rules for dating a mer

[AniaR]

I saw a neat infographic for rules for dating a musician (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=397917376912283&set=a.184253808278642.35729.162267273810629&type=1&theater). I thought doing a mer one would be interesting and maybe we might get enough ideas to turn it into a neat article for tail flip, or at least a neat thread!

So- what would be your rules for dating a mer?

[Ayla of Duluth]

most important rule:
must like mermaids

[New York Mermaid]

* Dont expect your Mer date to sing, not all of them sing, and if they do it could have some grave consequenses

*Do NOT make Fish Jokes.

*Dont stare at the shells and ask "are they real?"

*Walking on the beach.. in tail.. Not happening!!

*Remember your Mer date can communicate with Sea Animals, its bound to happen whether at an Aquarium, Petstore or at the lobster tank at the SeaFood resturant..

*Your mer date may have some eccentric habits, try to understand, especially when they sit and stare at their reflection in a plate, while combing their hair with a fork its considered- normal for them.

and Lastly (well in my case)

*Do Not Piss your Mer date off especially if your in the water or on a boat they can turn the date into your worse nightmare very quickly, especially if her friends are sharks.

[Mermaid Miel]

Don't call her Ariel
(unless that is her birth name)

When swimming together, never assume that you will be the only person she pays attention to.
Children love mermaids and will talk... deal with it.

[Princess Kae-Leah]

Don't eat seafood in front of her. You may be eating her friends!

[AniaR]

Lanai those are hilarious

[New York Mermaid]

lol thank you, those are right off the top of my head too..

[Ilonka]

Can't be afraid of the water

Must know how to swim, or at least is willing to learn

Can't be embarrassed of our true form when in public

Must support me and my strange hobbies

My bf thinks its cool his gf is a mermaid

[Mermaid Marissa]

can't be afraid of fins

CAN KEEP A SECRET!!!!!

can put up with stupid questions

doesn't assume you know the guy on the lucky charms box or tinkerbell

can come up with great distractions on the spot (in case you change into your true form)

can take "I was shy!" for an answer when it doesn't make sense XD

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

1. Making comments about "getting some tail" is the fastest way to end up with flippers to the face.

2. They kiss enough to take your breath away... no pecks on the lips.

3. Smokers need not apply, for obvious reasons.

4. Resign yourself to the fact that I will always look better in my "swimsuit" than you do in yours.

5. For those of us who do sing, we like applause... it helps drown out the sounds of the ship dashing itself on the rocks.

6. Don't get too familiar with your hands unless we give you strict permission, or we'll feed them to the sharks.

7. "Is that a trident in your pocket or are you just happy to see me" was old back in Atlantis. New material is appreciated.

8. If we say we're taking you to bed, we might be referring to the sea bed or oyster beds. Ask for clarification.

9. Interspecies interactions are high risk... protection is necessary. Those who don't become upside-down mermen.

10. Compliment us on our windblown look... hairstyling and water don't always mix well.

11. Any cracks about how you wish we'd given up our voices to rely on body language will result in your own tongue being removed, to say nothing about making you walk on sharp swords.

12. Take notes about dealing with the blue men of the minch: riddles entertain us. Bad jokes entertain no one, though, and will result in sinking.

13. I don't care how historically accurate it is to be a pirate, you're not getting with me unless you become a scurvy-less dog.

[halesloveswhales]

Must be strong. Mers need to be carried places on land. :)

[Nemefish]

learn to love fish smell
never step on tail
do not pollute environment, especially if its the ocean or else we will drown you! XP :mad:
oh and must have fish tank in the house to keep us company when your not around :D

[Bellasea]

Joy&Raptors- so awsome!

All I have is must be okay with the whole lake/pool/saltwater/fushey ssmelll that no matter how many times you shower does not get out of a mer's hair :p

[Bellasea]

Jaha! Nemefish and I posted the same thing at the same time!

[Coastal Mist]

My only rule? No fish for dinner... Lol! A forum on this would be cute, get people thinking.

[Prince Calypso]

Never refer to mermaiding as "a Weird Hobby"

[Lotus]

If I'm the fish, and you're the man, act like one. Stand by me. Appreciate what I do for you. Take care of me when I'm sick or hurt and take care of yourself while I'm off swimming. Learn to deal with being "uncomfortable" with who I am or let me swim alone. I'll never tell you you're dreams are stupid, so don't tell me that mine are. Be strong and brave and someone I can depend on. Don't expect me to be just like you; We come from different worlds.

[Mermaid Bella]

develop upper body strength, the short distance between chair where i put on my tail and the pool is massive.
get used to sand... in everything.
chances are i might end up cold, please inform me of any...reactions...
if there is a merman nearby, dont get jealous, just cos that woman over there has legs doesnt mean shes your type, the same applies to me.

[Mermaid Crystal]

Not giving you a bowl of fish flakes for dinner as a joke....

[AniaR]

I totally forgot I wanted to turn this into a tail flip article XD

[MermanJesse]

Be able to operate a camera.

If I accidentally spill water on myself at a restaurant, you ARE going under the table.

When I am clinging to the boat after swimming and ask "What do you want for lunch?" The correct answer should always be, "Do you need help into the boat?" or "Want me to take the tail for you?". Don't make jokes when the mer is HUNGRY!

And just because I can hold my breath for a long time, doesn't mean I am going to :eyebrows:......
.....so don't ask me if I want a worm (true story)...LOL

[Mermaid Arianna]

You must be able to put up with my scales and glitter everywhere
Put up with me converting money into how much seaweed and shells I can buy
Vegetarians only! You had better not be eating my cousin mister!
No fishing when I'm swimming, Those hooks hurt!
Needs a good pair of noise cancelling headphones for when I want to sing
You need to be able put up with lots of mirrors
you need to know how to care for injured sea life, cause we are getting jobs at the marine hospital!
:P

[Patches]

if there is a merman nearby, dont get jealous, just cos that woman over there has legs doesnt mean shes your type, the same applies to me.

Haha TOTALLY agree ^^^^

**sniffles**
I'm a bad mermaid. I eat a LOT of seafood..... :'(
But I couldn't bear to kill an animal and eat it myself.
However, if it's already dead....waste not want not....

[FireHair]

1. Absolutely must be willing to play in the water
2. Man enough to be "rescued" from "drowning" and be "brought back to life" with a mermaiden's kiss
3. Give us compliments on our looks, which should be true for any maid, mer or land
4. Don't ask if we're going to wear fishnets when we go on land, it's degrading
5. No, my tail does not have crabs
5. I'm not shellfish for having so much jewelry
7. Fish related puns are only funny the first time you tell them
8. Get used to smelling the ocean on my skin, salts good for you
9. Do not introduce me to your parents as your new pet, or as a fish called Wanda
10. Carry me off into the sunset at least once <3

[telzey.amberdon]

How do you serve a mermaid? On your knees is good unless she needs a carry.

[Zephyr]

Do not bring up the Mermaid Dilemma until at least the third date.

[Mermaid Cecelia]

If I'm the fish, and you're the man, act like one. Stand by me. Appreciate what I do for you. Take care of me when I'm sick or hurt and take care of yourself while I'm off swimming. Learn to deal with being "uncomfortable" with who I am or let me swim alone. I'll never tell you you're dreams are stupid, so don't tell me that mine are. Be strong and brave and someone I can depend on. Don't expect me to be just like you; We come from different worlds.
Preach it!
• must be able to help with putting on/ taking off tail
• must compliment our makeup, that stuff is hard!!!
• must not hog the wooden door in case of iceberg induced ship wreck, the water is still cold, and my tails freezing too!!!

[Mermaid Syrena]

1. Understand that sashimi jokes are OLD, and that old sashimi always reeks. (even if they secretly think the jokes are funny...)
2. Always have a full bottle of conditioner in the shower. No, WHAT are you thinking. I'm talking detangling pool hair!
3. "Do these side fins make my hips look big?" is ALWAYS a legit question...
4. Patiently stand by with a bottle of lube while I spend twenty minutes struggling into my tail.
5. Try not to collapse under the extra 15 kg that my tail adds to my frame. There's the gym, go and use it.
6. During cuddle time, nod and try to look interested while I yaddle on about this gorgeous mermaid headdress I just saw, and that tail, and that shell top...
7. Not mind when I ask the waiters in the seafood restaurant to help me put the shells from our scallop entree into a doggy bag. Hey, they make good props.
8. Pretend to be mildly interested when I excitedly show you countless pictures of tails that probably look the same to you. They're NOT the same. They is all bootifulz
9. Like every post I make on my mermaid Facebook page. Comments are a bonus.
10. Not make the trite old "fish head/human bottom, or fish bottom, human head?" joke with the boys. I don't even have a choice for YOUR head and your bottom, and you don't see me complaining or making jokes about it.
11. Understand that I get excited around fake seaweed and hemp netting. It's a thing.

(I do actually have an amazing boyfriend who entirely supports my mermaiding, though, and this list is based off my imagination, not off him! He's a perfect mertender.)

[MermaidHyli]

1. Understand that sashimi jokes are OLD, and that old sashimi always reeks. (even if they secretly think the jokes are funny...)
2. Always have a full bottle of conditioner in the shower. No, WHAT are you thinking. I'm talking detangling pool hair!
3. "Do these side fins make my hips look big?" is ALWAYS a legit question...
4. Patiently stand by with a bottle of lube while I spend twenty minutes struggling into my tail.
5. Try not to collapse under the extra 15 kg that my tail adds to my frame. There's the gym, go and use it.
6. During cuddle time, nod and try to look interested while I yaddle on about this gorgeous mermaid headdress I just saw, and that tail, and that shell top...
7. Not mind when I ask the waiters in the seafood restaurant to help me put the shells from our scallop entree into a doggy bag. Hey, they make good props.
8. Pretend to be mildly interested when I excitedly show you countless pictures of tails that probably look the same to you. They're NOT the same. They is all bootifulz
9. Like every post I make on my mermaid Facebook page. Comments are a bonus.
10. Not make the trite old "fish head/human bottom, or fish bottom, human head?" joke with the boys. I don't even have a choice for YOUR head and your bottom, and you don't see me complaining or making jokes about it.
11. Understand that I get excited around fake seaweed and hemp netting. It's a thing.

(I do actually have an amazing boyfriend who entirely supports my mermaiding, though, and this list is based off my imagination, not off him! He's a perfect mertender.)

These are legitimate conversations I have with my husband haha

[PearlieMae]

You BETTER have stamina! Not just for being my potential mertender, but if we are going to be...intimate...you better know that I can do that undulating movement with my hips for a LOOOOOONG time! If ya know what I mean! ;)

[Merrow Erie]

I agree with that one. Boys, you have to pretend to drown and let me save you.

At least once.

Or often.

It's kind of hot.

(yeah I don't have a problem nope)

[PearlieMae]

Agreed!

[Mermaid Kalliope]

(Some of these pertain to flirting... I get flirted with. @.@ Part of being single, I guess. )

1. Understand that when I talk about tails and prices, it's gonna be in big numbers, and no I don't care if it costs more than a used car.

2. Don't mind carrying me EVERYWHERE.

3. Feed me Swedish Fish while I'm stuck in the pool. Yum. :3

4. Don't make sushi jokes. ( I know, been said, but I get them A LOT. )

5. Don't assume I absolutely LOVE to eat sea food ALL the time. Or want to go get sushi, because, Hey, I'm a fish, too. (Blech. I've never liked seafood, except crustaceans. :3 Yummy... Can't help it. >< So guilty... )

6. Don't mind getting a slap to the face every so often. I can't always control that big fluke.

7. Accept that I'm just gonna be faster than you when we swim. Deal with it. XD

8. Don't freak out if I dive down and am gone for two minutes then show up yards away... I get... distracted sometimes.

9. Sharks are friends, not foes. Besides, I'm bigger than most of them. (Well, here anyways.)

10. I'm not Dory. (Or any cartoon fish for that matter.)

11. I may not be Ariel, but I still appreciate being treated like a princess from time to time. ;-P

12. No, I can't "hook you up" -.-

13. You don't *have* to be a pirate/sailor, but it helps... :D

14. No, I will NOT twerk for you, and YES I am aware that "mermaids move by twerking." *dies*

15. PUNS. JUST NO.

16. I like hair... Especially my hair. With accessories in it. And combing it. A lot... DEAL WITH IT.

17. If you have long hair: be ready to have me combing it constantly. :3 Murr~ I love combing hair.

Okay... That's... dang gotta make it 20... that's gonna bug.

Hmm...

18. All mermaids have a darkside: Don't try to antagonise it.

19. I talk to my fish as if they're children. Yes, that's normal.

20. Be knowledgeable about what you're getting yourself into. I might just drag you with me. ;-D (All men become mermen! MWAHAHA... If only. XD )

[Anahita]

7. Accept that I'm just gonna be faster than you when we swim. Deal with it. XD

My partner has yet to accept his defeat. I feel that this is because I've been incredibly nice to him while "racing" sans monofin.... Like, I dive under, and do some twists and blow bubbles and pass the time before speeding up and beating him by a good fifteen to thirty seconds. I think If I solidly kicked his ass instead of goofing off and then playing catch-up (like, actually raced him) maybe he'd accept defeat... But I can't crush his gentle mortal soul like that.... Damn, I think I've earned a soul - or at least a conscience! :(

[Mermaid Julz]

* Dont expect your Mer date to sing, not all of them sing, and if they do it could have some grave consequenses

*Do NOT make Fish Jokes.

*Dont stare at the shells and ask "are they real?"

*Walking on the beach.. in tail.. Not happening!!

*Remember your Mer date can communicate with Sea Animals, its bound to happen whether at an Aquarium, Petstore or at the lobster tank at the SeaFood resturant..

*Your mer date may have some eccentric habits, try to understand, especially when they sit and stare at their reflection in a plate, while combing their hair with a fork its considered- normal for them.

and Lastly (well in my case)

*Do Not Piss your Mer date off especially if your in the water or on a boat they can turn the date into your worse nightmare very quickly, especially if her friends are sharks.

Oh I love these rules!

[Prince Calypso]

Love me in or out of my tail
treat my tail like its part of me
understand when i get jelous about other mermaids and their tails
know al the word to every son on the little mermaid soundtrack and sing a long with me
love watching splash and aquamarine
understand that your forks are my dinglehoppers
dont complain about me taking three hour long baths
and never compare my mermaiding to a hobbie. ITS A LIFE STYLE!!!

[SeaGlass Siren]

Let me have full range of our "cave" our home to decorate it with gadgets and gizmos aplenty...
You must know every pirates of the caribbean, llittle mermaid, and other movie references that i make otherwise I will recite the entire plot and script...

you WILL kneel before me and you will confess that I'm god (sorry kamelot reference lol I had to. I'm not serious about this one)

only I can make sushi jokes because it's funnier when I say it. Humans... Just... No.
dont make me sing. Not until I can control my own voice.

I don't need to be carried. Seriously some mers can sprout their own legs.

Dont make a mer angry. ESP me. Or I'll bite off your face and rip out your heart.

[angelstarfish]

must love animals (both of the land and of the sea), because knowing me I will bring home injured and abandoned animals...

“You were born wild. Never let them tame you." -Martha Graham

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“Children of the sea,
Lie down your heads to sleep
As the maidens of the sea
Carry you down to the deep…”

~Mermaid Lullaby

[Jeblily]

I will bring home injured and abandoned animals...
You have to understand that unlike you the baby animal I am caring for is actually helpless..
Oh and if I try to drown you when we go swimming, well sorry it's just one of those habits I've been trying to break...... ;)
My hair is long.. get over it, and no it is not funny when I almost drown because of my own hair!
If the hot water runs out well that's your problem, I have a medical need for it, and when I take a bath make sure we always have sea salt on hand and food I will be in there for a while :/

[sashiyoop]

- Be able to carry me.
- I like seafood. If you're paying for dinner, I'm going to order a lobster.
- I have connections. Don't be surprised when a bag of frozen Lake Erie perch shows up at the door.
- Sing along with me.
- Indulge me when I start babbling about things you don't understand.
- I have size 5 feet. Don't try to put on my monofin.
- Bad jokes aren't funny, but puns will always be apperchiated.
- Accept that I will probably be able to kick your butt if you piss me off.

[Anahita]

So I was cleaning out my room and came across a book I forgot I had called "Mermaids (Magic of the Ocean)". It's a weird little book, but when I opened it, I realized WHY I had it - it's very simplistic, with pop-culture references, simple illustrations, and so on. It was one of the books my mom bought me to teach me English. Anyhow, the reason why I'm posting about it here is because inside the book, there's actually a little section labelled "Love Rules to Follow if You are Dating a Mermaid". It reads as follows:

Love Rules to Follow if You are Dating a Mermaid:

1. Never betray her; the wrath of a mermaid is unfathomable and endless. As beautiful and sweet as her nature can be, so it can be as vindictive and evil. Above all, mermaids value faithfulness.
2. Never eat any food served by a mermaid in her underwater cave; you will never be able to return to land, should you want to.
3. Never peer at her through a keyhole in the bathroom on a Saturday - it's her day to relax in the tub, and her tail comes out in full bloom.
4. Buy her a new gold or mother-of-pearl mirror for her birthday.
5. A new and strong hairbrush is sure to make her happy.
6. Play gospel and other church music - it's music to her ears.
7. Mermaids love to collect seashells - if you give her a beautiful shell, she might grant you a miraculous wish.
8. Mermaids love to be kissed; they are very romantic.
9. Prepare a wonderful meal of oysters on the half-shell, raw lobsters and clams. One way to a mermaid's heart is through her stomach.
10. Rub hot coconut oil over her tail - it smooths her scales and will drive her wiled with desire!

- Mermaids (Magic of the Ocean), by Barbara Jane Zitwer

On a side note for number 6... what? Music is music to her ears? You don't say!

[PearlieMae]

Hehehe! That is adorable!

[MermanZen]

lol thanks for the info now I know not to upset my Merfriend lol

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