Keeping Up With The Finns...

[Princess Kae-Leah]

Something I struggle with as a mer is trying to do what I want to do and what works for me, as opposed to just doing what others are doing in order to fit in with the community. When I think about water-walking, I wonder "is this really something I wanna do, or is it something I'm thinking of doing just to prove myself to the community and feel I fit in better?". For a while, I hated the smell of chlorine so much that I thought I would never set foot in a pool ever again, so I wonder "am I really being true to myself, and not just trying to prove I can do it?". Sometimes I feel pressured as I feel other mers would be disappointed if I don't at least try to do more, even if it's something I feel a bit uncomfortable doing. When I thought of going pro, I wasn't being very practical, I just wanted to do what other mers were doing so I feel I'm "keeping up with the Finns".
I always felt insecure about how different I was from other mers, and ppl try to tell me I'm not that different and get frustrated when they don't feel that message is getting through to me, but, actually, sometimes it makes me feel better by being honest with myself about why I became a mer in the first place and admitting that my goals are different from other mers. When most mers buy tails, it's to swim in them, but for me, I just wanted to cosplay, take pictures, and watch TV and meditate in it, as well as use my mersona to spread my message that fish are friends, not food! Though I am passionate about saving the oceans and have felt that way for years, I became interested in mers as a kid because I knew I was asexual from a very young age and remember wishing I was a mermaid, so I wouldn't have sex organs. I think I began caring as I do for the oceans and its beautiful creatures because I felt so drawn to mermaids. What I'm trying to say here is I've come to the conclusion in the middle of the night last night that swimming never was my mission as a mer, and I'm not sure working hard to come as close as I can to swimming like most mers is what I'm called to do. I prayed last night, asking for guidance, and what I felt come over me was that for me mermaiding has nothing to do with swimming, it's about becoming one with the ocean in a spiritual, metaphorical sense. When I mer-meditate, I listen to the sounds of waves on this nature sounds CD I have and try to set my worries aside and became one with the ocean, and that is when I feel most at peace and feel like I am my true self and not what society tries to pigeonhole me in. I talk a lot about my asexuality and how important it is to me, and in meditation I seek to break away from the way society tends to over-sexualize everything and assign a role to you because of your gender/physical body. I hate having a body that is designed to reproduce sexually, and I wish to just be a sexless person, not be looked at or expected to be a sexual being, and mer-meditation makes me feel in touch with my true, asexual self, which to me is a wonderful thing that makes me feel content and happy. The ocean is a good metaphor for being truly free, not controlled by anyone or anything. I think it's hard for non-aces to understand how us asexuals feel constantly like square pegs in round holes, struggling to find our places in a very sexualized society, feeling like we don't belong anywhere, and saying that is not dwelling on it unnecessarily, it really is how many of us feel every day.
Anyone else feel that they have just been trying to keep up with the Finns? ;)

[Mermaid Lohgan]

First, I must say everything that you wrote is absolutely beautiful. I'm glad that you were able to find your true self and with dedication are now able to follow your true self. That is something that I have never actually grasped. I'm amazed at how wonderfully you've linked yourself together and accept it. I adore your thinking and acceptance. I also envy it. :)

Personally, I have never felt like I should be 'keeping up with the Finns', but now that I've read what you had to say, I sat down for a minute and thought to myself:

Sadly, I don't have a tail. Which is unfortunate compared to other lovely Mer's that dwell in the waters. I can't make my tail or buy one, because I can't afford it or the supplies in order to make one. I'm currently struggling to pay rent and will be evicted next month if I can't find a proper job. On top of that, I'm suicidal (I apologize, it took me ten minutes to decided if I wanted to write that word.). I have a head problem that I call 'Head Ticks'. It feels like someone is inside my head tapping against my skull. I was institutionalized a few years back and got better. I was three years sober, but recently I relapsed and don't even have enough money to institutionalize myself again. But I do have a coping method. I swim. When I'm in the water swimming as my Mersona (as you put it) I feel happy, alive, and free. I feel such wonderful things I never knew I could feel again. All because I was swimming as my mermaid self. That is a wonderful feeling.

Even though I don't have a tail, I pretend I do. I know, silly. When I get the chance I enjoy looking at other's tails. I design so many of my own. I stare at fish in stores for inspiration. I look at artworks and literature. But for me, it's the swimming that sets me free. And I love it. I begin to remember why I love being a Mermaid, because it's a savior to me.
You're right, The ocean is a good metaphor for being truly free and not to be controlled by anyone or anything. I know that feeling.

So yes, I do feel like I must 'keep up with the fins' because well. . . I don't have one. But I always have my imagination, peace, freedom, and homeliness in the waters. :)

Thank you for sharing about yourself.

[Thalassa]

I think the thing that's important to remember is that mermaiding does mean something different to everyone, and everyone is going to do it a bit differently. The problem comes when others try to force their view of mermaiding (or what mermaiding means, what a mermaid is, what mermaiding should be) onto other people. We're all here because we love our version of mermaiding or idea of a mermaid, and how upsetting it would be if someone tried to change that just because it didn't fit with their view of a mermaid/mermaiding!

Personally, my only version of "keeping up" has to do with environmentalism and ocean ecology. I guess I feel like I should be more extreme to keep up. There are things I dislike (like whaling and dolphin hunting, fishing to extinction, the great garbage patch), but I'm not the protesting type nor do I know very much about ocean ecology. I also feel that there's a balance in certain things so sometimes while I feel like other mermaids are (and thus I should be) against fishing completely, I feel there's a balance that should be kept.

I definitely feel that I need to know more about the ocean because everyone seems to know so much! Sometimes I look at the other mers and feel definitely derpy. ;-P I'm trying to remedy this by learning more about the ocean because I do think it's a good thing...I just don't know that I'll ever be "up to date."

For me, mermaiding is not about a cause (although I think we can use it to educate), it's about bringing fun to children and swimming. Because I was always a tentative and slow swimmer, the way mermaids propel themselves through the water was like magic to me. When I found out I could have some small part of that...I was ecstatic and determined that I would learn to swim as a mermaid. It's that determination that keeps me going when I get discouraged because I can't seem to move right, faceplant into the side of the pool, or some other discouraging thing. I also love kids (I couldn't be a teacher if I didn't ;-) ) and bringing a little magic into their lives and a smile to their faces means a lot to me. I've taught lots of underprivileged children, and I felt if they could have a little magic in their harsh reality it would make a such a difference.

My ideal mer-sona would be a mom first, but also a teacher underwater and on land, maybe even bringing the two groups together for lessons. (How fun would that be? XD) That's why I don't mind reading up on ecology. Can't teach if you don't know, right?