Body positivity and negativity

[Satine]

Hello all. I am struggling to get my thoughts out today.

Personally i I probably fall in to the body negativity section when I think about my self. It doesn’t help that people I care deeply about tell me I am over waight and pressure me to lose it by threading to leave if I don’t. For someone who struggles with depression this is hard.

but I was wondering why we don’t see many larger mers much ( I only know of 2 ). We also don’t usually see mers with stench marks or pimples or birth marks.

it seams like all the mers we see are fit slim have flawless skin and their hair is perfect all the time. The men usually have six packs and the women usually have flat tummy’s.

i want to be in that boat of haveing a flat tummy. But I have a large scar on my wrist. I have stretch marks and bad acne. So I get easily discouraged when I don’t see really many related able mers.

do any of y’all ever see any mers that you strive to be like or view as inspiration. Do y’all ever get discouraged and feel like you don’t fit in anywhere?

What are your thoughts on this?

[Arking]

*cough* photoshop. I photoshop mine, there were folds popping out of my tail due to how tight it was, and I definitely don't have the 6 pack though I did change my diet and am working on it.

As odd as this may sound my experience with the Mer community has been a little different, more like the mer-people scene in the little Mermaid ending where its people of all ages, sizes and appearances. I think most of the people I've encountered wouldn't fit the model image, but that's just my experience. With regards to imagery, yeah people tend to gravitate towards the fit model when it comes to advertising and photoshoots. But in that situation you're still dealing with photo editing, makeup, and a lot of professional equipment everyday mer's don't have access too.

I think there's also a good deal of swimmers who are in and out of the water which gives them body tone. I know that the perfect dolphin kick is murder on your lower abs and certainly will help to tighten that area over time and practice. There's a lot of resistance in water as it is and that will help as a daily workout routine to burn calories and tighten muscles the body over so keep at it!

Now all this said it's not always better in someone else's lake. Scars, stretch marks, pimples I've got them too and so do many people, I found myself looking at people for inspiration and comparing myself and of course falling very short of that expectation. My advice is to find things about yourself you do like and excel at them while working to improve the things you'd rather change (if you can change them). In my case my stretch marks won't go away, but my scars will fade. I've made peace with them, they are unsightly but I'm not a 20 year old athlete who practices good skincare and hydration, my time has passed to change that. Instead I would say you should focus on what you can change, hate your body for now but use that hate to fuel passion to do other things.

I once had a professor who told me to do what I love and love will find me in what I do. It takes time, but eventually things do get better. :)

[Arking]

If it'll make you feel better I can post the photos of me with my rolls out getting play attacked by my dog who thought it would be fun to get me while I was in the mud and unable to fend her off...its unflattering to say the least. ;) I think that was an important day for me, I was really uncomfortable, I was in public, and if it could go wrong it was going to go wrong...like all of the photos turning out blurry after all of that. I needed to find the humor in it.

[Agent Dragon]

Let’s be honest here: no one looks like the models in the magazines, not even the models themselves (because photoshop). And even if you did magically get a flat tummy, flawless skin, and everything else society has deemed attractive, it wouldn’t fix all of your body image issues. For example, I’m pretty thin and have mostly clear skin. Guess I got lucky. But I still struggle with body image, too. I’ve always wanted an athletic build, with toned muscles and abs.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this so I’m just going to post it. Hope it makes sense.


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[Ransom]

What sends up a red flag is the threatening to leave if you don't lose weight. They absolutely should, weight loss or not. (Of course, I know it's a bit more complicated than that -- but don't ignore a warning that your life together isn't and won't be a happy one.)

As Arking and Dragon point out, most professional-level pics you see are photoshopped. The incredible thing about tails is that ordinary people can (and very often do) look great in them :)

I don't like to admit this, but what disturbed me most as a freediver was a pot belly from a bad diet I let grow until it was too late. In my current life as a caregiver, I regularly go to the gym but it's only grown due to constant stress eating :(

I'm working on it, but I don't let it bother me too much as I've a far more important duty to do.

In short, modelling is full of artificial enhancement, so don't worry about not meeting those standards. What's far more important is the kind of person you become :)

[MermaidAiera]

Like Agent Dragon said, getting a flat tummy won't fix your body image issues. They also mentioned photoshop, which is another valid point; no matter how you look, there will always be this unattainable "perfect" goal or standard that you'll be impossibly chasing after.

As someone who has had clear skin and been thin my whole life with an athletic build, I can tell you that it's not everything. There's always something to poke and prod at, be it a problem spot, feeling like you can't eat a certain food because it'll ruin you, or wishing that you had a curvy, womanly body that is voluptuous and glorious instead of boxy and manly.

Your best bet is to take a long look in the mirror and objectively determine your strengths. Don't focus on what you hate or are ashamed of. Instead, look for what you like. What parts of you are you most proud of? Capitalize on that.
Then look inside. What about you makes you feel most confident, happy, fulfilled? Fill your life with the things that make your heart full.

Once you achieve a degree of inner peace, it can make working on your outside easier. You can put your efforts towards accentuating what you're already proud of, and discovering more things you love about yourself in the process. It takes a LOT not to compare yourself to others, especially when there are so many people shoving it down your throat, threatening to make your life more miserable if you don't size up to their expectations. Clear your mind of those toxic things and people, and your life will immediately become easier.

For me, Instagram is a minefield of triggers for insecurity, jealousy, and depression for me. It's also filled with professional lighting, picture taking, hundreds of shots to get the right angles and shadows, hours of preparation for ONE shot, and on top of that filters, editing, photoshop, and more. I stopped looking. I stopped comparing. I started looking at what I had already, what I could capitalize on and accentuate, and what parts of me are bound by genetics and could never change. Every day is a new challenge, but as long as you're determined, fill your heart and mind with positive things that you love and enjoy, and be kind to yourself, then you can get through it.

[Dolly the Mermaid]

They all covered some good spots but you have to look at the last paintings of mermaids my dear, they weren't skinny they had a tummy. Who's to say that your body image isn't beautiful? Pirates mistook mermaids as manatees, why that is? They liked and wanted full figured women. Also, have you ever seen samurai Jack with the Scotsman? Where they had to save the Scotsmans wife from these sirens. Sure they were beautiful to some men singing them to their graves. But the Scotsman thought they sounded horrible and that they were ugly. What I'm trying to say is, it's going to be hard to build that self confidence. Everybody has self doubt including myself. Even the people who tell you that you are fat have issues. Most people who can't change themselves lash out at others. I could tell you my tales of self doubt and body image issues. But I know you have heard similar ones before, so I'll get right down to the basics of it. We all are beautiful to someone else. The hardest person to impress is ourself. We literally are the worst critics. You have to impress that critic inside by saying nice things to yourself that you actually like. Current studies have shown positive reinforcement on one's self can actually help us mentally. Even just saying to yourself, "hello sexy!" With an occasional eyebrow raise or a finger guns always help break the ice on that self confidence and helps you laugh at your self doubt and realise how silly the whole body image thing really is. I personally love doing it in front of my parents, their reactions are priceless. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

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[Mermaid Delphinidae]

When people are getting professional photos done, they're gonna be doing it with the best poses, the best lighting, and makeup and hair styled as best as they can. I doubt many of them look like that ALL the time, and as others have said, photoshopping may be done. In addition, some of the photos you're looking at may be of professional merfolk. Looking good is part of their job so they often have to spend more time on their appearance. Those of us with other jobs may not be able to do so.Even people who seem to look perfect often have things that they dislike about their bodies. If you really want to change how you look, find out what you can do to get there. Look for makeup tutorials, fashion advice, workouts, healthy diets, find out which hair styles would be most flattering on you, whatever. But don't get too obsessive, and try to think about some of your traits that you DO like.

[Keiris]

We ALL have things we don't like about our appearance. I have worked with some gorgeous men and women in Hollywood and then later with Chanel. Every single one of them had things they weren't happy with about their faces and bodies. Every. Single. One. They just played up their attributes which helped lend an air of confidence to them.