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View Full Version : How To Improve Your Self-Esteem As A Mer-Brought To You By The Ex-Queen of Self-Pity!



Princess Kae-Leah
08-27-2012, 04:48 PM
OK, guys it's no secret that pretty much since I joined the mer-community I have suffered, on and off, from bouts of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy, but lately I've been trying very very very hard to correct that and realize that I for the most part did have the mer-community's support and respect and took it for granted. I wish to share with other mers what I've learned and hopefully prevent some of you from going down the same path I did. #1-Never, ever, ever compare yourself to other mers. That is, try not to look at other mers' tail, swimming ability, physical appearance, popularity level, etc., and find yourself lacking. Be the best YOU you can be, and realize that every mer is equally UNIQUE and everybody's circumstances is different. Trust me, I know, feelings of inadequacy is a very dangerous path to go down, and it often only ends up alienating others who feel frustrated by your constantly putting yourself down. Remember that mermaiding is a hobby, not a competition.
#2-Try to dwell on the positive feedback and support that comes your way, not the negative. Believe me, I KNOW how hard this can be, especially when you get hurtful comments that put salt in the wounds of your insecurities, but trust me on this, people want to know that you appreciate their support. Try to never, ever take for granted the support and respect you do get along your mermaiding journey. I know I now feel really bad that I did so at times.

Mermaid Celissa
08-27-2012, 04:56 PM
Kae, don't feel bad. You have reasons to feel the way you felt. It's terrible to have disabilities, like a road block keeping you from getting farther. I've had so many setbacks and use to judge myself against beautiful mers swimming around the forum, and felt bad. But you know what? Beauty, performance, or tail type doesn't matter. If it's what you love, then that's all that really matters. I <3 you (like a mer!) for posting this, Kae! I'm so glad you're so confident now!

happyguava
08-27-2012, 08:06 PM
I'm really happy for you, KL, that you're making the effort to work on this stuff and acknowledging stuff you've learned :) I think it's so important to acknowledge when we have wins and to recognise the things we like about ourselves and the lessons we learn.

One word warning, and please don't be offended by this, from a fellow queen-of-self-pity: Don't feel like you have to snap from one extreme to the other overnight. Self-esteem is a funny thing, it takes so long to build up (I've been working on it for 10 years and mine's still far from healthy :P ), so allow yourself time to grow, rather than trying to force yourself to all of a sudden be completely free of ever thinking the old way again.... I don't think that's what you're doing, I guess I'm just trying to warn you of it.

We're all here to support you and see you grow and be proud of you, and I'm really happy you've made this post and this step :D

Ashe
08-27-2012, 11:07 PM
Even though i just started talking with you, i had been looking at your posts for a long while before i registered. My first thought was "wow, i feel pretty bad for her. Hopefully she will realize that people on this site really do want to help. I should probably make friends with her when i join."
Now, i just want to say that i am very proud of you for getting out of this lonely time in your life and opening up as a brand new, confident Kae-Leah. It's great that you realize what you have and seeing the true beauty of yourself. I Knew you could do it!
Hugs, Kisses and Starfish Wishes! - Kalani Mermaid <3

Little_Orca
08-28-2012, 01:29 AM
You have made so much progress, KL, both in your social skills and your activism and acceptance of others. I am very proud of you and your work you do.

Princess Kae-Leah
09-08-2012, 02:22 AM
I had a bit of a...relapse in regards to self-esteem lately. Not about my tail or anything like that, but about my social skills. This week I...well, I won't get into details here, but...something happened that really tested me. I felt really confident for a bit but then some crap happened that kinda messed things up. I've been trying my best to deal with my emotions, but I still blew it.

spottedcatfish
09-08-2012, 02:54 AM
Thanks for the suggestions Kae-Leah. I'll keep them in mind for future reference.