[Celaeno]

Skyped with her this evening and found out that the doctor actually told she has metastatic malignant melanoma. She said she doesn't know what any of that means, but that she read that 98% of people who get melanoma do just fine and she's not worried. I emailed her some websites and literature to read. My aunt died of metastatic malignant melanoma four years ago, and it's the "metastatic" part you have to pay attention to. Melanoma doesn't metastasize until it's already in it's late stages. Metastatic malignant melanoma is considered Stage IV, and has a 5-22% survival rate over five years. I researched a lot about it when my aunt got sick. So my mom is feeling blasé about it all and willing to take a later oncology appointment so as not to postpone her vacation, and I'm over here having a mild heart attack because optimistically there's a 1-in-4 chance she'll live to her second grandchild's fifth birthday.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Oh my goodness, that's horrible. I just did a bit of research myself, and it sounds really scary. I'll keep you both in my prayers. I seriously wish that there was some way I could help. It sounds like she may need a kick in the pants. Maybe expressing your concerns to her could be just the wake-up call she needs? I dunno her personally, but that's all I can think to say that may help a bit. I'm just so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for you. :hug: :(

[Celaeno]

She wants to treat herself with the Budwig diet, which is basically flaxseed and cottage cheese. I'm afraid I'm going to be watching g her slowly committing suicide while believing flaxseed pudding will cure her.

[Celaeno]

...And now she's reading 'The 31-Day Home Cancer Cure' by fundamentalist Ty Bollinger who has no grasp of biology and thinks cancer is caused by sin. My children are going to have no memories of her, just pictures and stories. She won't listen to anything I have to say because she only cares about the opinions of men, which means her friend Dan is pretty much the only person she listens to and he has her believing in chemtrail conspiracies and that vaccines are bad and late-stage malignant cancer can be cured with pudding. I'm so angry right now.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Oh no... That's so frustrating. Hoping and praying she gets some sort of wake-up call soon... :(

[Celaeno]

A good healthy diet and exercise can help slow the progression of cancer/make you feel better while dealing with the unpleasant symptoms, but it's not going to cure it. If she doesn't actually treat the cancer, she is going to die.

[Celaeno]

My cousin recently went through surgery to have a brain tumor removed, and throughout it all she maintained the view that God worked through her doctors and had brought her to the right medical team. I asked her to write my mother and express those thoughts, hoping that my mom might concede that while she believes God is the Great Physician, that He works through trained medical professionals to help us. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll at least combine these alternative diets with proven treatments.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

My cousin recently went through surgery to have a brain tumor removed, and throughout it all she maintained the view that God worked through her doctors and had brought her to the right medical team. I asked her to write my mother and express those thoughts, hoping that my mom might concede that while she believes God is the Great Physician, that He works through trained medical professionals to help us. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll at least combine these alternative diets with proven treatments.

Yes! That's a really good idea. Faith and alternative treatments are great, but not when you replace modern medicine with them!! I hope that helps!! I also hope that you are still taking care of yourself during this time! I know it's hard to do both in these situations. :<

[Celaeno]

I'm trying to practice good self-care. I'm lucky to have a very supportive partner; he's been coming home from work and immediately taking care of Juniper and making dinner the last few nights so I can hide in the bedroom and have some time to myself. I felt well enough today to not hide and made dinner myself. I feel bad because I feel like my response to this whole situation has made me a less-accessible mom and wife.

[PearlieMae]

:hug:

I'm sending you a hug because every time I try to write something supportive and helpful, I just get mad and frustrated. I hope she gets the treatment she needs and lives a long and happy (and hopefully smarter) life!

[Celaeno]

Thanks, Pearlie, I appreciate that. <3

[PearlieMae]

(I have a stubborn mom, too)

[Celaeno]

(I might have guessed that. Stubborn moms breed bold daughters.)

[Celaeno]

Just found out from my grandmother that my mother took an earlier appointment with her oncologist, so that's good. After this appointment, they'll schedule another scan and we'll go from there. She's also taking her husband to this appointment, which may or may not be a good thing. We'll see.

[Meronica]

Hopefully the doctor can educate her on why she needs to treat it medically, and give her a realistic idea of survival rates.

Normally I have very little patience for these devoutly anti-science people, and would typically shrug it off as it is ultimately her choice whether she wants to try to treat the cancer or let it kill her...but I know that this must be so hard for you to watch. :( Just remember that none of this is your fault, and that you can try to educate her but ultimately she is an adult and you can only do so much.


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[Celaeno]

Thanks. I have been trying to remind myself of that. She's an adult, she has the agency to make her own decisions, I am not responsible for her and it's not my fault. Intellectually I know this, but emotionally this is my mom. I'm about to birth her second grandchild. I want her around.

[DelphinaSerene]

Sending hugs and warm wishes your way :hug:

[Celaeno]

Sending hugs and warm wishes your way :hug:

Thanks, I really need them. <3

So, in addition to having her read "The 31-Day Home Cancer Cure" and following the flaxseed and cottage cheese diet, my mom's 'friend' now has her taking the Navarro Urine Test, which is supposed to detect cancer, so she can compare that result with what the PET CT scan and MRI and blood serum tests the actual medical doctors tell her.
I just...I can't...I'm going to track this guy down when we're in Spokane next and punch him in his damn throat. This "test" is basically a $50 pregnancy test, all it does is measure the levels of HCG in your urine. If she had ovarian cancer or breast cancer, sure, she might have HCG in her urine. But she has melanoma, and I swear if this stupid test comes back telling her she doesn't have cancer because she doesn't have HCG showing up in her urine, and she believes it over the doctors, I'm going to have a stroke.

[Celaeno]

She was able to meet with the oncologist yesterday, which is fantastic since her original appointment wasn't for weeks. She has scans and blood work scheduled for this Friday, and we should be getting the results of those quickly. She was also prescribed some anti-anxiety medication, which I think is a good thing for her, she tends to worry over even little things, so I imagine she's giving herself ulcers over this.

My cousin said that Mom's reply to her letter about God working through doctors was kind of vague and we both expressed frustration that my mom is basically dancing around the actual issue of her diagnosis and treatment when we talk to her.

[Amphitrite]

Praying for your mom and you too. :hug:

[Celaeno]

Update: the results of Mom's latest scans came back showing that the melanoma hasn't spread anywhere new, so that's a major relief! She's meeting with a surgeon to discuss removing the tumor she currently has, and then it'll be lots of monitoring to make sure it isn't cropping back up anywhere else.

Thanks everyone for the prayers and well-wishes. It means a lot to have emotional support from online friends when I'm so far away from my family. <3

[Amphitrite]

That is such great news! :D I am hoping that it goes away for good. <3 Stay safe and stay surrounded by supports.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

So glad it hasn't spread! I'll keep praying for a FULL recovery! Thank you for keeping us updated, as well! Love you! :hug:

[Celaeno]

Thanks! I know my mom really appreciates everyone's prayers. <3