Mermaiding Without Support

[Avya]

Hi all, I need your advice.

How do I go about mermaiding without support? I don't know anyone around me personally that does it. My family and my boyfriend both think it's a dumb idea.
My boyfriend doesn't think "it's the right time". He knows it's a lot of money, and I think he's hoping I grow out of this (I won't, I'm 23 and I've wanted this since I was practically born). My mom keeps asking me "where I will wear it". I think she's embarrassed.
I don't know what to do anymore. I've been looking into getting my first silicone tail, and no one that I know personally thinks I should. I have the funds, it's not going to hurt anyone else. I just don't understand. I'm sad, and I feel like at this point I should just give up on my dreams. I know I should do what I think is best for me, but that's so hard when no one else supports you. All I have is you guys. So thank you.

Is anyone else going through this? Any tips?

P.S. If this thread is in the wrong section, feel free to delete it or move it.

[Slim]

DON'T GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for me shouting like that. Just do it. I let my fear of water control me ever since I was in the 7th grade and wanted to learn how to scuba dive. Yes I haven't learn to scuba dive yet but I'm 36 years old now and mermaiding allowed me to get rid of my fear of water. I love it so much that I want to do this all my life. I actually regret getting as old as I am letting my fear control me the way it did. I wasted over 10 years of having a chance of doing this but I choice to be less happy falling of a fear and listening to people not to do it. I'm not going to tell you what you should do but is giving up your piece of happiness worth giving up to satisfy other people who doesn't have to live with the emotions you do? If your still too nervous, start with a monofin and then go to tail in a couple months.

Jason

[Zeldamaniacc]

I didn't have support for a while either, but then I just went ahead and ordered a hybrid silicone tail anyways after having a fabric tail for a while. I've been so excited I've been telling people around me about it! Some think it's dumb, but I actually found people who think it's cool and even got a new swimming buddy who can borrow my fabric tail! My parents and some of the people around me still think it's stupid and a waste of money, but you can't let that get in your way! Because somewhere out there there's people who think mermaiding is awesome, I mean just look at this forum! Who knows, you may even meet some people while swimming who think the fact that you have a tail is just the coolest thing ever! I'm still trying to get over the people who tell me that mermaiding is childish or silly, but it's what I want and nobody is being harmed. If it makes you happy, go for it!

[Marriih]

Do you really need support from people that won't understand? I think the only one you can count on in this situation is yourself, which shouldn't ruin your dreams, trust me. They're YOUR dreams after all!
If being understood and supported is something you need though, I think you might find people interested in tail swimming once you get into it. You might even meet other mers.

Following your dreams should be fun, and I'm afraid you'll have to deal with the fact that not everyone understands (yet!) that this is something that can make you very happy.

Let me quote my friend here: 'JUST DO IT!!'

[Mer Coralia]

You only mentioned your boyfriend and family, but what about your friends? Do you have a circle of friends to confide in about this?

[Dogfish]

Your boyfriend and family don't have to understand it, it's not for everyone, but I'm surprised that your partner doesn't at least show a bit of support. Part of supporting is that we look out for one another even when it's not something we enjoy or understand.

The key here is that you are an adult and you can do whatever you darn well please - just continue to show your joy for the subject and go ahead and go for it. If they comment on it just emphasise it's something you want to do. Don't excuse yourself, and go for it! :)

[Princess Aegean]

I don't have all that much support either. I think my family kinda get it, but whenever I talk about it they do the whole smile and nod routine. But that's okay. If it makes you happy, no one gets to have a problem with that, and if they do, it's their problem and not yours. And for support, that's what all of us on Mernetwork are for!

[Avya]

You only mentioned your boyfriend and family, but what about your friends? Do you have a circle of friends to confide in about this?
I do have some friends. No friend "circle" though. They are all super caring, but there's only one that would support me and not think I'm crazy. Haha she knows and she says I should do whatever makes me happy. She lives far away though. All my friends do.

And as for my boyfriend not supporting me, I can't say he doesn't support me at all. He wants me to be happy. But he's afraid that I'll be ridiculed by others. And it's expensive and he's super frugal.

I live in an area where this isn't super popular, so it's kind of like being a trend setter... for better or for worse. 😄

[Mer Coralia]

I do have some friends. No friend "circle" though. They are all super caring, but there's only one that would support me and not think I'm crazy. Haha she knows and she says I should do whatever makes me happy. She lives far away though. All my friends do.

And as for my boyfriend not supporting me, I can't say he doesn't support me at all. He wants me to be happy. But he's afraid that I'll be ridiculed by others. And it's expensive and he's super frugal.

I live in an area where this isn't super popular, so it's kind of like being a trend setter... for better or for worse. 


I had that issue with the boyfriend too. He was a little apprehensive about a silicone tail cause of the price. As soon as I saved up enough and tried a fabric tail (cause its cheaper to start with), he was more on board with it. If its not a problem with funding, then that shouldn't be an issue.

People tend to get ridiculed no matter what they do. If you love it enough and build a skin thick enough for it, you'll be fine.

I live where there are mermaids, granted I've never seen or heard about any of them except when going through specific groups, so it sometimes feels like there's none in my area. I say connect with those who do, or yeah be a trend setter :) Someone's always gotta start it, otherwise it never gets going :D

(Sorry if it doesn't make sense, I'm kind of out of it >___<)

I went for it and granted I don't have parental support (mostly because they don't know and they wouldn't want me even spending that much -my dad doesn't even want me spending that much on photography which is profitable- plus yeah they think it's ridiculous mostly because you don't see it much) I have my friends and this community which is enough for me. <3

I hope everything works out for you.

[deepblue]

Hi Avya,

I'm sorry to hear when anyone isn't supported in their love of anything. Esp when that thing can be so healthy and fulfill a dream. Mermaiding is a great exercise. Have you thought about mentioning that to your loved ones? Talk about the strength building aspect?

As for support, sometimes, in some things, we just have to do what we love regardless of whether or not others support it. If you do, and they see it makes you happy, anyone who loves you ought to find the positive in that, and perhaps have their fears laid to rest. If not, you can give them a nice hug and still head to the pool and it doesn't have to be something they ever understand or support. As long as they don't actually try to stop you, in which case, you have more trouble that really isn't about mermaiding. Over time you might find others who love mermaiding, but a lot of mers embark on this journey on their own.

Also, quick side note- I haven't been back on the network long or much, and I looked through some of your posts and did not see anything about this, so I can't be sure if you've acquired your first tail yet. If you haven't yet, I want to suggest that you read this wonderful post by Iona, if you haven't yet: Why we don't advise full silicone tails for your first tail. (http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?7106-Why-we-don-t-advise-full-silicone-tails-for-your-first-tail) There's a lot of great info in there.

:)

[Avya]

Hi Avya,

I'm sorry to hear when anyone isn't supported in their love of anything. Esp when that thing can be so healthy and fulfill a dream. Mermaiding is a great exercise. Have you thought about mentioning that to your loved ones? Talk about the strength building aspect?

As for support, sometimes, in some things, we just have to do what we love regardless of whether or not others support it. If you do, and they see it makes you happy, anyone who loves you ought to find the positive in that, and perhaps have their fears laid to rest. If not, you can give them a nice hug and still head to the pool and it doesn't have to be something they ever understand or support. As long as they don't actually try to stop you, in which case, you have more trouble that really isn't about mermaiding. Over time you might find others who love mermaiding, but a lot of mers embark on this journey on their own.

Also, quick side note- I haven't been back on the network long or much, and I looked through some of your posts and did not see anything about this, so I can't be sure if you've acquired your first tail yet. If you haven't yet, I want to suggest that you read this wonderful post by Iona, if you haven't yet: Why we don't advise full silicone tails for your first tail. (http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?7106-Why-we-don-t-advise-full-silicone-tails-for-your-first-tail) There's a lot of great info in there.

:)
Hi deepblue,

I've mentioned the health aspect. And while they may not support me fully, they would never stop me. I'm hoping once they see how happy I am, they'd be a little more accepting.

As for a first tail, I've swam in multiple types of fins before, including monofins. I also used to swim regularly up until a few years ago. Life got busy with school and work and I don't go as much as I'd like. I also used to swim in a fabric tail that belonged to a friend of mine when I was younger. I since stopped because she moved away and we don't really talk anymore. She grew out of it and I guess due to social standards (aka middle school) I just kind of put it off. It wasn't until a few years ago (2014 to be exact) that I found my love for it again. I ordered a finfolk mythic tail and unfortunately that didn't work out (waaayyyy too large. 😔)
I have read that thread. I honestly love it because it talks about so many things a lot of people don't think about or choose to ignore with silicone tails. I am confident in my swimming abilities, I have swam in a tail before, and I'm aware of the risks (mainly to the tail), but it's still a lot of money.
I haven't purchased a tail yet because I'm afraid I won't use it as much as I would like due to people not accepting it. Although I think people would accept it more if I got a tail and they saw how happy I was. Vicious cycle. Lol

Sorry this post is so long!

Tldr;
-The people around me, although not fully supportive, would never stop me.
-Although I don't currently own a tail, I used to swim in them as well as monofins
-Vicious cycle of not getting a tail because I'm afraid people won't accept me, but they may accept me more of I get a tail and see me happy.
😅

[AtheriaSirena]

I actually came to this site looking through posts hoping someone would say this exact thing because you literally took the words right out of my mouth. I'm feeling so dejected today, I contemplated putting my fabric tail up for sale. I feel like no one supports me or is faking support because they want me to get over this "fad" that I'm in. In all honesty I've never wanted anything so bad in my life. I literally have dreams about being a mermaid and it's all I think about.

However I'm 26 and have a new home and have things that I should be spending my money on instead of selfish things like a silicone mermaid tail. Even if I did manage to save the money my boyfriend would be so mad at me for "wasting" it on something like this. Money is tight for the both of us right now so I understand his feelings, but at the same time it really breaks my heart because I feel like I have to give up a part of who I am.

I feel like no one in my life really understands and no other mers live close to me so I have to rely on my boyfriend to go with me to pools (for moral support) so I can swim and he doesn't even like swimming so he never has fun. Then I feel guilty for making him go and can't enjoy myself either. And I don't want to go alone.

It sucks.

[lotusauriel]

I'm looking for people around St. Louis, MO to swim with.

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[Melamermaid_Kendra]

I don't have that much support but I know my fam is trying. What you HAVE to do is push on. You got to go and do it yourself. When they're ready to support then great, but if you wait, you may never start your dream.