AniaR
03-26-2012, 04:21 PM
I've been humming and hawing today over how I'd like to deal with recent increase in drama around me/involving me and directed at me. Over the past few weeks Ive tried out a few ideas and none seem to really work. I sat down, and thought, What do I want? Do I want to simply ignore 'drama'? Do I only want to participate in certain things? Do I want to reply to every nasty thing about myself with my own counter evidence in hopes community members will see the truth? I think I've tried all those ways. It's not that they dont work, it's that in all these areas people in the community still get stuck between myself and someone else's personal issue.
So how should I approach this? While I know many of you have disagreed with my new idea, I think the best thing for the community is if I simply remove myself from the formula. Hopefully, the community will then stop getting stuck in the cross hairs of people with personal issues. There is a misconception that I am a community leader, that I have a lot of influence, and that I have (in negative terms) lackies. I've never felt that to be true, and I dont think the majority of mernetwork feels that way... but this mentality tends to be the fuel behind certain people's choices. Thing is, if someone is coming at me personally, I can choose whether or not I respond, whether I even read, and whether or not I see it fit to reconcile with someone. But in all these recent cases many people have felt themselves trapped in the middle, having opinions of me spill on to them, assumptions, prejudice, etc. At the end of the day, I freaking LOVE this community. If my leaving for a while will give people a break from the constant drama llama, then I am very happy to do so.
I just want people, to continue standing up for themselves. Continue to call our poor behaviour, just as freely as you praise each other. If you don't like something in the community please continue to take efforts to change it. I'd really hate to see this place return to the state of yuku. I think I've probably held on here longer than I should because in the back of my mind I've thought, if I dont say something, no one will. But 9/10 when there's an issue I consider posting about because I feel it's important to the community... I come here and check and you've already beaten me to the punch :) I really dont want to see the walking on egg shells mentality of being afraid of setting off the big bad wolf. I don't want people being afraid because they are ignorant of the law or their rights either. I think my biggest fear for so many of you is just that. THIS COMMUNITY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. You don't have to stand for harassment, drama, intimidation, or anything like that. This is YOUR community.
So this is my fond fare well. It's not a leaving in a huff, it's not a, you'll miss me when I'm gone. It's a, hey mernetwork, you're one classy lady and I'll miss you. I am so incredibly appreciative of all of you. There is no doubt in my mind that I would be nowhere without the community (and perhaps that's something that fuels the perspective a select few take against me). Getting to meet some of you in person was LIFE changing. You all inspire me so much. If it wasn't for the community I would have never had my first tail fixed or figured out how to fix it up on my own too. If it wasn't for the community I probably wouldn't have figured out my niche market. If it wasn't for the community I would have all the amazing accessories I have. If it wasn't for the community I wouldn't have had the publicity I have. If it wasnt for the community I would not have the fans and support I have. If it wasn't for the community I wouldnt have my new amazing tail! You have all done so much!
Specifically I want to tell Nate and Iona, just how much you've done for people. For those of you unaware, these two mods have paid their own money to host this site. They've built it from the ground up. Seen it through many versions from back in the day when mers conversed on myspace and fabric tail making was all hush hush. You've created a community. The people were all there, but if you didn't come and pull them together there would be no community. You put up with constant BS and put your own personal opinions of people and situations aside constantly in order to be fair and do what's best for the community. You deal with criticism on how you've done and do things, and you take it with a smile. You have a thankless job, and even if I'm not on the forum I'll be happy to donate when the time comes around again to renew the hosting.
I want you all as a community to step back and take a look at one the community has achieved. There are actual mermaid magazines, because we're all contributing, and we're all buying them! There was a convention- even with all it's bumps. There are authors who can actually make a living now selling mermaid books because you're all rallying to support them and their work. There are more and more tail makers when options used to be so limited. There are more professional mermaids because people are continuing to help and build each other up. There are get together and opportunities where instead of reading from a forum (which is even great to start with) people are learning from each other in person how to do things. There have been new businesses formed and opportunities achieved. Don't ever get so caught up with the drama that you forget HOW AMAZING you are mernetwork. <3
I dont think I'll be replying to this post. I know it seems to be the cliched "I wont reply and I wont read- but guess what, I'm really reading everything and keeping notes muahahaha!" but in this I think I need to make a clean cut. You all know me. I can't resist the temptation of a conversation. And, given the recent drama, I know two people who will dominate the responses the second they have the chance. So, if you'd like to see me off, keep in touch, or chat, feel free to email me raina@rainamermaid.com and now with the new FB pages you can actually message a person's page directly with a PM. So feel free to do that too. Just because I'm not participating on mernetwork does not mean I am "keeping my mouth shut" any less ;). I can't guarantee I wont check in from time to time to see how people are, or to share something big, but I think for this first initial break I need a clean one. So yeah, feel free to email :)
For those of you who still feel kinda lost and swept up with this whole drama stuff, believe me when I tell you it's 100% personal issues. Matty takes issue with me because I take issue with mertailor. How many of you would not do the same if you felt I was calling out your loved one? Chris takes issue with me because of what he feels is a personal betrayal... all pretty well documented right here:http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?1475-I-dont-really-know-what-to-do-%28 (and he can tell you lots) and Aela, well she still hasn't explained to me exactly what her reasons are for having a personal issue, but since she is consistently quoting Chris is her emails to everyone I'm fairly sure we're having a wonder twins activate moment here. These people, are all capable of dealing with their personal issues personally but they arent. This is NOT an issue with the community, or those of you who get lumped in, you're not my 'lackies' and you have your own opinions. Some of you disagree with me all the time but have always been respectful in doing so. I hope I've done the same :) Don't let people paint you with a brush.
For those of you who may have read something you found disturbing, I decided, there's no sense in dragging it all out. I think I've demonstrated time and time again who I am- there's no mysterious secret as much as people would like to claim there are (Hey Mer Vee, did you know you're my sock puppet account? :P). If you're really bothered, you can always email me about the issue and I'll be happy to supply you with those screencaps Im so fond of as well as my perspective. I do not expect people to stop being friends with, talking to, or supporting people who have a personal issue with me. I think I've tried fairly hard to ensure people are not put in the middle from my end, I'll continue to do that. Though, be aware that same courtesy is typically not given to me (or anyone else when certain topics are involved). I'd appreciate it however, if you are going to invest some time into figuring out what's what in all this drama, you simply ask for evidence of claims against me. Ask for screen caps, ask for pure proof. None of this "he said she said" because I have always been sure when I've brought something to the community I can back it up. If at the end of it all you decide I'm not someone you want to support, then that's totally fine. Not everyone is going to like me and my choices :p
I hope in my leaving you all wont be subjected to the drama that's been here the past few weeks anymore. You can still track me down on FB, tumblr, deviantART, my blog, google+, flickr, MM if you want to read my opinions on certain topics and experiences ;) or if you'd like to take up a personal issue.
Mernetwork, my time with you has been amazing. I've learned so much, met so many amazing people, and I will always do my best to pay that karma forward. This is a wonderful community filled with people who come together, who support each other, who take a real interest not just in a fandom but in real people and their daily struggles. Please continue to do those things for each other. We are so much more than tails. <3
So how should I approach this? While I know many of you have disagreed with my new idea, I think the best thing for the community is if I simply remove myself from the formula. Hopefully, the community will then stop getting stuck in the cross hairs of people with personal issues. There is a misconception that I am a community leader, that I have a lot of influence, and that I have (in negative terms) lackies. I've never felt that to be true, and I dont think the majority of mernetwork feels that way... but this mentality tends to be the fuel behind certain people's choices. Thing is, if someone is coming at me personally, I can choose whether or not I respond, whether I even read, and whether or not I see it fit to reconcile with someone. But in all these recent cases many people have felt themselves trapped in the middle, having opinions of me spill on to them, assumptions, prejudice, etc. At the end of the day, I freaking LOVE this community. If my leaving for a while will give people a break from the constant drama llama, then I am very happy to do so.
I just want people, to continue standing up for themselves. Continue to call our poor behaviour, just as freely as you praise each other. If you don't like something in the community please continue to take efforts to change it. I'd really hate to see this place return to the state of yuku. I think I've probably held on here longer than I should because in the back of my mind I've thought, if I dont say something, no one will. But 9/10 when there's an issue I consider posting about because I feel it's important to the community... I come here and check and you've already beaten me to the punch :) I really dont want to see the walking on egg shells mentality of being afraid of setting off the big bad wolf. I don't want people being afraid because they are ignorant of the law or their rights either. I think my biggest fear for so many of you is just that. THIS COMMUNITY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. You don't have to stand for harassment, drama, intimidation, or anything like that. This is YOUR community.
So this is my fond fare well. It's not a leaving in a huff, it's not a, you'll miss me when I'm gone. It's a, hey mernetwork, you're one classy lady and I'll miss you. I am so incredibly appreciative of all of you. There is no doubt in my mind that I would be nowhere without the community (and perhaps that's something that fuels the perspective a select few take against me). Getting to meet some of you in person was LIFE changing. You all inspire me so much. If it wasn't for the community I would have never had my first tail fixed or figured out how to fix it up on my own too. If it wasn't for the community I probably wouldn't have figured out my niche market. If it wasn't for the community I would have all the amazing accessories I have. If it wasn't for the community I wouldn't have had the publicity I have. If it wasnt for the community I would not have the fans and support I have. If it wasn't for the community I wouldnt have my new amazing tail! You have all done so much!
Specifically I want to tell Nate and Iona, just how much you've done for people. For those of you unaware, these two mods have paid their own money to host this site. They've built it from the ground up. Seen it through many versions from back in the day when mers conversed on myspace and fabric tail making was all hush hush. You've created a community. The people were all there, but if you didn't come and pull them together there would be no community. You put up with constant BS and put your own personal opinions of people and situations aside constantly in order to be fair and do what's best for the community. You deal with criticism on how you've done and do things, and you take it with a smile. You have a thankless job, and even if I'm not on the forum I'll be happy to donate when the time comes around again to renew the hosting.
I want you all as a community to step back and take a look at one the community has achieved. There are actual mermaid magazines, because we're all contributing, and we're all buying them! There was a convention- even with all it's bumps. There are authors who can actually make a living now selling mermaid books because you're all rallying to support them and their work. There are more and more tail makers when options used to be so limited. There are more professional mermaids because people are continuing to help and build each other up. There are get together and opportunities where instead of reading from a forum (which is even great to start with) people are learning from each other in person how to do things. There have been new businesses formed and opportunities achieved. Don't ever get so caught up with the drama that you forget HOW AMAZING you are mernetwork. <3
I dont think I'll be replying to this post. I know it seems to be the cliched "I wont reply and I wont read- but guess what, I'm really reading everything and keeping notes muahahaha!" but in this I think I need to make a clean cut. You all know me. I can't resist the temptation of a conversation. And, given the recent drama, I know two people who will dominate the responses the second they have the chance. So, if you'd like to see me off, keep in touch, or chat, feel free to email me raina@rainamermaid.com and now with the new FB pages you can actually message a person's page directly with a PM. So feel free to do that too. Just because I'm not participating on mernetwork does not mean I am "keeping my mouth shut" any less ;). I can't guarantee I wont check in from time to time to see how people are, or to share something big, but I think for this first initial break I need a clean one. So yeah, feel free to email :)
For those of you who still feel kinda lost and swept up with this whole drama stuff, believe me when I tell you it's 100% personal issues. Matty takes issue with me because I take issue with mertailor. How many of you would not do the same if you felt I was calling out your loved one? Chris takes issue with me because of what he feels is a personal betrayal... all pretty well documented right here:http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?1475-I-dont-really-know-what-to-do-%28 (and he can tell you lots) and Aela, well she still hasn't explained to me exactly what her reasons are for having a personal issue, but since she is consistently quoting Chris is her emails to everyone I'm fairly sure we're having a wonder twins activate moment here. These people, are all capable of dealing with their personal issues personally but they arent. This is NOT an issue with the community, or those of you who get lumped in, you're not my 'lackies' and you have your own opinions. Some of you disagree with me all the time but have always been respectful in doing so. I hope I've done the same :) Don't let people paint you with a brush.
For those of you who may have read something you found disturbing, I decided, there's no sense in dragging it all out. I think I've demonstrated time and time again who I am- there's no mysterious secret as much as people would like to claim there are (Hey Mer Vee, did you know you're my sock puppet account? :P). If you're really bothered, you can always email me about the issue and I'll be happy to supply you with those screencaps Im so fond of as well as my perspective. I do not expect people to stop being friends with, talking to, or supporting people who have a personal issue with me. I think I've tried fairly hard to ensure people are not put in the middle from my end, I'll continue to do that. Though, be aware that same courtesy is typically not given to me (or anyone else when certain topics are involved). I'd appreciate it however, if you are going to invest some time into figuring out what's what in all this drama, you simply ask for evidence of claims against me. Ask for screen caps, ask for pure proof. None of this "he said she said" because I have always been sure when I've brought something to the community I can back it up. If at the end of it all you decide I'm not someone you want to support, then that's totally fine. Not everyone is going to like me and my choices :p
I hope in my leaving you all wont be subjected to the drama that's been here the past few weeks anymore. You can still track me down on FB, tumblr, deviantART, my blog, google+, flickr, MM if you want to read my opinions on certain topics and experiences ;) or if you'd like to take up a personal issue.
Mernetwork, my time with you has been amazing. I've learned so much, met so many amazing people, and I will always do my best to pay that karma forward. This is a wonderful community filled with people who come together, who support each other, who take a real interest not just in a fandom but in real people and their daily struggles. Please continue to do those things for each other. We are so much more than tails. <3