struggling with my mer identity

[RastaMer]

So I've posted here a few times but kind of stopped posting for a while. I read the forum almost every day but never actually post. I'm really struggling with my mer identity. I'm a young professional and I have a tail but I rarely use it. I've been into mermaids for a while but this past year or so I have felt really detached from my love of mermaids. I'm embarrassed to tell people so I don't. I know people will judge me if I find out that I dress up as a mermaid in my free time. But then it feels like a secret. I hate secrets and they stress me out so lately I've just been ignoring my tail and love for mermaids. I might just give it up all together and move on with my life.

Additionally, I really don't feel like I fit in here on Mernetwork. I'm not trying to take a jab at the community but a lot of conversation seems centered around drama and tailmaker beef (but between the customers) that I just don't want to get involved in and I really don't have anything to say about. I'll read about it but it discourages me from posting and it kind of seems like those threads dominate the forum. Maybe that's a skewed perception though.

I guess I'm just looking for thoughts and encouragement. Has anyone else ever experienced these feelings? How did you deal with them?

[SeaGlass Siren]

I'm so sorry Rasta :hugs: I was feeling that way a month back so i decided to take a sort of internet detox. Not even checking the forums or going online.

[Echidna]

Additionally, I really don't feel like I fit in here on Mernetwork. I'm not trying to take a jab at the community but a lot of conversation seems centered around drama and tailmaker beef (but between the customers) that I just don't want to get involved in and I really don't have anything to say about. I'll read about it but it discourages me from posting and it kind of seems like those threads dominate the forum. Maybe that's a skewed perception though.

I guess I'm just looking for thoughts and encouragement. Has anyone else ever experienced these feelings? How did you deal with them?

Funny, just now there's an active thread about this.
I have the feeling something happened behind the scenes to trigger this sudden "tailmaker beef"- perception all over.

I've seen heaps of mindless drama on here about all sorts of things, but not that much concerning tailmakers.
But then, I don't follow the big names threads because they hold no interest for me, I only look into the tailmaking threads of friends.

Anyway, yes I have had similar feelings, but I found it's not much of an issue once you ignore the instigators.
And usually it's always the same people.

There are many interesting things to talk about with many awesome people as well.
I'd love to have a unicorn-filled rainbow forum, but it's not going to happen in this world, so you gotta take what you get. ;)

[kellygracee]

Hi Rasta I understand where your coming from and actually made a school and mermaid event where I currently live and have found even though people think it's "different" also love it! I've made a lot of friends in the mermaid community as well as inspiring people to be who they are. If you want your welcome to be friends online! My name is the same here. Shoot me a message :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mermaid Alea]

I was a bit nervous about letting people know I am a mermaid. Everyone has been really supportive of it though. You won't know for sure how people will react until you just tell them and share what it is like being a mermaid and the whole mer culture. A lot of people are fascinated by it and many don't even know what a monofin is. I can't remember which mermaid it is, but I always like the way she puts it: If you keep it a secret, people will be more likely to make fun of you for it once they find out because you act embarrassed by it, but if you share it and act very passionate about it people are more likely to feel the same way. Something along those lines at least. She always has a better way of putting it haha.

Don't feel bad to be yourself. If you are called to be a mermaid, I say go for it! I haven't had nearly as much experience with being a mermaid in public like others have, but from the few times I have been mermaiding around others I don't know I have gotten positive attention or people don't even seem to notice/care.

As for Mernetwork and the drama, I admit this site does have more drama than any forum I have been on. I think you just have to be careful to not get pulled into the drama that doesn't apply to you and just go to another topic. There are some great topics on this forum not centered around drama. There is a great new topic for us non-professional mers to hang out: http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?12776-Nonprofessional-mermaids-just-goofing-off

I don't feel like I fit in yet either. I don't think I am experienced enough to really fit in because I can't contribute a whole lot to the forum and I haven't been mermaiding much but I still enjoy being on here even if I don't really know anyone that well or have much to contribute. :)

I hope you stick with mermaiding! :pearl:

[Mermaid Jaffa]

A good way to work on your mer persona, is to start out with being a recreational mer. Then you can slowly add a bit here and there to your story or mer persona.

I didn't have a backstory nor did my family approve. They all thought I was going through mid life crisis and had lost my mind.

But I showed them. I went swimming week after week, despite the ridicule and the nay saying with things like, "you're too old" "No one going to believe you, you got so many grey hairs"

Now I rarely get the sick with the flu. Previously I was the first one to get sick all the time and things taking 6 months to get over it. I feel healthier, stronger and more confident of myself.

My family was surprised when I showed them my swimsuit that I had made and the matching tail.

I love mermaid swimming. Its so much fun and its good exercise. If you love it that much, I say go for it. Who cares what other people think? It makes you feel great and sometimes it makes some little kid's day.

As for the drama, I usually read it but I don't take it in. Always felt that's between Person A and Person B.

[Mermaid Nelly]

I've been feeling the same way for a while now too.. I go to a liberal arts school so after a while people started to warm up to the idea of me legit wanting to be a mermaid, but at first (and even now sometimes) it's really really embarrassing to shyly open up about wanting to swim in a mermaid tail and have someone say "you're kidding, right?"... I almost quit for a while... My parents and close friends at church eventually realized it's a valid interest of mine and they stopped judging. My boyfriend has always sorta been my support system, but he had NO idea mermaiding was a thing until I told him about it. I would encourage you to do what you love and realize that there are a lot of people who will think it's AWESOME. And the people who seem off-put at first, they probably just need some time to process. It's totally valid for you to be feeling nervous of what people might think, but just know you're awesome the way you are in all your interests and hobbies!!! About the drama, you can customize your feed by subscribing to specific threads that that you want to look at! I usually just live on the "notifications" and "subscribed" tab. That way I don't see anything that will discourage me. I really like to follow "the happy thread", tail making threads, and threads that encourage people to show off their tails. If you're interested at all in livening up your feed, I would really suggest something like that. I don't think I've ever seen excitement and confidence like when I look at people talking about how they made their tails or showing off pictures. It makes me happy to see people like that [emoji5]

[RastaMer]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement! I really appreciate you guys responding to my thread and sharing your experiences. While the community has its issues, there are obviously some very nice mers out there :)

I think I'm going to take Sea Glass Siren's advice and do a sort of detox. It won't be a complete internet detox but a mermaid one. I need a break from all of this to reflect on who I really am and what my goals are in life. I know if mermaids are as important to me as I think, I will want this hobby back in my life again at some point. For now, it's just not a very positive thing in my life so I'll be signing off indefinitely. I wish everyone the best of luck in their future endeavors!

[SeaGlass Siren]

I hope you feel restored after the detox! Not a lot of ethnic mers out there so we'd love to see you back when you're better <3 fish kisses!

[Kesra]

I'm new to this community. So I really can't speak for it (Though I have to say from my lurking the last few weeks, this isn't the cattiest community I've ever been part of, lol) but I've been in the cosplay community for over a decade (Really this is a natural progression for me XD)

The fact of the matter is, there will always be drama in every community you become a part of. You'll always have elitists. You'll always have people who think they have reasons that prove they're 'better' at whatever the community is about. Male, female, transgender, no gender identity at all...Any race any culture. Old and young. These people will always exist in every community. And the larger a community gets, the more people you're going to have in it that feel this way.

But they're the minority. Because as many of these people as you can find in any given community, you can generally find two gems for each one. And those are the people you stick around for. I've seen a pretty wide range of people here when it comes to their attitudes toward others in the community and the good really do outweigh the bad. (I read one thread that went on for like 22 pages of this girl who got ripped off with her tail and the community support was incredible, even going so far as to offer to help her get a new one. Of course this was someone who had made contributions to the community and had been burned before but the support was really sweet. There was another more recent thread regarding someone that was stealing pictures and I didn't know mermaids had claws XD. Yowsa. But the girl that person ripped off has a huge support base and she's not even a member here as far as I know.)

It can get discouraging but no community is immune to drama. Good luck on your detox!

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