Hugs and Happy thoughts needed (my mom)

[New York Mermaid]

Hey Everyone,

Sorry I haven't been as active, alot has been going on in my personal life. Right now im dealing with alot of things and Im feeling super down about it, I don't really have many to talk to about it because they seem to brush it off and the support group im in, just I don't feel right in there- out of place is more like it- So here we go.

For a while now my mom has been dealing with the beginning stages of dementia, she's being treated and given medication (along with alternative medicine/therapy) but as of late, its been getting progressively worse.Her memory is getting so bad, she calls me every hour/ half hour and talk about things and begin to repeat the subject within 5 - 10 minutes. I've been finding ways to try to get her to remember things (short of going the '50 first dates' route and recording things for her). But its just not working. These past few days I've been working on talking with my younger siblings about this. Today we sat down and began to discuss her future. My mom is an independent woman she hates being helped, unless its from me because I guess im the compassionate one of the family. We talked about a nurses aide and we talked about the dreaded nursing home. Truth be told I got into a heated discussion about it but my hands feel tied because im dealing with my own health issues. My younger siblings (in their early 20s) live at her house, and go to college they (along with myself,) help pay rent and all the other utilities etc. But Its not even about that right now, she's just not doing great at all and I keep worrying they're going to outvote me and put her in a nursing home. My mom suffers from depression as well and I can see how much of a toll being alone takes on her as well, she doesn't adapt too well to new things or places either.

I just keep fearing that once at the home she will get progressively worse, and like her late uncle forget everything and everyone. Im scared to lose my mom in that way, and it hurts to say that. I've been anxious and stressed about all of this lately and I try hard to keep myself distracted and think happy thoughts and all that but, I don't know. I feel helpless here and Im turning to you guys for whatever thoughts and advice etc. I just don't know what to do with myself right now, or my mom. Im so confuzzled.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I'm sorry New York mermaid :( maybe you could show her old family albums to help her remember?

[MerShellly]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. :hug:There's a nursing home near my school; there is a young woman (I can't remember her name) who works there where her mother is at, and the woman can take care of her mom and spend time with her every day. That idea may sound pretty far-fetched, but could that be an option for you or someone else close to her?

[Talia]

New York Mermaid, I am so, so sorry to hear that. I can understand 100%; my maternal grandmother has Alzheimer. If you ever want to chat I am here for you.

Sending good thoughts your way.

I don't know if you welcome advice, or recommendations. I can share with you what has happened with my grandmother, but will only do so if you want me to, and in private. It can hurt to know what happened to my granny can happen to your mom. But maybe you can use my experience to plan ahead.

Let me know. :hug:

[MermaidAine]

If your mother has periods of clarity, it might be a good idea to talk to her about who she would like to be in charge of her medical needs. If she wants you to be in charge get all of the paperwork in place for that. That is what I did with my Dad. Then they can't over rule your decisions.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is never easy to see your parents aging or falling ill. It seems to create a role reversal that none of ever want to go through.
Sending you love, hugs, strength and positive thoughts.

[New York Mermaid]

thank you all for the love and support. I really cant thank you enough. It is hard to go through and thank for the tips and advice, I've been working with my younger siblings who have been helping when I cant be there (working), and we are doing little things to get her to remember and so far it hasn't gotten worse, but its not better either. at the moment we spoke to the doctor about putting her on Namzeric, but she needs to gain more weight first (she's 115lbs) before we take that step. she's as stubborn as a mule lol (I see where I get it from) but its been a bit trying as well. Thank again so much I really really appreciate it.

[Mermaid Alea]

My Papa died of Alzheimer's several years ago and it is definitely rough on a family. :( I am so, so sorry you have to go through this with your mother.

We tried to keep him at his home with his wife (my Grandma) and that worked for a while but eventually that was not practical. My Papa was always strong, even in old age and he began getting dangerous. At night he would get up and destroy furniture, etc. We had to put him in a home and eventually he became too advanced that we had to move him to another home. He did deteriorate quicker when he was in the nursing home, and we still feel bad about putting him there, but to be honest it may have been best that he started deteriorating faster. He wouldn't want to live with his mind gone and by the time he was put in the home his mind was pretty much gone.

I really hope that your Mom doesn't get too bad and that it isn't too hard on you all. :hug: