HOLY STARFISH! (I had no idea how much drama ther was in the mermaid community) LMFAO

[Rain Hauger]

For Starters,
I am truely shocked about how much drama there is in the mermaid community.
I am very very new to mernetwork and I have found it informant and useful.
Plus I like getting peoples opinions on things where mermaids are concerned, seeing has how i live in the desert and mermaids are a endangered species out here.
so anywho!
Drama, merman of merman is there ever some drama.
I have even felt a little of it on the few threads i have posted or replied to. now grant it it wasn't blown out or massive attacks lol but a few of the replies felt alittle like undeserved rudeness i suppose. (IDK maybe i took it the wrong way)
I orginally wanted to connect with my merfamily. talk about ideas, discuss tails, and swimming habits lol.
But lately a lot of post seem to be going the way of highschool in the Drama department (and no i don't mean theatical arts.)
there's a lot of he said she said bull. no again freedom of speech and if I don't want hear it i shouldn't read it, i agree.
I am just posting this to say i am shocked by the drama.
part of me is afraid to reply to post and even start threads due to fact that I don't want to accidentally start something.
in my most personal opinion, I love everyone and everyone deserves a fair chance. I give people and mers the benfit of the doubt. I like to meet people first before i judge them.
I understand there are cold people out there. and then there are great people out there.
Reading a post and deciding is very onesided, I think judging a person should be a little more complexed and should be done by your personal opinion and expreiences.

I do have one personal issue and I don't claim to know anything about the war going on between these two mers. but a Quote said really go to me.
"Some of them...the worst...are also into clowns and circuses and shit. Carnie mermaids are lame."
Now to be clear I have not read the enitre post inwhich this was inbedded, So I'm if this was taken out of context or not.
But to say I am personally attatched to this comment cause my family comes from a very long line of gypsy carnival people. in the modern times our personal family heritage has since died and we no long travel but I am very close to travellers that run the traveling carnivals. I'm talking about the small ones that are all family and friend runned. I even almost married into the Carnival family when i was 16, but the boy i was in love with was more concerned about me finish my education. he didn't want me living on the road lol.
I consider myself carnie mermaid by blood and love. and I do not feel I am Lame.
but again I wish i could read the whole post so I can fully understand the context.
so there, there is my two sand dollars.
I really want to enjoy mernetwork and meet other mers.
So any who yup that's my thoughts. I'm not bashing anyone just stating i am shocked by all the drama lol
thnks for reading and hope everyone has a great mer-day

[Mermaasai]

Dont feel alone my dear, I think there are several here who share your feelings ^.^

I'm glad you're here, in any case ^.~

[Rain Hauger]

thank you. i appreciate it but we need to get along. not try to turn each other into sushi!

[Mermaasai]

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[Nemefish]

1. i feel like this sometimes
2.that photo is a great reply to her suchi remark! lmao hahahaha!

[SireniaSolaris]

I remember seeing that comment, though I can't quite recall where it came from. I can't remember if I replied or not, but that was very insulting to me - I trained for a good long time in contortion and LOVE my circus family. And I will say, there are plenty of mechanics in contortion, aerial, and fire spinning that would absolutely enhance a mermaid performance. And in fact - that's it right there; performance. We are performance artists and are able to bring that to an aquatic performance. And I do think that gives us an edge somewhat, just as any professional dancer, actor, or model would have an edge. So being put down for that is both, hurtful and it kind of really makes me mad - especially since if anything, that would only make a mermaid performance or appearance BETTER.

That's that, though. As for the rest - I find that there is drama everywhere and anywhere. I do my best to steer clear of it; if I am not directly involved, then I really have no say. I would much rather be at peace with everyone, and there are always three sides to a story. And a lot of times, side 1 & 2 will take things further than they were meant to go - it happens because of defensiveness. I do it too, in things I am involved in irl. I think most people do it. But I'd rather just hear all sides to a story, and then move forward. Some people can talk it out and move on as friends, some can not. But that is why they have things like the drama threads.

The entire rest of the network consists of tail reviews, tail shops, mer-accessory shops, classifieds, magazines and blog posts, tail making tutorials, bunches of tail making journey threads, marine bio threads, and other random, interesting and silly stuff. The drama really accounts for very very little of what is there overall, which is why after a statement was made by someone that "this whole network is nothing but drama" and went further to say that that is why "no real, professional mers use it" I basically wrote that person off, because that is so inaccurate, it's disgusting. I am doing this professionally, as are others I know on here. And as just stated, there is soooooo much more to this network than drama, so it is actually kind of sad for that person that they will be missing out.

I have been here since MerYuku, and I've found that this is a very supportive community in general. Especially once you show that your genuine interest is to help and support your mer brothers and mer sisters - in spite of the few feuds that exist, we are mostly a big squishy ball of love :) And I hope that you soon feel that same awesomeness that I've been enjoying for years from here.

[Rain Hauger]

thank you your input it really helps alot. i guess i am be a mermaid alone for so long that i forgot how much dramam is actaully in the world lol. I live in my own little bubble! i wouldn't go as far as saying it's all drama. cause i don't think it is. I found alot of these forums help full and supportive i just realized that a few thing being post in threads that is said we a little i don't, it wasn't horrifiyingly bad it just made me wonder waht i did for them the dislike me so much lol win i am new here. well thanks again everyone and the sushi picture is awesome!

[LittleTreasure]

thank you your input it really helps alot. i guess i am be a mermaid alone for so long that i forgot how much dramam is actaully in the world lol. I live in my own little bubble! i wouldn't go as far as saying it's all drama. cause i don't think it is. I found alot of these forums help full and supportive i just realized that a few thing being post in threads that is said we a little i don't, it wasn't horrifiyingly bad it just made me wonder waht i did for them the dislike me so much lol win i am new here. well thanks again everyone and the sushi picture is awesome!

Haha, I live in my own bubble too, don't worry - and I've been watching and reading this forum since it was MerYuku too. So. I think I remember that quote you gave us from somewhere as well but I had no idea what everybody was talking about. I'm not involved enough in all the social parts of the Mer-community to ever know what all the drama is about, so I usually avoid replying to posts that involve it.

Anyway, please don't let our drama drive you away. Like SireniaSolaris said, you can find drama everywhere. There's a lot of good stuff here and I'd hate to see someone driven away by some people's cattiness. There are too many nice people here - and too much great information - for that!

[Tasha Mermaid]

Rain, i know what you mean in new and i thought the same thing...mainly this mertailor talk it was like "come on how old are we again" hahaha ....as for the carnies, my now deceased (way to young at 47) uncle was a clown in a travelling carnival and my little brother is a extremely talented fire twirler clown in the exact same travelling carnival (he is one of 3 people in the world who can juggles fire sticks on fire while riding a 6 foot unicycle).
Don't listen to them, it will just upset you and we are all meant to be here because of our passion for mermaid not anything else... and besides all the best original travelling carnivals had a mermaid act ;)
xoxo

[AniaR]

that comment upset a lot of people, along with many of the comments that went with it.

I think the thing to keep in context here, is that some of us have been around for a few years and have built up positive and negative relationships with each other. Most of the time, most of us try really hard to stay civil, but once in a while some people just push a little too hard and you snap- I know for me after a year of trying to stay level headed I snapped, so I took a self imposed break until I could build up my wall to keep drama out again. I think when you joined there was a peak of drama for several long building/developing issues and they had a lot of momentum behind them BECAUSE people were trying to be so civil for so long- quite a few of us snapped at once. In addition, there's a lot of hurt for a lot of members who either never got tails at all that they paid 1000's of dollars for, or people that did the same and got tails they couldn't use.

There's drama in every community, but the community is what we make it :) So we just need to strive to make it better. That doesn't mean NOT talking about things that could potentially cause drama... it means responding to things as opposed to reacting.

[Kanti]

There is a bit too much drama sometimes in this forum, but I think that stems out from the fact
that people have negative relations with each other. I think you can criticise someone without it
being drama, just so long as you don't have a personal agenda trying to expose or pick on that
person. I think it becomes drama when someone is posting something for the sake of saying
something negative about someone or trying to get others to join in their campaign. I guess
when it's aimed at making people choose sides rather than to just inform them of something.

While I think the thing you quoted is quite dramatic (obviously the person who made that statement
seems to be targeting someone specific with their words, but they're doing it passive-agressively since
they're not really mentioning who it is), I also think whoever reposted it to the forums is also begging for
drama. Rather than just ignoring it or bringing it up in a topic that's ambiguous and doesn't directly call
out the person who made that quote, that person posted the quote exactly how it is for the world to see
and whoever made the quote obviously knows it's them. So in a way, the "attacker" and the "victim" are
both guilty of drama. Essentially, they're both trying to campaign you to their side rather than just deal
with their own problems and issues with each other privately.
A way to repost the concerns with the quote in an undramatic way would have been to say: "Hey guys, I
think there's some criticism in the mermaid community about "carnie mermaids". What do you guys think?
I'm a carnie mermaid so when I get told it's a weird job, I get offended. Is there something that makes carnie
mermaids weird or different from other mermaids?"
That way it shields the person being talked about and is aimed more towards the concern of whether or
not being a carnie mermaid is lame rather than attempting to call that person out directly from their quote.

When it comes to the mertailor, I'm not really sure if it's all entirely drama. Sometimes people just post
things that he does to show he's not such a nice guy, but then you have people who follow his every move
and will post nothing but negative things about him. I think a lot of people on this forum already have a
negative view of him so it's difficult to tell sometimes.

Just remember that everyone in this forum has their own faults. Don't follow someone's story just because
they happened to post it first. If someone seems like they're trying to make someone else look bad, it's
most likely drama and shouldn't be taken seriously.

[mermanjr]

i have read everyone post and i think this is well said mermaids, from what i read , I think most of drama should just disappear if we all forgive, forget and strive to get along, I too is land locked but i make the best of my situation with the rivers and local pool for me to swim in , not all of us has to fight each other , i understand that most might have a point of view they may have and what it means to be a mer , but i think everyone should share there views to teach the next generation , not strike them down because there views maybe different than what theres might be

[Kanti]

There's not enough of that attitude, unfortunately.
Some people just hold grudges, it's human nature. It takes a while to get over things like that
and if people aren't willing to forgive, you can't make them. It's up to the individual to finally
realize that holding a grudge hurts them more than it hurts the other person.

[AniaR]

it's hard to forgive people- if they continue to do things to you. Just like it's pointless to talk about grudges when certain people just seem to always have it out for anyone who disagrees with them (not just a single person). I think putting down boundaries is important, but it doesn't always come across online very well. A lot of social things dont. I think there will always be drama, simply because the community is made up of generally all very passionate people and passionate people butt heads. A lot of people are afraid to post things because they dont want to 'start drama' and I dont think that's really fair, they aren't really starting anything especially when they're careful with words- it's all in how people respond. And we all succumb to it. Every one of us who has posted in this thread, and Id say the majority of mernetwork has found themselves entangled in SOMETHING uncomfortable in a thread that could be labelled as "Drama". Sometimes some people see it as dramatic and others dont. I really feel like drama is starting to become synonymous with "uncomfortable" around here. Id rather see people learn from past mistakes, continue striving do put down boundaries, and bring up important points- then be worried about drama or forgiving and forgetting. If you burn your hand on the stove, you dont forgive and forget the stove, you go "ah crap that was a stupid move" and learn from it. I think some situations yes it's best people just move on, but I also think many situations are more akin to the stove one. Learn from an experience and keep going. Especially, where in a passion like this where people spend and invest a lot on money, it's important to talk about the bad things since a lot of lost money can get tied to those bad things.

it's weird, being on yuku and now on here for so long, I feel like the whole social group dynamic changes every few months as new members join and old members seem to lose interest. Very few people are still active on here from when I first joined yuku, in fact the main person who invited me is rarely here XD I suspect the community will just keep evolving and changing. There's not as many big news items to talk about right now either compared to this time last year. There was pirates, some music videos, the mer-convention, a whole bunch of new books etc.

[Spindrift]

Lol I'm still around and am pretty active.

I think a lot of it stems from passion. People can become extremely engrossed with projects like this and when you're in that degree of emotional investment you're quick to defend yourself and your actions if there are any threats to what you've already worked so hard on. Another possible factor is that people feel their "attacker" is not someone they can relate to or respect. Then they might just get annoyed because it's like someone backseat driving or telling you how to do their job when they've never done it themselves.

[AniaR]

good points and yes you're still active XD hehe but how many of us are from back then? Not many left! Some people check in once in a while, but I wouldn't say "active". And I agree with what you say too Sprindrift :)

[Kanti]

Yea of course :')
You don't have to be friends with people, though. But holding a grudge is a lot different from tolerating.
I suppose it's sort of like having a big group of friends. If you and one of those friends start to see things
differently and you guys end up not having so many nice friendly moments with each other, you can decide
that you don't trust or like this person much, but you don't really need to hold a grudge. Holding a grudge
would be the factor that causes drama, i.e. trying to tell your friends what a jerk s/he is and bringing the issues
between you two out in the open. Then it sort of becomes a "how many people can I bring to my side" game.
Then your group of friends feels awkward whenever you both are in the room together and they start having
to only invite one of you to an event etc.
When you tolerate someone, it doesn't mean you have to like them, but you basically allow them to interact
without showing them any ill will. Tolerating is basically like having those two friends in a group of friends
together. Even though you don't really like that person, you come up and be friendly when you need to, then go do
your own thing. You accept the person without really having to be close to them. You come to terms that they
just think differently than you and that's ok. Whatever the reasons are that made you dislike or distrust them
in the first place may still be valid, but instead of turning those feelings into hatred directed at the person,
you simply learn from your mistakes (stove example) and just learn that you can't trust them or consider them
to be a close friend unless they show you otherwise.
I also know people sometimes are only given so many chances and that's understandable too. If I told Bob not
to eat my apples and he kept doing it over and over even after I asked him not to several times, I probably wouldn't
be likely to trust him a 6th time unless he REALLY showed me he was never going to do it again and he was sorry
for all the other times he did.
I guess in that sense, you could set a boundary. You can say, I won't ever let Bob near my apples because he's shown
me I can't trust him. Again, a boundary is not an action of hatred, it's just a defensive measure.

Speaking of which, the stove example given was a great example, but let me edit it a bit:

If you burned your hand on the stove, you quickly learn from your mistake in the same way that when you tell
someone a secret and they turn around and tell the whole world, you quickly learn never to tell that friend a
secret again.
It may have been your fault, it may have not been. Maybe you thought you could trust your friend? Maybe you
thought the stove wasn't that hot? But maybe your friend SWORE they wouldn't tell anyone and mislead you?
Maybe the stove didn't appear to be hot but it actually was?
You don't throw the stove away and decide you just can't live with the stove in the same way you wouldn't throw
your friend away and decide you just can't be friends with them.
Instead you learn from your mistakes so you may not burn your hand on the stove ever again in the same way
you learn from your mistakes to never tell that friend any secrets.

As for the "backseat driving" example, same thing. You may have friends who do the same thing to you. I have a
friend who doesn't know ANYTHING about mold making yet she tries to tell me how to do it xD
While I do think it's annoying and disrespectful, I don't really take it to heart. I just look at how she hasn't accomplished
anything in that area, so that in itself is enough to show me and anyone, really, that I'm more qualified than her.
And if it really bothers you, you can always just change the subject or not bring that up with them. Just because someone
does something annoying doesn't mean you have to not be their friend, does it?
If that were so, I wouldn't have ANY friends. All of my friends do at least ONE thing that bothers me.

Don't you guys watch My Little Pony??
It's all about tolerance!

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[Mermaid Rillia]

AHAHAHAHA! Kanti that is the best my little pony EVERRRR! so going to be my new desktop background :)

[SireniaSolaris]

LOL. That's a great picture.

lol, man... I feel like you called me out, Raina, with the "check in" vs "active" thing XD Sorry.... I try to come around when I can.

And yes... like I said, some people can shake fins and move on with life, and others can't. I do think that Spindrift offered a VERY valid point - people definitely are much more defensive when it is something they are passionate about. And I think a very heavy majority of us are definitely passionate about what we do and what we are striving to do. So that's a definite factor to consider when we see things kind of go BOOM every now and then.

[Alveric]

Tolerance means to let something be
even though you disagree
because fighting it creates more misery

[AniaR]

best. meme explanation. EVER.

[Spindrift]

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/grumpy0001.jpg

[Bellasea]

I think if someone hugged me while I was angry, I would punch him. No, I know I would punch him.

[AniaR]

ahbahaha Bellasea, I think I like you. <3

[Bellasea]

Hehe...that happened to me today...

[New York Mermaid]

@Spin- i hug my hubby all the time when he's cranky/angry/annoyed, he gets confused for a moment, then suddenly goes off to do other things.. its funny as hell

[Mermaid Bella]

OMG more circus merfolk out there?? YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!