Skin color variations and being teased/bullied

[lotusauriel]

I know there are different topics on racial acceptance, but what about just general skin tone? Anyone ever get rude with you or about you over being too pale? And/or freckled? Or any generally uncontrollable physical characteristic? Not sure why, right now, when everyone is having a field day with anti- bigotry and white supremacy, and nazi-ism... but yesterday some kid totally went off on me for being pale. Actually screamed at me to "get some sun", and acted like I was a total moron or an abomination to his existence. I know he was just a kid, but you would think, that now, with all of our supposed medical advances and cancer research, etc.... not to mention the political and social climate, his parents would have educated him better.....
I am English, Irish, Scottish, Dutch, German, Finnish, and Cherokee. The Cherokee really does not help. LOL. I am as pale and freckled as can be. The sun is my enemy. Literally. I swim and burn anyway. Sunblock doesn't help much, no matter how strong it is. When I was a kid, every time we went swimming, or just outside for long, the next day I was covered in blisters. It really is not a matter of just getting a tan. I am incapable. I know it used to be a big stigma around swimming holes and pools to be pale, but I haven't been shamed for it in a very long time, and it really came as a shock.
So anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else is also a pale (or any other social iniquity) mer, and how it's going, and how you deal with it.

[Arking]

This reminds me of the tan lines thread a bit as they both deal with Sun exposure. I'm sure there has to be a thread on proper skin protection and self care when mermaiding to address application of sunscreen. If not there certainly should be one.

All this aside the two issues are quite different but the stigma of tan skin on the beach has Been a source of conflict and health for awhile. There's actually some really well written and researched articles on the appropriation and fetishism of the lower classes and minority body with regards to Sun exposure. Is quite interesting how now it's "hot" to be tanned when previously the was much prejudice about it. This all related to the industrialization of the workforces and the leisure of the wealthy. Anywho.... You could do what some opt to try and spray tan, or simply smile and get out a beach umbrella and rock the healthy skin cancer concerned look :)

Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using MerNetwork mobile app (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=95032)

[lotusauriel]

Lol. No spray tan for me, thanks! I really do love a nice parasol though.

[mermaidrobynn]

Been called a witch/ugly since I was like 5 because of my massive nose :/ I just kinda let it ruin my self esteem and lost all hope on ever genuinely thinking I'm pretty 👍Therapy didn't help me at all so yeah guess that I'm doomed to a life behind the camera instead of in front of it XD

[AniaR]

I actually had a member on my team experience direct racism. She no longer works with me (unrelated), but back then we were approached to work a multi-cultural festival, something we'd worked for years. The only mer I had available was Mi'kma'w, a local aboriginal group. the client literally told me not to send her, she didn't want an aboriginal!! We were floored and wrote her back and she said the same thing!!! So we sent a very strongly worded letter they didn't reply to, and we have never worked the event again.

[Sea Lace]

In a better way of saying it....It dosn't matter what you LOOK like. We should all try to treat others with respect and NEVER ASSUME someone's a certain way or class just because of they way they look. Treat everyone the same. Just as you can't judge a book by its cover or you will never know the wonders on the inside.

We all have beautiful souls and we should treat eachother as such no mater what! #everybodyrespecteverybody #cantchangemyfacebuticanchangemyattitude

[Winged Mermaid]

I understand getting picked on for being pale and having freckles! Screw 'em. If they don't like the way you look they don't have to look at you :P


That being said, the title you made for this thread does not seem to match the intent of what discussion you seem to be looking for. You seem to want to vent about an insecurity you have and a rude encounter and and how others deal.
The word "bigotry" can technically apply here - what with the kid mentioned having an obstinate and intolerant personal view on your pale self. But culturally speaking, putting "skin color" and "bigotry" together means talking about racism. This does not seem to be the intent of your post. Having a thread title like that and the talking about being too white can come off as extremely insensitive to those live with racism every day of their lives. You may not have realized this. Would you like me to change the title of your thread to more accurately reflect the conversation?

[lotusauriel]

It wasn't my intention to insult anyone. Though I do feel that any kind of attack based purely on a physical characteristic is bigotry. I think the problem with our society is judgement in general, and while I am most definitely NOT devaluing anyone else's life experiences, I feel that we ALL have some kind of issues and therefore validity. I think my point was just that it's not exclusively a racial issue. When I said skin color, that was exactly what I meant, race having nothing to do with it.

[Winged Mermaid]

Thank you for clarifying. I understand that while your choice of words was technically accurate by definition, but people are already feeling insulted. (Even though they are not posting in this thread about it, but for privacy reasons I won't disclose where I saw the conversations.) I will be changing the name of the thread for clarity so people know the topic is not a racial discussion.

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

If you were going to change it anyways why bother asking at all? Just wondering. Since you're administrator you obviously get to make whatever decisions you want regarding the forum.

[lotusauriel]

Honestly, at this point, I have been targeted, scammed, ridiculed, and attacked here. This is just another thing. Obviously I will not ever be allowed to speak here. Whatever. You want to focus on specific groups, fine. But my point is we all need to stand for each other, not just pick and choose according to what is popular at the time. The fact that someone else has had experiences, does not invalidate mine or anyone elses. We should ALL matter. But every single time I have something to say, no matter where I put it, or how I label it, I get shunted to the drama thread, where I get attacked for having a voice. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

[AniaR]

If you were going to change it anyways why bother asking at all? Just wondering. Since you're administrator you obviously get to make whatever decisions you want regarding the forum.

she was trying to get clarification to make sure she understood the OP

[AniaR]

I think your post is fine, but I have to admit when I saw the title and came in I thought it was a thread about race. I think plenty of us get slammed for being too pale, Iona and I included. it's just not on par with having your whole life defined for being black is all, so it's good to clarify and make the distinction.

[lotusauriel]

I am personally offended that people are offended that I think everyone should be equal. I don't play popularity games. I don't devalue anyone else. If you are an asshole, I will call you out as an asshole. And when you devalue me, because I don't fit in with the stereotype, and you have to censor my topic, or label, or my voice, in general, you are really contributing to the whole problem.

[lotusauriel]

The thing is, yes, the American/European/Wealthy "white" culture as a whole, has perpetrated a LOT of horrendous shit on a lot of people. Black, NatAm, any form of gay, any religion other than their own, any form of disabled, whatever. I would never EVER presume that any other person's life experience was any worse or better than my own, or anyone else's. You treat people as the individual they are. You accomodate any trauma they have, according to that individual's needs. But to continue to group and judge people by their label is to continue the same awful discrimination that we as a culture have been doing for millenia. It really does just need to all stop, on every level, NOW.

[lotusauriel]

Am I burying my head in the sand now? Fuck no. I am just trying to see the larger picture and not roll over anyone else.

[AniaR]

I am personally offended that people are offended that I think everyone should be equal. I don't play popularity games. I don't devalue anyone else. If you are an asshole, I will call you out as an asshole. And when you devalue me, because I don't fit in with the stereotype, and you have to censor my topic, or label, or my voice, in general, you are really contributing to the whole problem.

that's not what is happening here, don't over think it. Just clarifying for confusion, I mean you saw my reply right? lol Nothing anyone said is devaluing, and when we join mernetwork and click to agree to the TOS we understand that the admins will moderate as they see fit for clarity. I've had a bunch of my titles changed to help things make more sense.

this really doesn't need to be a big issue.

[lotusauriel]

I saw what you said, and I see that you are trying to diffuse. But Iona said people were offended and talking elsewhere. And while my original intent was not to have a racial discussion, downgrading this to bullying isn't really fair either.

[OceanRose]

There is a great thread about mermaids with the skin condition Vitiligo, and birthmarks incorporating their uniqueness into their tails - recommended reading!
https://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?10234-First-ever-piebald-mermaid!

[AniaR]

no one is suggesting/downgrading bullying anywhere. Your title didn't fit your post and caused confusion which caused people to be offended, which is why she asked for clarity so people would understand. that's really all there is to this. I went through the exact same thing recently and asked Wes to change my post title.

[lotusauriel]

There is a great thread about mermaids with the skin condition Vitiligo, and birthmarks incorporating their uniqueness into their tails - recommended reading!
https://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?10234-First-ever-piebald-mermaid!

I saw that, and I enjoyed it.

[Winged Mermaid]

I'm sorry you don't agree with my decision. It was very hurtful to some people, and so I changed it. I would think that you wouldn't want to be hurtful on purpose- especially considering the intent of the thread was to talk about others being hurtful to you- so I changed it for clarity.

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

Making a word change from bigotry to being teased/bullied is a huge dismissal. I can see where she's coming from with this, though it is the admins right to change it. Lotus has a right to her own feelings about it as well, she seems to have had more than just this one time issue on here, this forum does seem to lean more to one side on certain topics. She's obviously frustrated.

[lotusauriel]

Please explain to me how a logical legal definition of a specific situation, which was not perpetrated on anyone else but me, is hurtful to anyone else. I was very clear in the body of my post what happened. I am within my rights to talk about it without someone else getting butthurt because I was verbally attacked. And please don't try to guilt trip me. I did nothing wrong here, either intentionally or unintentionally.

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

I'm leaving my last post up but just to clarify when I tried posting it was in response to #17 on this page and my browser hadn't updated till after it posted. So I didn't get to read the comments following till after I had already posted. Just FYI.

[lotusauriel]

I really want to know how the word "bigotry" as applied to any other form of discrimination and psychological assault than racism is offensive or hurtful to anyone. It is what it is, and the word applies to ALL forms of discriminatory abuse. So does the word discrimination.

[Winged Mermaid]

If you haven't seen my point as I explained it already, there's no point in me saying it again. I'm not going to argue about this.

[lotusauriel]

I'm leaving my last post up but just to clarify when I tried posting it was in response to #17 on this page and my browser hadn't updated till after it posted. So I didn't get to read the comments following till after I had already posted. Just FYI.I know. I have no problem with you, and I appreciate your insight. I AM frustrated. And yes, it was a huge dismissal. I am 40 years old. I have not ever had an easy life. I don't generally talk about it with strangers, but when people try to downgrade my experiences because of what society deems important or popular or "more" or "worse", it just pisses me off. I don't do it to anyone else, and I don't need anyone else also assuming that because I was born to a certain culture, that I am specifically the enemy. It goes both ways.

[lotusauriel]

If you haven't seen my point as I explained it already, there's no point in me saying it again. I'm not going to argue about this.I am not going to see your point. You have the right, as an admin, to change whatever you want. But nothing I said was hurtful to anyone else. And you trying to change my wording to accomodate someone else is ethically wrong. I do not appreciate being censored, when I was trying to include everyone.

[AniaR]

At this point it just seems like you just wanted to pick a fight . There's no reason for this to have escalated. You're contradicting yourself. You expressed a level of understanding that you were wading into gray territory but then get mad when asked for clarity and a change made so people could understand. You don't want people to give you shit and when Iona goes out of he way to make sure people understand your point, you freak out.

I'm sorry but bigotry is a big word to use given the high racial tensions right now and it really doesn't apply to pale skin. The kid wasn't being a bigot. He was being an asshole because it's summer and you're so white and mermaids aren't really portrayed that way. Kids make quips about me being pale and I just joke that I'm a cold water mermaid. It's not some race or bigotry fueled statement.

You don't get to decide if people should or shouldn't be offended or hurt.

[lotusauriel]

Who the hell is Athena? And no I didn't want to pick a fight. But it sure did become one. You also don't get to decide for me what I feel.

[lotusauriel]

I didn't contradict myself. I defend myself, when I am being attacked or dismissed. Obviously we are not going to be able to communicate. You can block or ignore me or whatever. If I am not welcome here, just kick me out. I do not need to be a part of this cliqueish bullshit. You people defend the ones you like, and trash anyone else. Let me tell you something. I do not need anyone's permission or support to make or swim in mermaid tails.

[Arking]

Aye I'm going to chime in just once more on this for my own personal clarity. Admittedly I was a bit confused by the nature of the headline vs. the op. I tried to address thats in a subtle manner when I wrote "the two issues are quite different but the stigma of tan skin" as prejudice against a lighter skin tones isn't equivalent to racism. I had hoped by injecting a little history lesson on tanned skin and its origins as being "undesirable" with relation to class and racial connotations that it evoked once upon a bigoted time might bridge the discussion gap a little. I mean there is really a very depressing and well documented history to discuss if anyone desired to go down that route in this thread.

On the flip side and to be perfectly fair after reading the op I got the gist of the thread and I can see you meant no harm which is why I felt comfortable responding. Winged is just doing the best she can to appease those whom don't feel comfortable addressing their concerns in this thread, and it was fair that she asked for some clarification. I get that it doesn't feel right that you used perfectly applicable language in your thread title as even she admits that, but it's semantics at this point. What Winged was trying to do wasn't just for those messaging her either though, she asked for clarification to help you and the thread as well, as editing the headline could help focus the discussion on more personal experiences rather than ( as I totally went and did) the broader topic of culturally favorable skin tones and why that is.

I'm sorry that this hasn't turned out like you'd hoped though. It was off to a good start, AniaR's personal story was disappointing to read about and I think it follows what you were getting at in your op.

[AniaR]

There is literally no reason to take such a tantrum telling people to kick you out and throwing around accusations because a single word was changed for clarity. This is normal for forums. If you find it too difficult this type of forum may not be for you. Everyone was perfectly respectful to you and now you're gas lighting and hurling insults. There's really no need of it. Nobody says you can't be a mermaid. Please chill

[lotusauriel]

There is literally no reason to take such a tantrum telling people to kick you out and throwing around accusations because a single word was changed for clarity. This is normal for forums. If you find it too difficult this type of forum may not be for you. Everyone was perfectly respectful to you and now you're gas lighting and hurling insults. There's really no need of it. Nobody says you can't be a mermaid. Please chillSeriously? Gas lighting? I am fucking pissed off because YOU ARE being extremely condescending and dismissive, and YOU are doing just that. Fucking gas lighting. Narcissist. Everyone was NOT respectful to me. A few were. You, Raina, are not. I am NOT hurling insults, or accusations, except for those that are TRUE. Don't talk to me anymore.

[Winged Mermaid]

At this point the thread and arguments in it are anything but constructive, and I don't see that changing. I'm going to just lock the thread.

[lotusauriel]

I am pissed off because rude, condescending, dismissive, demoralizing, narcissistic bitches piss me off. If you don't like me, and can't treat me like a human being, fucking block me.

[AniaR]

You need to stop. Everyone was nothing but respectful to you, and you continued to escalate. Perhaps apply your own advice in how you speak and treat others

[Winged Mermaid]

lotusauriel, you're calling members names at this point, and that's against the rules. Walk away to calm down NOW, or I will make you take time via suspension.

[mermaidrobynn]

She didn't reply to anyone though? Wasn't it just a general message?

[lotusauriel]

Please read what I said again. I do believe that this IS the appropriate thread for that statement. You don't get to censor me, threaten me, talk to me like I am a stupid child, intentionally make erroneous statements that consistently make me out to be at fault, accuse me of name calling, and threaten action against me, but allow Raina or anyone else to speak their mind, and imply that I have no right to be angry. Telling me I am somehow gas lighting IS gas lighting. And that IS a ploy of narcissists. Allowing her to do that, and supporting her statements, while condemning me and actually threatening me like a child is discriminatory, dehumanizing, and wrong. I will not ever just let anyone defame my character, here or anywhere else. I am continually having to defend myself in this forum. I said exactly what I meant. If you don't like what I have to say, and you can't treat me equally and fairly, please do block me. Otherwise, back off. Maybe you are right about this not being the place for me. I got too big for romper room a very very long time ago.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Ok so I've followed and read through the entire thread, including this one, and Raina's comments towards you were civil and she agreed with your pale skin issues, just disagreeing on verbiage. Not even sure why you're getting defensive when she agreed? Is this just disagreement on the original title of the thread? Cuz to me it was a lot clearer than the original (which was more insensitive to actual POC) and the newer title is more inclusive.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Also literally no one was censoring OR threatening you??? She just changed the verbiage to reflect the overall message you were trying to get across. Censoring would have been deleting your entire thread and she obviously didn't do that. What in gods name are you even talking about?

[Echidna]

^
my guess is she was harassed/slandered in messages and/or other threads, because...well, that's what certain members here like to do.
Not 100% sure though as I never read such threads, and I have all of the worst offenders in that regard on ignore since forever.

Since all of this isn't really related to mermaids anyway, maybe moving on would be best.

[AniaR]

Man, the gas lighting here is insane. Literally nobody did any of that to you. What are you even going on about??? Gas lighting is when people try to twist a situation to make themselves look like a victim and change what really happened. You did that multiple times in the thread. Everyone bent over backwards to try and accommodate you and you just continues to add more and more untrue things.

No one harassed her or slandered her. Anyone can go read the thread in question.

[AniaR]

For anyone who needs context, see for yourself
https://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?15727-Skin-color-variations-and-being-teased-bullied

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

gas·light
ˈɡaslīt/
verb
gerund or present participle: gas-lighting


manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

I posted the definition because it's been slung back and fourth between the two arguing.

[Slim]

I really don't understand what she meant that no one gets to silence her. No one hasn't tied to. She has however told (little boy in a fish tail) who think his opinion doesn't matter. Just please find some friends and have a good time. As talented as you are, don't waste your time in this thread. A person has a right to scream fire however consequences does happen with that right. People will state their opinion in a public forum. That all I'm going to say. Let's move on from this topic.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AniaR]

yup. as she continues to make up stuff that doesn't happen to make everyone question if they did that to her. When none of it has happened and everyone was simply respectful and explaining and doing everything to de-escalate. The fact that you keep ramping it up to be more than it is.

Also, maybe it's time for ya'll to review the rules?? https://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?266-Rules-and-Disclaimers Dont lie, dont harass and provoke, don't insult, respect others. It's pretty simple.

The Bitch it out thread isn't the place to come and suggest Iona (the person who OWNS the site and pays her own money so YOU can use it) and I are bitches over a single word change :)

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

yup. as she continues to make up stuff that doesn't happen to make everyone question if they did that to her. When none of it has happened and everyone was simply respectful and explaining and doing everything to de-escalate. The fact that you keep ramping it up to be more than it is.

Also, maybe it's time for ya'll to review the rules?? https://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?266-Rules-and-Disclaimers Dont lie, dont harass and provoke, don't insult, respect others. It's pretty simple.

The Bitch it out thread isn't the place to come and suggest Iona (the person who OWNS the site and pays her own money so YOU can use it) and I are bitches over a single word change :)
You are saying you she and ya'll. I haven't done any of what you are saying but you are making this comment after I posted, so I'm not sure if you are talking to me or not.

[AniaR]

yeah Im sure you don't understand.

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

So you were talking to me. And that last post seemed to be trying to start a fight with me even though I was trying to diffuse the situation. I never once called anyone a bitch. I haven't tried ramping it up I have stated that I understanded her feelings on it at the beginning. I also stated that understand the other side as well. I tried to calm her down on that thread. On this thread I posted the definition of the word that you two were using on each other. I haven't name called lied harassed provoked or insulted.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I thought "y'all" referred to anyone reading this in general?

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, so I asked, then she said "yeah Im sure you don't understand" which to me is a rolling your eyes trying to provoke kind of statement.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Yeah I read it as everyone should go to the rules section and read it regardless of the situation and that maybe you didn't understand what's she was gettting at.

But meh. I'm wading into murky Waters here. I'm not her so I can't speak for her lol.

[mermaidrobynn]

Okay I really don't like what this is becoming and I'm just gonna intervene and ask both parties to cease fire for now. If you don't, I ask both parties to consider what the other one is saying and not be blinded by your own point of view and consider that you BOTH may have a point. Seeing this happen I see rights and wrongs from both sides and I'd appreciate it if everyone could take a step back and genuinely think about what the other is saying before posting any angry replies or whatsoever. I'm trying not to pick sides here really, I just hate to see conflict happen knowing that it can hurt people a lot. I see that Auriel is feeling quite unwelcome here because of everything going on and I'm getting the feeling this all is piling up. Please all just take a deep breath and try to figure it out peacefully.

[Arking]

I don't like getting involved in squabbles but I'm going to make an exception for this one and for once use this thread as it's intended.

The situation was unfortunate for a number of reasons. I think everyone had good intentions just the execution of them was a little sloppy. I think lotusauriel was for the most part right in the initial dispute over semantics of the title, everyone agreed on that and all in all it wasn't entirely necessary to change. On that matter, bigotry is not exclusive to racism and while it can evoke thoughts of that magnitude she was well within her rights to discuss it on that level due to the many other forms of prejudice and discrimination that is put upon a persons body when considering things like vitiligo (amongst many other skin conditions), tattoos, and the stigma of pale skin in a setting wherein it's not considered favorable. I still think the change was intended to help and in many ways does, but again to each their own.

What I think is fair to bring up again is that there has been recently charged communication with lotusauriel and she likely took this personally due to the some of the persons involved having participated in some of those previous issues. Things escalated, they didn't need to, but as I see it this was predictable. Was her verbiage fair and necessary? No not at all, but if she's feeling cornered or targeted I can see why she'd feel the need to defend herself by lashing out first before someone can give her proper reason.

AniaR is right she just needs to step away and get to some cooler waters, maybe find a bit of happiness and comfort to come back if she feels so inclined. I hope I'm not provoking anything here, just injecting something that's been on my mind all morning. I don't like disputes, but I'm hardly one to believe everyone can get along 100% of the time. :cthulhu:

[Winged Mermaid]

The discussion from this locked thread continued in the "B!TC# IT OUT!" thread, but again at this point it is not constructive, and so I'm moving it back here to the source thread. I am contacting the other admin and mods for consideration on this discussion.

[gay-mermaid]

When you question why a particular group gets to talk about oppressing and harassing people that are different from them, and they jump on you. Then other people, who have absolutely nothing to do with it, are not admins, and really have nothing to do with anything think they somehow have to mediate and further oppress. Not cool. Really not cool. And why the hell doesn't the block function really block people?Yo i know I'm not on this forum much, but i read the thread you made and, as someone who truly DOES experience bigotry, (mind you, homophobia and NOT racism) using the term bigotry makes it seem as though you are putting yourself on the same level as oppressed people. You, as a white person, using bigotry makes it seem as though you are putting your experiences on the same level as the systematic racism and oppression POC face daily. Bigotry was simply not the right word to use. Also, your use of the word 'oppress' in this comment has the same effect. You cannot experience true bigotry for your skin color, same as me. Your thread title made people uncomfortable, and it needed to be changed. The correct response you should have had was understanding of how your words were affecting others, not to become defensive and claim people were oppressing you. At first I simply would have said you need to work on word choice, but now I will say you need to take a breather, and think about how you come across to other people. You have been too aggressive and defensive, and someone needs to tell you that using those terms to describe your own experience is racist. You had a chance to learn, but you simply attacked those who tried to educate you. I suggest taking a walk and really thinking before you respond to anyone. (btw, your use of the term "all forms of gay" in one of your comments in your thread is incorrect and frankly discomforting to me and I'm sure others, please use LGBT+ community in the future) Please, especially listen to oppressed groups when the call you out for something, we know what we're talking about.

[mermaidrobynn]

She wasn't trying to actively do any harm and opress anyone by her thread though... as a bisexual I personally don't get pissed over use of such terms unless they mean to use it in a negative way. I can see why she felt attacked.

[Arking]

She wasn't trying to actively do any harm and opress anyone by her thread though... as a bisexual I personally don't get pissed over use of such terms unless they mean to use it in a negative way. I can see why she felt attacked. This conversation has been moved to a locked thread, best leave it be for now.

[gay-mermaid]

She wasn't trying to actively do any harm and opress anyone by her thread though... as a bisexual I personally don't get pissed over use of such terms unless they mean to use it in a negative way. I can see why she felt attacked.
I understand she wasn't actively trying to hurt anyone, but people do things not knowing they are racist, that is a side affect of systematic racism. It is so ingrained in society that people wont know something they do is racist. But she should have listened when people told her it was wrong, because it was. If she had listened and corrected herself, there would have been no problem. But the fact that she defended something people TOLD HER was harmful to POC is still racist. I will also say that, as a gay trans* person, equating an oppressors struggles with those they are oppressing is very harmful.

[gay-mermaid]

This conversation has been moved to a locked thread, best leave it be for now.
understandable, I didn't see your reply until after i posted my last reply, sorry!

[malinghi]

Hey guys. At this point people are arguing about an argument about an argument. This isn't productive. This thread has been locked, and I strongly encourage everyone not to continue this in the bitch it out thread.

Stopping arguments like this always raises questions about free speech on this forum. We seek to balance making a place where people can express themselves with making a place where people feel comfortable. When things turn towards a shouting match we intervene.

If you have any questions or comments about this decision feel free to contact me privately.

I like and respect you all. Please go make a cup of tea.

Sent from my Moto G (4) using MerNetwork mobile app (http://r.tapatalk.com/byo?rid=95032)

[lotusauriel]

Hello. I did not make shit up. I am not racist, whether you feel that way or not. And I AM bisexual. All of my stuff was deleted, and I was accused of saying and meaning things I did not, which was exactly my point. I was told I was gas lighting, and somehow my opinions are offensive. This isn't a matter of me growing up or hurting anyone. It was about always about people arguing about my words. Without knowing or understanding me or any context except that some people just did not care for my feelings. People who had nothing to do with it jumped on me and had to have their own say. If Iona would have just said that my wording made people uncomfortable, it would have ended there. But it grew, because accusations and derogatory statements were made. I do and WILL defend myself. But that's fine. You all don't want me here, I really am fine with that. Anybody on Facebook want to act like adults, you can find me there.

[SeaGlass Siren]

But she did tell you that did she not? That it made people uncomfortable? And then she changed it and you got mad about it :/

[AniaR]

How many times do you need to be told to stop??
No one deleted your stuff. The posts were moved, which is how the forum has always worked with drama.
You're trying to make people believe Iona and I are targeting you and we've literally rarely engaged with you on this site. Holding your words accountable is not bullying. A ten year old calling you pale isn't oppressive it's annoying. You ARE gaslighting and you need to stop making all this stuff up. A single word in a title was changed to help people better understand you and look at how you've escalated it? If you think everyone else is out to get you, perhaps the issue isn't with everyone else

[lotusauriel]

No. That isn't everything. I got mad when I was attacked, threatened, and told my feelings didn't matter.

[lotusauriel]

Raina. I am a 40 yo adult. I do not need YOU to tell me any thing at all. Ever. I believe I did ask you to not speak to me anymore. You do not get to dictate to me. Ever. Mind your own fucking business.

[Winged Mermaid]

Nothing was deleted. The thread was locked. That is what I did- I told you the wording was problematic and explained why, and that it was offending people and making them uncomforatable. You said it "would have ended there" but you did not let it. I asked if you wanted the thread name changed, thinking that you would acknowledge it, and give me a better thread title to more accurately depict what you wanted to discuss- without the problematic wording. When you did not do that, I changed the thread title so people would not be uncomfortable. That is when everything else started the argument and you said you were offended that others were offended.

Either way, stop replying to a locked thread on another topic. I'm moving these posts over there now. Reply again to the locked thread in another thread and you will be suspended.

[lotusauriel]

THIS is what is pissing me off. YOu need to back off.

[lotusauriel]

Why is it fair that other people can talk about it, but I can not?

[lotusauriel]

Please just delete me. I do not need this crap in my life.

[SeaGlass Siren]

But she told you in the thread your feelings did matter and she related and told her experiences? Um.. and you posted this in a public forum if you feel she is attacking you of course defend yourself but right now you're attacking her and the admin so now she's stepping in and defending herself. It's not a one way street.

[AniaR]

She owns this bloody site!!!

Why does it matter that you're 40? I'm not that far behind you! Lol

[lotusauriel]

I will let everyone I know that the so-called all inclusive mermaid community is a sham. Thanks so much.

[AniaR]

Sure thing. All the imaginary threatening you accuse people of while you actually sit here and threaten the owner of the site lol.

[AniaR]

*has a word changed so everyone feels included*
*Thus decides the forum isn't inclusive* lol

I can barely keep up with the contradictions here

[lotusauriel]

You keep telling yourself that.

[AniaR]

I'm really sorry for whatever you're going through in your life that makes you feel this defensive and like everyone is out to get you. Good luck in the future

[Winged Mermaid]

Lotus has earned a suspension for not complying with my requests to stop replying to a locked thread in other threads. Further investigations going on by other admin and mods into further harassment of another user, and the harassment and name calling in the thread, which may result in ban. Just FYI. Move along, folks! (Posts being moved to locked thread.)