dealing with difficult fans

[AniaR]

I know on the last forum we talked a bit about fans who were inappropriate in some way so I wanted to start a thread for it. Some fans are rude, some too sexual, and some very obsessive. I know many mers with FB pages have had troubles with fans posting overly sexual things on their pages.

Currently i'm having an issue with an obsessive fan who is calling and emailing me like crazy. Originally I did not know they would become this way and was very happy to answer their questions. But now it has come to a point where I feel it's unhealthy. I was wondering if anyone else is having issues like this?

Please share!

[New York Mermaid]

yeesh thats not good, I guess it would be to the point of blocking their phone number and marking their emails as spam or filtering out their email address.

I would send them an email letting them know if this constant behavior continues, you will be unable to speak to them because, it makes you feel uncomfortable."Sometimes" crazed fans just need some guidelines, and actually understand.

I would personally have someone else answer the phone saying "Hello this is Raina's assistant, Currently Raina is busy, so I will be handling all phone calls from now on".. or something smiliar to that. I know it sounds wierd but sometimes knowing that they are unable to speak to you personally it throws that person off..lol Or you can just say:" Im sorry but please you need to stop contacting me, I am extremely busy". .

Wow thats bad, I hope it stops soon.

[Princess Kae-Leah]

The fan isn't me, is it? I know I spend a lot of time on your FB page and stuff, I'm so sorry if I've made you feel uncomfortable or like I was cyber-stalking you, that wasn't my intention. I just sincerely admire and respect you so much, and I haven't know much other people IRL to have issues with chemical scents like I do, so I guess I enjoy chatting with someone who I have that in common with, as well as other things in common like trying to make "greener" choices and of course love of mermaids. I'm an Aspie and my social skills are not even close to perfect, so I know I can come off as clingy and obsessive sometimes and I can get really lonely so I spend a lot of time online.

[melbel1023]

I've had that problem with one fan - they realized they only lived 30 minutes away from me and started messaging me and a fellow mer I know, then harassing me to make the other mer talk to him. I eventually blocked him (it was all through FB). It was getting to be too much and sometimes he spoke very inappropriately to me about mermaids and such.

[AniaR]

It's not anyone here it's a deaf fan from my city. I didnt realize how bad he would be when he started emailing me. He calls me using a service and I cant get them to stop calling because it's a recording of what he says and I cant explain it's inappropriate. He's easily sent me 50 emails in the past day and while he seemed innocent enough at first just looking for info about tails I started to realize he was a bit mentally delayed and some of the things he said were VERY inappropriate. Now here's the kicker, he's stalking everything of mine he can find online and emailing me about it and today he showed up "coincidentally" while I was shopping at a book store and physically stalked me and even stopped staff to write down questions about me! It scared me really bad he's in his 50s and a big guy.

I blocked his emails but somehow THEY ARE STILL GETTING THROUGH even though my gmail settings say he's blocked. My phone service wont allow me to block calls argh. I found him on FB and sent a very diplomatic yet stern message to two people I suspect are family on his friends lists asking them to intervene or tell me who I can report this to (he speaks often of his parents and I think he may also have care takers) or I will have to take it to the police. I feel bad he is clearly handicapped and Im not sure if he knows what he's doing or saying is wrong but Im scared :(

I also know he contacted Eric! he told me so in an email. I dont know what he said to him I think he just wants to buy a tail but I am worried it would not be safe for him to have a tail. I'll keep you posted

[Princess Kae-Leah]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you dahling!

[New York Mermaid]

If you create a filter on gmail put his email address and check "mark as read" and "Delete it" and then finalize it, then you shouldnt have his emails anymore. Wow this is getting serious, stalking you thats very bad, i hope his parents/caretakers do something about it, he must know at least alittle bit of what he's doing if he's following you around. I hope this gets taken care of soon. one can only imagine how your feeling. Please be careful especially if your walking alone out there. Id go as far as a restraining order just in case. you never know..

[malinghi]

The word stalker gets thrown around a lot, but it doesn't sound like hyperbole in you case. I think the first step is to politely and firmly let he know you wish to be left alone. If he won't abide by your wishes and there's no way to force him to leave you alone, you should contact the police. The fact that he's approached you in real life seems way over the line.

[Mermaid Sirena]

Eek! That is frightening! I haven't had that problem yet and I hope I don't ever do, though I know a couple of friends who have said 'You know you've hit the big time when you have a stalker' I think I would like to never hit the big time if this is what happens when fans go rabid.... I feel a zombie movie could be made in there somewhere. I hope it gets cleared up soon and you don't have this problem anymore.

And Melbel I'm glad you were able to resolve it before it got to this level of stalker (it is resolved right?).

[AniaR]

I actually did call the police and explain it all, they were super awesome and sensitive to the situation. They told me I wasnt over reacting because you never know and even though I was being nice someone else might not be as nice and also he can't go around doing this to people. They met with him and his caretaker last night and i think it's resolved. Just scared the poop outta me.

[New York Mermaid]

*hugs* I hope it's resolved as well. Im glad the police is understanding about it, please keep us updated should anything arise, crossing my fins that all is well in mermaid Raina's world from now on .

[AniaR]

Just wanted to follow up with this, the fan called the store where he followed me around and told them a big bunch of lies about the employee who helped him- which is kinda nuts because they used the automated service to do it. The poor employee got spoken to so I wrote the manager and explained how wonderful he really was and how hard he worked to help me and actually help the fan.

[AniaR]

I seem to be having more issues with this and may have to involve the police again :( On a side note, just a warning, he keeps liking my FB page even though I ban him from it I dont understand why it keeps letting him come back. He's also liked a bunch of the other mermaid pages be careful! Im actually concerned he may have joined here or is reading everything...

[Moonflower]

Sorry for my language here, but what a f***ing freak! I don't know how restraining orders work in Canada, but I highly recommend looking into them. If contact is unwanted, it doesn't matter if the person is deaf, mentally handicapped or on their death bed - the same rules need to apply for everyone.

[Kanti]

If he is sexually harassing you, as I assume when you refer to the emails he sent you, then it's no longer a matter of "Oh he's just a fan,
he's a little slow and he doesn't know what he's doing". If he HAS mentioned anything sexual to you then he has somewhat voiced an
aspect he's obviously interested in and it's no longer simply being a fan of your work.
Maybe you should look into a restraining order as Flower mentioned. That way, the police will be able to take necessary action IMMEDIATELY
if something does happen, or, you could simply have him removed right when things get awkward.
To be honest, I'm not sure if restraining orders count as much online. I'm sure they HAVE to to a certain degree.

[Winged Mermaid]

In the US a "Order of Protection" aka restraining orders can ban all contact. This means personal, phone, text, internet, ANYTHING. If they break by any means they can be arrested for it. I believe what contact is ok and what is not is set when the order is taken out- it can be just in person or it can be every type of contact. Not sure how they work in Canada though. I'd go on the safe side, since you're clearly feeling threatened. I'm sure you don't want to have to go that far with this, but better safe than sorry, and he took it too far first.

[AniaR]

Ive all ready got an open file with the police, he's not sexually harassing but his comments were still inappropriate (asking me to meet him places alone etc.) and I know he's a bit delayed (in his 50's and asking me not to tell his mother sort of deal) An email has been sent to him letting him know he needs to stop trying to contact me again or I'll be calling the police again thanks to a friend. Hopefully that'll be the end of it. The police were really good about it I just dont know if they'll consider "constant liking of a page" to be contact you know?

In other news the ban button doesnt work on FB the person can keep coming back so i tried to email all the mermaids I saw he was following and tail makers to give them the heads up.

[AniaR]

can't believe I have to update this AGAIN...

In regards to the above situation, Calliope wrote them for me a very stern but polite email saying they needed to stop contacting me and now they have. So thanks for that my dear. Thank you!

But I've run into trouble again. I know nobody can help, but I think it's still important to share this info so those of you with pages can be leery of certain things and protect yourself.

You may remember a few months ago both mertailor and I lost control of our accounts because a user kept reposting our photos after we told him not to. He took this very personally and reported our pages. I only lost mine for a day, Eric lost his for like, a month. What happens is that facebook doesn't actually investigate any of the reports users make. They just act probably because they genuinely do get so many cases of bad stuff happening and it needs to be gone quickly. That being said they have NO APPEAL process, no way to easily contact them, no way to easily give feedback that says "I didnt do the stuff you locked my profile for." so a lot of trolls and cyberbullies use this as a way to harass innocent people.

Well it happened to me again. A guy started posting weird stuff on my youtube, asking me my type of guy, describe my personality, describe my perfect man, telling me he was in love with me etc etc etc. Then he started posting these things on my page. I removed them from my page and made a little status about how I dont appreciate those things from anyone and the guy got the ol boot and block. (of course, FB block doesnt actually work anymore for pages, and this has been an issue for a whopping couple of years!) Next thing I know I'm being booted from my account- which is always scary because you think you're being hacked- and I have no choice but to agree that I've been spamming people's walls and pages to get my account back and the penalty is I cant post on people's or pages stuff for 15 freaking days!

When I posted about this on FB everyone's first reaction was mertailor but you know what? I dont think he'd do that after everything he went through on his own account. I cant see anyone with a page with all their hard work doing something like that so I sincerely hope it wasnt him because whoever it was- that is such a low immature way to make a point and I mean since it's anonymous exactly what point am I supposed to get from it you know?

Anyway, Im not going to bother accusing people. You never know 100% unless someone admits, and this follows a lot like the last person. It's just something you all need to be aware of in regards to holes in FB security. Annoying as all hell.

[Mermaid Luna]

*hugs Raina* I'm sorry all this has been happening to you, darling. And along the Facebook line of talk, I've been having problems with a stalker of my own. Only, in my case, it's my ex-boyfriend. I have him blocked from EVERY SINGLE online account I have, and all of them are now locked down to the most private settings available. But last Sunday morning (around 5am) I posted a status on both my personal profile and my mermaid profile (Luna Aquarius):

Cannot WAIT to see the Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary Concert broadcast live in theater tomorrow with Steve! =D We're getting dressed up and everything. =^_^=

Around 11:30 that morning I get a text from him correcting me, thinking I had gotten the day confused (however, I run by gamer days - it's not "tomorrow" for me until I've slept). I've already had to tell him at least twice to stop looking for/at my stuff online, and because all my profiles are now private, it freaked me out that he saw that.
I texted back very bluntly : Stop. Stalking. Me.
His reply? "Not stalking, more like keeping an eye out for you. I Love you."

...I don't care who you are, if you got that last text, you'd be scared too. =/

Which leads me to believe he has a separate profile and is on my Luna Aquarius friends list. The only problem is, I can't figure out which one is him. And yes, there has been other stuff (it was a nasty breakup, and a nasty lead-up to it) he's done and said that I won't disclose here, but I'm thinking my only option now is a restraining order. Because if he has profiles I don't know, that means he can "like" my Mermaid Luna page. And I post events that I do on there, which tell my fans where I'll be. And I reeeally do not want to see him, especially since he harbors utterly no love for my new boyfriend.

The only problem with the restraining order is that the police send mail to your house. Which my parents would see, and grill me about. And once they found out, my life would be on lockdown, and I wouldn't put it past them to move me out of state against my will (even if they have to declare me an invalid and placed in their care to do it). And for those of you that don't know, I'm 22, and still live at home, but am planning on moving out. Also, my parents are the most controlling, over-protective people I've ever met. And don't even get me started on how irrational and nonsensical some of my mother's demands can be. -.-

So my issue is - how serious is this? Should I just stay at home as long as possible until I've got all my stuff together and organized before moving out, or just bomb outta here asap and worry about a whole lot more (no car, still have to work, not nearly enough income) and get the restraining order sooner? From my experience, he's mostly an attention-seeking drama queen with OCD, but he's never done this stuff before since I've known him, and I'm not sure what else to expect/not expect. =/

[Spindrift]

Have you tried just not replying to him?

[Mermaid Luna]

I have. He's texted and cyber-stalked me anyway. In fact, I haven't replied to any of his texts since we stopped talking until this one I talked about above.

[Spindrift]

What I mean is, don't even acknowledge his existence. Sending him that text back just re-validates his several (weeks?) worth of work of trying to get you to respond. Don't answer any more of his texts and if you like, change your number. Or get Google Talk.

[AniaR]

Luna you can ask the police to approach him like I did. You can specifically tell them you're hesitant to place a restraining order because it would cause some problems for you but this behaviour isn't appropriate. They'll contact him and give him a scare. That way, he should stop. If he doesn't, you have an air tight case for if you do want to put a restraining order in or press charges for harassment. You can also rent a post office box for a select amount of time and have the order sent there.

spindrift is right too, don't respond to ANYTHING.

I had an ex, who found an old void cheque of mine in our old stuff and he started putting money in my bank account! It took me a few weeks to figure out it was happening and where it was coming from and when I confronted him it was "but I love you, I am trying to help." then after being broken up for a YEAR he sent me his journal on valentines day! It was creepy as all heck. I went to the post office and there were a buttload of packages waiting for me there from him! I just refused them all (he never put return to addresses) I never read the journal (only opened that package by accident because I thought it was for something else) and in hindsight I wish I had documented all these things appropriately so I could file a restraining order but he finally moved away and got a new girlfriend.

[Mermaid Luna]

Oh god. Things just got so much worse this past Friday night, it's not even funny. =/ I'll explain in a novel of a post tomorrow when I'm more awake, but let me just say this - he's "liking" all of YOUR mermaid pages, interacting with all of you via facebook in the hopes of gaining your trust to get closer to me. He just won't let me go, and I'm really starting to get scared. I looked at his profile the other night via one of my friends who still has him as a friend, and...he's fueling his own fire. Nearly every single new "like" he has, or comment or article he posts, either relates to our breakup or his "Love" for me, or he's posting the same links. Please, please, I wouldn't ask this if I didn't truly believe his intentions aren't what they should be: his facebook username is Robert Steelpanther Manchester. Remove him as a fan, or a friend if you have him. I feel surrounded and helpless after Friday, and I don't know what else to do about that particular part of the situation (him following all the mers on facebook).

[AniaR]

Luna, send us PMs and I'll block him from my page <3 I know others will too. The guy who was stalking me earlier did the same thing, I emailed all the mermaid's pages he liked by finding their emails listed and gave them the heads up.

[Mermaid Luna]

To be completely honest, I can't be sure he's not a member of this forum. It wouldn't surprise me. I really hate not feeling like I can talk freely about the situation anywhere. =(

[Blaze]

Luna, send us PMs and I'll block him from my page <3 I know others will too. The guy who was stalking me earlier did the same thing, I emailed all the mermaid's pages he liked by finding their emails listed and gave them the heads up.

Seconded. :(

[AniaR]

see if you can find his IP address, it would be attached to emails, FB etc, then mods can check to see if it matches any.

You should NOT have to be afraid and if it's THIS bad you need to get over being scared about the parents and file a restraining order :(