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CoriTheMergirl
04-06-2020, 01:45 PM
Hello fellow mers,

Since a lot of people have enjoyed seeing creative stuff I've been working on, I thought some of you might like taking a look at a fantasy story I'm writing.

[summary]

Merfolk scales are a valuable commodity in Halbin. They're used for multitudes of decorative purposes, and because of their high value, some places will even take them as a pseudo currency.
Irian works on one of the farms that harvests these scales. He'd grown used to it, but as time went on, he started to feel a bit of remorse about what he was doing. Soon, it descended into heavy guilt.

But he can't stop working. He can't leave his family to starve. It's either help the gills, or help his family.
Oh how he wished that he didn't have to choose.

You can find the story here on Wattpad: https://my.w.tt/s1k3kNF6s5

NeverlandMerman
04-07-2020, 06:59 AM
I’ve been reading your story some!

CoriTheMergirl
04-07-2020, 12:52 PM
I’ve been reading your story some!

Thanks! I've seen that you, like me, have been lamenting the lack of a good merman centered novel that wasn't for kids, but wasn't mature.

If you can leave comments on my story, I'd really appreciate it. It's the best way for me to know what people like, and what I need to do better.
I hope you enjoy it!

CoriTheMergirl
04-09-2020, 11:05 AM
bump

CoriTheMergirl
04-12-2020, 02:43 AM
I've put out a new chapter of my book! Find it here:

https://my.w.tt/s1k3kNF6s5 (https://my.w.tt/s1k3kNF6s5)

CoriTheMergirl
04-15-2020, 03:51 AM
bump

Mermaid Alea
04-18-2020, 01:42 AM
I wanted to read more before bed but I only made it to chapter 3 haha. This is really good! I'm already hooked on the story. :)
I just recently watched a documentary on YouTube about Koi farming and this kinda reminded me of it. Maybe it would give you some ideas about housing/transporting of the gills. Although from what little I've read you have a pretty unique world already set up.

CoriTheMergirl
04-29-2020, 09:23 AM
I wanted to read more before bed but I only made it to chapter 3 haha. This is really good! I'm already hooked on the story. :)
I just recently watched a documentary on YouTube about Koi farming and this kinda reminded me of it. Maybe it would give you some ideas about housing/transporting of the gills. Although from what little I've read you have a pretty unique world already set up.

Thanks! Sorry I didn't notice your comment before. I came back here just to say that I've written a bunch of new chapters.

RoseburgFlyer
04-29-2020, 02:02 PM
That's a really unique story! I like how different it is to the normal plot lines in the genre. Good on you too for pursuing something different!

CoriTheMergirl
04-29-2020, 11:48 PM
That's a really unique story! I like how different it is to the normal plot lines in the genre. Good on you too for pursuing something different!

I also really wanted to in a way make it more approachable for guys - sooooooooooooo many pieces of merfolk media are romance novels, and are targeted to girls. I wanna show guys that merpeople are something for everyone. And that doesn't mean they have to be all sparkly for the girls or all brawny and dark for the boys.

Mermaid Hunter
06-15-2020, 04:40 PM
I've read the first two chapters and it seems like an interesting concept, has a nice mundane magical feel with enough hints of a bigger world that it feels real. I have a good idea of what Irian wants, which is always important for a protagonist, and I'm intrigued by the gills. Doing phonetic accents is always a tricky thing but I think you're pulling it off pretty well.

On the other hand, I would say that the scenes feel kind of, and this isn't meant as a pun, shallow. I don't know if I can explain this very well, but each scene feels like it's about just one thing--Irian scaling the merboy, reading the letter, and so on, when you could be skimming over some of the transition bits and building more into each important moment. Like the scaling scene, you've got the basic idea of establishing how this job works, mostly through narration/general description, but you could have some development of the relationship between Irian and Tarn--are they friends? Rivals? Do they mostly ignore each other? Is Irian bored by his job or still trying to prove himself, or does he find it weirdly satisfying?

Basically I think you've got the concept of a fun fantasy world and an engaging main character set up, the story just needs to be more streamlined.