Being A "Terramaid" Isn't Easy...

[Princess Kae-Leah]

As many of you already know, something I've really struggled with is I may very well be the only mermaid here who cannot swim, and sometimes I feel really left out when I hear how much swimming is what makes so many others mers feel like "real" mermaids. Sometimes I honestly feel like something of a freak, since, let's face it, who's ever heard of a mermaid who can't swim, even though I can't swim not because I don't want to, but because I have a fused spine which makes my core muscles essentially paralyzed. Some people have even told me before that I'm not a mermaid, or at least less of a mermaid since I can't swim, and sometimes I wonder why I even pursured mermaiding in the first place since mermaids are associated obviously with swimming. I try to have an attitude of "being a mer isn't about swimming, it's about taking care of the ocean", but I hate to judge other mers for not having the same passion for ocean conservation that I have. I really would like some advice on how to cope with being such an obvious minority in the community and how to believe in myself where I never doubt that I'm just as much of a mer as everybody else here even though I can't swim.

[Mermaid Saphira]

^ No matter who you are, what you look like, you are a real mermaid only if you believe you are a real mermaid. You do not have to have the ability to swim or sing or even be beautiful! You are what you are if you just believe! Do believe your a real mermaid? If you do, with all of your heart, then you truly are a mermaid! Just rember that <3

[AniaR]

Honestly KL the only person bothered by it is you :) everyone thinks you're your own unique mermaid, just like we all are. I mean hello, Arctic mermaid over here? lol. Just be the best you you can be, and you'll end up as a role model for all the other mers who feel like you do too!

[Mermaid Jewel]

I agree with Raina! I don't think at all that you're less of a mermaid because you can't swim. I've never met anyone with more passion for the oceans than you! I feel as if I pale in comparison to you in your mermaidness, because I'm not as avid of an ocean environmentalist as you. You're a unique mermaid, that doesn't make you not one though :)

[Princess Kae-Leah]

I think I wouldn't make as deal about it if there were more terramaids on MN and Facebook, it just isn't easy being such a minority. It's really hard for me sometimes to read other mers' spirited discussion about where they swim, monofins, breath holds, etc. and I just feel kind of left out. Sometimes I've wondered if I'd have more "likes" on Facebook if I could swim and take underwater videos and chime in about swimming-related subjects.

[Princess Kae-Leah]

I wish other mers could give me some of their swimming skills!

[happyguava]

I actually think there would be lots more "terramaids" than you think around the world, they just probably haven't discovered MN yet. I agree though, KL, I totally understand that it bothers you at times, but I don't think anyone else here thinks you're less of a mermaid because of your lack of swimming. You're an important part of the pod, m'dear! :)

[Mermaid Saphira]

^ agreed! We love you KL just the way you are, you are you and thats is perfect! :)

[BlueMermaid]

None of us are real mermaids, we are all just pretending! Some of us can pretend in the water, some can't. I can't swim in the ocean. Does that mean I'm not a mermaid? No! It's our fantasy and we can play anyway we like! haha! I have health conditions that prevent me from doing stuff other mermaids can do too. Even if you didn't have a medical condition, we can do what we want as a mermaid, and not do what we don't want. Now the feeling left out part, there isn't much that can be done about that, except finding the area's you do fit in, and being a part of that, and don't worry about the rest.

[OrcaMatt]

I almost am, on a technicality. It's not that I don't swim (I was on swim team at the beach when I was little. Incidentally, really hated going to meets :P ), I just haven't in many years. I can't think of the last time. I own a tail, I just haven't a clue where I"m going to actually use it in the foreseeable future.

[Princess Kae-Leah]

Thanks everybody! I know none of us are really real mermaids, but I have wondered if swimming makes some mers feel more "real" than those who don't.

[Mermaid Miel]

Honestly. I feel more mermaid-ly when I'm lying in an ankle deep pool chatting with the little children than when I'm swimming.
I have a terrible breath-hold and I don't like too deep water (Neither does my mertender) so I feel less like a mermaid and more like a person struggling in deep water. :(

If you want to feel more mermaidly, why not have a mermaid party? On a nice summer day set out a shallow blow-up pool, dress up in your tail and bikini top to sit in it and invite children to come over and play. Little kids will look at you and see the mermaid that you are.:)

[malinghi]

While there's nothing wrong with being a dry mermaid, if you want to swim I wish there was a way that you could. When I was a little kid I went swimming a couple times at a pool that was part of a medical center, and they used it for physical therapy treatments. It had features to make it accessible to people with disabilities. Are there any pools near you that might have similar accommodations?

[Princess Kae-Leah]

@Malinghi-I've looked into water therapy classes, but they're somewhat expensive, and there's no guarantee it would ever help me tail-swim, as the class includes more like water walking and different exercises in the pool. All the practice and exercise in the world wouldn't make my spine, which is fused rigid with metal rods holding it in place, bend. Here are some quotes from a scoliosis support forum by other people who have had my surgery about swimming, and keep in mind they are talking about regular "human swimming", which we know is less advanced than tail swimming:
"I harbour considerable doubts that swimming is the best exercise for a fused person. It can be remarkably difficult to swim properly without straining the neck or aggravating the lower back when you are fused rigid"
"Swimming really was a killer for me...my neck got so incredibly stiff and sore"
"My leg was fine until I tried to go swimming"
"I only get more pain while swimming properly"
"I'm really suffering for having gone swimming on Friday morning"
"Swimming was a really difficult experience"
"Swimming was...so hard and painful"

[NerineArcticMermaid]

While Im not a full terramaid..I understand what you feel. Swimming is in no way a prerequisite of being a mermaid. Its the rest.. the dream.. You dont have to swim.

I get the same feeling that im not a mermaid once ina while becasue I do not have that perfect mermaid body. But I have foundone or 2 other mers who arent the ideal. Ill bet jsut like others have suggested that you are not alone in your struggle. You ARE a memaid.

Ive also found that many of us have medical conditions... Dont let it bother you. We all struggle with our desire to be a "real" mermaid. But honestly where is it written that a mermaid has to swim?

Keep doing what you do. :)

[Princess Kae-Leah]

Thanks for your support guys! :) Y'know, I know it's never really a healthy thing to lean on others for your self-esteem, but I think it would actually be very easy for the mer-community to try a little harder to accomodate those of us who don't swim by simply keeping us dry mers in mind by watching how you phrase things sometimes. Without thinking, so many mers will type things on their Facebook page like "we like to swim in tails", implying that ALL mers swim in their tails, while in fact not all do. I may be oversensitive, sure, but would it really be too much too ask of you guys to promise to never say anything that implies that all mers actually swim or that swimming is the most important aspect of being a mer? Thank you!

[RêveD'eau]

You are so unique and special to all of us! It doesn't matter if you can swim, can't swim, can hold your breath for 4 minutes, or 4 seconds. The whole point is that you believe; believe that you are important and that you can make a difference because you CAN. You have! You've brought awareness to many things I did not even know about and that is important in itself. While I do feel my best in the water swimming, it's pretty much only because I finally found something I am good at. I wish I could take you with me.

[BlueMermaid]

Sweetie, try not to take everything so personally. Someone might say "mers like to swim in the ocean." I would not feel offended at that comment just because I don't swim in the ocean. Now, if someone said "Mers that don't swim in the ocean are pathetic" then yes, I might take a little offense, because it is meant as an insult. But just mentioning that mermaids swim in the ocean is not. You've made comments on facebook that "Mermaids don't like (insert cause here). But what if not every mermaid were to agree with that? If most mermaids do, then what you said is pretty much true, even if they don't all feel that way. Saying "Mermaids like to swim" is not meant to be an offensive statement to those who do not, it's just a generalization because most do.

[Princess Kae-Leah]

OK, I think I can see your point there, BlueMermaid. I have in fact wondered if making posts like "Mermaids want shark finning to STOP!" or what not is some how unfair to mers who do not share my opinions. That's why sometimes I do word it as "THIS Mermaid...", but it depends on the issue, I guess. Like you say, there are some causes which I think most mers would agree with my stance, but who knows, some may not. *Shrug* I think it all comes down to how my AS can make me pretty literal-minded and oversensitive, so it's easy for me to read much into other mers' posts. Sometimes people, myself included, just don't word things very well or have the "majority rules" mindset, discussing the community in general.

[BlueMermaid]

Good, I understand how literal aspies can take things, and that's why I don't want you thinking people are insulting you when they are just making a general statement. *hugs*

[green52]

The important thing is to know that tail swimming -- while popular -- is not the reason we're all here. We're here because we like one another. We like you, so you are as much a part of it as anyone.

I don't own a tail, and I have no interest in getting one.

[neonmermaid]

Thanks for your support guys! :) Y'know, I know it's never really a healthy thing to lean on others for your self-esteem, but I think it would actually be very easy for the mer-community to try a little harder to accomodate those of us who don't swim by simply keeping us dry mers in mind by watching how you phrase things sometimes. Without thinking, so many mers will type things on their Facebook page like "we like to swim in tails", implying that ALL mers swim in their tails, while in fact not all do. I may be oversensitive, sure, but would it really be too much too ask of you guys to promise to never say anything that implies that all mers actually swim or that swimming is the most important aspect of being a mer? Thank you!

Individuality and courage are, in my opinion, the most common traits of a mermaid. Every person on this forum is an individual with courage, and you should consider yourself no less! Instead of asking others to change the way their speak, I encourage you to change yours. If you full-heartedly believe that not all mermaids swim, and that conservation of the ocean is the number one priority, go forth and share your message!!!!!! Asking people not to say something specifically is counter-productive. It's like telling people not to think about elephants. Instead of sharing your disappointment with the views of most mers, share your dreams and ideas. When I think of mermaids, I think of swimming and fish and luring sailors to their deaths or saving sailors lost at sea (depending on which tales you read). You can't change my mind by asking, and you can't change anybody else's either! It's fruitless to ask. But if I came on mernetwork and saw you really pushing ocean conservation and what fun things you do as a dry mermaid and things, the mind would automatically start to open up to alternate views of mermaiding.

I can't ask someone to change. I can only change the way I do things and hope it has a greater affect on how they see things!

I think it's great that you're one of the few mermaids who still don a tail without the ability to swim. You already have my vote there. Now get out there and show us why you're 110% real mermaid without the water! :D

[Princess Kae-Leah]

I think something I need to clarify is what I'm really talking about, if I say something about not associating mermaids with swimming, I'm talking about the fandom of mer-cosplayers, performers, activists, NOT actual mythological mers. While it's obvious that actual mythological mers could not walk and could only swim(after all, I think I associate mythological mers with graceful swimming as much as the next person), I think there's a lot more we could do to live a mer-lifestyle than swim in our tails. I'd like to see more mers "think outside the pool", if you will. I love, for example, to sit on the couch in my tail and watch mer-moves and TV shows. That may sound kinda lame or silly, but trust me, you haven't seen Splash or TLM till you've watched it in a tail! ;) There doesn't even need to be water to talk pictures in your tail. I know some mers get bummed because they don't get many chances to swim, but there's so much else you can do! This is not say that there's anything wrong with feeling most like a "real" mermaid when in water, though.
On my Facebook mer-page(see my sig line for the link!), I'm constantly pushing people to make better choices for the sake of the ocean. There's no so many angles people don't consider, like I personally believe very strongly that the best thing a person can do for the ocean is to watch what they put in their mouths, that is to stop eating seafood or at least only eat sustainable seafood. Overfishing is depleting wild fish populations, and fish farming isn't always the answer either, and on my page I have a wealth of information supporting my position. People can also reduce their consumption of single-use plastics, recycle and compost whenever possible, boycott marine parks that hold marine mammals in captivity, and sign petitions for ocean conservation causes

[Mermaid Saphira]

Who doesn't enjoy watching movies in their tails? I do it constantly...and I wear my tail in the bubble bath! :)

[Mermaid Ariaella]

I have been following you online and see how loving and compassionate about everyone in the community. You are truly an inspiration...However I've not met any mean mermaids in this community, you know there is bound to be some people in EVERY group that are. You've got the heart and spirit of a true mermaid weither you can swim or not! You are a very strong mermaid and I cannot wait to see what you do next! Cheers Mersister!

[Tasha Mermaid]

Kae - Leah, just think of it like this ...we ALL need to have at least one full time land bound mermaid ....if we didn't, who could keep the humans informed on all the work that needs to be done for our oceans and to keep our water safe for our marine life and fellow mer's, i don't know about you but I'm not into breathing in bad water ;).
I have been very conscious about the environment and animals my whole life even as a small child i fought for it, as for the eating seafood, i have never eaten seafood, even as a meat eater...now I'm vegan and i see it as one more way to help our lovely planet :D.
Don't feel down about not being able to swim instead think of yourself as the appointed conservationist who has CHOSEN to stay on land to help the humans learn to respect our sea life :)
I think everyone gets bummed down once in awhile, i mean i know i do, i don't even have a tail yet :( and I'm not thin, so i would hate to be told i can't be a beautiful mermaid because I'm fat :(
Your beautiful and you are being the best mermaid you can be remember that xoxo.....oh and I've added you to my Facebook a couple of days ago :P

[mermaidcatherine]

Kae-Leah, I haven't been involved in the mer community very long, but you have DEFINITELY stuck out as a wonderful mer to me. You've already inspired me to make better choices involving our ocean and world! A mermaids "mer-ness" doesn't come from their tail or weather they can swim or not, it comes from their passion for being a mermaid! If you say you're a mermaid, you're a mermaid. :)

[Princess Kae-Leah]

Something that I struggle with sometimes is NOT *me* being a dry mer, but how to sound as respectful and supportive of swim-MERs as possible. I sometimes make comments in chat, especially if I'm feeling irritated(or hormonal, haha! ;) that may sound like I'm shaming other mers to feel bad about being able to swim. Like I have complained before about how most tailmakers only sell tails with monofins, something I have no real use for. I don't want to make swim-MERs feel uncomfortable, and I very much want the community to feel that I am appreciate of people bending over backwards to make me feel welcome and included here. When one has AS, communication is difficult. It can be almost like a foreign language as I sometimes put things in a way that could be taken out of context to mean something MUCH harsher than it sounds. I may not even be meaning to complain or sound upset, I may view myself as simply stating a fact. But I don't want to offend anybody, or make people feel I don't appreciate.

[Mermaid Adrienne]

hun, Youre a mermaid if you believe yourself to be :) my mersona is a little siren and i cannot sing if my life depended on it lol. *hugs*