B!TC# IT OUT!

[Celaeno]

Mansplaining and manspreading, both words for things that happen so often they need their own terms.

[PhaylennMurúch]

pissed with the postal service. or possibly just my local post office. I've had trouble with them before but recently they've been fine until they decided that my Etsy order should vanish between New Jersey and California :mad:

[SeaGlass Siren]

SeaGlass you are so funny with your term, "mansplaining." Every time I see it, it makes me chuckle. Now I have to question myself to see if I ever do it. :lol:
In my exchanges with you I don't think you do. You're a quaint person to talk to and very polite, and never say anything stupid like "no you are wrong whatever the reason because you are feminist and therefore stupid"

[Elodea the Mermaid]

pissed with the postal service. or possibly just my local post office. I've had trouble with them before but recently they've been fine until they decided that my Etsy order should vanish between New Jersey and California :mad:

Oh no! I hope it turns up :(

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Sadly I'm seriously considering leaving mermaiding. The thought alone makes me pretty depressed, but in the past two years I've seem in my tail maybe 3 times. I just don't get to use my tail enough to really justify it. I don't really have much of a pod near me, so no one to swim with. It just depresses me that I have something I put do much money into, only to never use it. I feel like it would be better off with someone who could use it on a regular basis.

Sent from my SGH-I317M using Tapatalk

I heard a really great sermon on encouragement while I was driving home tonight and it made me think if you. The pastor was talking about the power of encouragement. He used the author Nathaniel Hawthorne as an example. Without his wife's encouragement, he never would have written The Scarlet Letter, which earned him a fortune and reputation for literary excellence world wide! And that so many of the greatest composers and musicians almost threw in the towel, but one person in their life encouraged them not to give up and they went on to become famous for their talents. I hope you don't give up. You could end up being one of the most talented mers out there! I hope that helps you!!! (^.^)

[Sephina]

I heard a really great sermon on encouragement while I was driving home tonight and it made me think if you. The pastor was talking about the power of encouragement. He used the author Nathaniel Hawthorne as an example. Without his wife's encouragement, he never would have written The Scarlet Letter, which earned him a fortune and reputation for literary excellence world wide! And that so many of the greatest composers and musicians almost threw in the towel, but one person in their life encouraged them not to give up and they went on to become famous for their talents. I hope you don't give up. You could end up being one of the most talented mers out there! I hope that helps you!!! (^.^)
Thank you, is rather not be famous though. Lol I can't imagine the pressure there is to be famous. A large part of the problem is that I live quite a distance from any pool, I only have open water on the east coast of nova Scotia (so very cold) to swim in. So I really don't have much swimming time at all. I still just feel like my gear and tail would be put to better use with someone who can use it often.

Sent from my SGH-I317M using Tapatalk

[Lotus the Mermaid]

My husband talked to his friend tonight and asked him to leave! He's moving out at the end of this month so I only have to deal with him for another 2 weeks!! Whoo!!!! Thank God!!! I feel so relieved!! Thank you all for your encouragement!!!(^.^) :dance: :yay:

[PearlieMae]

pissed with the postal service. or possibly just my local post office. I've had trouble with them before but recently they've been fine until they decided that my Etsy order should vanish between New Jersey and California :mad:

Another one??? I'm sending it another with insurance and tracking this time!

[Merman Chatfish]

4 months in a new town and haven't even come close to making a friend, or even hanging out with people I went to high school with. More and more I think what people tell me, and so far I have only had one real friend since I was 5, and we were friends for only about 3 months. I have no idea how to make friends anymore, I can't tell apart an aquantince from a friend, seems like I am constantly pissing off people at work. I am not the only person at work from out of town but they seem to be friends with the coworkers, and I am lucky if some of them even talk to me. Sometimes when I watch OITNB and they talk about Solitary confinement it almost seems that would be better...at least you know you won't see anyone or talk to anyone...here there is hope that keeps getting crushed.

[Keiris]

In my exchanges with you I don't think you do. You're a quaint person to talk to and very polite, and never say anything stupid like "no you are wrong whatever the reason because you are feminist and therefore stupid"
Thank you SeaGlass, and you are right. That is something I would NEVER say! I had a mother I loved, a sister I cherish, and could have had a daughter(s) if it was in the cards for me. If someone was that disparaging to any of them I would be tempted to knock their teeth down their throat....politely, of course. ;)

[Ciriun]

Ugh, don't know if I'm sick or what, but my head has felt floaty all day and I feel like I'm barely coherent. Really hoping this is some sort of residual effect from flying recently and then not getting enough sleep because that means it should go away soon. Stupid useless oversensitive inner ears.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Wow this thread was busy today.
Feel better, Ciriun.
Good luck, Chatfish.
Go Keiris for not mansplaining. Yay for kicking out the manipulator, Lotus!
That SUCKS Phaylenn.
I hope you manage to swim a little soon, to all those who haven't had opportunities lately. (I usually swim solo, myself).

And yes, Adalira, I get payed for library work. (It is AWESOME).

And SeaGlass, there is much more to library work than it seems, right?

I'm TECHNICALLY just a shelver (my library employs two shelvers) but that still ends up getting complicated by all of the things you just listed.

Weeding may be my personal hell. Or rather, unweeded sections. Our mother library (we're our town's south branch) just keeps throwing books at us and we're running out of space. They are literally using us as their personal trash can. They don't want a book? They send it to us.

It is now impossible to shelve biographies. At all. Those shelves are CRAMMED. And I have a giant stack of about twenty unshelved biographies that just don't fit.

Gah.

[Celaeno]

My husband talked to his friend tonight and asked him to leave! He's moving out at the end of this month so I only have to deal with him for another 2 weeks!! Whoo!!!! Thank God!!! I feel so relieved!! Thank you all for your encouragement!!!(^.^) :dance: :yay:

Oh good! I'm so glad you're going to be out of that stressful situation soon. :highfive:

[Adalira]

My husband talked to his friend tonight and asked him to leave! He's moving out at the end of this month so I only have to deal with him for another 2 weeks!! Whoo!!!! Thank God!!! I feel so relieved!! Thank you all for your encouragement!!!(^.^) :dance: :yay:

WOOOHOO!!!! * does a happy dance behind her laptop* that is fantastic news!
Only 2 more weeks....those will fly by and then you have your peace and quiet back!
Yay!!! :yay::dance::thumbs up::cheerleader::hug:

[Adalira]

4 months in a new town and haven't even come close to making a friend, or even hanging out with people I went to high school with. More and more I think what people tell me, and so far I have only had one real friend since I was 5, and we were friends for only about 3 months. I have no idea how to make friends anymore, I can't tell apart an aquantince from a friend, seems like I am constantly pissing off people at work. I am not the only person at work from out of town but they seem to be friends with the coworkers, and I am lucky if some of them even talk to me. Sometimes when I watch OITNB and they talk about Solitary confinement it almost seems that would be better...at least you know you won't see anyone or talk to anyone...here there is hope that keeps getting crushed.

I am not sure if you saw it but i wrote a reply to you in Advice Central and i think that still applies from what i read here.
True friendship is very very rare and hard to find.
True friends you have in your daily life is very rare if you ask me.
My closests friends, the true friends, are the ones i have online.
I have maybe a few close friends in real life who i talk to/see mostly online as well.
In these days with life being so hectic, everyone (inlcuding myself) being busy busy busy, things changing so fast, travelling being so much easier so people move a lot more etc, it is even more difficult to find friends in real life.
Just make sure to let eveything flow naturally. If you make a new friend in your town, that's great, if not, then not.
Do not focus on it too much. It's the same with people who want to find their soulmate....the more they look the less chance they will find it.
The moment you least expect it, things will happen.
Friendship is truly overrated if you ask me. The true friends that will always be there for you are rare and some may never find that.
But one thing is for sure though, your mer community IS always here :-)

[SeaGlass Siren]

Wow this thread was busy today.
Feel better, Ciriun.
Good luck, Chatfish.
Go Keiris for not mansplaining. Yay for kicking out the manipulator, Lotus!
That SUCKS Phaylenn.
I hope you manage to swim a little soon, to all those who haven't had opportunities lately. (I usually swim solo, myself).

And yes, Adalira, I get payed for library work. (It is AWESOME).

And SeaGlass, there is much more to library work than it seems, right?

I'm TECHNICALLY just a shelver (my library employs two shelvers) but that still ends up getting complicated by all of the things you just listed.

Weeding may be my personal hell. Or rather, unweeded sections. Our mother library (we're our town's south branch) just keeps throwing books at us and we're running out of space. They are literally using us as their personal trash can. They don't want a book? They send it to us.

It is now impossible to shelve biographies. At all. Those shelves are CRAMMED. And I have a giant stack of about twenty unshelved biographies that just don't fit.

Gah.
Preach it Sabrina!

if possible you could have a used book sale! My public library does that. They have a section for free books and another few for other books that thy sell for one or 2 dollars. You guys make money AND you get rid of it.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Thank you, is rather not be famous though. Lol I can't imagine the pressure there is to be famous. A large part of the problem is that I live quite a distance from any pool, I only have open water on the east coast of nova Scotia (so very cold) to swim in. So I really don't have much swimming time at all. I still just feel like my gear and tail would be put to better use with someone who can use it often.

Sent from my SGH-I317M using Tapatalk

I understand! It's ultimately up to you! I know that there's probably a mer who would absolutely love to have your gear, and who knows? Maybe you could end up moving and pick up mermaiding again in the future? Either way, the beauty of mermaiding is the freedom it brings! You get to decide what you do with it and when! I hope everything works out for you, mersis! :)

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Thanks, everyone!!! I seriously am just so relieved. (^.^)

[Merman Chatfish]

AHHH! Work! I have to be back at work in about 12 hours to check chemicals then 4 hours later lifeguard. I figure since it hasn't been done in a week, I would put in the vacuum tonight and take it out tomorrow. Boy the moment I say vacuum people go nuts. "Oh the pool looks fine" says one manager, "It looks fine". Ok, no, there are lines of sand in the deep end and a sand bar forming near the underwater bench. This isn't Valley View (the other pool our city runs), we don't vacuum once the entire summer. Plus no-one else seems to do it so if I don't do it it doesn't get done (and I don't buy into the "oh the summer is almost over" thing). I asked a manager if he could leave the door to the room open so I can get the vacuum since I left my keys in my car (I am a manager too).

The main manager for today (we are so low on staff all of the management staff has to guard every day) won't give them to me so I have to go to my car to get them. Then while I am cleaning and putting in the vacuum instead of him going home sits at the front desk and plays on his phone getting more and more pissed off at me. When I told him I said he could go home he said he was told by our supervisor he is suppose to stay until I leave. I don't really buy that, plus someone has to put it in at some point, and no matter what its 15 extra minutes at work. And of course since I have the keys I can just go back in anyways to put the vacuum in. Heck, the other night I couldn't sleep and I thought about going in off the clock to vacuum manually instead of the automatic vacuum.

[Raayvhen]

Someone linked Raina's giveaway on a facebook group and now I'm starting to see people basically begging on accounts barely used prior to this.

[Mermaid Kelda]

*shrug* let them beg. There was no condition for how active you have to be to win, and it's down to Raina's discretion anyway. I'm sure it'll go to someone who deserves it :)

[Mermaid Jaffa]

4 months in a new town and haven't even come close to making a friend, or even hanging out with people I went to high school with. More and more I think what people tell me, and so far I have only had one real friend since I was 5, and we were friends for only about 3 months. I have no idea how to make friends anymore, I can't tell apart an aquantince from a friend, seems like I am constantly pissing off people at work. I am not the only person at work from out of town but they seem to be friends with the coworkers, and I am lucky if some of them even talk to me. Sometimes when I watch OITNB and they talk about Solitary confinement it almost seems that would be better...at least you know you won't see anyone or talk to anyone...here there is hope that keeps getting crushed.
Same. I don't have any friends, not counting mernetwork, lots of friends here. I mean people I can out with, show my weavings to etc. I had 4 closest besties in high school but that was almost 30 years ago, I've since found them again on fb. But we are not as close as we were when in high school. They've all gone and got married and have kids. We have nothing in common anymore. Our interests have changed. I don't bother making friends because I find it too much of an effort to weed out the bad ones from the good. And if they don't have the same interests as me, there is nothing to talk about. Maybe I'm too fussy or lazy. Or too late, because they have kids and that's all they talk about, whereas I don't. And got nothing to say about that. So you see, Chatfish, you are not alone in this loneliness!

[Naufra]

As thrilled as I am to be at a convention, I just spent what little sleep-time I had allotted myself for last night worrying about falling off the bed instead of sleeping, and at several points during the night I looked over my shoulder to find my sister practically spooning me in her sleep. Hotels need bigger beds.

[Merman Chatfish]

I am not sure if you saw it but i wrote a reply to you in Advice Central and i think that still applies from what i read here.
True friendship is very very rare and hard to find.
True friends you have in your daily life is very rare if you ask me.
My closests friends, the true friends, are the ones i have online.
I have maybe a few close friends in real life who i talk to/see mostly online as well.
In these days with life being so hectic, everyone (inlcuding myself) being busy busy busy, things changing so fast, travelling being so much easier so people move a lot more etc, it is even more difficult to find friends in real life.
Just make sure to let eveything flow naturally. If you make a new friend in your town, that's great, if not, then not.
Do not focus on it too much. It's the same with people who want to find their soulmate....the more they look the less chance they will find it.
The moment you least expect it, things will happen.
Friendship is truly overrated if you ask me. The true friends that will always be there for you are rare and some may never find that.
But one thing is for sure though, your mer community IS always here :-)

I just responded over there #52 (http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?9981-Advice-Central&p=209929&viewfull=1#post209929)

[Mermaid Mystery]

I just found out two things about the direct care at my former treatment facility. one is pregnant and I'm so happy for her even if I can't respond. the other was fired while I was there (I was aware) but I think I may be responsible. this was almost a year ago but I still feel awful.

[Adalira]

I just responded over there #52 (http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?9981-Advice-Central&p=209929&viewfull=1#post209929)

Saw it and responded, as did another mer before me :-)

[SeaGlass Siren]

Ok so I've moved into my place yay ! But it did not go smoothly. My mother inlaw went around the house snooping not even asking once if she can take a look around and states doing the water splashing thing in each room (against my wishes) and made a huge mess in the kitchen after bringing BBQ pork (after she knows I can't eat it) and I tell her I really can't eat it so she tells me to just have bread. Like bitch I am moving boxes and all you're giving me is bread? And then when she leaves she doesn't even clean up her mess.
Then yesterday my father in law came and ate over the sink and were telling him to use a plate because I just cleaned the sink and he's like "I'm eating it clean!" Like bitch there's sesame seeds all over the floor and the sink don't tell me that's clean.
Rage. So much rage.

[Celaeno]

I'm sorry your in-laws are so disrespectful. Do they not listen to your husband either? It's your house, they need to respect your space and your rules when they're there.

[SeaGlass Siren]

And a few days before that I went to my sisters wedding rehearsal and my mom told me she couldn't come (she told me previously that she would but then suddenly made plans with her friends) and already most of my friends had to bail on me after they said they would go so I'm already in a pissed off state so I go "fine do whatever you want"
so then my dad pulls me aside and starts bitching at me and tellin me I'm crazy and that I need to see a shrink if something is wrong with me and that I should stop taking birthcontrol an that my bitchy attitude is killing my mom and I I don't stop I will never be successful.
1) uncalled for
2) insulting because I actually did try to kill myself. Multiple times in the past but I'm over it now. But this was incredibly insulting because he never did anything to help me.
3) on top of which he never let me get a chance to explain why I was angry in the dies place and just kept shouting over me telling me t stop being disrespectful
4) who the fuck says that sort of thing to their own child?
5) bitch I own my own house and graduated school and organized my wedding literally without his help. Don't tell me I'm not successful. Look towards your youngest spoiled as fuck daughter who is leaching off you and cant get her life together.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I'm sorry your in-laws are so disrespectful. Do they not listen to your husband either? It's your house, they need to respect your space and your rules when they're there.
Literally no. Had this exact same problem when we were organizing the wedding as well. Like im sorry but if you think boiled leaf water will bring us luck and fortune , it won't. How much luck can you bring when you beat your own family members

[SeaGlass Siren]

Also had my second ever anxiety attack 2days ago Ugh.

[Celaeno]

Honestly I'd ban them from the house if that's the case. Your home is your safe space.

[IllynReaver]

Honestly I'd ban them from the house if that's the case. Your home is your safe space.
Seconding this^

[Merman Dan]

Do smudge sticks work on in-laws? ;)

[Adalira]

Seconding this^

Thirding this (if that is even a word)
So sorry to hear you have to deal with this!
I agree, what he said was totally uncalled for, unnecessary, disrespectful, hurtful and many other things on the list...i can go on and on!
I hope you are ok, please don't let them get to you!
I know it's easier said then done, know that we are here for you and will slap the sh*t out of them with our flukes, mermaid style, if needed
Big hug coming your way :catfight:

[AniaR]

Last night was super weird. This guy came up to me downtown saying he knew I was a mermaid because he spoke with two of my ex girlfriends. I told him that was weird, since I've never dated women and been with Sean 8 years. He said he wouldn't betray their confidence by telling me who but they were from my 'early' days? Lol he seemed to know a lot about me and called me famous so I guess some girls are trying to namedrop me or some stupid thing.

He was very drunk and angry that I am famous for pretending to be a mermaid. He went on a big rant where he tried but failed to be philosophical. It was like the most offensive thing in the world to him that I dress up as a mermaid for a job. He tried to patronize me about being younger than him when I was actually 4 years older. Super weird.

As Iona and I walked to our car it dawned on us that this guy was mad because he thinks we think we are real lol. People, I put my tail on one leg at a time. Like would you walk up to a mall Santa and scream at them for not being the 'real' Santa?? I actually get crazies like that all the time, just usually on the internet. Not sure what it is about women with successful mermaid jobs but it sure makes a lot of men aggressively mad. We all get it.

Still love to know who my ex girlfriends are lol.

Like does he yell at actors?? Lol

[Echidna]

sorry to hear

Edit: decided to go PM for caution.

[Echidna]

Not sure what it is about women with successful mermaid jobs but it sure makes a lot of men aggressively mad. We all get it.

It's not just mermaids.
Synchro swimmers get it a lot too- even when they're highly successful, there is this deriding and patronizing of the sport.
If you goggle synchro or waterballet, among the first results will be persiflage videos and "funny" stuff meant to deride the athletes, and the general populace thinks it's not a "real sport" and so on.

Not sure why, but could it be because mermaiding, waterballet and synchro swimming are almost exclusively women's domains?
Men are not allowed to compete in synchro swimming.
For waterballet and mermaids, guys are beginning to crop up, but they are few and far between, and chances are if there's a job, it will go to a woman.

Guys will get angry and jealous if there is something a woman can do better.
That's already the case with boring desk jobs- imagine the rage for a field that looks fun where guys have almost zero chance to compete :p



Edit: I misspelled google, but the typo is hilarious, so I leave it in.

[PearlieMae]

Last night was super weird. This guy came up to me downtown saying he knew I was a mermaid because he spoke with two of my ex girlfriends. I told him that was weird, since I've never dated women and been with Sean 8 years. He said he wouldn't betray their confidence by telling me who but they were from my 'early' days? Lol he seemed to know a lot about me and called me famous so I guess some girls are trying to namedrop me or some stupid thing.

He was very drunk and angry that I am famous for pretending to be a mermaid. He went on a big rant where he tried but failed to be philosophical. It was like the most offensive thing in the world to him that I dress up as a mermaid for a job. He tried to patronize me about being younger than him when I was actually 4 years older. Super weird.

As Iona and I walked to our car it dawned on us that this guy was mad because he thinks we think we are real lol. People, I put my tail on one leg at a time. Like would you walk up to a mall Santa and scream at them for not being the 'real' Santa?? I actually get crazies like that all the time, just usually on the internet. Not sure what it is about women with successful mermaid jobs but it sure makes a lot of men aggressively mad. We all get it.

Still love to know who my ex girlfriends are lol.

Like does he yell at actors?? Lol

http://replygif.net/i/1251.gif

[PearlieMae]

Also had my second ever anxiety attack 2days ago Ugh.

Now is the time to put your foot down and stop letting them ALL fuck with you. Seriously, excise these toxic people from your life and don't let them set one toe in your door until they all know how to behave!

I had to do much the same with my ex's Sicilian mother (OH! The fights!), but in the end, bitch stepped off! Good luck!

[Celaeno]

http://replygif.net/i/1251.gif

Perfect gif is perfect.

[PearlieMae]

Perfect gif is perfect.

It pretty much sums up my every. Single. Day.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Thanksfor letting me vent and giving tons of advice everyone!
seriously some people need a bibbitybopp-a-foot up they ass.

[Keiris]

Thanksfor letting me vent and giving tons of advice everyone!
seriously some people need a bibbitybopp-a-foot up they ass.
:lol::yay::lol::lol::lol: SeaGlass!!!!!!

[Keiris]

Last night was super weird. This guy came up to me downtown saying he knew I was a mermaid because he spoke with two of my ex girlfriends. I told him that was weird, since I've never dated women and been with Sean 8 years. He said he wouldn't betray their confidence by telling me who but they were from my 'early' days? Lol he seemed to know a lot about me and called me famous so I guess some girls are trying to namedrop me or some stupid thing.

He was very drunk and angry that I am famous for pretending to be a mermaid. He went on a big rant where he tried but failed to be philosophical. It was like the most offensive thing in the world to him that I dress up as a mermaid for a job. He tried to patronize me about being younger than him when I was actually 4 years older. Super weird.

As Iona and I walked to our car it dawned on us that this guy was mad because he thinks we think we are real lol. People, I put my tail on one leg at a time. Like would you walk up to a mall Santa and scream at them for not being the 'real' Santa?? I actually get crazies like that all the time, just usually on the internet. Not sure what it is about women with successful mermaid jobs but it sure makes a lot of men aggressively mad. We all get it.

Still love to know who my ex girlfriends are lol.

Like does he yell at actors?? Lol
Uuugh. Seems like there is a douchecanoe down every stream. Chalk it up to another generic, jealous asshole.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Jeez!
SeaGlass! Raina!
*sends waves of sympathy*

[Yulia]

I'm sorry Mertailor, but this is laughable
32341

[Merman Arion]

:doh::doh::doh::doh::doh:

[Mermaid Alea]

Haha Yulia I noticed that on his site recently too and I took a screenshot of it and kept it. :lol:

I don't really have room to criticize him though. I have never met or talked to him and I haven't bought anything from him, but I can't help but be annoyed after what other mers have had to go through with his tails.

[Starfrit]

"Unsurpassable Customer Service"? Is that what it's called when he resorts to having his mom answer his emails and fight with and insult his clients for him now?

[Yulia]

The customer service one is the thing that gets me the most

[Yulia]

"Unsurpassable Customer Service"? Is that what it's called when he resorts to having his mom answer his emails and fight with and insult his clients for him now?

MY THOUGHT EXACTLY

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Haha Yulia I noticed that on his site recently too and I took a screenshot of it and kept it. :lol:

I don't really have room to criticize him though. I have never met or talked to him and I haven't bought anything from him, but I can't help but be annoyed after what other mers have had to go through with his tails.

My sentiment exactly.

I still lol'd so hard. XD

[Azurin Luna]

Maybe you should read it with a sarcastic tone to it, then it sounds more believable :P

[SeaGlass Siren]

I have a mermaid shoot today... and mother nature decided to give me my monthly gift. fffffffffffffffffff-- :gah::headwall:

[stellar lee]

@ Seaglass Siren - please tell me you use a menstrual cup, and if you ladies don't, I HIGHLY recommend giving them a try. Not only are they environmentally friendly, they are budget, and health friendly too. I have found that they make life in the water much more manageable than other forms of personal products. Just my experience :)

[SeaGlass Siren]

my friends have recommended the cups as well. i don't use a menstrual cup though because the sight of my own blood and the thought of even touching it terrifies and grosses me out (kind of a stupid thing to be terrified of but what can i do =_=). i make up for lack of environmental friendliness in that department by recycling and disposing of my other waste properly, shop locally for food, and drink brita water as opposed to constantly using bottled water.

anyway. come hell or high water i will be there. i'll probably just be dry.

[stellar lee]

Yep, we all have that thing that squicks us out, and if your own blood does it for you, then that just about murders the idea of a cup! Hope your shoot goes well and that you get some great pics out of it!

[Mermaid Mystery]

I just found a cricket in my bed

[Lotus the Mermaid]

It grosses me out, too, but not even because it's my blood. It's because I feel as though it'd be like putting a pee cup in there and collecting that throughout the day. It just seems less sanitary to me, personally. But I know not everyone feels the same about it, and I respect anyone who uses them especially if it's for the environment. :)

I found a site that lists the pros and cons and it seems pretty neat as an alternative as long as you sterilize it thoroughly after each use. The negative side of that is that you'd have to use a bunch of water to boil it and sanitize it each time.
http://health.clevelandclinic.org/2015/02/tired-of-tampons-here-are-pros-and-cons-of-menstrual-cups/

[stellar lee]

They are nowhere near that labor intensive. Yes, after each cycle, they should be thoroughly cleaned, but during the cycle? Good, old fashioned, antimicrobial soap, or a soap made specifically for the cup. because they don't absorb blood, you're also lowering the risk of TSS- but again, they definitely aren't for everyone!

Just remember, once out of a package, nothing is sterile!

[Yulia]

"Bunch of water"

I wouldn't call a litre a month a bunch of water, but that's me

[Lotus the Mermaid]

"Bunch of water"

I wouldn't call a litre a month a bunch of water, but that's me

Gotcha. I just figure I may as well keep my usual monthly routine, but to each their own. :)

[Celaeno]

I'm so mad at myself.
i was carrying Juniper downstairs this morning, and I slipped and fell. I dropped her and rode the stairs on my ass.she's unhurt, just mad at me. But I hurt my butt and upper back so bad all I could do was lay there sobbing and trying to catch my breath for a good while. Then it took like half an hour to get my husband on the phone since he was working on some machinery in the hospital and not at his desk. The ER ordered X-rays which came back normal, gave me some Tylenol, and sent me upstairs to Labor & Delivery to make sure the baby was okay. Everything was good there, too. Baby is doing "textbook perfectly" according to the doctor.
But now I can baaaaaarely walk. I'm taking tiny baby steps to get anywhere and I have to get husband to help me in and out of bed. My ass is going to be spectacularly bruised, and I'm worried it's still going to be fucked up in a couple weeks when I have the baby and make pushing extra fun. >:C

[Lotus the Mermaid]

I'm so mad at myself.
i was carrying Juniper downstairs this morning, and I slipped and fell. I dropped her and rode the stairs on my ass.she's unhurt, just mad at me. But I hurt my butt and upper back so bad all I could do was lay there sobbing and trying to catch my breath for a good while. Then it took like half an hour to get my husband on the phone since he was working on some machinery in the hospital and not at his desk. The ER ordered X-rays which came back normal, gave me some Tylenol, and sent me upstairs to Labor & Delivery to make sure the baby was okay. Everything was good there, too. Baby is doing "textbook perfectly" according to the doctor.
But now I can baaaaaarely walk. I'm taking tiny baby steps to get anywhere and I have to get husband to help me in and out of bed. My ass is going to be spectacularly bruised, and I'm worried it's still going to be fucked up in a couple weeks when I have the baby and make pushing extra fun. >:C
Noo!! Omg, I'm so glad you and the baby are okay! I'll be praying that it won't be more painful or difficult to deliver than it would have otherwise been! Feel better soon!! :hug: :(

[Celaeno]

Thanks. It seems I did break one of my toes, so that's a fun added layer. I'm hoping I can rest up this weekend while husband can look after Juniper and be feeling much improved by Monday, which is my next OB appointment. I'm very glad June and the baby are both fine, I'll totally take all the injury myself to keep them safe.

[Mermaid Alea]

My parents are starting to build a house on the bay. We stopped by the property to see how the construction was going and I walked out to the end of the dock. The bay water was very still and once I got to the very edge of the dock, a dolphin surfaced way out in the deep area of the bay. Then another one came up much closer and it was in front of the buoy that marks where the drop off starts. I was glad to see a dolphin pod again, but I was really upset that I hadn't worn my swimsuit and brought my monofin with me today. I figured I wouldn't see dolphins today. :(

One day I will be ready and I am going to swim out there with the wild dolphins. They are very fast though and they might not care about me, but I want to try... :(

[Sabrina the Selkie]

It'll happen eventually, Alea!

[cletusk20]

Well I recently started saving up for silicone and molding supplies only to have it eaten up by a spun rod bearing in my work truck. Spent most of the weekend pulling the motor out and tearing it down only to find the crankshaft is dead on the #2 rod journal. Well back to square -1 again.

[Azurin Luna]

Graah!
I'm off on a course for my work this week, so I left my colleagues a message about what they had to do to get stuff sorted out, but none of them did something! So now I'm here, working from home in the evening, sorting things out for my work. Sigh!

[Adalira]

Ok......i am seriously stressed out right now!
My dad wrote a book about his life as a record label boss (he is retired now) and will have a book release party in september.
Weeks ago i thought to myself:' Should i perform a song or something?" Not because i want to, but because i felt it was expected of me.
I quickly dismissed the thought because i hate hate hate having to perform at parties and events.
Always when we are asked to come to a party of friends, or when my parents threw a party in the past i always had to perform and i hated it.
I was a nervous wreck for days and completly nervous at the party/event itself not being able to enjoy any of the party because of it.
I have literally begged my family in the past to please not make me perform at parties or events and i always had to.
They were alway like:" Why are you like this? Don;t be so silly. Why are you making problems? It's just a little performance and you would make them so happy. If you don't do it, they will be so dissapointed."
So tonight my brother calls me that dad left him in charge of working on the release party because apparently my dad wants it to be a complete night in his honor with all kinds of people performing and he wants me to sing some of the songs he wrote.
I told my brother that i don't want to do it and he was all surprised even though he knows i HATE performing at parties.
He was like:" But if dad wants you to do this for him, then why would you not do it?"
Starting the guilt trip on me.
I explained to my brother again how much i hate performing at parties because of how nervous i get and that i would not be able to enjoy the party at all, knowing i would have to perform.
My voice is getting worse and worse each year. I can hardly keep a good tone when i sing.
And i think it is because everytime i do perform it is when i do not want to, in a stressfull situation.
I don;t even want to be and sing in the shows anymore with my parents, i wanted to quit 10 years ago already and have not been able to.
I really dislike being on stage anymore and performing.
My brother is the total opposite.
He and his wife want to be in the spotlight every day and all day if possible. They always want to be the center of attention.
I would much rather be backstage and serving drinks and foods for the guests.
I know they will not understand and if i don;t perform they will be upset with me, will be a dissapointment, their friends will keep asking me why i am not singing.
If i do perform i will be a nervous wreck (making my voice sound even worse) all night and not enjoy myself at all.
So either way i can not win :(

[Lotus the Mermaid]

Ok......i am seriously stressed out right now!
My dad wrote a book about his life as a record label boss (he is retired now) and will have a book release party in september.
Weeks ago i thought to myself:' Should i perform a song or something?" Not because i want to, but because i felt it was expected of me.
I quickly dismissed the thought because i hate hate hate having to perform at parties and events.
Always when we are asked to come to a party of friends, or when my parents threw a party in the past i always had to perform and i hated it.
I was a nervous wreck for days and completly nervous at the party/event itself not being able to enjoy any of the party because of it.
I have literally begged my family in the past to please not make me perform at parties or events and i always had to.
They were alway like:" Why are you like this? Don;t be so silly. Why are you making problems? It's just a little performance and you would make them so happy. If you don't do it, they will be so dissapointed."
So tonight my brother calls me that dad left him in charge of working on the release party because apparently my dad wants it to be a complete night in his honor with all kinds of people performing and he wants me to sing some of the songs he wrote.
I told my brother that i don't want to do it and he was all surprised even though he knows i HATE performing at parties.
He was like:" But if dad wants you to do this for him, then why would you not do it?"
Starting the guilt trip on me.
I explained to my brother again how much i hate performing at parties because of how nervous i get and that i would not be able to enjoy the party at all, knowing i would have to perform.
My voice is getting worse and worse each year. I can hardly keep a good tone when i sing.
And i think it is because everytime i do perform it is when i do not want to, in a stressfull situation.
I don;t even want to be and sing in the shows anymore with my parents, i wanted to quit 10 years ago already and have not been able to.
I really dislike being on stage anymore and performing.
My brother is the total opposite.
He and his wife want to be in the spotlight every day and all day if possible. They always want to be the center of attention.
I would much rather be backstage and serving drinks and foods for the guests.
I know they will not understand and if i don;t perform they will be upset with me, will be a dissapointment, their friends will keep asking me why i am not singing.
If i do perform i will be a nervous wreck (making my voice sound even worse) all night and not enjoy myself at all.
So either way i can not win :(

Oh no! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this pressure from your fam. It sounds like you may be an introvert in a family of extroverts. They may not be able to understand you, but they can't make you do anything either! I know it feels terrible to say no to family, but sometimes it's the healthiest and best thing you can do for yourself! You can offer to help in other ways, since you said you still want to, but you're an adult so you can show love to your family without following every command or suggestion. I hope that helps.

Honestly, if it makes you feel better, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test and it helps me to explain my personal strengths and weaknesses to others who may or may not understand why I do things the way I do them. (I'm an ISFP).

It may help! Here's a link to the test I took:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes1.htm

I seriously recommend this to everyone I know. It helps so much in relationships. In the meantime, I'll be praying that it all works out! :hug:

[Celaeno]

Tell them you have laryngitis and can't sing. <3
I'm so sorry your family puts so much pressure on you to perform. That sucks.

[Adalira]

Thank you Lotus and Celaeno for your help and advice.
I took the personality test the same night you wrote about it. But i was so tired that i did not get half the questions.
So i took it again this morning and now took the time for it and understood each question properly.
I am an INTJ
Not sure i agree with the career choices they give because i love being creative, just don't want to be in the spotlight with it.
But it was very helpful and i hope my hubby will take it as well.
Thank you so much for sharing that Lotus! :hug:

[Mermaid Lorelei]

I'm an INFJ and I completely understand where you are coming from Adalira. Unless I'm playing as a character and am simply having fun being someone different (like Mermaid Lorelei) then I hate being on stage. Honestly, don't let them pressure you into this. Take a moment and speak to your father about it. Let him know that you are incredibly happy for him and would love to do something special, but singing just isn't the way to go about it. I suggest giving options of other things you can do at the same time. This way your dad knows that you mean well and you bypass your brother, who doesn't seem to understand (and you're not doing this for him anyways).

[Mermaid Lilium]

I second the sore throat thing.... Go find someone who is sick and spend as much time as possible with them in the run up to the event XD then you have a guilt trip free reason not to perform ;)

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[Echidna]

I took the personality test the same night you wrote about it. But i was so tired that i did not get half the questions.
So i took it again this morning and now took the time for it and understood each question properly.
I am an INTJ
Not sure i agree with the career choices they give because i love being creative, just don't want to be in the spotlight with it.


ho-hum.
I know that test you mention, I took it twice.
I seriously have no idea why some people give sooo much credit to stuff like psych tests (or psychology itself, for that matter.
It's not a science, it's a big scramble of weird ideas, most of which were conceived several centuries ago.)

Imo, that test is garbage.
I'm sure you can find out what you are good at and want to do without it ;)

Anyway.
Your family sounds self-centered and used to getting their way.
Why would they guilt-bully you into something you don't want?
They do it because it has always worked for them in the past.

Please woman up, tell them you said no and that's the final word.
And no getting yourself sick deliberately to be able to say no.
You can say no because you want to, and no other reason.
Sheesh.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

ho-hum.
I know that test you mention, I took it twice.
I seriously have no idea why some people give sooo much credit to stuff like psych tests (or psychology itself, for that matter.
It's not a science, it's a big scramble of weird ideas, most of which were conceived several centuries ago.)

Imo, that test is garbage.
I'm sure you can find out what you are good at and want to do without it ;)

Anyway.
Your family sounds self-centered and used to getting their way.
Why would they guilt-bully you into something you don't want?
They do it because it has always worked for them in the past.

Please woman up, tell them you said no and that's the final word.
And no getting yourself sick deliberately to be able to say no.
You can say no because you want to, and no other reason.
Sheesh.
A lot of people feel this way. I've found it really helpful. It's not a study or subject that appeals to everyone, but it's helped me and a lot of people I know so I hope it helps you, Mermaid Adalira!

[Sabrina the Selkie]

I almost always get something different on the Meyers-Briggs because I'm somewhere between it all. Like, I'd usually rather read than party but I like crowds and am vaguely comfortable in the spotlight.
So I get always either INFJ or ENTJ the only piece that's really concrete is intuition.

[Adalira]

Thank you everyone.
I don't know how to do the double or triple quote thing lol so i will reply in here to each personally.
Thank you mermaid Lorelai and yes you hit the hammer on the nail there... playing a character or being on stage in front of strangers and getting paid for it as a job is a whole lot different then to have to perform in front of family and friends at something so intimate, just a totally different story and it is something i hate and scares me as well.
I was actually thinking of offering to bake 1100 cupcakes for the guests.
Me and my hubby can bake both 100 cupcakes (or more) and bake some pies and cakes.
We can even custom make the cupcakes with decorations on them in tune of the theme of the night.
I am hoping that will be a good substitute for it.

Lol Mermaid Lilium! Even though it is a good idea it is not waterproof. If i do not catch whatever i am trying to catch i am screwed :help:

@ Echidna, i talked to a friend of mine tonight about it and i told her about the test that Lotus provided and the career choices that popped out and she said she agrees with the career choices.
She can totally see me doing law and things it will be a great career for me because my personality, as she knows it, fits so well with it.
I can see where she is coming from when she explained it. But i am 32 right now and do not feel it is my path to start completly over with a new study that will take years and cost a small fortune.
The career choices that they showed are things i never thought about myself, ever, simply because of my family i stayed into showbusiness and never thought of other careers.
The way my personality was written was not spot on from the test but boy oh boy it did come close!
My family is the type that always wants to be the center of attention and always wants to be in the spotlight, they like showing off in every way.
So having me perform there is another way of showing off to others.
Look at what my daughter can, look at what my son can do, look how well we can cook, look at how great we are as artists, look at how succesfull we are etc etc etc.
And i am the complete opposite.
I don't want to be the center of attention, i don't want to brag because i don't feel the need for it. I am content with who i am and don't need to tell others about it.
I am not sure when to talk to my parents, i will be in the car with my mom tomorrow to go to the butcher. I may bring it up with her and see how she reacts although she is the person who always pushed me so i think it is better to simply talk to my dad about it.

@ Lotus i am happy you gave me the test because it does make me look at myself a bit better. For instance my friend telling me she can totally see me work in the legal system is an eye opener and means it is time to explore "me" a bit more. I may have a very narrow minded view of myself because of what others (aka my family) have been telling me.
So thank you agai :-)

[Celaeno]

UGH!!! I do NOT understand how a friend of mine who is a feminist can be married to a man who vehemently argues that rape culture doesn't exist and spouts MRA bullshit. What level of cognitive dissonance does maintaining that relationship require?

[ShyKaiju]

UGH!!! I do NOT understand how a friend of mine who is a feminist can be married to a man who vehemently argues that rape culture doesn't exist and spouts MRA bullshit. What level of cognitive dissonance does maintaining that relationship require?

What kinda stuff does he say?

[Celaeno]

Literally "there's no such thing as rape culture" because rape isn't socially acceptable and rapists go to jail(um, like less than a percent of them, but sure...), feminists are shrill and just love to link everything to rape culture, false accusations of rape are the real problem, the culture of expecting women to change their demeanor/dress/habits/etc. are acceptable 'preventative measures' against rape that in no way create a culture where the onus of preventing rape is solely on the shoulders of women.

[Celaeno]

Like, racism isn't 'socially acceptable' either, but it is tacitly accepted and we do absolutely live in a culture where people of color are oppressed and killed/imprisoned at an astronomically disproportionate rate than whites. Likewise, rape is tacitly accepted as a part of modern life and women are socialized to expect it and take steps to "prevent" it, rather than our society taking an active role in teaching men to respect the bodily autonomy of others.

Maybe they were married before she knew this side of him, but honestly for me that would be a major freaking deal-breaker.

[Echidna]

I almost always get something different on the Meyers-Briggs because I'm somewhere between it all. Like, I'd usually rather read than party but I like crowds and am vaguely comfortable in the spotlight.
So I get always either INFJ or ENTJ the only piece that's really concrete is intuition.

same, I get vastly different results each time, but I'm just as likely to do one thing as the other.
I find this thing very pseudo-sciency and inaccurate, but if it's helpful for someone, good for them!

[Celaeno]

same, I get vastly different results each time, but I'm just as likely to do one thing as the other.
I find this thing very pseudo-sciency and inaccurate, but if it's helpful for someone, good for them!

Agreed. I think it's helpful for people who do recognize themselves in the descriptions, the way any personality test can be helpful by sort of holding a mirror up and reflecting them back to themselves to look at objectively, but I don't think there's any overall consistent "truth" in any of these kinds of tests. Very much a 'your mileage may vary' situation. If it helps you think critically and objectively about your preferences, actions, and emotions, then awesome and helpful.

[Mermaid Mystery]

good lord is he stupid. I can think of one rape case where the rapist confessed and was given a pat on the back and was set free.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Gods that's awful, Celaeno.

On a similar topic, I had to explain to a man at my library that books with strong female main characters are hard to find because they're not as frequently published and subsequently not as frequently written.

He'd been looking for something for his daughter.
"The things you learn when you're the father of a girl," he said. I'll never forget the crestfallen look on his face. I'd bet money that he'll end up a total feminist by the end of it all.

I helped him find a few books where gender was well represented and that was that.

Again on the topic of Meyer's Briggs, I just retook it, got INFP, and I think that's probably the most accurate result I've ever gotten, but the analysis is still not quite me.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

I'm glad Meyers-Briggs helps people though.

[Celaeno]

I'm sad that for so many men it takes having a daughter to recognize this crap. I wish we had more male allies who cared because we're people, not because we're their daughter/sister/wife/mother/friend.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

He'll learn to see it, though. It's just that we're generally pushed to have same-sex friendships, so until a sisterless man has a girlfriend or a wife or a daughter it's completely out of their line of sight, like for white people who are unaware of white privilege simply because they've never seen the alternative.

I break the norm, myself, being a Hispanic girl who sits at a lunch table with six boys from white Protestant, Jewish, Hispanic, Asian, and African descent, but I also live in a fairly progressive community where I'm allowed to do so.

Never is easy to overcome limitations set upon you by society. For white men, that limitation is their forced inability to understand through experience the marginalization of various minorities.

But yeah, definitely sad.

[Mermaid Lunette]

I'm sad that for so many men it takes having a daughter to recognize this crap. I wish we had more male allies who cared because we're people, not because we're their daughter/sister/wife/mother/friend.

^^^^

This, this, and more this.

[IllynReaver]

I love those days where you feel like the whole universe is out to get you. This weekend was supposed to be semi relaxing, not starting out with stress on top of stress. I had a lady down the road from me try to blame me for her cow breaking a leg and wanted me to fork over $3500, all because she thought my dogs were the ones out chasing her cow.

[Naufra]

I finally got everything ironed out with work, school, and the practicum site, and then work schedules me on a day I took off my avails weeks ago. *sigh* Time to harass HR . . . Again.

[SummerRogue]

Ugh I got accepted into a college course, yay! But guess what, it started last week, they just sent me an email saying I was accepted but I had to email them to ask for the dates, apparently they 'forgot' how the hell do forget to tell your students when the class starts!? So iv missed an entire week now and because it's only a year long it's an intensive training course. So pissed off, it also means that my funding is messed up for this month and I'll have to sort that as well.


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[Mermaid Cecelia]

So... My long term boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, three days before we started our senior year. I'm just now coming to terms with it because I have been noticing all of his terrible and manipulative traits that I couldn't see while in the relationship. Now I know that it was a toxic relationship, but Im still struggling to get past wanting to be with him. It doesn't help that I have 4 out of my 7 classes with him every day and all of my friends are his friends too. My one friend who supports me just announced that she is moving to Michigan to go to a boarding school and she leaves in 3 days. I keep oscillating between angry at my ex and wanting to be with him. A week ago he asked if we could be friends with benefits, despite knowing that I'm not that kind of person and knowing I've been tricked into that in the past, and now he won't talk to me at all despite him always stressing how we need to be friends. I just deleted his number off my phone, along with every picture I had with him in it (which is a shame cuz I looked great in pretty much all of them haha).

i just needed to get that out of my system since I can't talk to my friends about it without then talking to him too...

[Mermaid Lilium]

It's a normal thing cecelia. *Huge hugs* you had feelings for him and that doesn't completely go away and you don't get over things like this overnight.

For example mum has been in two seriously mentally abusive relationships and even though she would never go back to them and loathes them, there's still a big part of her that still loves them and misses them years later

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[Mermaid Cecelia]

It's a normal thing cecelia. *Huge hugs* you had feelings for him and that doesn't completely go away and you don't get over things like this overnight.

For example mum has been in two seriously mentally abusive relationships and even though she would never go back to them and loathes them, there's still a big part of her that still loves them and misses them years later

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

Thanks Lilium :)

[PearlieMae]

Look at it as a learning experience. When you start getting nostalgic, or sad, or frustrated, ask yourself "what was I supposed to learn from this guy/relationship/experience/break up?

Soon, you'll realize what you are supposed to look for so you don't repeat behavior, or get involved with people, that are not healthy for you. I won't lie, it's not easy, and it won't happen fast, but you'll be a happier and smarter person, and before too terribly long, you'll realize how much better off you truly are.

Hugs!

[Mermaid Cecelia]

Look at it as a learning experience. When you start getting nostalgic, or sad, or frustrated, ask yourself "what was I supposed to learn from this guy/relationship/experience/break up?

Soon, you'll realize what you are supposed to look for so you don't repeat behavior, or get involved with people, that are not healthy for you. I won't lie, it's not easy, and it won't happen fast, but you'll be a happier and smarter person, and before too terribly long, you'll realize how much better off you truly are.

Hugs!

thats great advice :) thanks pearlie!

[PearlieMae]

Thanks, hun, but I can't take credit. Despite the popular definition, this is really the nature of karma. Learning from experience, not "you'll get yours".

You can ask yourself the same questions when you're happy, too! Why did this make me happy? How can I repeat this to be happy more often? Can this make other people happy, too?

Karma is 'live and learn', not 'your rotten attitude will come back to get you'.

Then again, I could be full of shit. :meditation:

[SeaGlass Siren]

I'm a firm believer in the latter. "If you serve shit, you'll get shit."
ive seen it a few times enough to determine karma is a bitch when it needs to be.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Damnit. Just typed up a nice long response on the definition of Karma and lost it all.

It means both and neither. Karma acts through reincarnation.

Therefore it served as both a moral deterrent AND a way to justify the caste system. If you treat people like shit, well, you'll be reborn as a cockroach. Conversely, if you're of a lower caste, it's because you were a dick in a past life.

Also, one had to experience all forms of life to achieve Nibana (what we would call Nirvana) which is the only way to break the cycle of reincarnation. Upon full enlightenment, your soul would join a massive life force that is both omnipresent and omniscient. This is the end goal of all Buddhists, to be achieved in this life or the next.

Of course, religious doctrines change over time, but this is the traditional Buddhist definition. And my personal favorite, awful classist warts and all, simply because world theology is my pet hobby.

[Adalira]

So yesterday was my mom's birthday and i was dreading it because of the whole things where they want me to sing at my dads book presentation party.
My family was there and 4 friends of our family.
My dad told all about his party and how songs that he wrote were going to be sung :saynothing:
My brother made sure that he was talking about himself and his wife and the upcoming baby and all their plans for a big part of the evening....sigh...
He made some remarks my way that pissed me off but i kept my cool.
Today however i was soooo tired and i realized that the tension yesterday and me trying to keep my cool drained me from all my energy.
I actually went to bed to watch a movie around noon and kept falling asleep, waking up, falling asleep etc.
All day i barely did anything.
I felt like boiled spaghetti, no strength in any of my body parts.
I wrote to a friend of mine and told her that i will tell my brother and family i will sing 1 song at the party and no more then that.
And also i will thell them that i want to make it clear that i never, and i do mean never, want to be asked again to sing at any event/party or "special" occassion.
But my friend told me not to dot that.
She said they will ask me again anyway if i give in now and i look like a push over if i do so.
Damn it! I thought i had such a good plan here to get them off my back once and for all! :headwall:
I have been stressed out all day and pissed off over everything that was said yesterday at the birthday party.
I am tired beyond belief but fear i will get no sleep...and to top it all off.....i have a show tomorrow so i will be out with my family for about 8 hours... fingers crossed that i will not be drained of energy any further since i barely have any left as it is! :biting nails:

[Sabrina the Selkie]

And I didn't even read why this was brought up.
Cecelia. I am so sorry. That sucks. A friend of mine is almost always in mentally abusive relationships and she only ever recognizes it once they break up with her.

Congrats on severing ties and deleting his number, and Pearlie's right. Treat it as a learning experience.

[Adalira]

So... My long term boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, three days before we started our senior year. I'm just now coming to terms with it because I have been noticing all of his terrible and manipulative traits that I couldn't see while in the relationship. Now I know that it was a toxic relationship, but Im still struggling to get past wanting to be with him. It doesn't help that I have 4 out of my 7 classes with him every day and all of my friends are his friends too. My one friend who supports me just announced that she is moving to Michigan to go to a boarding school and she leaves in 3 days. I keep oscillating between angry at my ex and wanting to be with him. A week ago he asked if we could be friends with benefits, despite knowing that I'm not that kind of person and knowing I've been tricked into that in the past, and now he won't talk to me at all despite him always stressing how we need to be friends. I just deleted his number off my phone, along with every picture I had with him in it (which is a shame cuz I looked great in pretty much all of them haha).

i just needed to get that out of my system since I can't talk to my friends about it without then talking to him too...

Hang in there!
It is completly normal to have mixed emotions right now.
You have been together for a long time and your feelings will not go away over night.
I am so happy that you dismissed the friends with benefits! Who the .... does he think he is?
He is the one who broke up with you and did not want to be with you anymore, so why want benefits?
He can either be with you or not, there is no middle way...at least not for me.
The good thing is also you recognizing that it was a toxic relationship. That is a big thing and that will help you to keep strong in not going back to him.
I have always been a firm believer in no second chances after a break up.
If a man breaks up with me there is no going back.
If he broke up with me, there must have been a reason for it and since i did not change and am not willing to change for a man, what is the point in going back?
You will only run into the same problems again.
I hope what i wrote makes sense, i am far from fit and energetic today lol but wanted to let you know i am here for you :hug:

[Mermaid Cecelia]

Thanks everyone for the huge amount of support, I'm so glad that that I get to be a part of such an intelligent and thoughtful community :)

[SeaMansa]

I'm getting really tired of America and all it's bullshit.
I swear, I am seriously considering moving to Canada. Idk how or when but I've already but doing some research into the extensive process of it. I hear it is NOT easy and VERY expensive and isn't just a "Okay, I'm going to live here now *poof*" kinda thing. Or maybe Australia. But I hear its also very expensive living up there. Maybe after this year of college I will see if I could transfer to either for a brief period or something. I really don't know. But I don't wish to leave my family, and I doubt they'd all be aboard a "I Think This Place Is Going To Shitz and We Should Leave Before We Find Ourselves At The Business End Of An Army Boot" train. They will just look at me with a you're crazy look as usual and just refuse to see any points I make. And I am a family guy, guys, I CANNOT leave my mother and sister behind let alone my grandmothers especially when I know myself that I am, essentially, running in fear.
I just really need/want to get away. I know everything and everyone is not bad here. I LOVE the city I live in and always said years ago I never wanted to even travel but now here I am plotting to hightail it out as quickly as I can. Idk. I just don't wish to be the next news headline. It's all just bullshit. Humans are bullshit. I'm a potato now.

QUESTION: Has anyone here actually moved to Canada or Australia from America, permanently? Would you recommend? Or should I just shut my gill holes and deal? Maybe I'm just being stupid. And paranoid.

[Mermaid Jaffa]

Australian public swimming pools welcomes all mermaids. And most are open all year round.

[Merman Jamie]

Australian public swimming pools welcomes all mermaids. And most are open all year round.

yep.

[Merman Chatfish]

I'm getting really tired of America and all it's bullshit.
I swear, I am seriously considering moving to Canada. Idk how or when but I've already but doing some research into the extensive process of it. I hear it is NOT easy and VERY expensive and isn't just a "Okay, I'm going to live here now *poof*" kinda thing. Or maybe Australia. But I hear its also very expensive living up there. Maybe after this year of college I will see if I could transfer to either for a brief period or something. I really don't know. But I don't wish to leave my family, and I doubt they'd all be aboard a "I Think This Place Is Going To Shitz and We Should Leave Before We Find Ourselves At The Business End Of An Army Boot" train. They will just look at me with a you're crazy look as usual and just refuse to see any points I make. And I am a family guy, guys, I CANNOT leave my mother and sister behind let alone my grandmothers especially when I know myself that I am, essentially, running in fear.
I just really need/want to get away. I know everything and everyone is not bad here. I LOVE the city I live in and always said years ago I never wanted to even travel but now here I am plotting to hightail it out as quickly as I can. Idk. I just don't wish to be the next news headline. It's all just bullshit. Humans are bullshit. I'm a potato now.

QUESTION: Has anyone here actually moved to Canada or Australia from America, permanently? Would you recommend? Or should I just shut my gill holes and deal? Maybe I'm just being stupid. And paranoid.

Which of America's bullshit? The "Lets kick out all the immigrants ignoring the fact we are", the "we are the best country in the world", the "best way to prevent more shootings is more guns" (Australia is a good example of how that is stupid), the "Donald Trump should be president", the "lets force our religion on other people" and its off shoot "we believe the same religion but YOU ARE WRONG!", the 80% of the US Congress is male even though over half of the US general population is female, the people making laws about women are mostly men (including ones who think rape doesn't exist), where women make 77¢ for every dollar that men make, when a professional athlete makes millions a game while teachers have to buy school supplies out of their own pocket, about 1% of people cause 99.9% of the problems listed above and this is what foreign countries see of us, where employers and colleges need rules about hiring minority employees, where a 2.0 GPA student receives a full scholarship for playing sports when a 4.0 student has to work at a fast-food place because they never played sports and never got a scholarship, where you can become president without having a majority of the vote (5 times) or even 50% of the vote (18 of 47 recorded elections), pretty much every large corporation...and yes I know I missed a few.

Sorry people I was born to parents who live in the US...I personally have no say. Not going to say the pledge of allegiance

[SeaMansa]

Which of America's bullshit? The "Lets kick out all the immigrants ignoring the fact we are", the "we are the best country in the world", the "best way to prevent more shootings is more guns" (Australia is a good example of how that is stupid), the "Donald Trump should be president", the "lets force our religion on other people" and its off shoot "we believe the same religion but YOU ARE WRONG!", the 80% of the US Congress is male even though over half of the US general population is female, the people making laws about women are mostly men (including ones who think rape doesn't exist), where women make 77¢ for every dollar that men make, when a professional athlete makes millions a game while teachers have to buy school supplies out of their own pocket, about 1% of people cause 99.9% of the problems listed above and this is what foreign countries see of us, where employers and colleges need rules about hiring minority employees, where a 2.0 GPA student receives a full scholarship for playing sports when a 4.0 student has to work at a fast-food place because they never played sports and never got a scholarship, where you can become president without having a majority of the vote (5 times) or even 50% of the vote (18 of 47 recorded elections), pretty much every large corporation...and yes I know I missed a few.

Sorry people I was born to parents who live in the US...I personally have no say. Not going to say the pledge of allegiance ALL OF THE ABOVE, MY MER-BRETHREN

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Agreed.
*grumbles*

I just had a very nice conversation about the racial achievement gap in American schools. Our school is getting payed to host a huge documentary on it, but they're going about it wrong, so NOTHING good will come of it. Literally just a waste of time and money because they're too cheep to do it right I.e. greater numbers of followed students, from all of the racial enclaves at the school, over multiple classes, say twenty years worth.

But nope, six kids, white and black only, from only among this year's Freshmen, with giant cameras everywhere so of course all of the teachers will be on their best behavior and none of the racist SHIT I've seen over the years will get caught on film and it will look like our idyllic little progressive suburb has no problems, despite how much our racist crap gets on national news.

Literally. "I don't feel comfortable talking about race with people who don't look like me" - quote, my principal upon excluding white kids from a Black Lives Matter Assembly. And not just white kids. Plenty of light skinned black kids got turned away at the door because the people manning it assumed they were white. That was last year.

My freshman year? "And to all the POCs in the room, don't be violent!" - an anti violence assemlist we hired back when fist fights were a regular occurrence in our hallways. Those were always a pain in the ass to dodge. I have a talent for getting caught in the crossfire of those. Except I spent five years studying martial arts, so even though I stopped five years ago, I have hair trigger reflexes that mean what ever boy falls into me usually gets flung to the other side of the hall by me.

Luckily we all decided as a hive mind that the racist anti-violence assemblies were too much trouble to sit through, so the fist fights largely stopped after that year. I actually told off the principal in front of a third of my class during that period.

I was sick of his faulty reasoning, so I corrected it with real logic and debunked every point he had made the entire assembly and backed up my argument with evidence that pointed to vast incompetence on his part and how he was just making matters worse. I wouldn't have been nearly so harsh had he not referred to me as "young man" when calling on my raised hand.

People still talk about that. "Remember when Sabrina just RIPPED into the principal back in Freshman year?" is a fairly common statement when the class of 2016 complains about him. )


Sorry, I'm also largely annoyed because of the flood lights now illuminating the tennis courts. Because people totally play tennis at night. The courts are packed at full dark! And why would Astronomy Club not appreciate being unable to see the stars at their designated meeting place?

I was at astronomy club when I had the discussion on the documentary, so all of my annoyances are at a head right now.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

And also, Chatfish. Consider yourself added to my pantheon of awesome people who deserve to be worshipped as gods.

[Mermaid Alea]

Which of America's bullshit? The "Lets kick out all the immigrants ignoring the fact we are", the "we are the best country in the world", the "best way to prevent more shootings is more guns" (Australia is a good example of how that is stupid), the "Donald Trump should be president", the "lets force our religion on other people" and its off shoot "we believe the same religion but YOU ARE WRONG!", the 80% of the US Congress is male even though over half of the US general population is female, the people making laws about women are mostly men (including ones who think rape doesn't exist), where women make 77¢ for every dollar that men make, when a professional athlete makes millions a game while teachers have to buy school supplies out of their own pocket, about 1% of people cause 99.9% of the problems listed above and this is what foreign countries see of us, where employers and colleges need rules about hiring minority employees, where a 2.0 GPA student receives a full scholarship for playing sports when a 4.0 student has to work at a fast-food place because they never played sports and never got a scholarship, where you can become president without having a majority of the vote (5 times) or even 50% of the vote (18 of 47 recorded elections), pretty much every large corporation...and yes I know I missed a few.

Sorry people I was born to parents who live in the US...I personally have no say. Not going to say the pledge of allegiance

I love the USA! :D
It isn't about kicking out immigrants, it is about kicking out illegals. There are plenty of wonderful, honest people who have gotten into the US the correct way and who are living well and there is no issue with them. The ILLEGAL immigrants are coming over the wrong way, and unfortunately it usually is bad people who are coming over illegally. They commit crimes and they get off scot free. They are in some weird limbo where they get to do just about whatever they want. It is creating a lot of issues. You do have to have a system for people coming into the country. I don't know if we are the best country, but hey, it is good to be patriotic. I am proud to be an American, a Native American in fact. Yes, once upon a time my ancestor's land was taken but I don't hold a grudge. That was the past. Every culture has something bad in their history. Have you ever handled and shot a gun before? Guns don't kill people, people kill people. If you take away guns people will just find another way to kill people or they will obtain guns illegally. The whole idea of women being unequal to men isn't that big of a deal everyone is making it to be. There are places in this world far worse than the US when it comes to men & women inequality. Places where women are bought and sold like dogs and have no value but to produce many children. Here in the US, women have just as much of an opportunity as men. The only issue I have had so far was just at church. Our church is slowly letting women do more and it is because of the old people that we don't just change right away. This kind of change takes some time. That is the only one that disappoints me, but really, I do not feel unequal because I am a girl. I work hard and I can be stronger than a guy in a lot of ways and I am proud of myself. Yes, I believe that the emphasis on sports is pretty crazy, but how amazing is it that just playing sports you can make a lot of money? As for teachers, which is something I have considered being, they get tons of vacation time! A whole summer off! They get so many wonderful benefits! Sure they don't make millions, but they certainly do have a nice job! I don't see why a 4.0 student could not get a scholarship. I have never been on a sports team and in high school I was able to get a bright futures scholarship to college because I had good grades and I had made sure I did everything I needed to get the scholarship. I am sure a 4.0 student could get a scholarship especially if they applied for some! My friends have all gotten pail grants that pay for them to go to college. I have watched a friend who comes from a low income family be able to go to college fully paid for with a pail grant and blow off all his classes and not show up for his finals because he didn't have the motivation. At least he was able to have such a great opportunity and I am certain he was not a 4.0 student.

Sorry guys, but I just don't get where you are coming from. Yes, there are issues with America, but there are issues with every country. And I am not trying to upset you guys, but I just couldn't not say something. I have been really curious about why people who don't like America don't just leave. I am not trying to say that in a mean way, but I am just saying. Anyways, that is what I think, and you can think what you want to think, because Amurica! :eek:

[Mermaid Momo]

okay don't take this the wrong way... but I can't tell if you're trolling or not..

[Mermaid Mystery]

I agree with Momo..

[SeaMansa]

I literally got out of bed.... turned on my computer.... prepared a whole rant.... but I'm just like nah. I will not even go there. I get enough of this on social media (especially the dreaded "If you don't like it here, go back to Africa" which is along the same vein as what was said here) but ya know what, I'm too tired for it.
I respectfully chose to take a different stance on this topic. And shall leave it at that. Back to regular scheduled mermaid.... ranting... and things.

[Cordelia]

Uh... what?

This is where I break out my starbucks, wave some perfectly manicured nails, and say: I can't even.

I have noticed an up-tick in the amount of share sites and memes on facebook that I have had to block. Some people are getting pretty close to being blocked as well. Yay, political season. <--- definite sarcasm.

[Merman Chatfish]

And also, Chatfish. Consider yourself added to my pantheon of awesome people who deserve to be worshipped as gods.
Thanks but I have no interest in being worshipped...don't have a big enough ego.


okay don't take this the wrong way... but I can't tell if you're trolling or not..

Who?

[Celaeno]

First off, people aren't illegal, they're undocumented.
People don't "just leave" because it is extremely expensive and difficult to do so.
Australia banned guns after mass shootings and there was a marked decrease in gun-related crime and deaths, not an explosion of illegal firearms. At the very least guns should be as regulated as cars, you should have to prove proficiency with the firearm just like you have to prove proficiency with a car before you can have a license.
It's great you don't feel marginalized due to your gender, but that is no reason to erase the very real struggles and oppression that others face. Women do not have the same opportunities in the U.S. that men do, and human trafficking and sex slavery are huge problems in the U.S.
No, there are not enough scholarships and grants for everyone who works hard to be able to afford college and university.
Teachers don't get the summers "off", because of low wages many must work through the summer and part-time during the school year at other jobs to make ends meet, plus a lot of teachers are on some sort of assistance program due to low income.

Do some digging, do some research into these issues, don't just rely on what you observe in your immediate vicinity to inform you. Most of these problems don't get mainstream coverage and people don't see them day-to-day.

[Mermaid Lunette]

First off, people aren't illegal, they're undocumented.
People don't "just leave" because it is extremely expensive and difficult to do so.
Australia banned guns after mass shootings and there was a marked decrease in gun-related crime and deaths, not an explosion of illegal firearms. At the very least guns should be as regulated as cars, you should have to prove proficiency with the firearm just like you have to prove proficiency with a car before you can have a license.
It's great you don't feel marginalized due to your gender, but that is no reason to erase the very real struggles and oppression that others face. Women do not have the same opportunities in the U.S. that men do, and human trafficking and sex slavery are huge problems in the U.S.
No, there are not enough scholarships and grants for everyone who works hard to be able to afford college and university.
Teachers don't get the summers "off", because of low wages many must work through the summer and part-time during the school year at other jobs to make ends meet, plus a lot of teachers are on some sort of assistance program due to low income.

Do some digging, do some research into these issues, don't just rely on what you observe in your immediate vicinity to inform you. Most of these problems don't get mainstream coverage and people don't see them day-to-day.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Merman Chatfish]

First off, people aren't illegal, they're undocumented.
People don't "just leave" because it is extremely expensive and difficult to do so.
Australia banned guns after mass shootings and there was a marked decrease in gun-related crime and deaths, not an explosion of illegal firearms. At the very least guns should be as regulated as cars, you should have to prove proficiency with the firearm just like you have to prove proficiency with a car before you can have a license.
It's great you don't feel marginalized due to your gender, but that is no reason to erase the very real struggles and oppression that others face. Women do not have the same opportunities in the U.S. that men do, and human trafficking and sex slavery are huge problems in the U.S.
No, there are not enough scholarships and grants for everyone who works hard to be able to afford college and university.
Teachers don't get the summers "off", because of low wages many must work through the summer and part-time during the school year at other jobs to make ends meet, plus a lot of teachers are on some sort of assistance program due to low income.

Do some digging, do some research into these issues, don't just rely on what you observe in your immediate vicinity to inform you. Most of these problems don't get mainstream coverage and people don't see them day-to-day.


I was fighting the urge to respond, but now that you did I want to mention a statistic I found was that first generation immigrants have a much lower crime rate than native born citizens.

[IllynReaver]

Thanks but I have no interest in being worshipped...don't have a big enough ego.



Who?

Momo was referring to Alea.

Totally agree with Celaeno on this.

[SeaMansa]

Lets all just leave it be. I wasn't intending to start a discussion of politics or the state of america or anything, just venting feelings. Everyone is entitled to think as they will about whatever such topics. We all have had different experiences and all that jazz. Forgive me if I caused unnecessary drama.
Heres a new thing ill bitch about though: I went to get a 10 piece wing.... cashier gave me a six piece.


I literally can't even.

[SummerRogue]

Wtf, I get to college, into my assigned room and they ve never heard of me. They registered me for tomorrow. Then I had a panic attack in the toilets. Im on my way home now. What the hell us wrong with me!? A tiny admin mistake shouldn't give me a full blown panic attack!
I think being at the summer camp in iowa has made me develop somekind of anxiety issue
How can I go to college tommorrow knowing I could have another panic attack infront of twenty people. Ugh im so tired now, I want to sleep for.hours. Sorry for ranting and any typos my phone is awful
I also now have a nosebleed in the train, brilliant start to the day. Its only 10am here now.

[-Annwyn-]

First off, people aren't illegal, they're undocumented.
People don't "just leave" because it is extremely expensive and difficult to do so.
Australia banned guns after mass shootings and there was a marked decrease in gun-related crime and deaths, not an explosion of illegal firearms. At the very least guns should be as regulated as cars, you should have to prove proficiency with the firearm just like you have to prove proficiency with a car before you can have a license.
It's great you don't feel marginalized due to your gender, but that is no reason to erase the very real struggles and oppression that others face. Women do not have the same opportunities in the U.S. that men do, and human trafficking and sex slavery are huge problems in the U.S.
No, there are not enough scholarships and grants for everyone who works hard to be able to afford college and university.
Teachers don't get the summers "off", because of low wages many must work through the summer and part-time during the school year at other jobs to make ends meet, plus a lot of teachers are on some sort of assistance program due to low income.

Do some digging, do some research into these issues, don't just rely on what you observe in your immediate vicinity to inform you. Most of these problems don't get mainstream coverage and people don't see them day-to-day.


After the Port Arthur Massacre in 1996, the Howard government banned semi-automatic firearms, and put a heavy restriction on all others. There was a buyback scheme when you could surrender your gun for a certain amount of money. I remember the main consensus at the time was one of "I've had my gun lying in the cupboard for decades now. I have no bloody use for it." The amount of massacres since then has been zero. Gun crimes still happen here in Australia, but it's a fraction of what it used to be and never with such high mortality rates.

The government didn't "Ban all guns". I don't see what all the hoo-har is about Americans bitching about gun control. Just do it. It's very difficult to walk into a school and stab 29 students with a knife.

[-Annwyn-]

I love the USA! :D
It isn't about kicking out immigrants, it is about kicking out illegals. There are plenty of wonderful, honest people who have gotten into the US the correct way and who are living well and there is no issue with them. The ILLEGAL immigrants are coming over the wrong way....

Stop. It's not illegal to seek asylum. You sound like every other Murdoch-following bigot out there.

[SeaGlass Siren]

As a Canadian... I can honestly tell you that Harper is fucking up our system with the introduction of bill c 51 (we basically lost all our rights and freedoms listed in the Canadian charter) and wants it to be like America. We're all fucked anyway. :|

[SeaGlass Siren]

Speaking of I have a related bitch!


Harper issues a mass arrest for all natives and environmentalists everytime there's a protest because he labeled them as Eco-terrorists. This bill clearly wasn't issued to prevent terrorists from coming in and bombing us, it was to gain control over the people everytime we speak out against the Harper government.

[-Annwyn-]

As a Canadian... I can honestly tell you that Harper is fucking up our system with the introduction of bill c 51 (we basically lost all our rights and freedoms listed in the Canadian charter) and wants it to be like America. We're all fucked anyway. :|

Be glad you don't have the Suppository of all wisdom. Our PM recently tried to organize a Gestapo-like blitz where officers could stop random people on the street and ask to see their papers. :(

[SeaGlass Siren]

That's stupid. Who the eff is gonna carry their papers around =_=

[-Annwyn-]

That's stupid. Who the eff is gonna carry their papers around =_=


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3St7X4raC14

[SeaGlass Siren]

LOLLLL!!!!

[Aysun_the_Mermaid]

Just...

Bummed about stupid bs that I can't change and even if I could, I wouldn't.

There is honestly no reason for me to be upset, but I am just so down...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[Mermaid Momo]

Who?

Don't worry chatfish :) I was referring to the post above mine


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[PearlieMae]

Just...

Bummed about stupid bs that I can't change and even if I could, I wouldn't.

There is honestly no reason for me to be upset, but I am just so down...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Moochie does not want you to be down. Neither do I! (I hope I'm not the reason!)

32669

[SeaGlass Siren]

AWWW A KITTY CAAAAAT :swoon:

[Aysun_the_Mermaid]

Moochie does not want you to be down. Neither do I! (I hope I'm not the reason!)

32669
No, it isn't you!

Just. People and stuff that happened years ago.

Feeling... unvalued.

That and I sometimes describe people in my life as "small doses people" in that I like them, but I can only see them in small doses before I go crazy and last night I came to the realization that I may be that person in life.

The tail is coming along great and I always look forward to updates and it makes me happy and stuff...
The dark blues make me less... blue.

And your cat is adorable.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[Merman Chatfish]

KITTY! Will you be my hat?

[Hollydell]

Aysun, I'm sorry you feel like that. It's very hard to hear people feel so down about themselves. From what I can tell from your posts you sound like an awesome person, and friend! many people butt heads that have the same characteristics. and just because you can only handle people for a period of time doesn;t mean you love them any less, and im guessing thats the same for them <3

You're a great value to MerNetwork and all the fishy's in your life <3 It gets hard sometimes as a person because we all stuggle with our own lives we forget to show the gratitude and love to those around us.

I'm so sorry that people in your life before made it hard. But soon when you grow and get stonger you will learn to move on from that. and that doesn't always mean forgiving.

<3 I hope you get through these hard times with minimal cuts and bruises but just know we MerNetwork are here to help you <3

[Aysun_the_Mermaid]

I truly appreciate that

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[Hollydell]

<3 :mermaid kiss:

[OceanWhisper]

I JUST DISCOVERED THAT SOMEONE F%CKING RUINED MY FAVOURITE CHILDHOOD DOLL. I USED TO CARRY IT AROUND AND EVERYTHING. I know this is minor in the scheme of things, but I am so pissed off right now. All they did was cut her hair, but it's not the same. I have suspicions about who did it, but I don't know why. I'm so angry. :anger explode::anger explode::anger explode:

[Celaeno]

I'm sorry, OceanWhisper, that sucks. :( when I was in high school, my mom took my favorite childhood teddy bear and gave it to her dog as a chew toy. I found it all muddy and torn up in the back yard one day when I came home after class. It really hurts when other people don't respect your sentimental items, even if they seem trivial. They're important to us.

[Mermaid Kelda]

OceanWhisper, stuff like that happened to a few of my toys too, and I was really bummed at the time. But the way I see it, my dolls felt like real people when I was a kid, and it's only natural that people change. Just because I'm older now, doesn't mean my dolls' stories stop changing, and their new appearance doesn't change the memories I had as a kid - it just adds more memories! :)

[OceanWhisper]

Thanks Mermaid kelda- I didn't really think of it that way. And Caelano that's awful too :(

I guess I'm just annoyed. I've had the doll since I can remember. But I had the thought that if I really wanted to, I could look for one on the internet so I had a body double for it :)

[Mermaid Clara]

last night I was talking to my mom about making my silicone tail and she told me i should loose weight before i make it because it would look better. thanks for your support mom. :( i AM trying to loose weight but its hard when your parents keep fat shaming you. i told her that i'm not going to cut the scale sheets out until i have time to paint the silicone so in December and my deadline is January 31st or mid March to launch my business. then she repeated what she said about me loosing weight.

[Celaeno]

last night I was talking to my mom about making my silicone tail and she told me i should loose weight before i make it because it would look better. thanks for your support mom. :( i AM trying to loose weight but its hard when your parents keep fat shaming you. i told her that i'm not going to cut the scale sheets out until i have time to paint the silicone so in December and my deadline is January 31st or mid March to launch my business. then she repeated what she said about me loosing weight.

Bullying is the worst when it comes from family. I'm so sorry. You can be a mer at any size!

[ShyKaiju]

last night I was talking to my mom about making my silicone tail and she told me i should loose weight before i make it because it would look better. thanks for your support mom. :( i AM trying to loose weight but its hard when your parents keep fat shaming you. i told her that i'm not going to cut the scale sheets out until i have time to paint the silicone so in December and my deadline is January 31st or mid March to launch my business. then she repeated what she said about me loosing weight.

My mom fed me a stead diet of fast food and fried crap when I was young, I gained a lot of weight under their roof and didn't really start understanding nutrition until after I had moved out at 22. I went from a 70lb 5th grader to being 200lb my senior year. My mother constantly berates me for my weight, always telling me that 'I need to get my weight under control' but how could I? I constantly begged my mom to take me to a gym, to work out with me when I was too young to drive/ have a gym membership by myself. But you know what, I'm finally buckling down and loosing weight. 30lbs gone so far :D
My parents have constantly discouraged me from doing things because of my weight and I've just started ignoring them.

You know what I say? I'm fat and I want a tail. When I become less fat, I'll make ANOTHER tail! I mean think about it, how awesome would it be to show your weight loss with mermaid tails :P Don't let it discourage you!

[Mermaid Lilium]

Yep, to back up what others have said, I've learned the hard way that if you put things off until you loose 'enough' weight then you will be waiting for the rest of your life. Life is too short. Live now rather than later when it might be too late.

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

[stellar lee]

I'm in the same debate right now too! I've decided to custom make a "perfect" for me fabric tail that I will spend a lot of hours and resources painting- When it starts to fail, I'm moving to silicone, and that's that. Right now, I'm going with fabric simply because there's a down payment for a house in my future, and a starter home in my area is easily 350,000 USD and up... crud, my parents' starter home in this area was purchased for 300,000 and sold at 460,000... with nothing upgraded. Weight is weight. If a tail gets me moving more often, then my waist will shrink.

[Mermaid Lilium]

I have a painted neoprene tail as I know initial weight loss is usually the most dramatic. The plan is that when I can't take it in anymore without spoiling the paint job, I will turn it into a sequin tail to use alongside my silicone tail I'll be starting after Xmas :)

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

[Mermaid Mystery]

I was in a similar situation but the problem is I was severely underweight. it really sucks hearing your parents nag you. I'm sure she means well, but parents just don't get it. hang in there, it will get better!

[Aysun_the_Mermaid]

Soooo... I hate talking on the phone.

Hate it.

If I have to, and am prepared, I can do it, but I called a previously automated phone number and a person answered and I freaked out internally.

It was the right number and she did the same thing the system use to, but I was not prepared for that :|

It also means I cannot call at odd hours anymore to pick up stuff the next day.

Blah.

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[Azurin Luna]

Aysun, I hated to call people to, and I still don't like it. But due to the work that I'm doing I get called constantly to help people in the company. It helped me to get over this hate/fear of calling people for a huge part, but I still try to avoid it.
What I always try to remember, when I call people, is that they are there to help you and get odd calls all the time. It also helps to have a little list of points that you want to ask or any other information that can help you.

I hope this helps a little :) *hugs*

[Mermaid Lilium]

Yeah I had anxiety over phones... I now work in an inbound call centre. Mostly over it now as a result.

But now my reluctance to answer phones is either legit (like mum trying to put me on to her church friend who I barely know and don't really get on with amazingly)
or cause it's the last thing I want to be doing after answering phones all day. Lol

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[-Annwyn-]

Yeah I used to get the whole "You really need to exercise if you want to lose weight" so when I started Fencing, and then Tae Kwon Do, suddenly they're all "Just, go slow, take it easy" and I'm all like 'ROUNDHOUSEBACKKICK!'

[Naufra]

last night I was talking to my mom about making my silicone tail and she told me i should loose weight before i make it because it would look better. thanks for your support mom. :( i AM trying to loose weight but its hard when your parents keep fat shaming you. i told her that i'm not going to cut the scale sheets out until i have time to paint the silicone so in December and my deadline is January 31st or mid March to launch my business. then she repeated what she said about me loosing weight.

Sweetheart, I'm 5'4" and I weigh over 320lbs, and I'm no less of a mer than anyone else on this forum. You, at whatever weight you carry, are no less of a mer than anyone else on this forum. Your mother probably doesn't realize that she's bullying you, she means to help but she doesn't get it. Just like those strangers who like to tell me all about their new weight-loss diets and how I should totally try it because it would obviously change my life. I know it hurts, but you can't let it get you down. Chin up, Kelly, time to give the haters a mental middle-fin, or a literal one if you're so inclined, and go kick some ass! Make that tail in *your* size, whatever size that may be and cultivate your confidence, and you're gonna be the most beautiful mermaid in Sacramento.

[Adalira]

So.....i am going through some sort of a crisis.....i am all over the place.:help:
We had a show this week and my brother barely talked to me, most likely since i told him i do not want to sing at my dad's party.
I am the creative one in the family, crafting, painting etc....so at the show my brother gave my mom a white card board storage box for the baby's room and told my mom to paint it any way she wants for the baby. He said they had more of them and were giving them to people to get creative for the babies room as a nice memory for later.
And guess what.... i did not get one.
I am pretty sure he did it on purpose, giving it to her in front of me because my mom has been over there a few times now (even the day prior) and did not get it, but he gave it right in front of me.
Not sure what his deal is.
Like i said...i am going through a crisis..... i used to love everything related to performing....i just don't like performing with my family or in the setting it is done.
I just don;t like it. The family stress and drama....i cant take it. I am too senseitive to it. I also hate performing on parties/events/special occasions...never liked it since it was me performing and i was not a character...someone else.
Today i had a rough day with my hubby....we had a pretty big fight.
Now i am thinking back on my ex boyfriend who was an artist.
I was on tour with him when we were together and i loved it.
I even performed with him once and it was so awesome and exciting.
Don't get me wrong here....i do not want to get back with my ex, he was a cheater.
But i have to say even though he was a cheater and a lier, we did have really great times and he showed and taught me so much.
I will always be thankful for that.
If it wasn;t for him i would still be living at home with my parents since my mom kept saying i could not leave her with my dad, she would not let me move out.
He helped me to stand up to her and actually move out.
The few times that i really loved performing were always the times when i was not doing it with family.
LIke the one time i had an actual paid job as a mermaid....boy oh boy that was such an amazing time! I absolutly loved it and wanted more of it!!
It did not help that my family was against it and making sure i new they did not like it.
They brought me down, talking me down and making me doubt myself.
So many fights happened, one where i even said to my mom" How come when my brother starts something new for himself you and dad are totally behind him and supporting him in every way and now finally i found what i love to do and you do nothing but bring me down and work against me? Is a mom not supposed to always support her child, and especially if she has found something she loves to do?"
Her reply was that being a mermaid was never going to bring in money, it was a waste of time blah blah blah.
We had so many fights and the stress was so high that i got Meniere's disease and the doctor told me it was a risk to swim :cry:
My voice has gotten worse and worse over the years and it is because of stress.
I went to the hospital for it years ago, they gave me a note to see a vocal coach.
My vocal coach was wonderful and such a sweet woman.
One day she told me that she needed to talk to me and asked me if i even liked performing with my family.
I opened up to her and told her how i felt and she told me that all that stress and those emotions are what is causing my voice to be so unstable.
since then it has gotten worse and worse every year.
My vocal coach told me to quit the shows as well, talk to my family and i have but my mom refused to let go and kept on talking me down so i felt so insecure i did not dare to leave the shows anymore.
In a month or so our new season officially starts and i have at least 2 songs to sing (maybe 4 in total), i gave my dad the music and he wrote lyrics to it.
The lyrics actually turned out very nice and i am excited to sing the songs now....just not excited about the show and the time i spent with my family.
I know it will be super stressful and tense, i know it will drain my energy levels completly leaving me exhausted for days.
Now i am wondering...maybe i am a performer at heart just not with my family.
Maybe i need to be on my own and actually have the chance to shine on stage without my family trying to over shadow me....my brother always wants to be the center of attention and be the star.
Last show i was talking to a woman and my brother just grabbed a guitar and started playing on it loudly, and singing and he can't sing at all....i could not even hear the woman anymore and just nodded and smiled when i thought i was meant to do so....i mean...who does that? Who is so rude and such an attention wh*re that they grab a guitar and start playing loudly while people are trying to talk?
I ended up walking out and calling my hubby to blow off some steam after the guitar playing, the card box thing and my borther just talking over everyone about himself.
Maybe all i need is to be away from them and perform on my own.
Problem there is that they have been talking me down so much on me performing by myself that i am way too scared and insecure now to do so.
Even if i would leave the show i think it would take years for my voice to get back to normal.
I think that i am too late in this life time to be able to do so.:sad eyes:
To top it off i am stressed out beyond belief about the new house situation.
I called a company to ask if they could build a house before decembre and they said probably not but they would call me back.
They called me back and said they had an opening in novembre and that building the house would only take a week or so (depending on how the weather is) but we had to come by asap to talk things over, design the house on the inside etc.
So we are going to do that on Tuesday.
The stress of having to get everything ready before Decembre is insane. The fact that we can't get a loan but need to loan the money from my parents is an awful feeling....it really is.
Not being able to pay for the move yourself makes me feel like a loser, all these years of hard work and not even having any savings in the bank.....
I know that we are doing very well with our business and all and simply had to invest our money to be able to grow, which we succeeded in, but still.....
Now my parents have something to hold over our heads if i would want to leave the show, and i don't like that one bit.
Besides that...the house we are getting is smaller then the house we have now for all our stuff so we need to come up with very creative ways of storing everything.
We also had to get all the paperwork ready for my hubby for the dutch immigration office to get his permit to stay renewed.
I called the immigration to double check some things and turned out they had us fill out the wrong paper work so we had to redo everything last minute!
Luckily we got it all done in time but it was so stressful!
To top it off....after all the bad days i had....on Wednesday a damn wasp decided that the calf of my lower leg was the perfect spot to inject his poison!
My calf has been red, swollen and itchy ever since.
Today is the first day it is not so red and itchy anymore, but still there.
I made a new pact with myself to keep the weekends free to do crafting and realxing, maybe play some harp etc but then my hubby started to fight with me, ruining my relaxing time.
We talked it all out, but i feel all weird inside.
I have such a hard time getting over fights.
I know it is best to forget about it, turn around leaving it behind you and move on, but somehow that is almost impossible for me!
I have no idea how to change that about myself.
Forgot to mention that my mom said this week that she will need me to help 2 hours a day for the move, since they have to move a lot of there stuff, and i have no idea where to find 2 hours a day in my schedule! I simply don't have that time, especially not when we are going on tour again in octobre.
And then last Tuesday i found out my hubby was not doing the work he was supposed to be doing.
He had not done any of it the past 12 days! And all that while i was working my ass off every single day!
I found out because i thought it was weird how much free time he had to play video games when i barely have any free time so i checked it out and discovered it.
Now i am starting to feel as if i can't trust him, since i feel it is not my job to watch over him to make sure he does his work.
That should come naturally when you are an adult and have responsibilties.
I guess it is one of those times where you just want to crawl into bed, pull the blankets over your head and not get out untill all the sh*t is over.
Sorry about the long rant...really needed to get it off my chest....

[PearlieMae]

Be glad you don't have the Suppository of all wisdom. Our PM recently tried to organize a Gestapo-like blitz where officers could stop random people on the street and ask to see their papers. :(

They call it "stop and frisk" in NYC. Part if the "Broken Windows" policy...they feel if they pursue petty crimes, it will deter bigger ones.

All they found was that it unfairly targets minorities. Note they are going to hand out "receipts" telling people why they were stopped, hoping it will cut down on complaints from people who claim they are being stopped unfairly.

It's all bullshit.

[Fun123joker]

Ugh just annoyed. I had a argument with my sister about proper fish care. My older sister made such a big deal about it even though i know more about it then she does. I hate when the only way i can stop. Fights is to just accept thier bullshit before it goes out of hand.
So I post my thoughts on my blog. II only post little fights, not the big ones. My other sister who was in the same room who follows me pointed out my post kinda shaming me. For venting on my own blog. Like I was already over it but thanks to sister #2 for announcing that I post whats on my mind on my blog in front of my dad (thankfully not in front of sister #1 who was involved with the fight)

[Mermaid Mystery]

I thought today would be a good day but so far it's 4:00 and I think my thumb is broken and I want to press charges against two different people

[telzey.amberdon]

My girlfriend convinced me we will use our tails in front of my family Monday. Wonder when her family gets the same show?

[Imogen Finnly]

Whats up with all these new profiles popping up, and just saying "make me a tail, please." Or just spamming and being totally rude or thirsty.
It bugs me so much.
Or "can you post videos of every step? Im 8"
As if a parents would be like "3500 for a tail he/she will grow out of in a year?" Sure.
It sounds mean but it cloggs up the forum too

Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk

[Mermaid Momo]

Whats up with all these new profiles popping up, and just saying "make me a tail, please." Or just spamming and being totally rude or thirsty.
It bugs me so much.
Or "can you post videos of every step? Im 8"
As if a parents would be like "3500 for a tail he/she will grow out of in a year?" Sure.
It sounds mean but it cloggs up the forum too

Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk
So glad I haven't really noticed any of this since I'm hardly on the forum anymore

[Mermaid Wesley]

Well the one member who was bugging Pearlie was banned.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Yulia]

Last week we moved from the house I've been living in for 16 years.
It feels weird, but it's bigger and next to the forest so that's great.


BUT NOW I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO A POOL SO GOODBYE SWIMMING

4 km to nearest busstop, and I don't have a driver's license, or the 1300$ to get one, and I can't get a job without the ability to get out of the house.

UGH UGH UGH

And everything is such a mess, I don't have room yet, so I don't really have a place to sit down with all my stuff and create things I could possibly sell.
It will probably be better in a few weeks.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Ouch.

[Mermaid Momo]

wait, it's 1k to get a driver's license there?!

[Aysun_the_Mermaid]

*hopes conversion makes the number less shocking*

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[Yulia]

Basically yes.
If you train at home and don't take as much lessons you can get of maybe 300usd~ less, but the common price is about 1200-1300usd. (10 000 SEK)


Edit, Found this at an info site:
"Priset för ett körkort är i snitt 15 000 kronor. Sköter du allt själv, utan lektioner på en trafikskola, är priset för de obligatoriska momenten cirka 4 000 kronor."
"The price of a license is an average of 15 000 SEK (1780usd). Take care of everything yourself, without lessons at a driving school, and the price for the compulsory course will be about 4 000SEK (474usd)."

In Sweden it's legal to start practicing driving at home and at a school when you turn 16, and you can take the test when you're 18.
Some families put away money for their kids to pay for it. (Like some american families save money for college)

[Mermaid Mystery]

I have to decide between a birthday trip to Florida and a car, and I need a car because we only have two which my parents are always using but I reallllyy want to go to Florida for a mer birthday bash, I totally wanted this to be a surprise but I was just alerted that I might have to pick. I just wanted to do this for my 16th birthday because I've gone three years without doing anything because last year I was in treatment (although it was sweet, they made me this) http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/09/06/5ed3a010a00d81138e1e1988e9f3ab5b.jpg and the other two I was supposed to go to Disneyland but that never happened. I eventually took a 6 hour Disney trip earlier this year but if anyone remembers it was kinda awful. this sucks

[SeaGlass Siren]

Get a car.

[Adalira]

So i called my mom today to ask when she wants to go grocery shopping and then she tells me about how she and my dad were at my brothers and sister in laws place on Saturday and had been working on the programme for the release party.
My mother said to me:" Your brother told us that you will be singing one of dad's songs and the party, that is so wonderful!"
I was like....WTF???!!!!!
I NEVER told him i was going to sing, i told him NO i DO NOT want to sing and he told me to think about it....he NEVER talked to me about it anymore after that.
Even when i saw him at the show we did last week, he said nothing and he pulled that whole" Here mom paint the card board storage box deal" on me.
Anyway my reply was:" No mom, i am not singing at dad's party. He called me to ask and i told him no, i told him i did not want to. You all know how much i hate singing at parties and events and how nervous i get. I will be a nervous wreck all day and i don't want to. I have no idea why he said this to you."
Maybe he thought he could get me to sing by simply walking all over me?
Or maybe he did tell my parents that i did not want to sing and my mom decided to say this to walk all over me and make me sing?
I have no idea.
Anyway....my mom started the guilt trip on me with:" You're not serious are you? You're not singing? Please tell me that's not true? Oh no!" etc etc etc
I told my mom that my hubby and I would love to make festive cupcakes though for the party in the music/showbizz theme (put edible music notes on them, guitars etc)
But she actually said no.
She said she is going to bake buttercake....the saddest cake in the world
It is just butter, flower and sugar and it looks so sad:
32768

A few minutes later she said she would ask my dad if he wanted cupcakes or not and let me know.
I am guessing not!
Now i have another idea of something i could do for the party: I could sing the song at home, record it at home. Then have my hubby or a friend make a videoclip that goes with it which they can play at the party.
When i say videoclip this is what i mean: The song my dad wants me to sing is a song he wrote for his mom. About how wonderful she is and all she did for him. My grandma past away years ago. So what we could do is edit photos together of his mom (my grandma) of her life and some of his childhood as well.
I think that could be a very nice gesture.
Any thoughts on this idea or the cupcakes?

[Yulia]

The video idea sounds like a great idea!

[Mermaid Ciela]

Adalira, I've been lurking here and following this whole development and first off I want to say that I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself to your family - I know that can be really hard and it takes a lot of guts, but you did it, and it seems to me like they're finally starting to get the message. I think the video/recording is a fantastic compromise, and really the best your family could hope for. As for the cupcakes - honestly, if you want to make them, I think you should even if your family scoffs at them a bit. It sounds like they would be more appropriate and festive than what your mom has planned, and I can't imagine anyone saying, "CUPCAKES? UGH, DISGUSTING!" and then turning around and feasting on buttercake... Well, if that did happen I hope you'd laugh about it with me, because that's too absurd!!


Sent from the engineering wonder that is my shellphone using Tapatalk

[PearlieMae]

I love the idea of the video, especially if you can edit in pix of your dad's mom.

Make the cupcakes anyway. Butter cake sounds sad.

Deliver the cupcakes and video and ditch the event, if you want. They all sound so manipulative and know they can walk all over you. You've made a stand, don't back down!

I've lurked this whole situation and refrained from speaking up because I am blunt. But since you finally said no, you are starting to take charge of your own life. Refusing to be part of toxic relationships is the best thing you can do for yourself, even if it is family.

Good luck!

[Mermaid Mystery]

Get a car.

you're right, I should get the car. I can have an awesome party here in California, I could even drive to SoCal for a swim with my car.

[Princess Pearl]

It is so hot that, after leaving my walking tail in my car, the sequins have LITERALLY MELTED!

http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/09/07/99358ac47b459095ed2e499801b7e204.jpg

[Celaeno]

Oh no!!! Is it ruined?

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Ouuuuch. Salvageable?

[Princess Pearl]

I'm going to pull all the melted ones and put them in with my "factory seconds" that I give out to kids as keepsakes. It's a good thing I had to get 3kg of sequins when I ordered them- I've got spares!

[Mermaid Kelda]

I have just been informed that one of my molars will either need a root canal or extraction.
My teeth have always been troublesome and I don't particularly care if I lose the tooth but it's a whole lot of pain and bother and money that I don't have and would rather not spend.

:anger explode: :anger explode: :anger explode:

[Mermaid Jaffa]

I have just been informed that one of my molars will either need a root canal or extraction.
My teeth have always been troublesome and I don't particularly care if I lose the tooth but it's a whole lot of pain and bother and money that I don't have and would rather not spend.

:anger explode: :anger explode: :anger explode:
Do dentistry the old fashioned way...
Tie a string to the tooth and have someone yank it out. My Grandma did this to us when we were little.

Ugh! So there I was yesterday, in the bra shop trying on a really cute retro looking 2 piece... I am a size 12 but for some unexplained reason, this other size 12 felt more like a size 16! I even checked the label to make sure they put the right one onto the size 12 hanger. Yup size 12... Too big!!
Ok I thought, I can do this! I go to exchange it for the next size down, a 10, never have I squashed my boobies into a smaller top until this day!
So much annoyance at being in between sizes! Luckily, the pants fitted, so I bought it, without the top...

After all that, I resolved that day, I'd never buy another swimsuit again. Its just too painful, physically and mentally, to go looking for the perfect one. I can make my own now anyways.

[Mermaid Kelda]

Tie a string to the tooth and have someone yank it out.
If only :sad eyes:

[Spindrift]

I'm getting really tired of America and all it's bullshit.
I swear, I am seriously considering moving to Canada. Idk how or when but I've already but doing some research into the extensive process of it. I hear it is NOT easy and VERY expensive and isn't just a "Okay, I'm going to live here now *poof*" kinda thing. Or maybe Australia. But I hear its also very expensive living up there. Maybe after this year of college I will see if I could transfer to either for a brief period or something. I really don't know. But I don't wish to leave my family, and I doubt they'd all be aboard a "I Think This Place Is Going To Shitz and We Should Leave Before We Find Ourselves At The Business End Of An Army Boot" train. They will just look at me with a you're crazy look as usual and just refuse to see any points I make. And I am a family guy, guys, I CANNOT leave my mother and sister behind let alone my grandmothers especially when I know myself that I am, essentially, running in fear.
I just really need/want to get away. I know everything and everyone is not bad here. I LOVE the city I live in and always said years ago I never wanted to even travel but now here I am plotting to hightail it out as quickly as I can. Idk. I just don't wish to be the next news headline. It's all just bullshit. Humans are bullshit. I'm a potato now.

QUESTION: Has anyone here actually moved to Canada or Australia from America, permanently? Would you recommend? Or should I just shut my gill holes and deal? Maybe I'm just being stupid. And paranoid.

A small observation from someone who has lived in multiple countries around the world her entire life - your attitude means everything. If you feel like you only meet jerks in your current town, you'll meet the same people overseas.

Who cares if the headlines are stupid? They're designed that way to sell. That is a really dumb reason to move though (especially if it is the only one). You said you loved your city and your family, so is it worth it? America will still act the same way whether you're in it or not. Be the change you want to see. Vacationing and traveling is good. It is always nice to broaden horizons and to take a break.

[Mermaid Momo]

here's my bitch:
So I moved back to uni a few weeks ago, and neither of my roommates cook or know how to cook. Now that wouldn't be a problem at all... but they both eat all my food! I wouldn't mind if they helped pay to purchase the food and ingredients but they don't, or if they asked or offered to help me cook, but they don't, just just sit there on their laptops as I cook.
I started to make just enough for only me since it was my food I was cooking and I was the only one cooking but I'd go to the bathroom or somewhere and come back and they've eaten ALL my food, didn't leave anything behind! And usually when I cook, I cook because I'm not going out again to pick up any food, or I was craving it.

So my boyfriend is planning on coming to visit, I bought some ground beef, jalapenos, etc to make hawaiin burgers and jalapeno poppers for us.. I come home and the ground beef is gone, One of my roommates decided to take it to her boyfriend's house to have him make tacos for his roommates! Now I'm debating if I should go and get more ground beef, but I only have $500 and that needs to last me until December! and that money also pays for medication, clothing, doctor visits, etc. I really don't want to stop buying food and cooking since I enjoy it so much but they don't leave me any choice. I can't keep affording to replace the food I buy that I don't even get to eat because of them..

[Spindrift]

here's my bitch:
So I moved back to uni a few weeks ago, and neither of my roommates cook or know how to cook. Now that wouldn't be a problem at all... but they both eat all my food! I wouldn't mind if they helped pay to purchase the food and ingredients but they don't, or if they asked or offered to help me cook, but they don't, just just sit there on their laptops as I cook.
I started to make just enough for only me since it was my food I was cooking and I was the only one cooking but I'd go to the bathroom or somewhere and come back and they've eaten ALL my food, didn't leave anything behind! And usually when I cook, I cook because I'm not going out again to pick up any food, or I was craving it.

So my boyfriend is planning on coming to visit, I bought some ground beef, jalapenos, etc to make hawaiin burgers and jalapeno poppers for us.. I come home and the ground beef is gone, One of my roommates decided to take it to her boyfriend's house to have him make tacos for his roommates! Now I'm debating if I should go and get more ground beef, but I only have $500 and that needs to last me until December! and that money also pays for medication, clothing, doctor visits, etc. I really don't want to stop buying food and cooking since I enjoy it so much but they don't leave me any choice. I can't keep affording to replace the food I buy that I don't even get to eat because of them..
Have you said something to them?

Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk

[Mermaid Jaffa]

Try putting your name on the stuff you buy. Or just tell them straight off, if you want to eat, contribute! If not, then get yer dirty mitts off my food!

[Mermaid Momo]

Have you said something to them?

Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk

I have :( I've sat them both down at the same time and told them that I don't appreciate them mooching off of me and my food without contributing.

Try putting your name on the stuff you buy. Or just tell them straight off, if you want to eat, contribute! If not, then get yer dirty mitts off my food!
I tried putting my name on it (I shouldn't have to, because I'm the only one in the whole room who doesn't buy precooked food haha) and they STILL touch it!

[Mermaid Jaffa]

I have :( I've sat them both down at the same time and told them that I don't appreciate them mooching off of me and my food without contributing.

I tried putting my name on it (I shouldn't have to, because I'm the only one in the whole room who doesn't buy precooked food haha) and they STILL touch it!
Watch them for awhile, see what kinds of food they don't like to eat. Then save the boxes/packages, and put your food in it. Trick them into thinking YOU like eating stuff that they don't like!

[ShyKaiju]

I used to do this with my roommate. It really sucks you have to resort to hiding food, but sometimes it can't be help :x!

[Merman_Shawn]

here's my bitch:
So I moved back to uni a few weeks ago, and neither of my roommates cook or know how to cook. Now that wouldn't be a problem at all... but they both eat all my food! I wouldn't mind if they helped pay to purchase the food and ingredients but they don't, or if they asked or offered to help me cook, but they don't, just just sit there on their laptops as I cook.
I started to make just enough for only me since it was my food I was cooking and I was the only one cooking but I'd go to the bathroom or somewhere and come back and they've eaten ALL my food, didn't leave anything behind! And usually when I cook, I cook because I'm not going out again to pick up any food, or I was craving it.

So my boyfriend is planning on coming to visit, I bought some ground beef, jalapenos, etc to make hawaiin burgers and jalapeno poppers for us.. I come home and the ground beef is gone, One of my roommates decided to take it to her boyfriend's house to have him make tacos for his roommates! Now I'm debating if I should go and get more ground beef, but I only have $500 and that needs to last me until December! and that money also pays for medication, clothing, doctor visits, etc. I really don't want to stop buying food and cooking since I enjoy it so much but they don't leave me any choice. I can't keep affording to replace the food I buy that I don't even get to eat because of them..

I have lived this nightmare. It's especially hard when they have no remorse about it either.
When you have no choice, but to live with people like this, it's non uncommon to start squirreling away food in your bedroom. I had a roommate so awful that I had to buy a mini-fridge and get a little cabinet(with a lock) as a makeshift pantry for my room. Some people can be talked to and reasoned with, but sometimes you have to go to extremes to ensure you get to eat.

Oh, and don't turn your back on your cooked food. Pretend you're living with cats. We all know the moment you turn your back on a cat, it will be up on the counter eating out of the pot. Same concept.

[CheshireKat]

You are far kinder than I am. I would have broken out the chocolate ex-lax and started making brownies by now. Or put a lock on the fridge. Probably both.

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[Elodea the Mermaid]

I have :( I've sat them both down at the same time and told them that I don't appreciate them mooching off of me and my food without contributing.

I tried putting my name on it (I shouldn't have to, because I'm the only one in the whole room who doesn't buy precooked food haha) and they STILL touch it!

This is crazy! Did they give you a reason why they feel so comfortable helping themselves to other people's things? It seems like if you asked them directly, they would have had to give you some explanation for such unbelievable behavior.

[Mermaid Jaffa]

I second that. Fill their "share" with laxatives. Or chillies.

Even better! Do both!!! Teach them a lesson not to mooch off you.

[SeaMansa]

I agree. Put them in fear that every time they touch your food, there is a possibility it will be "spiked" with some unsavory ingredients. If they don't like it, tell them not to touch your food or to at the very least ASK!
But sometimes, you have to play the role of the villain to get your respect.

[Mermaid Ciela]

Momo, I'm honestly SO sorry that your roommates are terrible people without respect for boundaries. Even though it sounds awful, I would be very tempted to put laxatives and really hot chili powder in the next batch of brownies you make and see if that changes anything. Before that, though, are you in a dorm/do you have an RA or any kind of authority figure who could mediate this for/with you? Is there a form you can fill out - along the lines of a roommate dispute to ask for a room change?


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[SeaGlass Siren]

momo i second everyone else and put laxatives in their portions of food.

[PearlieMae]

Momo: Soap. Cook something and leave it on the stove but make sure it has a healthy dose of dishsoap.

[Mermaid Ciela]

Pearlie, that is dastardly and ingenious. I'm impressed.

Other idea: pour dishsoap in their dirty laundry...see what happens when they try to do laundry. (Actually I'm not sure if that would be horrible. But I recently learned from firsthand experience that dishsoap in dishwashers is a not good idea.)


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[PearlieMae]

Dishsoap in the laundry doesn't address the food problem, and will just make a bigger mess.

Soap in food that you aren't supposed to eat just punishes the thief.

[SeaGlass Siren]

new idea. put in a strand of pubic hair xD

[Mermaid Mystery]

YOU ARE EVIL

[SeaGlass Siren]

YOU ARE EVIL
naturally.
http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/36900000/Regal-hair-flip-the-evil-queen-regina-mills-36928523-245-180.gif

[SeaMansa]

Something weird happened when I first posted this but... anyway, when they take the food, you can stand in the shadows like:
https://i.imgflip.com/qsdqa.jpg

[Mermaid Ciela]

SeaMage, it looked like it posted the picture three times in a row, but I wouldn't have been surprised if that was intentional! I can just picture someone standing in the shadows, silently cackling and repeating over and over again, "Eat the food... Eat all the food!" Like a real-life gif.

Also, yeah, on reflection, dish soap in dirty laundry is not a good way to deal with them. But I maintain that it's amusing to think about.

Oh, is there anywhere else you can cook, Momo? Do you have any friends who live nearby who wouldn't eat any food you left there? And in exchange for them keeping your food safe (and contributing to your grocery bill), maybe you cook dinner for them a few times a week?


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[PearlieMae]

new idea. put in a strand of pubic hair xD

That's assuming they'll notice it. http://replygif.net/i/879.gif

[Mermaid Mystery]

I broke a bracket this morning because I YAWNED. this is the second time it's happened I'm so sick of it.

[PearlieMae]

... i second the laxatives. Effective and funny. Just like in dumb and dumber :) the movie Waiting also has some good ideas! ;)

fyi: Ingesting soap is extremely laxative.

[Merman Lir]

fyi: Ingesting soap is extremely laxative.

I've lived with the whole roommate issue before. I.e. labeling food, why are you eating my food... etc. But I would not get myself into a prank war if I were you. Honestly, if you give your roomies diarhea, who is going to clean the bathroom? are they goingto understand that they deserve it because they steal your food or will they just think you are a meanie and seek revenge. punishment only works as a corrective if they know they are being punished and why. Otherwise it just escalates the situation.

my recommendation would be a minifridge in your room with a padlock. If they won't respect your food, then don't put food where they can get it anymore.

[stellar lee]

Or just get a crate that you can put a pad lock on that fits in the fridge you have... Deal with it like an adult. Also, You can put together an invoice of the food, and bill them weekly.

[PearlieMae]

You guys are being way too sensible and grown up.

And you're right.

http://replygif.net/i/101.gif

[Mermaid Lilium]

I have a compromise between reasonable and evil.....

Laxative idea but make sure to walk in as they get half way through or just finish eating and go 'oh you didn't eat my food did you? I put laxatives in it to find out who kept stealing all my food... I really hope you didn't cause I crushed a whole pack in.... Going to have to keep doing that til whoever it is learns their lesson... If you know who it is maybe you could warn them? Thaaanks!' and walk back out the door with a smile :D

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[stellar lee]

I know... I remember dealing with roommate issues in college- I think most people had roommate issues in college. I think it is part of the maturation process. Yes, there was one roommate issue, where we just knew from the very beginning that the arranged housing was going to be bad news, and I think within 3 weeks we had a game plan in place to get us separated. Again though, it was a communicated joint effort and we cooperated and got our housing reassigned. There was no animosity or bitchiness, just a very clear understanding that this was not going to work.

Keep talking through it, and work on meeting others who enjoy cooking as well- creating a communal cooking group can be a lot of fun! This would allow you to make it a travelling social group that excludes your roommates, and makes it clear that this is not their food.

GOOD LUCK!

[Merman Dan]

I tried putting my name on it (I shouldn't have to, because I'm the only one in the whole room who doesn't buy precooked food haha) and they STILL touch it!

How about Fake Mold Sandwich Bags (http://boingboing.net/2008/09/16/sandwich-bag-has-fak.html)? ;)

http://therockingcomedyshow.com/images/anti-theft-lunch-bag.jpg

[Madison MerFaerie]

Momo: Soap. Cook something and leave it on the stove but make sure it has a healthy dose of dishsoap.

Funny story about dish soap!

When I was just a baby, my mom and aunt were hanging out and really wanted some french fries. My mom kept a deep fryer on the counter so she went and turned it on, and fried up some yumminess. She didn't realize that the oil had a greenish tinge, and it turns out that my older brother (who was only 5 at the time) had emptied out the entire bottle of Palmolive dish soap into the fryer earlier that day. She and my aunt dug into the fries only to be surprised by a horribly soapy taste.

To this day, she can't buy Palmolive. She only uses Dawn soap. If you make her sniff Palmolive she literally GAGS and it's been 25+ years since this happened.

[Mermaid Wesley]

Omg I'm gagging just thinking about it lol hey momo do that to your roomie XD


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[Mermaid Momo]

The way our dorm is set up, we all share the same bed room (we have one living room, and a kitchen and one bedroom we all share with an attached bathroom)

I mean it could be worse, last year there was this girl who's roommate ALWAYS had guys over for bootycalls at all hours of the day (including finals week) without telling her so I'd go to the bathroom at like 10pm and she'd be sitting in the hallway outside the room door, then I'd go again at 3am and she'd still be there! I felt so bad for her

[Adalira]

So i kept strong against my family in not wanting to sing at the party on Saturday.
My brother made the videoclip with the photos of my grandmother in it, he said he would like to make that for me (no idea why he is so friendly all of a sudden) and he showed the result to me yesterday. It looks great.
On Friday my hubby and I will bake 140 cupcakes for the party and during the party we volunteered to poor drinks for guests.
So you'd think all is well....but it's not.
My parents are being weird about the house building situation and extremely stubborn.
Last week my father said he is not willing to pay for the house, or at least not the price the building company gave us, even though it is by far in the budget my mom had set for it.
I talked with my mom and explained that we will pay for things ourselves as well and are putting money aside. Besides that we will be paying money to them every month, and not a tiny amount but as much as we can spare and i told her the minimum we will pay every month, she was impressed and said that we did not have to pay that much back every month but i told her we wanted to.
I was hoping this would put their mind at ease more, to know that we are not mooching of of them and are paying back from day 1.
The way my parents want it now is that we will have to move in with them for a month or even longer before the house can be even build!
I have no idea why they are so stubborn and doing this.
Then there is something else that is bothering me....last night my brother called me to show me the video and he talked about the party. He asked me if i knew who was performing and what was going to happen, and the truth is i barely know anything since my parents are preparing the party with my brother only and are leaving me out of everything.
He told me that he is going to sing a lot of song as well....here is the thing....my brother can't sing!
For some reason he feels that he can sing and no one dares to tell him otherwise.
He keeps saying people compliment him and his wife for their singing but people have told me and my parents that they don't like it and that they should stick to playing their instruments and not sing anymore.
Now my brother said that my parents told him that he sang very good so they were happy he would be singing a lot of songs.
Today i asked my parents if they actually said that to him, because even my parents told my brother he is not a good singer and that if he really wants to sing he really needs to start taking singing lessons.
Today they told me they actually think he sang good!
My dad said:" You know...we HAVE a good singer in our family...but well...." and then he gave me a look " you refuse to sing...so he has to."
And i replied with:' That is correct, i will not be singing."
I hate the mind f*cks, the judging tone in my parents voices, the belittleling....
I just can't believe it! I am sure he is getting better at singing in tune, but singing in tune and actually being able to sing are 2 COMPLETELY different things.
Just because someone can sing in tune/key does not mean it sounds good or that they can sing well.
I am just so pissed..... it seems that all my life my brother wants to take the spotlight from everyone.
If i acutally have something to share with people he will make sure to talk over it quickly and put the attention on him again.
I am a reiki/energy healer and my brother has NO connection to this sort of work/field AT ALL.
This one summer a friend of ours whom we have known for years and years and so happens to have become a well known actor in his country, talked to me about reiki. His wife works with reiki and he was learning a lot about it, so him and I had a connection there and a great talk about it.
All of a sudden my brother said he wants to learn reiki.
He asked me to give him the dvd i had so he could become a reiki master....LOL....i was like....hell no.....i will not simply give you a dvd. You do not learn it from a dvd, it is something that is already inside of you and you need to learn it from a proper teacher and put the work and effort into it.
So i refused it. He dropped the whole thing after that.
He has done this with many things....where he saw i was getting a slight bit of attention with something and he would jump right in trying to copy me, steal my ideas etc.
Now he is focused on singing and things he will make it.
He even said that one of the guys who will be performing at the party had said he would only perform if my brother would perform with him, my brother claims the guy said :" Since you are such a famous guitarist i would love to perform with you."
I mean.... :lol: my brother is NOT a famous guitarist...i have no idea what he or my parents are telling people but he is not.
He travels the world with his wife to perform concerts together but guess what.....most of them he plays at for free, he has to pay his own travel expenses as well.
When he tours an entire summer, the bit of money he makes goes towards the travelling he does and most of what he does is at small cafe's, venues etc.
I am getting really fed up with this facade that my family is putting up for the world, pretending to be something they are not.
My hubby said i should not let this stuff bother me and not care.
But i told him i do care, it is like everytime i slightly succes of have a little but of succes in some way, be it singing or something else, my brother has to take it away from me.
Is it that weird or stupid that at some point i would like to get a little bit of recognition for what i do/have done? And not constantly be pushed aside like i mean nothing?
I do not want to be in the spotlight all the time like my brother, don't get me wrong, but being pushed aside constantly by your own family hurts....it really does....
Now another thing that happened.
I had a long talk with my hubby since there has been tension between him and I lately...not really weird considering all the stress we have been and are under at the moment.
But his biggest issue is that i am not affectionate towards him.
I can only say that he is right...i am not affectionate at all.
My hubby can come up to me during the day and wantig a hug and i don't like that, or he will want a kiss and i wont give him one.
I know why i am like that.
Affection equals pain to me.
So much has happened in my life, i have been hurt so many times by my family, people i trusted, and by men that i have completly shut down from any kind of affection and don't want it anymore.
My first boyfriend ever abused me emotionally and fysically, after that i never was the same again.
The few men i dated or was in a short relationship with after (which were not many) all treated me badly too.
About 5 years ago i was treated like nothing again and i told my self....this is enough...i am done...
About 2 months later i bought a dog, my everything <3, and decided to live alone since it was much more calm and relaxed for.
About 6 months later i met my hubby and i decided to do some soul searching...i read Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life and began to recognize the patterns i had been in all those years and made changes accordingly.
But i never made the change of openening myself up again.
After my very first boyfriend i shut down and it only got worse and worse after that.
How on earth am i supposed to even begin to open up again?
Does anyone know of a book i could read? Or any other recommendations?

To top of this wonderfull story...ugh....my ipod crashed on Sunday and i lost ALL my music. I put the music on the ipod in a time where i did not know how to back up stuff yet (years and years ago) so no i have to get ALL my music back o my laptop and then on my ipod.... I guess it is one of those weeks......oooh...almost forgot....i may be in early menopause since i sleep horribly and get burning hot at times, during the day and night without any reasoning and sweat like crazy.
It may be the stress but i am not sure.... ugh......

After all that happened today with my parents and the stress with my hubby....i could not help but buy chocolate to comfort myself.

[PhaylennMurúch]

Adalira, your family is toxic.
Your parents are playing you, mom acts like the good guy/reasonable one while your dad acts like the angry enforcer. Living with them for a month before they're willing to start building? Control tactic, it won't be just a month because then you'll have nowhere to live while the build is happening (I don't know what the rules etc are where you are but here in San Francisco even a simple addition on a house can take 6 months or more) and you'll be expected to follow their rules and lay down like the doormat they want you to be.

Your brother trying to take everything you're good at is fairly standard in the Golden Child/Scapegoat dynamic, the Scapegoat cannot have anything that they excel at. Only the Golden Child is allowed. These are the roles your parents insist that you both fit into. By brushing aside anything you do they are pushing the dynamic, they wan't you to chase them for affection and recognition. They get a sick reward from you chasing them.

Honestly the best thing you can do for yourself is to distance yourself from them (I've noticed that you see them an awful lot. I have a good relationship with my parents and I don't see them nearly as often) because the level of enmeshment that they require will drive you crazy

[PearlieMae]

Get away from your idiot family as fast as possible. I'd rather like in a cardboard box than put up with that kind of manipulation. Your brother is an asshole.

Get couples counseling if you want to stay with your husband. If not, get a divorce. Move. Get your own life - or lives (with your husband). Buying a book isn't going to do you any good.

Menopause is a bitch, and stress can make symptoms worse. Extract yourself from the toxic waste dump that is your mess of a family!

Forget the ipod for now, you have bigger issues to deal with.

[Mermaid Ciela]

Like PhaylennMurúch said, Adalira, your family is toxic. All of this crap that they're pulling seems to me to be a big stunt to control you, and I seriously commend you for not bending to their whims. I would avoid moving in with your parents if at all possible, and not let their head games get to you. Something my dad has taught me over the years is that you can't change the character of another - as hard as it may be, I'd recommend taking a deep breath (or maybe lots of deep breaths!) and a step back from them and their drama - just let it roll off of you without affecting you. Your brother wants to sing, even though you don't think he's good at it? Fine, let him succeed or fail as he will - he's an adult, he'll make his own choices and suffer the consequences. Your parents are playing headgames with you? Call them out on it and refuse to go along with it, until they start treating you like the mature adult you are (though maybe this will have an affect on your house situation). Try to find and surround yourself with people who love and respect you for you, and let them be your new family.

As for your difficulties with showing affection to your husband, it sounds like you might want to start seeing a therapist to talk through what you've been through in the past. Books are all well and good, but a trained professional will be able to tailor his or her services to most benefit you - and don't be afraid to shop around for someone you really click with. I've seen therapists before and they really are so helpful. Good luck, and stay strong!


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[Mer-Crazy]

Unrelated to all yall here. Wanna have a quick sook. Apparently my body is a woss and can't handle it's pain killers. I had a toothache and got prescribed some antibiotics for the infection and strong painkillers for the pain. Took the first dost last night, woke up middle of the night with the most sever pain I had ever experienced. My mum drove me to the hospital and I actually threw up so hard that I got all these little red dots all over my face (looked kind of like red freckles). Apparently my body just can't handle powerful pain killers (I suppose that's what happens when you try and not take panadol at all unless you really need it). So yeah, that was a fun way to spend midnight :)

[Merman Dan]

Ouch! I hope you feel better, soon! I get little red dots all over my eyelids, when I throw up.

[Amphitrite]

I just had the most shitty day imaginable. I got about five hours of sleep last night and have been dead tired all day. I had a meeting which ended with the one person that I NEED to understand certain things basically saying they weren't important and I had work and I screwed up a lot and I still have a TON of math homework and I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I'm sick to my stomach. I am not suicidal (thankfully, right?) but I just don't want to be where I'm at anymore. If it's going to be a 'screw you' type situation then I need out. I just can't take it anymore.

[Mermaid Ciela]

Amphitrite, sweetheart, we're all here for you to talk to, and if you want to PM me go for it. The most important thing is for you to get enough sleep - so let your math homework go (maybe your teacher will give you an extension, but if he/she doesn't, missing one or two assignments isn't going to be the end of the world, I promise you) and please get a good night's sleep first and foremost.

Why does this one person need to understand these certain things? Is anyone going to lose life or limb if he/she doesn't get it? More importantly, are YOU quite certain that you haven't screwed up a lot? Because if you know that you've done the best you can, then this other person is just mistaken and you should try not to let that upset you. I know you'll find a way to let them know they're wrong about x/y/z thing in a mature, respectful manner.

Again - take a deep breath. If you need to cry to let some of the stress go, do that. (Taking a hot shower helps me when I'm feeling stressed or upset, especially right before bed, I find. I like to imagine all the negative thoughts/feelings just washing off me and running down the drain.) Then go to bed and deal with it in the morning. You'll be alright!

(Edit: words)
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[Mermaid Clara]

My mom isn't home and my dad just goes off on me when he sees that I'm doing homework and not studying. Then when I start to study he starts yelling at me again for not doing homework. He is refusing to take me to work tomorrow morning unless i stay up all night studying and get my homework done. He telling me that I'm lazy and that I'm going to flunk out of college and that he going to take away all my possessions if I don't get an A on my test. When he starts being mean and yelling at me I can't help but to start to sob and then he yells at me even more telling me that I'm a baby and it makes me start sobbing even more.
I just really want to start my new job and save up enough to move out of my parents house, but that's never going to happen because I'm never going to be able to make enough money to support myself through school and pay bills even if I have a roommate or two. I really hate what he does to me.


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[CheshireKat]

Kelly, it sounds like you need to sit your Dad down with an impartial party and explain to him that yelling at ANYONE doesn't make them study more efficiently or finish homework faster, it does the opposite. If he's behaving this way because he's scared you're not taking school seriously, then pointing out to him you are serious about school but his behavior is hurtful and confusing and isn't going to procure the 'result' that he wants. That's not how you work, and it isn't how most living things work. Screaming at a cat to love you isn't going to make it love you, it's going to make it scared and possibly aggressive towards you.

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[Sabrina the Selkie]

AGREED. You really need to talk to him. Maybe go to a family councillor?
Good luck with that Kelly.

[SeaGlass Siren]

He sounds like my dad :/ sounds like an asshole.
my advice would be to cut him out of your life. You don't need that kind of asshattery. But because you still live with him... I suggest you lock your door and when you need to eat bring the food upstairs.

[Mermaid Ciela]

I second Sabrina's vote for seeing a family counselor, and seeing if you can have a calm/rational conversation with him to explain that his methods are going to get him the opposite of what he wants. (Also...maybe the hw/studying is for different classes, but either way I feel like they should go hand in hand. In doing homework, you're reinforcing the things you learned in class, which is a kind of studying; in studying, you're working out the kinks in and solidifying your knowledge of a subject, which in turn helps when you turn around and try to do some homework. Might be worth mentioning to your dad.)


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[Sabrina the Selkie]

Although, I do agree with SeaGlass that distance is the solution.

However, given that moving out isn't an option, counseling might help smooth relations a little.

[Echidna]

In my experience, people with a certain... attitude refuse to go to a counseling.

I've been eating in my room for years.
Amazed I didn't starve yet.

[SeaGlass Siren]

agreed. my dad refused counselling too. he's convinced IM the crazy one.

[MermaidKinsie]

Here's my bitch: I'm a college student paying $500+ (in Texas, that's expensive) for an apartment, and of the three bedrooms in the place, only mine has a roach infestation :( My roomies have seen maybe one each in the past five months but I have seen more roaches in the past WEEK than I have seen in my entire life. I even had one in my bed! :mad:

I've sprayed, I've had the place exterminated, I've put out baits, but nothing will make them go away! So, I'm paying all this money and I get to sleep on the couch and shower & use the restrooms on campus because I can't use my own. Lovely.

[PearlieMae]

If your room has roaches, you can bet the entire place has them. And the problem with an apartment building is that, when you exterminate from one apartment, they run to the next until the coast is clear and come back. The entire building needs to be fumigated.

My grandmother used to upholster furniture and she opened the back of a couch and an entire colony fell out! We had to bomb the whole house with one of those tents!

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Ouuuuch. That. Sucks. Big. Time.
I live in a fairly clean suburb of Chicago but I'm originally from Manhattan, and my dad and his wife and her children live in Chicago proper, so the roach issue is a terrifying one to me, especially given that I'd also prefer to not kill critters. (I was SO mad when my mom called the exterminator on the mice a few years ago, them I don't mind sharing with)

[Sabrina the Selkie]

But roaches, I'd feel terrible afterward, but honestly, KILL THE LOT OF 'EM!!!

[Echidna]

If you are allowed a pet, you can also invest in a cat.

I guarantee she'll keep your room bug-free, especially is she is indoors and bored ;)
And totally toxin-free at that!

[Adalira]

Thank you all for your words of support and your honesty, it means so much to me and makes me feel stronger. It is good to hear that all that i have been thinking and feeling is not all in my head, it makes me stronger and more able to stand up to my family.
I read all of your messages and wanted to reply sooner but i was not feeling well at all, i have a bad cold and like said i may be going through early menopause. I need to call the doctor on Monday to get some tests done.
To top it off 2 nights ago i got locked out of the house with my dog because of hornets.
I went outside to let my dog out before going to bed and i checked the door for hornets (they get aggresive now because the temperatures are dropping) but i did not see any.
As soon as i opened the door one attacked me! I ran off with my dog but when i went back to check the door....the door was covered in them! They were everywhere and even on the spots where if i would open the door they would fly inside!
So i knocked on the bedroom window to get my hubby to the window.
I told him about it and he first laughed, which i understand, pretty crazy what was going on.
He tried getting them away from the door by kicking the door from the inside but they would not move at all.
We only have 2 windows that can open and one is at the bedroom but the nest of the hornets is right next to it and they were on the windows there to, i could only tap on it quickly to get my hubby's attention and walk back a few feet before talking to him.
The other window is my work room and there was a hornet on that as well trying to get it.
We tried multiple things but nothing worked.
An hour after i was locked out i told my hubby that i was getting too cold (my feet were wet since i only wore flip flops and no jacket since normally i am back inside in 5 minutes) and if i could not get in soon i would have to stay at my parents or call them for help.
Luckily the one hornet went away from my work room window and we quickly opened it to let my dog jump in first and then me.
I slept awful that night, i was shivering and had nightmares all night.
Yesterday when i woke up i felt like i was hit by a train, i just wanted to get some extra sleep but it was so busy i could not get any type of rest untill i went to bed around 11pm.
I started to shiver around 5 pm and felt a fever coming.
Today i had to bake cupcakes for tomorrow so again no extra rest.
Baked cupcakes from 9am to 8pm with my hubby.
Then this afternoon my brother calls me and said he showed the video of me singing with my grandmothers photo's to my mom and she cried when she saw it. But now my mom thinks it is a very bad idea to wait till tomorrow night before my dad can see the video because it may be too emotional for him.
So my brother called me to ask if it was ok to show it to my dad....i was like...NO WAY. It is meant for tomorrow evening.
He asked me to consider showing it in the afternoon tomorrow before the guests arrive and then later when the guests are there a second time.
I told him it was bullsh*t.
My mom started with me about it as well this evening and i told her that it is not going to happen.
The video is for tomorrow evening and that's that.
I told her exactly what the video would be, she even gave me a lot of the photos for it since i did not have those photos of my grandmother.
She can not simply tell me now that it will not be a surprise anymore, that's just stupid.
She said ok, but i think she and my brother will try to change my mind tomorrow before the party.
Thing is though....my brother told me that he made a video as well to start the evening with. He will use the holocaust in it as well when i know for a fact that my dad does not want to be confronted with that past, it gives him nightmares and he will not be able to sleep.
Why is THAT ok and my video of his mom not?
I told a friend of mine about it who knows my family and she said my brother is obnoxious for making that video and that it may ruin my dads evening.
My parents tried to play some mind games with me this week but i stood strong against them and it is thanks to my mer family here for helping me so much!
Thank you again everyone!
I will try to make some photos tomorrow of the cupcakes and post the link to the video of my grandmother here hopefully next week when it is on youtube.
My brother asked if it was ok to post it on youtube and i said it was, it is a great tribute to my grandmother.

I can't say it enough: Thank you my mer family:hug:

[Sabrina the Selkie]

I'm sorry you got so sick!!!
Good luck with the party, though your brother's video seems utterly inconsiderate. It also seems like he's just trying to steal your thunder.

Have you managed to force the hornets to vacate yet?

Again, good luck with the party!
I hope it ends up being enjoyable!

[PearlieMae]

Every time you post, I am stunned at how much of a jerk your brother is.

They are going to do what they want with your video, not much you can do to stop it. Ideally, they should tell your dad there is a surprise, does he want to see it before the party or at the party as originally planned, let him have the choice.

The total insensitivity of your brother's video is ghastly. He sounds seriously mentally ill and needs professional help.

Sorry about the hornets! I hope you feel better! :mermaid kiss:

[SeaGlass Siren]

Everytime I read I also want to punch him. I'm sorry for the cesspool you've been swimming through.

[Echidna]

Today's Bitch:

If you're a model, and you are to model a non-contemporary piece.
You strike a pose like the woman who might have worn these clothes (look up old paintings if you don't know any), and not a crappy, run-off-the-mill, modern pose.
It looks cheap, tacky, and totally out of place.

Point in case:
33068

[Mer-Crazy]

Haha all I can imagine now is a mermaid doing generic (non mermaid)model poses

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Pffffft. *laughs* So true.

[Adalira]

Well....it is the day after of the big night.
I am completely exhausted.
We had a ton of cupcakes left and i did not understand why.
I was quite sad about it, i thought maybe guests did not understand they could simply take them, or they did not like them.
I asked my mom why we had so many left over and she claimed she did not know either.
The end of the evening when my hubby and i left we took some home for ourselves and i told my mom again i did not understand why we had so many left and then she told me that it is because only 70 to 80 guests were there in stead of the 110 to 120 they claimed would come.
Well...that made a whole lot more sense, now i understood why we had so many left over.
My video and song were a big hit, i got a ton of compliments from guests (a lot are artists/singers so it meant a lot to me).
Funny thing is though that most of them said:" I was so touched by your video and you can sing so good! YOU have such a beautiful voice, YOU can really sing." emphasising the YOU part.
My brother also sang a lot last night so i knew what they meant when they said it to me ;-)
My brother, sister in law, mom and dad performed multiple songs together and my god....i got such a big Kelly Family feeling when i saw them lol.
The difference is though that the Kelly Family can actually sing.
The whole night was a big brag night for my brother, his wife and my parents.
I am glad i kept myself from it.
I was simply there to pour drinks and cater to people's needs, like show where they could hang their coats or where the bathroom was.
There was a very akward moment where a guest wanted to know where the bathroom was and my hubby and i showed him (gave us a chance to leave the room and get away from the room) but apparently after that last song my dad wanted to present the book and needed me and my hubby on the stage with him which we did not know so apparently they were calling us from the stage and the audience was as well but we did not know and i told my family that i would sit in the back and leave the room if guests needed me.
They never said that i needed to stay there at that time, so that was emberassing for my hubby and myself :-(
Then when we stood there and got the book they also wanted my brother, sister in law and mom there for the photos and then my dad said out loud in front of the audience:' I really hope we will continue to perform together for years and years to come"
I was like....really? They know i want to quit and they say this in front of all the guests?
I knew exactly why he did that though, trying to put more quilt on me and see if he can manipulate me into staying with the shows.
I was sad on the drive home last night, it was hard to keep the tears back.
There were people there who are friends of us and who my parents see multiple times a year and it was so clear that they never mention me and my hubby or what we do since i got the follow question multiple times last night:" What it is exactly that you do all day?"
So i had to explain multiple times that my hubby and i are running our own business and are doing very well and work 7 days a week.
I felt like i had to explain to people that i acutally work and don't sit on my ass all day doing nothing.
I felt questioned.
My hubby told me later not to worry about it and not to care.
How am i expected to just forget about the fact that i am clearly not on my parents mind when they talk to people and never will.
No matter how hard i work, no matter how succesfull my hubby and i are, that it will never be enough for them?
I love singing, i really do and the compliments i got last night make me wonder if i should work at it again and sing.
But honestly i do not want to be on stage with my family anymore and i am not sure if i want to be on stage again anymore. I would never want to be like my family.
So delussional on your talents, so bragging about myself without any shame what so ever.
My parents also told people that they sold the house my hubby and I live in that they were going to build us a new house.
I was surprised since my dad is giving me a completly different vibe at home.
I am not sure i want to live so close to my parents, i am getting scared.
Most likely i will be looking for houses to rent the next few weeks, hoping i find something amazing.
But i fear our only option is to move with my parents.
I am sorry if what i wrote did not make a lot of sense or was all over the place. I am so exhausted at the moment. I even deleted part of what i wrote of things that happened since i felt the way i wrote it may not make sense.

[Echidna]

I am not sure i want to live so close to my parents, i am getting scared.
Most likely i will be looking for houses to rent the next few weeks, hoping i find something amazing.
But i fear our only option is to move with my parents.


May I advise against this.
I know from personal experience that if family behaves obnoxious while you have your own place, it will get soooo incredibly much worse if you move back in with them.

You have your husband to help and speak on your behalf, but I bet it will be constant stress and carp, which is bad on all levels, not to speak health.

I really wish I hadn't taken the bait and given up my own apartment ("we will save so much money if we just move in together").
Now I have to deal with being treated like a 3 year old, including constant berating for not being obedient and submissive enough, and dare I mention I'm not a baby or pet dog, there's the ubiquitous eye-rolling accompanied "when will you ever grow up and stop behaving like a belligerent teenager".
And any "talking back" (actual arguments) is "naughty".