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Mermaid Sirena
01-20-2012, 11:07 AM
Disclaimer: I am not looking to get involved in the drama or the pettiness or receive hard feelings from anyone for anything. However I realize posting my feelings will set me up for someone to not agree and decide they don't like me. These are my observations and impressions based on what has happened in the public eye sense I have been apart of this community. If you don't like that someone has opinions on your drama keep that in mind before making it a public subject. Also this is not aimed at anyone in particular as it is something that I have noticed through out the community, if I thought sending a PM to one person could express my feelings I would but it's not that simple.

I am tired of all the drama with Eric, and I am tired of all the fighting. If it was new 'drama' with a purpose it would be acceptable.

The Mertailor review Started by Sephina is perfectly acceptable. Because she is posting about a personal experience that has happened to her, it is a new experience and she is seeking experience from others who have order tails from him. She is not looking to start drama and she is not being course, immature or rude in how she is going about it. She gave the facts and her personal opinions in a way that is straight forward but to the point. Absolutely perfect.

What is not ok is how during the course of this review it turned into a pissing match between members, and I say MEMBERS. Just because you don't like or respect or even give a damn about someone doesn't mean they are any less of a part of this community or less of a mermaid or a merman. I'm not pointing fingers several people were involved. I don't care what your personal feelings are for someone, you can hate their guts and wish them to die for all I care. You have to remember THEY ARE A PERSON TO, and there is a lot that goes on behind the scenes you don't know about.

This also goes with understanding that when someone has had a bad experience with someone you need to respect their opinion and try to understand it. If you really feel they are wrong then send them a PRIVATE message and talk to them calmly and rationally like the ADULTS we claim to be. This can often resolve a situation either be taking care of a misunderstanding, have their side of the story become clear and make sense, or at the very least getting all of your frustrations and opinions out at once so that you can move on with your life.

Now I'm not saying that what everyone says about Mertailor isn't true or that he should be given a second chance or anything like that, I'm not even saying you should pretend to like him. But weather you like him or not he is a human being and should at the very least be given the respect that goes with that. He has feelings and emotions just like every one else, now that's not to defend him specifically because that is true of all the people in this community. However he also needs to stop doing public out calls and disrespecting people as well. This is by no means a one way street.

One of my favorite books of all So You Want to be a Wizard had one line that has stuck with me all my life, "Greetings and Defiance" just because you don't like someone and don't respect them doesn't mean you shouldn't be courteous and polite.

Having only negative feed back for everything he does post is not a way to stop the drama. Example he mentioned shutting down his online site and only taking orders by mail, if nothing else this shows an understanding that he is over whelmed and is willing to at least contemplate the idea of taking no more orders or very few until he has finished what he has started. When Mike made a similar announcement everyone was positive and said wonderful things about him being such a great guy for accepting he is only human and finishing what he has promised to do before promising more.

Also we seem to have a problem with people jumping to conclusions and being all aboard the hate train as soon as it seems to pull in. To the point of pulling in people or situations that are not relevant to the situation, which naturally leads to more drama. One example is how Anair posted about how she was blocked from one tail-makers page without ever naming who it was or confirming or denying peoples suspicions. HOWEVER people took this and have decided that the person she was talking about was Mike Van Daal. Were the several details that strongly hinted it was him? Yes. Was it ever proven that it was or wasn't? No.

What really bugs me is that because one well respected person of the community expressed herself, people have decided that he is most defiantly who she was talking about and starting treating him the same way they treat Mertailor. I understand why people feel about Mertailor they way they do he seems to of dug enough graves to of earned it, however Mike has not. This was the first potentially negative thing I have every heard ANYONE EVER say about him.

Maybe he did block her, and maybe he didn't. Even if it was him you don't know why he did it. People are assuming it's because he's like best friends with Melissa. Well, just because someone knows, are friends with or even dating someone you don't like, either because of personal experience or what a vast majority of people say does not make them the same kind of person. That is deciding someone is guilty by association and frankly if that was true then I would be a horrible selfish person who used everyone for their money and dropped 'friends' once I was done with them, because of who I am dating and what people say about him.

From everything I've heard and the one time I actually got to the meet Mike I really doubt that is what happened, you don't know everything. For all you know he could just be playing nice to Melissa because he is a decent person who doesn't let his feelings for someone effect business relations. There could be millions reasons why if it was even him. One thing people aren't thinking about is maybe he was trying to avoid drama, Anair I love you but you really do seem to be the drama lightning rod of the community (which is exceedingly not fair as you are an amazing person and don't deserve any of it from what I have seen). In the end he is human also and makes mistakes or less then amazing decisions. WE STILL DO NOT KNOW IF IT WAS IN FACT ACTUALLY HIM OR NOT!

I'm not just saying this because I think he's a great guy and don't want the image of him broken in my head. If something happens I will happily admit he is not worthy of the pedestal I and many other Mer's have given him. I have quite a bit of experience with people I thought I knew and respected being nothing like what I thought and cutting down those who supported them in ways that were less then lady or gentleman like. But I am still friends with them and I am still nice and polite because they are human and deserve to be treated as such.

Something else I have noticed going on, we claim to be a community that accepts everyone and is open and loving. We say we are against bullying and try our best to prevent and stop it where ever we see it especially when it comes to those of our community. We have been failing. We call people names all the time on here and if the community as a whole doesn't like them no one says anything. I am. We should not be able to say something like that snake or that woman or he who must not be named and have the whole community know who you are talking about. This isn't just for the big names, I know there have been other mers that haven't been accepted in the community and have been drive away or feel like an outsider because of messages they have received from other members. This is not acceptable, if you have a problem with someone talk to them as an ADULT, or speak with an admin.

You can hate someones guts but you should give credit where credit is due. I know several people on here do not like Melissa (I was not around for that so personally I have no idea why) and you can hate her all you want. That doesn't change the fact that she has excelled as a mermaid and to me at least is an inspiration of where I can go if I work hard enough. I'm not saying she as a person is an inspiration or every little thing she does, but she has turned herself into a well known mermaid who has obtained a great deal of skill and fame. Weather you like her or not she has carved another path for mers to follow, just like Hannah. Though personally I feel it is more obtainable to reach where Melissa has gotten then Hannah, Hannah is like her own magical class of mermaid in my eyes.

In conclusion:
1) Don't let threads degenerate into hate trains of someone or something. Stay on topic.
2) Being disrespectful to fellow mers is wrong.
3) If you have a problem with someone try to talk it out respectfully as ADULTS over private message, or seek out an Admin.
4) Mertailor (and everyone else) is a person and should be treated as such.
5) "Greetings and Defiance"
6) If all you look for is negativity that's all you'll find.
7) Don't assume anything about anyone, ever.
8) Don't blindly follow.
9) Give people a second chance.
10) People are not guilty by association.
11) You do not know the whole situation nor both sides.
12) Accept the good things people have brought to the community even if you hate them.
13) We need to live up to our own standards of acceptance and anti-bullying.

AniaR
01-20-2012, 11:41 AM
This is an epic post of epicness. I have a lot I want to say but can't yet I'm at school, can't access and only have phone. Eric and I are currently emailing back and forth and I see respectful resolution for the community in the future, I'll share details when I get home. As well as other points. Just wanted to leave love.

Merman Chris
01-20-2012, 12:04 PM
My two cents: I want peace. I have way, way better things to do than engage in combat. But let's be clear on something; nothing, nothing will make me snap out of my zen space and throw me into brawl mode faster and more furious than insulting or mocking Shell or her tailmaking. Everyone here who knows me at all knows how fiercely protective I am of her. If Eric actually does keep his mouth shut with the petty jabs about other tailmakers, whoever they may be, then I too will keep my powder dry. Although I do have personal problems with the man otherwise, I kept to my business until he started making such comments on his FB. That was a declaration of war on his part, and if someone declares war on us, I fight. Simple as that. You get a committment from him to knock off the crap about other tailmakers, and he actually does it, then you will see no beef from me.

MermanMatty
01-20-2012, 12:37 PM
Mermaid Sirena,

Very well said. You have an unbiased and very level based opinion. I respect that! :)

I am willing to abide by those conclusions you suggested.

Eric is a person and the only point I ever tried to prove was that he was a person and everyone only pointed out his wrongs. They never gave him a pat on the back they just critiqued every move he made.

I'm trying to be apart of this community, I was making plans to be at Rainbow River when everyone is gathering to come together.

I wish all the negativity would go away.

I'm on board 100%

-Merman Matty

Mermaid Lorelei
01-20-2012, 01:09 PM
Wonderful. You put that splendidly well Sirena.

Lotus
01-20-2012, 03:10 PM
Well put, Sirena.

AniaR
01-20-2012, 03:42 PM
Okay, Im home, and sweet sweet regular internet access woo whoo! At school they block out forums etc so I was trying to respond with my phone, lol.

So, a few things.

Eric emailed me a very respectful his side of the story and perspective email. I dont agree with everything, but I do think he's made a genuine email here and it's from him not someone else. I think it's fair to say he's made some decisions under the advice of other people, as well as under the pressure of mounting stress. These types of situations do not bring out the best of us, and Sirena is right, he's a human too (as much as we are mers!)

We forget too that Eric is 21. He doesnt have the years of tail and business making experience like someone like Thom. He's still learning, and the best of us are always going to hit a few curve balls.

I think we can agree to a sort of community peace. People who have issues with Eric or issues with their tails should be emailing him first to set the matter straight. I don't think its wrong to post things here, but it shouldnt be the first thing you do, it should be a last resort.

There needs to be a huge effort on both parties not to bad mouth each other. No public FB posting, but also, if you have NOT had an issue with Eric, you shouldnt jump on a hate train saying he sucks when you see someone who does have an issue. I think it's one thing to have an issue, but it really is ganging up when you have no experience with that person. That's what I felt was done to me when another tail maker blocked me, I felt like it was on someone else's advice and they didn't know me. So, it's unfair to judge Eric when you have had no personal experience.

Which brings me to the post I made about the tail maker. I didn't say their name for a reason, because I didn't want a bunch of people going and hating on them. I hadn't realized people were, and if I did I would have intervened. I sincerely think that situation was deliberate because not only were my accounts blocked but every single comment I had left had been deleted and that was quite upsetting. My point in making that post was not "go hate on this tail maker" I still think their work is amazing and would love to have one of their tails! My point was, this isn't a way to deal with issues in the community, and we shouldn't let other people's opinions of someone stop us from making our own. It's ironic, because a bunch of you went off and made opinions about the person you thought it was (and I got lots of wrong assumptions emailed to me) when you have had no personal dealing with this person :(


If I have been a lightening rod of drama, I think it's for several reasons. 1 is that I am the most active member in that I comment the most on the forums (Over 1k at the moment) I read every post, and I read every thread. I usually having at least one thing to say about things people may not like. I also make an effort of holding people accountable so when I see something negative in the community I call it out so we can start talking and dealing with it. Before I started doing this, nobody ever did. I was actually the first person to EVER post a negative experience with Eric, and my review originally wasnt even that bad. When I did it I got dozens of emails from people telling me they were thankful that I had the guts. I didnt see the big deal because I was brand new to the community and didnt know anything LOL. But by me being honest it gave other people the permission to do the same. Just like when people first started talking about Adam Martyn. If someone didnt finally speak up no one would have realized they were being scammed.

I dont take the comment as an insult in any way just to be clear. I am ALWAYS in the thick of things on here. Partly I think because I am a teacher and moderate behaviour in real life, and partly because I am so freaking passionate about our community. I believe in free speech and honesty, but I also believe in accountability and that seems to be the one people leave off at times.

Eric made a really good point to me in his emails too. When all the big drama first started way back on mer yuku it was personal friends of his who were upset. Some of us think they have every right to be upset, and some of us think otherwise. But I think this drama runs so much deeper because it's more than just customers in it- there are actual humans who had friendships and new each other and got hurt. That always makes these things so much more intense. I think it's important we do our best to be critical thinkers of that.

Finally,

I am more than happy to have ANYONE from the community who wants to participate in my meetups Im throwing when I'm in Florida attend. As long as people can put their differences aside and enjoy the company of other mers I think its an excellent opportunity to put the best foot forward (or fin) in the wake of a new attempt to keep our community one of positivity and respect

OrcaMatt
01-20-2012, 03:52 PM
I miss the focus on tail making.

There, I said it.

Mermaid Sirena
01-20-2012, 04:09 PM
Erics only 21 :O We are the same age.... weird. Or will be at least in a couple months ^_^

Anair, the fact that you are always so honest is an inspiration and honestly half the reason I had the courage to actually post this.

I can't wait for all of this to be ancient history, think we are nearly done with the growing pains?

OrcaMatt, I agree full heartedly. Though by the end of this summer I might have a whole bunch of experimental tail results for you guys to go play with :D

Merman Chris
01-20-2012, 06:33 PM
I'm still skeptical. We have heard apologies and "I'll be good" so many times before. but, as long as I never see another hit post on FB or anywhere else about Shell or her tails EVER again.....I'll be cool. If I do.....then the deal is off.

happyguava
01-20-2012, 06:58 PM
Very well said, Sirena and Raina. As someone who has been there for all the drama but never actually been involved, I don't really feel right commenting on it, but I am a natural optimist and I believe if people really want change, and everyone is on board with trying to behave respectfully towards one another, we can have a wonderful, peaceful community.

Mermaid Sirena
01-20-2012, 07:45 PM
I'm sure we can though everyone will have to understand that change does not happen over night there could easily be a transition period where everyone is trying to adjust and get accustomed to their new chosen behavior.

Mermaid Star
01-20-2012, 07:52 PM
Thank you for posting this, and your take on the whole matter, Sirena. I used the phase on a post "he that shall not be named" as it was use before... and since no one was saying who it was, I thought it was funny and lighthearted to help take the edge off. But others may not have taken it this way (must remember that people can't hear inflection through text :doh:) for this I am sorry and apologize for my actions if it hurt or upset anyone.

I personally knew Eric and my best friend/sister was his best friend. Linda and I were both hurt personally which does make things difficult. Sometimes I just have to take a breath and relax. I am kinda protective of my friends and loved ones so it gets me all riled up. But I will try my very best to be a big girl, pull up my britches, and let everything wash over and through me, to where only a positive me remains.

Merman Matty, though we may have our differences in opinion at times, I know you are just protecting the ones you love as I am (and Chris is). I would be honored to meet up with you at the springs and get to know you for who you are.

Much Love,

Alexie
Mermaid Star

-Annwyn-
01-20-2012, 11:47 PM
I too am all for a 'let's hold hands and sing coombaya" mentality, but I am also of the mindset that this is a forum where we can express our thoughts about matters like this, and where its escalated, it's done so with reasonable and sufficient evidence. It's no good where the members are being censored from giving their P.O.V. I'm just saying you have to look at both sides here.

The fact is: There a LOT of people unhappy with Eric's business dealings and products. :(

So far, Eric has done little to nothing to improve his standing with this community, and yet it has gone full circle from mer.yuku where he's now in control of the situation again doing/behaving what he likes and the members here are left censored.

Merman Matty - If you want people to respect you for you, then start speaking for yourself, not being the sockpuppet of Eric. All the posts I have seen of yours are defending Eric.

Personally, I would really like to see Eric lift his game and improved his business, but like Chris, I'm skeptical.

Merman Chris
01-21-2012, 08:59 AM
Star: Linda is your sister? I had no idea! Shell and I absolutely LOVE Linda and along with the comments directed toward us is the big reason for our animosity in this. Such a lovely person and completely undeserving of what happened. Thing is, she is so incredibly talented in so many things, she doesn't need anybody! It would be wonderful if she offered tails for sale since she personally made many of the good ones we saw come out of there.

Mermaid Sirena
01-21-2012, 11:18 AM
Aela I'm not saying anything with censoring if you hate him and think he has a terrible product or a bad experience then feel free to express it. I just feel that lately we haven't been doing a very good job of having the higher standards we claim to and that we could express our feelings and emotions more maturely (and that isn't just for mertail that's for several other members of the community that aren't even related to the mertailor hatred). Like I said I don't care if you hate him or think he has the worst product in the world, I don't care if you wish he would die. But he is human and he does deserve to be treated with the same human decency anyone deserves.

I know first hand what happens to a community when it has one member who it hates. I wont deny they did things to cause and fester this hatred but it wasn't the full story and they never saw a point in changing sense it had gotten to the point that even people who never interacted with them hated them and wished them dead.

I don't know I guess I'm just trying to say its fine to hate him and wish he would die. Just be respectful and courteous about it. If you don't have anything nice to say, just say it respectfully. I know we aren't all going to sit about and sing coombaya, I don't expect that with everything that has happened. But we are all still people and should be treated as such.

This doesn't just go for Mertailor. It goes for everyone. Weather it's in the mer world or someone in your own life.

"Greetings and Defiance"

:D

Mermaid Star
01-22-2012, 05:55 PM
Chris, We call each other sisters/twins as we look a lot alike, have a lot in common, act a lot a like and spend a lot of time together. So, no she is not my biological sister, she is my self adopted one. :)

Mermaid Luna
03-15-2012, 02:26 AM
@Sirena: Amen. To everything you've said. =)

And if I can add my two cents, this is transcribed from a gaming podcast that my friend linked me to, and just sums it up so perfectly and simply.

"Of course this inevitably will draw responses about free speech, and the first amendment from people who do not understand either of those things. Free speech is a legal concept that ONLY garantees you the right to SPEAK. It doesn't garantee you the right to be heard, it doesn't garantee you the right to be agreed with, it certanly doesn't garantee you the right for your speech to not be challenged by someone else's speech, and MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, it doesn't mean you can't suffer consequences if and when your free speech is used to cause harm to someone. Which is exactly what sexual harassment, racial slurs, and verbal bigotry are. That's not censorship. THAT'S FAIRNESS."

I'm not saying stuff like sexual harassment or racial slurs happen in our community, but please keep this in mind when you're posting on the internet. :)

SireniaSolaris
03-18-2012, 04:24 PM
Amen