How Do Merfolk Go To The Bathroom?4 Theories Overthinking Biology Of Fictional Beings

[Princess Kae-Leah]

*Cross-post from Facebook, sort of*
I'm not usually one to dwell on bodily functions, as I'm kind of a prude who gets grossed out easily(which is actually part of why I can't have headcanons that cross the line into being TOO gross), but...TMI alert, I've been suffering from a pretty bad bout of constipation over the past couple days so it's pretty hard for me NOT to have this kind of thing on my mind under those circumstances. I've got four "theories" over how my fave fictional creatures might function, so how 'bout a poll of sorts about which theory of these four you like best ;):
(1) As magical creatures, their digestive system is far superior to humans and other natural creatures and thus does not create any waste.
(2) They secrete excess nutrients through their scales, sort of like sweating, which is pretty much invisible to the naked eye, but if you put the water around a mermaid through a microscope you might see bacteria etc. This is actually somewhat similar to how some reptiles function in real life.
(3) There are some species of fish that don't poop a lot, and when they do the small specks float away very quickly so it's not nearly as disgusting or noticeable as some animals.
(4) This is related to the "unicorns poop/fart rainbows" meme which has been going around for a while. What if they poop pearls? In real life pearls are related to mollusks' digestive process, in a different way.

[Misty Lau]

I like 1, that they don't create any waste. That's what I've always been going with lol.

[Merman Dan]

Yes, I have to.... ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcwCYIfm6eA

[moniee]

Adam knows
https://www.facebook.com/buzzfeedadam/photos/a.160195804031634.47416.136450789739469/1387513117966557/?type=3&theater

[Merman Dan]

Maybe ambergris (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/strange-but-true-whale-waste-is-valuable/) comes from mermaids? ;)

[Slim]

I would like to think it's option 2 if the sweat comes from drinking other liquid handed to the mers like a friendly stranger throwing a mer a bottle of Pepsi. For the mer doing an actual #2, that may be why mers have scales on their tails since it's harder material after all that would be "sweat" throw the skin.

[Aquatarian]

TW...






40015

For me, I enjoy mermaids best when they are grounded in realism. lol.

I think a better question would be what do mermaid bathrooms look like?

[Princess Kae-Leah]

For me, I enjoy mermaids best when they are grounded in realism. lol.

QUOTE]

I certainly tend to lean toward a more fantastical approach, but as a writer I've learned that if one goes too far away from the limits of biological plausibility and logic, it can become hard for readers to suspend their disbelief if it comes off as too bizarre. In the first edition of my FictionPress series I wrote that mers do not excrete at all, but in my "new revised edition" I changed it to the second option, that they secrete excess nutrients through their scales but it's odorless and not noticeable by the naked eye, which is still a bit far-fetched biologically as it's different from how most real fish function, but certainly more plausible than not creating waste in any shape or form at all. I also used to be very adamant that mers were 100% herbivorous/vegetarian, but let's face it, eating nothing but seaweed is pretty far-fetched biologically for a humanoid creature, so if/when I write a new mermaid story I'd probably change it to a diet of seaweed, other sea plants, plankton, and small shellfish such as clams and oysters, who they cannot communicate with, as I've done some research on mollusks and their consciousness is very limited, even though they're technically animals, but fish would still certainly be off the table in my headcanon because mers can communicate with them.

[Princess Kae-Leah]

I admit it, when I first saw that picture, I was all "ew, nope", moniee, but the comments section for that image post on FB is a pretty fantastic, er fintastic, source of headcanons, so thanks for sharing :highfive:!. I'll take the liberty of sharing some of my favorite comments on that post:
"Ariel never poops. Nothing she ingests is ever wasted. As a mermaid, she emanates waves of pure, meditative relaxation"
"Mermaids are mythical creatures. Their poop magically disappears. They also don't need to eat which is why she's so fucking skinny"
"I have two goldfish and I've never seen them poop like that. They have cute, little poops"
"Maybe she doesn't poop at all. Being the granddaughter of the God Poseidon, and all"
"If your goldfish poops like that you're feeding it the wrong food"
"Na. Mermaids are much more beautiful--like a Betta perhaps. And Bettas have class. Their poop is small and discreet"
"Mermaids don't poop, all their food is used to produce silky hair, despite all that salt water"
"Can you ask her when you're down at Disney?"
"Fish fed healthy diet don't get long poops"
"Pretty sure mermaids poop pearls"

[Merman Dan]

Perhaps they are like parrotfish...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T-gnZevlaY

[Princess Kae-Leah]

A pretty good FictionPress story called "Human to Fish" has a really unique and well-thought-out explanation:
"It's one of the features that makes these creatures so unique. Everything they eat is fully digested. What common organ do you notice is missing from their anatomy?"
"The large intestine, I don't see it"
"Precisely. That's because they do not have one. These creatures don't produce waste. No urine, no feces. They digest absolutely everything"
"But how is it possible for them to do that? I mean, surely they cannot digest the cellulose in kelp or the different fats and such in the clams and fish. Nutrients are drained from the food, but the chunk itself cannot be digested right?"
"Not for us, no, but their stomachs are different. They're bigger because they hold different chambers, each for digesting more and more of the food eaten. It's really quite fascinating and may make more sense when I show you"