I don't fit in with the mer community - Why?

[Rebela Hunter]

*** THIS IS NOT ABOUT DRAMA, A SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL, OR A PITY PARTY. I WANT ANSWERS, SO KEEP THIS CIVIL! ***
*** I ONLY WANT ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS POSTED AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS THREAD. NOTHING OFF-TOPIC, PLEASE! ***
*** Admins, please move or delete this if it's not allowed - I'm just looking for answers, not drama, and I do not mean to cause any. ***

I've really come to avoid the mermaid community.

Sometimes, it's specific individuals. Other times, it's the whole community. I just have no clue about why I'm even part of it right now.
It honestly feels like a high school - Cliques ranging from the newbies, to the recreational mers, to the tailmakers, to the pro mers [or the equivalent of a star]. It seems like everyone is about the popularity pyramid. People fight over insignificant things and get their whole 'pod' to join the 'fun', like gang wars.

When I first found out about mermaids 4 years ago, I fell in love with some of the community - so many nice, accepting, and encouraging mermaids from every part of the globe! They taught me how to use a tail, what kid of tail to get first, how to maintain a tail, and etc. I saw the videos that claimed the mermaid community was an 'escape from reality' and how people felt 'empowered' by having a tail and swimming with other mer friends, children, or going pro and doing all sorts of things like being around sea creatures!
I finally got a fabric tail, and even a hybrid tail [that ended up not fitting me], and I got to meet some mermaids in person, and more of them from this site and Facebook. I started getting involved - designing my own 'pro tail' and preparing to go pro myself .

But then came the understanding that the stories published by news outlets and other sources just showed the good side of the community. The shiny face of the penny.

Some of the mermaids I've met, either online or not, have had some horrendous attitudes. What people would call a millennial, in a derogatory sense. People have fought like rabid dogs over stupid little things, and have made WARS out of them. It's almost like you HAVE to pick sides, like the US Election last year with Trump and Hillary!
I've had threats and hatred for being friends with specific mers [and NOT being friends with others], I've been called things for wanting to promote good things as a mermaid, and even been shunned from other mermaids because I wasn't popular enough or not pro. I have very few mermaid friends [maybe one or two] and now this site causes me anxiety. It actually stresses me out to think about the other mermaids in the "community" I am apparently part of. Even MerMania last year was rumored to have been horrible, and I've read hundreds of new articles about the drama and hate that ensued there over personal quarrels that drew in the white knights and had become a fully-fledged war.

I love the thought of having other mermaid friends, but right now I feel like being a loner mermaid where the waters are quiet, peaceful, and free from the ENTIRE world, including the mermaid one.


[B]So, my question is this:



Why can the community be so stifling, mean, rude, and popularity-based? Aren't we all supposed to act as one family? Like a support group for those who are quirky and different?
Does it make me any less of a mer to wash my hands of the community, and never recommend this site, or any official pod site, to anyone else that's interested in being a mer?
Is it just a phase for the mermaid community? I haven't been here [I]that long, so maybe I'm just too focused on the bad?



Thank you in advance for any answers I may receive! <3

Again, this is not aimed at any one individual at all, and I am not trying to hate on anybody. I just really want to know why I can't seem to fit in and enjoy my time on this site or talking to other mermaids. Please, don't start unnecessary drama! I hate drama, which is why I avoid this site!

[MermaidBrandie]

I see your concerns. I avoided this site for a while for the same concerns. Now that I've been back, I've just been limiting myself to mostly just tail making threads and similiar. Less drama.

I have never understood the concept of identifying as a mermaid. It's a costume. I wanted to make a life like, movie quality costume. I'm doing that now.

I've made a few friends in the community, but likewise I avoid most because of drama. And as far as acting as a family....I don't know what kind of family you have, but my family can't stand to be near each other for longer than a few hours once a year. Maybe. So if that's your comparison, the mermaid community and WAY more inviting than (my) family! Lmao.

If it gives you anxiety, step back. Re-evaluate. Do what makes you comfy! It helps. :) I found a bunch more friends in the Etsy based adult toy making community, all who work in silicone and are very supportive of the mermaid aspect.

Maybe you will find something like that? And can eventually come back to this site like I do, just watching and following certain forums?

💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙

Sent from my F8331 using Tapatalk

[Rebela Hunter]

@MermaidBrandie - I'm very glad to see someone else has had the same concerns !!!

I definitely stay here for the tailmaking threads 90% of the time. A lot of people make some GORGEOUS tails, that's for sure!

And by family, I mean not at each others throats over simple, avoidable subjects. My family is a down-to-earth, level-headed type that, whenever we have a problem, we talk it out and it gets resolved one way or another. We don't hold grudges over simple things! It's key to a happy, healthy family!
By friends, I think I'm the same way - I've made many 'mer friends', but half of them either don't talk to me much or are deeply involved in the dramas of the community.

I deal with MDD an anxiety, so having to see these things and be attacked by the community daily isn't exactly a helping hand :( I definitely want to take a step back, but I guess it needs to be a bit further! You're spot on with that, so I thank you :)

I think I'll do that now - weed out the toxic forums and just stick to a small group of what I enjoy!
Thank you very much for taking the time to talk this out with me!

< 3

[deepblue]

Why can the community be so stifling, mean, rude, and popularity-based? Aren't we all supposed to act as one family? Like a support group for those who are quirky and different?

Because the community is made of humans, with all the foibles, imperfections, and personalities that come with that. Acting as family- I wouldn't expect it from any large community of such a diverse group of people who overwhelmingly don't or barely know each other for the most part. Like any large group of people, some are going to be people you don't want to deal with at all, some will be awesome, most will fall between the two extremes for your personal perspective. I've heard people talking about large churches and other spiritual groups in the same way, lifestyle groups, and heck, large book clubs. Basically, any large gathering is going to have its drawbacks with the positives, but what you focus on and how you choose to work with the place is what matters. The mer community isn't at all made of people who are all in it for the same reasons. Some of the best pro mers out there have never been to this site, and probably never will. There are people here who don't swim. There is the central focus on mermaiding, but not everyone is doing it for the same reasons. Not at all.

I think people get disappointed when they expect the mermaid community (which I refer to it as, also, meaning everyone who either identifies as a mer or who simply loves playing mer, and is connected to each other in some way) to be like a group of like-minded individuals. We're really not, generally speaking. We're individuals with one interest in common that brought us here, and you might find more in common with some.

The popularity issue, which I read about all the time but I really don't see (maybe because I've never cared about popularity), I think it must come from the simply fact that there are professionals here, who do this for a living, and have a lot of exposure, and maybe others would like to also. Perhaps jealousy comes into play. I don't know. But I personally try to ignore the rude, the stifling and the mean. Who needs it? You can block users who really get on your nerves, and that can be nice. You might still see them in quoted posts. Sometimes, it's just a personality clash and not even really 'personal' in any other way.


Does it make me any less of a mer to wash my hands of the community, and never recommend this site, or any official pod site, to anyone else that's interested in being a mer?

Of course not. This is just a forum. It's a wonderful forum as far as I'm concerned, but it is just a forum, just a website created for people of similar interest to communicate about that interest, and everything else grows from that. It is what you make of it. I've been here a while, but I've taken breaks from it at times, myself. I've learned over time how to use this forum in a way that works best for me. I'm very much a loner, not at all gregarious, so not social. It makes zero difference to my love of all things mer. There are threads I flat-out ignore, there are some I always read.


Is it just a phase for the mermaid community? I haven't been here that long, so maybe I'm just too focused on the bad?

It's not a phase. Mermaiding is getting more popular all the time, more and more people are finding the forum. With every new influx- after a story goes viral, or after a movie or series inspires people- we get a lot of new members, and these questions you asked come up again. You're not the first, and you probably won't be the last, to voice these concerns. I would say you voiced them better than some! lol Without a lot of accusations or histrionics, you laid it out very well and I appreciate your care in how you worded everything. :)

But I do think it can be easy to focus on the bad. There is so much more good here, the bad is just so bloody loud.

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

:phew: I thought I was the only one to actually recognize and keep a weary eye on the state of that side of the community. I defiantly agree with MermaidBrandie about taking breaks from either parts of the site or the community as a whole. The drama that goes on can really burn you out fast.
I've watched Mers leave the community and join other sites. I think it was called underwater dancers or something like that I'm not sure it's been awhile. It doesn't happen too often but when it does it's usually for the same reasons you listed above. Someone disagrees with someone else and it turns into a dog fight with a few or a bunch of members of the community ganging up on one or a few people. It is very reminiscent of high school that is a good comparison. The reason why people outside of the community rarely see this side of it is because it gets moved to private threads. I think the first time I saw it happen was late 2011 or sometime in 2012 like I said that was the first time and I can't really remember details. But yes it's always been here and it probably always will I think large communities are always like that.

[Melamermaid_Kendra]

:phew: I thought I was the only one to actually recognize and keep a weary eye on the state of that side of the community. I defiantly agree with MermaidBrandie about taking breaks from either parts of the site or the community as a whole. The drama that goes on can really burn you out fast.
I've watched Mers leave the community and join other sites. I think it was called underwater dancers or something like that I'm not sure it's been awhile. It doesn't happen too often but when it does it's usually for the same reasons you listed above. Someone disagrees with someone else and it turns into a dog fight with a few or a bunch of members of the community ganging up on one or a few people. It is very reminiscent of high school that is a good comparison. The reason why people outside of the community rarely see this side of it is because it gets moved to private threads. I think the first time I saw it happen was late 2011 or sometime in 2012 like I said that was the first time and I can't really remember details. But yes it's always been here and it probably always will I think large communities are always like that.
Very much like high school as I am now a sophomore. Unnecessary and pointless dramam caused simply by people who want to act boujee when we're all on the same boat. No one is better than anyone else. I've avoided a lot of drama in HS because I can just tell where is a current is that I don't want to handle. Just so long as you know where you are and what you're here for, everything should be sweet shells.

[AniaR]

I havent seen much drama at all to be honest. why back in my day *instantly becomes old lady mermaid* XD

long story short I think the mer community is just giant now. When it was smaller everyone made an effort to get along whether they liked someone or not. But now it's giant and it's sort of splintered into various interests. Some are pro, some are rec, some are both. People all over the world, and all types of different view points.

I've been around 9 years and it just has gotten so big that it's made it hard for people to connect I find. that's why it's nice people have their own FB groups, meetups, and conventions.

you also gotta remember not everyone is actually in this community for kind or even "mermaid" reasons. over the years I've seen many come and go who just want to try and take advantage of mers, and I've seen plenty of people who simply want the attention that goes with being a mer and will do anything to get it- good or bad. Not everyone comes into this wanting to get along and have fun.

But I do think the community is something where anyone can find their niche, their bubble of people. Just have to adjust expectations and seek out like minded!

[Mermaid Bree]

Newbie mer here. I will offer my own commentary based upon my experiences in SF Fandom. It's unfortunately human nature. More specifically, personalities. Ego, control, power, etc. It doesn't matter what the specific context is. Things will ALWAYS fragment, it just IS. Consider cars: the Smart Car (ie; the SMUG Car...) The Toyota Prius; it's helping to INCREASE the smug levels... Audi's - I can AFFORD one, ha ha, etc. I just got my first tail. I am almost 60. So what. It looks like a lot of fun, and that's how I approach it - I am NOT doing this as competition, ego-stroking, attention-seeking, etc. Hopefully just some good old-fashioned swim-fun and fun people to connect with.

[Princess Kae-Leah]

I can relate to not fitting in with the mer-community big-time, believe me. I'm an unconventional mermaid because I love wearing my tail but I cannot swim ;).

[Rebela Hunter]

All of you have fantastic points!

@deepblue
Thank you so much for all of your insight! It's great to hear from an outside perspective that has been through all of this kind of stuff before!
I did try to not make it aimed at any one person, because, really, I love this community! I never hate or go out of my way to hurt someone, and I just wanted to address my problem as a whole. I wanted to make sure that, if someone else had this problem, they could come here and see someone who's been through it and got some help. :)
Being unbiased really helps other people connect and relate, anyways ;P

@Khaleesi
You're definitely not the first to notice! xD
I've had a numerous amount of mers tell me about all the drama and how much they hate how the community acts. It really is like high school to me - the cliques, the drama, everything!
I haven't seen mers leave, except for one, but still I wonder how someone can put up with some of the drama? I haven't a clue :(

@AinaR
Maybe the reason is because you're a pro mer? I don't mean that in an accusatory way - I mean that more people look up to you because you're such a popular mer that inspires and helps others with pro mermaiding, like with your book and your constant activity here :) People want to impress a big-time mer because they think they can either ride on the backs of them and get information or kiss up and look good while doing it :P
Whatever the case, I'm glad you haven't seen much drama!

I have seen some pretty weird and obnoxious people in this community, for sure. You do have a point!
I guess I just kinda expect decency, since mermaiding is very... er, different? I dunno :P

Thank you so much for your kind words!!! < 3

@kindawarped
You do have a very good point !
I hope you find a very good pocket of friends here, and wherever your mermaiding adventures take you! :)

[Mermaid Momo]

Deepblue said basically everything I was going to say.

On the popularity subject here's my 2 cents: I don't really see it, mostly the people I notice who believes we have a hierarchy on popularity and that determines how people interact with you and if people interact with you at all are people who are generally new to the forum, or community and hasn't interacted for longer than a month. The reason they think it's popularity based is because people usually look for familiar faces and their posts and follow the postings of people who they grew to know and recognize on the forum and in the communities. For example, recently someone messaged me on youtube about why mermaids are not accepting their friend requests on facebook and if it's because they aren't popular enough and my response simply was "but do they know you? ", are you recognizable? If you came across my facebook and have been on the forums for a bit you more than likely will go "That's mermaid Momo" as opposed to someone who was new who's profile you came across. So don't worry about popularity, because basically the community doesn't care about who's popular, it's more about who is active in the community.

and the drama question: every community has drama, and every community will forever have drama, it's what happens when a bunch of individuals can meet and talk over the internet where their personal beliefs an egos can collide. I don't see much of it as much anymore to be honest, mostly small things between a few people and I don't consider that drama, I consider it personal problems.

[Echidna]

Why can the community be so stifling, mean, rude, and popularity-based? Aren't we all supposed to act as one family? Like a support group for those who are quirky and different?
Does it make me any less of a mer to wash my hands of the community, and never recommend this site, or any official pod site, to anyone else that's interested in being a mer?


You are not alone.
In the ~5 years I've been on this forum, I have seen clusters of people leave because they felt this way, and most haven't come back.
There is also a huge amount of people who only "lurk" but won't post because they have seen the drama and don't want any of it.
Besides, a great number of mers (especially "famous" and successful ones) have never been on here, I imagine they wouldn't have the time either.

As for the first question, Deepblue has said it all.
I remember when I first joined, I was naively under the impression that everyone on here would be like family, because we all were mermaids at heart and loving the same things and thinking alike, etc.
But it's just a forum visited by humans, of course, and just because we share one common interest doesn't mean everyone will get along.

It's not much different from any other forum or social platform, if you think about it.
Humans will be humans, no matter if they wear a costume or not.

ps. I'm glad the forum exists, because it has a wealth of information and you might even meet awesome mers to befriend in real life. You can be a successful mermaid without ever setting foot in a convention, too ;)

[AniaR]

@AinaR
Maybe the reason is because you're a pro mer? I don't mean that in an accusatory way - I mean that more people look up to you because you're such a popular mer that inspires and helps others with pro mermaiding, like with your book and your constant activity here :) People want to impress a big-time mer because they think they can either ride on the backs of them and get information or kiss up and look good while doing it :P
Whatever the case, I'm glad you haven't seen much drama!

No what I meant by that is I have certainly seen drama, just in comparison I've seen so little lately. Believe me, no one cares if I am a pro mer. LOL


On the popularity subject here's my 2 cents: I don't really see it, mostly the people I notice who believes we have a hierarchy on popularity and that determines how people interact with you and if people interact with you at all are people who are generally new to the forum, or community and hasn't interacted for longer than a month. The reason they think it's popularity based is because people usually look for familiar faces and their posts and follow the postings of people who they grew to know and recognize on the forum and in the communities. For example, recently someone messaged me on youtube about why mermaids are not accepting their friend requests on facebook and if it's because they aren't popular enough and my response simply was "but do they know you? ", are you recognizable? If you came across my facebook and have been on the forums for a bit you more than likely will go "That's mermaid Momo" as opposed to someone who was new who's profile you came across. So don't worry about popularity, because basically the community doesn't care about who's popular, it's more about who is active in the community.

and the drama question: every community has drama, and every community will forever have drama, it's what happens when a bunch of individuals can meet and talk over the internet where their personal beliefs an egos can collide. I don't see much of it as much anymore to be honest, mostly small things between a few people and I don't consider that drama, I consider it personal problems.

^ everything she says nails it IMO

[Glinda Rose]

This is a sad thread to read.

My thought is that if you view the community as a whole and expect to be involved heavily in every single aspect, then you will end up disappointed. There are many different things that make up the community, and no single mer is involved in every one of them. It's also worth remembering that a lot of people's dramas are between only a very small group of mers, not the entire community. Therefore if you are more selective about how you choose to be involved, you will have a much better time of it. You can easily adjust your settings to not be able to view posts by particular mers if you find they are upsetting you.

I got involved with the mer community because my friend is a mer and tailmaker, so my involvement is mainly in association with her. To that end I choose to stay well away from any of the dramas that pop up, and stick to tailmaking threads. I have no desire to be a pro mer, or to go to a convention. It's just something I got introduced to that I ended up falling in love with and wish to pursue in my free time. I do not expect popularity or to get along with or even associate with every single mer on this site. So no, you are not less of a mer for not choosing to use the forum. That's all it is - a forum. You can be a mer with or without it.

[Rebela Hunter]

All you have fantastic points!
< 3

This really helps me out a ton! I feel much better about being part of the community :)
Thank you !

[Kesra]

I think I can answer all three questions with one thing.

I'm part of a lot of communities. I'm on the fringe of this one. I'm in the Cosplay community. I was in the Ball Jointed Doll community for a while. I'm in the forum RP community. I'm in the Party Princess community (Mine is for charity) and all I can say is this: It's not unique to the Mermaid community. All communities like this suffer from these very same thing. It's just a part of it. You'll get several bad apples that make things seem overwhelmingly bad. But never fear! You can just float (mermaid, get it?) over to the fringes of that community. Keep up to date with stuff. Lurk in the threads and contribute if you have anything to add (Like I am now) but you don't actually have to be active in a community you see as being toxic. If you want to step back from it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just block the folks that stress you out and just do you. The drama in any community will be unlikely to ever go away but you are by no means required to sit there and take it.

[Mermaid Bree]

@Rebela Hunter: perhaps the BEST thing is to figure out thine own personality and take it from there... Sadly, that's not something that is printed in the missing instructions manual on your birth... It's a discovery process to be sure. Group dynamics are weird. And they shift. Any group that blindly welcomes you, takes you in, bakes you cookies, etc, may well later on ask you to drink poisoned KoolAid...

[lotusauriel]

Yeah. As with anything, do what you want. Tolerate or participate in what you want. And if you don't, that's cool too. I have mostly lurked as well. I pop in and follow making threads. Sometimes I participate more than others. It depends on how much I feel like dealing with. I DO really dislike when people get asinine or rude and make things all about themselves. And I AM embarrassed to suggest this to newly interested people. Basically, I make stuff. I do renaissance, sci-fi, whatever. This kindof covers all of that for me, and I hope to get more involved in making tails, accessories,,and what not, but I only tolerate so much bigotry, hatefulness, and bullshit. So we'll see how that goes. If I make friends, cool. But regardless, I'm just going to keep making stuff and swimming.

[Mermaid Joie]

I haven't been apart ot the community for very long either, but the short answer to all of your questions is Yes.

I have had no problems with the mermaid community because I stay rogue and mostly just use this site as a "professional" resource and some entertainment. I am also comming back from a two year college induced hiatus.

I don't try and force a connection with other mers if we connect, we connect if we don't we don't. I expect that a site that encourages deviation from the norm and escape from ones personal and often awful reality to have a few (if not a lot) of strange people (mers) that I won't get a long with and possibly some two faced people.

But you are the one that controls who you talk to online you can't make others change but you can choose with threads you read and which mers you talk to. You control your exposure you don't have to be apart of a clique to be a real mermaid. Maybe that's why there are cliques? Some of the mers are in defense mode and need more time before they decide you are a trustworthy friend?
You are not mean for doing this you are being smart about your friendships.
And of course there others are that are just mean and abuse their power online. So limit your exposure with them.

Does that help?

Sent from my VS988 using MerNetwork mobile app (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=95032)

[Mermaid Mandi]

I use to have the same answers as you but it's just the way they are some people are nice and some are not but as long as you stick to your dream of being a Mermaid and don't listen to what they say that you'll be great knowing that your doing what you love. When I became a Mermaid many was rude to me as well but all I did was worry about me and making myself happy and not listening to what others say. I consider every new Mermaid a new Mersisters in my book so if your new to being a Mermaid welcome friend.


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[Winged Mermaid]

Deepblue said most everything I was going to say, really, but much better put ;) Raina and Momo also hit the nail on the head.

Honestly there might be more volume of drama (mostly on FB where it can't be seen by everyone because of privacy settings, only a fraction makes it on the forum anymore), but the intensity seems less than what it once was a few years ago. I think that's because the community was smaller then, so everyone knew everyone, so it was a lot more personal to more people. If that makes sense.
Also I believe it's because people are learning that the mer community is not "special" in that a community will have drama just like any other group of people. And I believe the people who have been around longer and seen more of it, have grown a lot and learned how to handle things better when things come up. God knows I use to think that every drama was this huge deal, and it would stress me out soooo much. Now I see stuff and I'm like.. oh look, people are being typical people as usual lol. I mean it's not great, obviously- but it is human nature. That's just something you learn from experience as life goes on, and if you haven't been part of a large community before and haven't had to deal with it before, it can be kind of shocking. I've even heard tales of huge dramas from local church groups and knitting FB groups and such. Even in hospital departments, they say it's like high school :P Personalities clash, people have different opinions, people can take "sides". It's how people do.

But in this large community what's really special is when you find people that not only share the interest of mermaiding, but ARE like minded to you. You make friends and it's fantastic! It just takes time for people to get to know you. I think a lot of new mers can feel like there's a popularity contest because (on top of the layer of pro mermaids and exposure and such, as said before) there are mers here who have been friends with each other for years (even 5-10 years) and feel left out. We just don't know you yet! Give time for those connections and bonds to form :)

[officialmermaidkelly]

For a while i didn't feel like i fitted in and felt that mers would ignore me because i didn't have a full silicone when i started & i wasnt pro. Once i started growing as a mermaid and got a new tail and etc i started finding and meeting more mermaids. Some i clicked with some i didn't. Now I've met a few great mers and things are a little different now. I personally believe you have to find the right people and keep the community a little distant to avoid the drama. You will find where you fit eventually [emoji4]


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[officialmermaidkelly]

Deepblue said basically everything I was going to say.

On the popularity subject here's my 2 cents: I don't really see it, mostly the people I notice who believes we have a hierarchy on popularity and that determines how people interact with you and if people interact with you at all are people who are generally new to the forum, or community and hasn't interacted for longer than a month. The reason they think it's popularity based is because people usually look for familiar faces and their posts and follow the postings of people who they grew to know and recognize on the forum and in the communities. For example, recently someone messaged me on youtube about why mermaids are not accepting their friend requests on facebook and if it's because they aren't popular enough and my response simply was "but do they know you? ", are you recognizable? If you came across my facebook and have been on the forums for a bit you more than likely will go "That's mermaid Momo" as opposed to someone who was new who's profile you came across. So don't worry about popularity, because basically the community doesn't care about who's popular, it's more about who is active in the community.

and the drama question: every community has drama, and every community will forever have drama, it's what happens when a bunch of individuals can meet and talk over the internet where their personal beliefs an egos can collide. I don't see much of it as much anymore to be honest, mostly small things between a few people and I don't consider that drama, I consider it personal problems.

Yeah, when i first joined i felt like it was a popularity contest until i met more mermaids and started being more active on Facebook and going to mermania. Now people recognize me and i see its not about popularity! [emoji4]


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[Mermaid Bree]

It's called peer-pressure. And also one's 'desire' to be accepted, etc. And it's tough!!!! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt (err, fin). What is of MOST importance is one's OWN self-acceptance. Meaning, it's tough to resist that feeling of wanting to be with the 'in people'. And the cost can be pretty high - $$$ for silicone tail, or $$$ for the right kind of car, or $$$ for the right kind of clothes, etc. Basically, don't worry about WHAT you are, rather figure out and accept WHO you are. :) :) :)

[MermaidViviana]

This is actually the first thread I read as a member of the site- I just signed up- and frankly, I was a little worried about encountering these types of issues. I hesitated before making this account. This is not the first large community I have been a part of, and especially in communities that are considered a little alternative with a large online presence, I have dealt with this problem a lot. It is difficult to make friends and testing the waters (pun intended) can sometimes cause more trouble. I'm hoping this community will be welcoming to someone new who really has no stake in any grievances or even experience, but I am keeping an open mind and am hopeful. I guess you could say I will be taking everything with a grain of salt and treading carefully.

[Slim]

You'll be fine :)


This is actually the first thread I read as a member of the site- I just signed up- and frankly, I was a little worried about encountering these types of issues. I hesitated before making this account. This is not the first large community I have been a part of, and especially in communities that are considered a little alternative with a large online presence, I have dealt with this problem a lot. It is difficult to make friends and testing the waters (pun intended) can sometimes cause more trouble. I'm hoping this community will be welcoming to someone new who really has no stake in any grievances or even experience, but I am keeping an open mind and am hopeful. I guess you could say I will be taking everything with a grain of salt and treading carefully.

[Keiris]

Hmmmm.....In the years I have been here I have always found everyone very charming, helpful, welcoming, entertaining and warm. If I had a question, people jumped to answer it. If I had a problem navigating the forum, loading a pic, being unable to access a thread, the mods and the administrators emailed me to help. I have commiserated with other people making their first tails, laughed with people, flirted with people, been supportive of people and had that returned to me. I have skimmed through a drama thread every now and then and gotten a wry amusement from it then moved on to more constructive things. I find the diversity of people on here very gratifying which is why I have stayed. It never occurred to me that one mermaid or merman was more popular than another. Some have just been here longer and therefore posted a lot more and had more time to make lasting connections. Some have swam away and some have stayed. Some leave for awhile, take a break for various reasons as life takes over, then return when they have the time or interest.

I would hope most people wouldn't take anything on a website too seriously. Real life is much more interesting. For you newbies, just be patient and don't buy into other people's drama. Rarely, can you change someone's mind via the internet so why on earth would anyone bother?! It's a time suck. Swim around here for awhile and give yourself time to make good connections and don't put too much pressure on yourself to be the "popular" one. Everything else will eventually fall into place.:)

[Rebela Hunter]

You all are being extremely helpful <3
I hope this encourages new members to also try their best to be themselves!

I think I've finally got it through my head that I just need to be friendly, active, and be myself and I'll attract my 'pod', so to speak :)
Thank you!
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[Rebela Hunter]

This is actually the first thread I read as a member of the site- I just signed up- and frankly, I was a little worried about encountering these types of issues. I hesitated before making this account. This is not the first large community I have been a part of, and especially in communities that are considered a little alternative with a large online presence, I have dealt with this problem a lot. It is difficult to make friends and testing the waters (pun intended) can sometimes cause more trouble. I'm hoping this community will be welcoming to someone new who really has no stake in any grievances or even experience, but I am keeping an open mind and am hopeful. I guess you could say I will be taking everything with a grain of salt and treading carefully.

Ah, I didn't mean to scare off a fellow mer! :(

Like everyone is saying - this stuff happens all over the place. I think you'll do quite well here, as I have!
I just tend to focus on the negative sometimes and this just happened to be a breaking point for me to finally realize that there's tons of good in this community! So many helpful and friendly people, it's hard to believe!

Just avoid the negativity and be yourself, Mermaid Viviana!
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[Melamermaid_Kendra]

Your vive attrcas your tribe! [emoji23] [emoji23]

[Melamermaid_Kendra]

Your vibe attracts your tribe*.

[Mermaid Bree]

Oooh, I like that!!


Your vibe attracts your tribe*.

[Mermaid Joie]

Your vibe attracts your tribe*.
Or pod ;) I like that too.

Sent from my VS988 using MerNetwork mobile app (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=95032)

[TheDiver123]

You are spot on with your observation and it's why I pretty much I stopped doing mermaid photography. Just out of morbid curiosity after a few years I come back to see if anything has changed and after all this time I see that it hasn't



*** THIS IS NOT ABOUT DRAMA, A SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL, OR A PITY PARTY. I WANT ANSWERS, SO KEEP THIS CIVIL! ***
*** I ONLY WANT ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS POSTED AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS THREAD. NOTHING OFF-TOPIC, PLEASE! ***
*** Admins, please move or delete this if it's not allowed - I'm just looking for answers, not drama, and I do not mean to cause any. ***

I've really come to avoid the mermaid community.

Sometimes, it's specific individuals. Other times, it's the whole community. I just have no clue about why I'm even part of it right now.
It honestly feels like a high school - Cliques ranging from the newbies, to the recreational mers, to the tailmakers, to the pro mers [or the equivalent of a star]. It seems like everyone is about the popularity pyramid. People fight over insignificant things and get their whole 'pod' to join the 'fun', like gang wars.

When I first found out about mermaids 4 years ago, I fell in love with some of the community - so many nice, accepting, and encouraging mermaids from every part of the globe! They taught me how to use a tail, what kid of tail to get first, how to maintain a tail, and etc. I saw the videos that claimed the mermaid community was an 'escape from reality' and how people felt 'empowered' by having a tail and swimming with other mer friends, children, or going pro and doing all sorts of things like being around sea creatures!
I finally got a fabric tail, and even a hybrid tail [that ended up not fitting me], and I got to meet some mermaids in person, and more of them from this site and Facebook. I started getting involved - designing my own 'pro tail' and preparing to go pro myself .

But then came the understanding that the stories published by news outlets and other sources just showed the good side of the community. The shiny face of the penny.

Some of the mermaids I've met, either online or not, have had some horrendous attitudes. What people would call a millennial, in a derogatory sense. People have fought like rabid dogs over stupid little things, and have made WARS out of them. It's almost like you HAVE to pick sides, like the US Election last year with Trump and Hillary!
I've had threats and hatred for being friends with specific mers [and NOT being friends with others], I've been called things for wanting to promote good things as a mermaid, and even been shunned from other mermaids because I wasn't popular enough or not pro. I have very few mermaid friends [maybe one or two] and now this site causes me anxiety. It actually stresses me out to think about the other mermaids in the "community" I am apparently part of. Even MerMania last year was rumored to have been horrible, and I've read hundreds of new articles about the drama and hate that ensued there over personal quarrels that drew in the white knights and had become a fully-fledged war.

I love the thought of having other mermaid friends, but right now I feel like being a loner mermaid where the waters are quiet, peaceful, and free from the ENTIRE world, including the mermaid one.


[B]So, my question is this:



Why can the community be so stifling, mean, rude, and popularity-based? Aren't we all supposed to act as one family? Like a support group for those who are quirky and different?
Does it make me any less of a mer to wash my hands of the community, and never recommend this site, or any official pod site, to anyone else that's interested in being a mer?
Is it just a phase for the mermaid community? I haven't been here [I]that long, so maybe I'm just too focused on the bad?



Thank you in advance for any answers I may receive! <3

Again, this is not aimed at any one individual at all, and I am not trying to hate on anybody. I just really want to know why I can't seem to fit in and enjoy my time on this site or talking to other mermaids. Please, don't start unnecessary drama! I hate drama, which is why I avoid this site!

[JOhanezJa]

Very much like high school as I am now a sophomore. soga miniatures (https://eldfall-chronicles.com/product-category/miniatures/factions/empire-of-soga-factions/) Unnecessary and pointless dramam caused simply by people who want to act boujee when we're all on the same boat. No one is better than anyone else. https://swcpoker.club/ I've avoided a lot of drama in HS because I can just tell where is a current is that I don't want to handle. Just so long as you know where you are and what you're here for, everything should be sweet shells.
You're absolutely right that we're all in the same boat, and it's important to remember that no one is better than anyone else.