Having some issues with body confidence...

[MermanJamie]

Over the past few months, body confidence has been an extremely present issue in my life. My entire life I've been incredibly lanky and skinny, and a woman who is like family to me still calls me Stringbean or Bean jokingly to this day. I'm kinda underweight for my height. Sports have never really been my forte; I've been awful at them my whole life. I have zero stamina. I know beauty standards are very different for girls than guys (my sister once joked to me that I am most women's body ideal) and I've been feeling anxious lately because of my body and because I have zero muscle whatsoever. The only thing I can really do is work out a lot, which is zero fun for me, and makes me feel awful, (The last time I tried it hurt for over a week) but I want to look good. I don't really know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

[Merman Storm]

If a workout makes you hurt for a week, you did too much. At first, you have to start very gently, and do only a little more each session. Soon, it will not hurt for anything more than seconds, although you will feel worn out for a few hours.

The largest increase I do, session to session, is one more rep on any given machine, or, once I get to 12 reps, one more plate and go back to 8 reps.

If trying to work out several times a week makes you feel bad, then do it less. Working out stimulates endorphins, and different people have different reactions to them. Some people get a rush from them, and those are the ones who work out alot. Some get nothing from them, and a few (including me) get depressed from endorphins. My solution is a limit of one visit to the weight machines a week, and one hike a week.

The reversed endorphin response sucks. It also seems to impact my attempts to increase my breath hold time. If you have the same thing, then anything that makes you hurt for a week will also make you feel bad. So, do less.

[MermanJamie]

I guess I just want to look good, though. From what I've heard, though, it could take years and hurt a lot

[Ransom]

I guess I just want to look good, though. From what I've heard, though, it could take years and hurt a lotI've heard of people who've solved that problem -- it did require work with a good personal trainer for him. Hopefully you can find one who knows his way around the exercises and weight gain supplements you need.

All the best! Needing a trainer isn't unusual in the slightest.

[Merman Storm]

Personally, Ive never seen anything wrong with the tall, lanky look. You make a great merman!

As for pain, as I said, it should not last for more than a few seconds. If it lasts longer than that, you are over-training. Use less weight, train less often.

[MermaidSolstice]

Try a different type of workout. I know it may be considered 'girly' but try something like yoga (then add weights once you've got it figured out). yoga doesn't feel like working out and creates a different chemical response in some people. Just do your research and don't be afraid of trying new things (just as long as they're safe :)

Maybe try a different merman aesthetic. Like a narrower fish, like a dragon fish or neon tetra. Or maybe an eel.

But remember to just be you :)

[topsider]

From a former beanpole. Don't let mass building be your goal. Rather than trying to get big, try to get in shape. The lack of stamina sounds like a good thing to address first. Get your stamina up and you'll be in a better place to put on mass.

Swimming, mostly the crawl, is my favorite exercise and contributed the most to me putting on good weigh (muscle) all over and getting a semblance of definition.

Exercise will hurt, but it shouldn't cause pain. Pain being defined as sharp or stabbing, and acute. Being sore for a few days, a dull, aching feeling, is normal and good. It is a sign that you are creating muscle and other tissue so your body can better do the same exercise again. It will be miserable the first several times, but if you start exercising regularly, it will get better and you may start enjoying it.

[MermanJamie]

Try a different type of workout. I know it may be considered 'girly' but try something like yoga (then add weights once you've got it figured out). yoga doesn't feel like working out and creates a different chemical response in some people. Just do your research and don't be afraid of trying new things (just as long as they're safe :)

Maybe try a different merman aesthetic. Like a narrower fish, like a dragon fish or neon tetra. Or maybe an eel.



But remember to just be you :)

I know it might be a little weird, but when I think of myself, I think of conventional merman. My aesthetic isn't really a specific fish, more just basic solid colored stuff. I don't really know why, but I don't see myself as really an eel kinda guy. Every fish that I can think of that I remotely resonate with is bigger. In terms of yoga, I've been trying some at my school, and it's not that bad, though I am awful at it. Hopefully I can switch to the Fitness course for one of my two times soon. That might help.

[Naomi Indigo]

Maybe go swimming? Seems you have a swimmer's build already with your description, maybe you will thrive there and be more hydrodynamic and whatnot. For me swimming is a great workout, but doesn't really feel like one since it's so much fun. Hope this helps.

[MermanJamie]

Just thought I'd pop in another joke, and I thought everyone might laugh at this. Growing up, I always thought I looked like the gloomy, droopy beanpole of a merman in Ursula's cauldron in the Little Mermaid. Might be nice to have a magic witch who could give us our ideal body type. I like my voice and singing for theater way too much to trade it in for a body, though.

[MermanJamie]

Ok, just from poking around the internet and TV lately, I've found some super awful stuff people have been saying. People even going as far to restrict what people wear, eat, or do based on their body type. There were a few videos that upset me in particular, especially ones that kept saying things about skinny guys like "You didn't earn your muscles, so you don't deserve to do xyz." It broke my heart. I already feel self conscious enough without people telling me what I can and cannot do. And what's worse, everyone in social media comments were singing these people's praises. I've gotten some loving support from the community, but now I'm not sure if I should really get a tail or anything until I look better.

[Ransom]

Ok, just from poking around the internet and TV lately, I've found some super awful stuff people have been saying. People even going as far to restrict what people wear, eat, or do based on their body type. There were a few videos that upset me in particular, especially ones that kept saying things about skinny guys like "You didn't earn your muscles, so you don't deserve to do xyz." It broke my heart. I already feel self conscious enough without people telling me what I can and cannot do. And what's worse, everyone in social media comments were singing these people's praises. I've gotten some loving support from the community, but now I'm not sure if I should really get a tail or anything until I look better.If you restrict your activities based on what people on the Internet say (here or anywhere else) you'll be waiting a LONG time. They don't have any authority over you, full stop.

Jim, even the best-looking, most established mers and athletes have their share of haters. Heck, many critics hated Shakespeare's plays for being too appealing to ordinary people.

You'll never outwait, outearn or outtrain their presence, so don't give them any stock in your life, especially not at this early date.

There might be good reasons not to get a tail yet, but Internet bullies aren't one of them. Only you know when you're ready.

[MermanJamie]

If you restrict your activities based on what people on the Internet say (here or anywhere else) you'll be waiting a LONG time. They don't have any authority over you, full stop.

Jim, even the best-looking, most established mers and athletes have their share of haters. Heck, many critics hated Shakespeare's plays for being too appealing to ordinary people.

You'll never outwait, outearn or outtrain their presence, so don't give them any stock in your life, especially not at this early date.

There might be good reasons not to get a tail yet, but Internet bullies aren't one of them. Only you know when you're ready.

Thanks Ransom, you're always so supportive. I feel much better now.

[Takahao]

Yeah. If you do decide to exercise more and try to get in better shape, don't do it for the standards and expectations of others - it'll never make you happy, and will only lead to disappointment. Work for yourself. Work because you have goals you want to achieve, things you want to do. I love swimming and hiking and seeing the outdoors, so I started working at that so I could be better. I saw athletes and bodybuilders who inspired me, so I used that motivation to work harder, to have a sense of where I'm going. And since I've done that, I went from being overweight and out of shape to a healthier body that makes me feel better about myself.

I'm sure you can achieve the same Jamie. You just have to set goals, and figure out what you want to do. Not everybody has to be a bodybuilder. Not everyone has to be a trained athlete. Nor does anyone have to be a stick thin supermodel. Be the best you that you can be, and work towards that. Feel free to hit me up for any advice you want or need, I'm happy to help.

[Kathleen Everett]

Some good physical exercises and a well-balanced diet will make a person fit. Discipline in doing so will help a lot.

[MermanJamie]

I thought I'd pop back onto this thread for a bit, even though I know that I haven't posted here in a good amount of time, because I've still been lacking a lot of body confidence while I've been gone. Ever since last summer, I haven't been as concerned about being too thin, but rather being too fat. It's been such a struggle to try to lose weight, and I'm worried I'll never be comfortable with myself. It's been difficult to make time to exercise in my schedule, and I am so terrible at it that it becomes such a chore, and I never want to do any of it. Ever since I was a little kid, even though I was tall, I was always one of the weaker kids. Now kids that are almost a foot shorter than me can do a ton of push ups when I can barely do one. I want to try and be fitter, but it's so difficult to get to for me. I'm just worried that once I do get a tail, I won't be confident enough in my own body to swim in it. I've wanted to be a merman since I was a little kid, and now I feel like I'm to ugly to ever be one...

[Mermaid Jaffa]

I thought I'd pop back onto this thread for a bit, even though I know that I haven't posted here in a good amount of time, because I've still been lacking a lot of body confidence while I've been gone. Ever since last summer, I haven't been as concerned about being too thin, but rather being too fat. It's been such a struggle to try to lose weight, and I'm worried I'll never be comfortable with myself. It's been difficult to make time to exercise in my schedule, and I am so terrible at it that it becomes such a chore, and I never want to do any of it. Ever since I was a little kid, even though I was tall, I was always one of the weaker kids. Now kids that are almost a foot shorter than me can do a ton of push ups when I can barely do one. I want to try and be fitter, but it's so difficult to get to for me. I'm just worried that once I do get a tail, I won't be confident enough in my own body to swim in it. I've wanted to be a merman since I was a little kid, and now I feel like I'm to ugly to ever be one...
I'm not super fit either. I find swimming is the easiest exercise to do. Just do a couple of laps of walking in the lap lane. Swim if you know a stroke or two. Its easy on the body and I find it doesn't give me feet pain like walking on land does.

[Tyoka]

What this sonds to me like is that you simply have an illusion of being ugly (possibly depression related).
I am sure you look just fine, you just have been fed expecktations your bodytype does not support.

[SirenGita]

I used to be so naturally thin people thought i had an eating disorder and teachers would instruct fellow students to try and spy on me and follow me into the bathroom to make sure i wasnt bulemic...my metabolism was way too high and i would eat like a 400 lb man at 120 lol.

I suggest going to the diet and exersize threads on reddit. They have all types of people with different goals and amazing advice!

One thing i know from my fiances adventure is protein powder or high protein in your diet is a must for muscle gain.

Also, you can't focus on the numbers on the scale. It will be super variable based on muscle vs fat! You have to listen to your body and do what feels good and makes YOU feel good :)

If it is causing PAIN and not soreness you pushed too hard too fast. Its not always easy to go up even one increment of weight sometimes despite great gains previously.

:)

Feel free to pm me anytime <3

[Mermaid Jaffa]

Go to a qualified doctor. There you can have an honest face to face discussion, rather than he say she say guesses like on reddit.

[SirenGita]

first of all, duh go to a doctor. Guessing is stupid. However, Jaffa, you may not have seen the health sections on reddit :) . There are doctors, and other medical practitioners, and people who share personal experiences, etc. They are heavily modded so lies and misinformation is rapidly removed. They are great for information if you are stuck, and inspiration from people suffering similar body dysmorphia.

Keto forums are a great example. You need a dr for Keto. FOR 100% SURE. If you ignore basic health advice, and basic diet advice, you will harm or kill yourself, or not get results. They say this in the forums ALL THE TIME lol but also have excellent information on accompanying workouts, diet and recipe plans, how to talk to your dr discussions and advocate for yourself if your dr is hella ignorant like ours are, etc.


However, yes, forums like reddit are for ideas, not personal medical information. That should be a given :)

The fibro forums can't tell me test results or how I PERSONALLY should be medicating, as these are all extremely different based on personal chemistry. They DO have fantastic stories that can give you new ways to explain symptoms to your dr, proper terminology, other ideas for treatments, etc etc etc.

Reddit is shockingly well modded if you stay out of the super creep areas.

OP, definitely ask your dr about body dysmorphia, it sounds like you may fall under this catergory.

On a personal note, I've found part of the battle in getting help can be using the accepted terminology. You can tell your dr your hands hurt all the time but if you dont drop to certain drs "I'm feeling neuropathy in my hands" you will get told to use tylenol and suck it up. Bring a trusted person you feel ok to be at such a personal appointment (if you have one) to be your advocate if you dont feel confident enough to do it yourself. It can be very hard to counteract something a "trusted professional" especially a dr, has to say, even if you know its wrong.

If you do get a crappy dr, try try again. They are human too, and many of them are only here for the money. Good ones DO exist though, and once you find the right person you will get so much healthier if you listen to them ;)

[SirenGita]

also, if anything ever says anything, you could always say your partly trumpetfish (or other thin bodied fishes) ^_^

[OrcaBait]

I know exactly how you feel... I've been fat all my life and confidence is nearly nonexistence. More like hateful thoughts, and it hurts bad. Maybe try what I did. Would a mermaid feel this way? Would a real mermaid, in the sea surviving and hunting beneath the depth, judge herself? Or would she treasure her form, whatever shape it was to suit her part of the ocean, and embrace herself. You just represent your nice in the sea, and that's amazing! Your adaptive. Don't hate yourself; your an amazing merman who is perfectly adapted to his environment. And that's beautiful.
If you ever wanna talk, I understand, and would love to. Please feel better :D

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[MermaidAlexandrite]

Hey, I know exactly how you feel. People call me fat and I feel like I shouldn't be a mermaid because of it. All I can do is work out too, which I really can't do too much because of health conditions. Anyways, all I can say is that it sucks. There isn't much you can do but put on a brave face and pretend you're okay with it, because it's your body and those are the cards you were dealt. Your issue might have an easy fix. You could try protein powder and eating more eggs, sometimes that can help build muscle.

[the.tattooed.mermaid78]

Do you have fibromyalgia? I was diagnosed nearly 4 years ago with it. I put on 4 stone through all the different medications I've been on over the years which never worked. I cant do the gym or even going for long walks with my dogs. The only thing that doesn't pain me massively is swimming. The first time I went to the pool my anxiety was in overdrive but the more I go the better I feel about myself. I've only recently started mermaiding but I've wanted to do it for about a year and I have booked mermaid swimming lessons which start 27th April. I just thought yeah I'm fat, yeah some people are laughing at me when I tell them but you know what stuff them I'm doing this. Always here if you wanna chat

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[swordwhale]

wow...

first of all, long and lean is just fine ... healthy is what to aim for. You won't do exercise that doesn't make you happy, so find stuff you love to do.

If you're really concerned, you can research diet, as in what YOUR body needs more or less of. Again, health, not trying for Captain America or Aquaman.

Be you, ignore the trolls, you're who you are meant to be.

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