Scared Again

[MermanJamie]

I've been debating whether to create this thread for a while, and it eventually just felt like it had to come out of me. As people who know me might know, I've been struggling with coming out for a while, and I still haven't. Everyone's given me some good advice, but there are definitely some of my family and friends that I don't feel brave enough to talk to. Everyone in this community is so brave, it puts me in a state of awe. I honestly don't want to be treated differently because I'm a mer, and I'm just a shy person in general. So now that I'm thinking about this again, I'm getting upset at myself for being too scared to say anything. It's been forever since I brought up this topic, so I was wondering if anyone had any advice, on how I should approach this.

[Derek Broussard]

What is it that you are scared of?

I can imagine being in NYC must be inspiring to pursue your passion. I find that in larger populations people care less about what other people are doing.

As far as your family. It's hard to give advice because I don't know your situation. But I do know that its better to be happy with yourself and your choices then it is to try and live a mirror life of other peoples expectations.

[Kathleen Everett]

Coming out is so difficult especially because your mind will not stop finding reasons against it. I will say, though, that you're off to a great start. Seeking help online will put your mind at ease better. I don't know the specifics of why you aren't comfortable talking to your friends and family, though, but I think sharing more about that will help give you the answers you need. I hope you'll be able to find the strength and be completely happy soon.

[Ransom]

Hi Jamie! I'm in this situation myself. I could very well be wrong about yours, but here're some thoughts.

One of the reasons we fear 'coming out', I believe, is that we rely on the goodwill of our parents, friends and families until we're capable of venturing out and living life on our own terms. As such there's a pressure to conform to their expectations.

I think as long as you've a plan to reach independence and autonomy (such that what they think isn't so important to your well-being), there's no need to pay too much attention to it -- just work towards getting there and have faith.

Where I'm from it's not unusual to be living with your parents well into adulthood, but it could be different where you live.

All the best!

[MermanJamie]

Ok, so the main reason why I'm scared is my friends and family. If you need reference to my full story I'll share my first thread. I have no doubt that there are a lot of people in my hometown, but it's about talking to my family. I'm only 14, and I'm shy, so it's difficult

My First Thread:
https://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?14837-Need-help-talking-to-family&highlight=MermanJamie

[Slim]

I'm going to jump straight to the point, just stop thinking about it and mention it to them. I mean it literally mean don't think about telling them and just randomly mention it. It's probably going to be easier to do that around your friend. I wanted to scuba dive and eventually go mermaiding ever since I was in the 7th grade in 1995. This year 2017 I found a local mer Rebela and decided at that moment I'm going to go ahead beat this fear and try this once and for all. That entire time I was afraid to tell my family and friends I had a fear of going underwater. Think about it Jamie, 22 years I made up different excuses to myself on why I'm too scared to tell family and friends what I want to do. 22 years wasted and time lost on something I absolutely love. In the short time I started mermaiding in Feb, I have swam with over 15 mers. I got a major boost in social life while breaking the stereotype being a straight merman who fully embraces his merman tails. I even have a semi local friends that comes over to swim at the local pool or spring monthly. The longer you just don't do, the more life is going to pass you by. The year I should had came out and told my family and friends I wanted to go scuba diving was when the year the very first Sony Playstation was released. I'm not trying to scare you but I allow my fear to control me time over your lifetime. If need someone to talk to encourage you, you are welcome to message me as I'm always willing to talk. The instagram link in my signature gives you an idea the many of people I swam with and the places I got to see being a merman. I just really really (stressing this) really, don't want to see anyone put their dream on hold because they are afraid to tell people. The moment that defines you and makes you grow is the moment you can stand for yourself even while scare as you believe in your future. I know you got this and I believe you will tell them.

[Takahao]

That sucks bro. It'll be hard to notice since you're a bit younger (it feels extremely strange to say this, given I'm only 17 going on 18), surrounded by judgmental people, but the easiest thing you can do, and the best thing you can do is own it. Act normal, and don't shy from your interests. They don't feed off your hobbies. They feed off of your insecurities, and drive you to further pain. As for parents? They'll only see it as a problem (this depends on the parents, in general most are pretty accepting) if you treat it as something to worry about. The best thing isn't to come out as a merfolk, it's to act like one. Talk about how you like the sea. Go swimming. Don't be afraid to love yourself and indulge in this subculture how you choose. What's there for them to make fun of if all they can see is confidence and positivity?

[MermanJamie]

It's a little difficult, because I don't really have confidence and positivity, outside of talking to people who are like me. I'll try to act a little more confident, but that is my biggest flaw, really, is my lack of confidence. You've definitely given me some good stuff to go off of, though, and I'm going to try to slowly do what you suggest. It seems like it will be pretty effective.

[Agent Dragon]

I like Slim’s idea and Takahao makes some really great points. I don’t really have anything to add to what they’ve said other than the fact that I believe in you and I know you can do this! I had trouble telling my parents too (although probably not as much of you because I’m a girl) because I was afraid they would laugh. They didn’t, but even if they did laugh, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world.
Good luck, and once again, I BELIEVE IN YOOOOOU!!


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[Ransom]

Yup, you got this. Keep working at it day by day, and you'll be confidently merman swimming before you know it!

[MermanJamie]

A while back someone actually told me it would be helpful to make friends with people on MerNetwork who live in my area, so maybe they could help me with talking to my fam. I've made quite a few friends in the area, but I don't really know when I would ever have time to go to a mermaid event, or something like that in NYC, cause of school.

[Agent Dragon]

A while back someone actually told me it would be helpful to make friends with people on MerNetwork who live in my area, so maybe they could help me with talking to my fam. I've made quite a few friends in the area, but I don't really know when I would ever have time to go to a mermaid event, or something like that in NYC, cause of school.

While I think it’s a great idea to make mer-friends in your area, I’m afraid your parents might find that a little off-putting. My parents would freak if they knew how close I am to my online friends. Many adults tend to think of the internet as a scary face full of creepy people out to get their kids. I don’t know what yours are like, but considering your age, they might get a little protective.
I’m not saying you should hide things from your parents; I’m just saying that “hey, here are some people I met on the internet and gave my personal info to” might not give a good first impression. If you happen to meet a fellow mer at the pool irl though, I’d say go for it!


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[MermanJamie]

Yeah, I think that's fair. No one here really knows that much personal info though. The only thing most people know is my name, age and, the city in which I live. Jamie is short for James, which is one of the most common names out there, and I live in the most populated city in the USA. There are probably a ton of people with my name in my city. So I haven't really given much personal info. But my mom did originally freak out about this even before I joined the community. She basically binge watched Law and Order, and got really scared of the Internet because of a few cases on the show. I actually talk about my mom a lot on this community. I think she always wanted the best for me, socially, and that's probably why she encouraged me to try to do what everyone else was doing. She was the most intelligent person I ever knew, and she cared deeply about me. My dad is more laid back, but still I am worried. Also, my siblings and the rest of my fam.