Comparing yourself to "Pro" Mers

[AniaR]

I think a lot of people have issues with what they think to be success. It's not just in the mermaiding world- but everywhere. Sometimes we get so obsessed with out pre-concieved notion of what it means to be a success that we don't realize we're being successful. I know for me looking up to Hannah Fraser I used to think the only way I'd be a success was if I swam with sharks and whales and flew around the world. But honestly, even if I had all the money in the world I doubt that would make me successful

I believe success to be a mindset and I believe it's something that evolves along the way. Someone may judge their own success by the end result, or maybe all those positive moments that happen along the way. But it's different for everyone, and I don't think we should compare ourselves and hate on ourselves.

I get a lot of fan mail and one of the topics people cover is how they wish they could do some thing that I do. As I learn about the person I usually find out they can do something a million times better than I can and I wish I could be like them! Someone says hey, you're a pro mer because you have a silicone tail-- and then I see a girl in a home made fabric tail do tricks I couldn't even dream of doing!

As far as my own success- I don't measure it based on youtube views or FB likes, my breath hold, my type of tail, or the media coverage I might be lucky to get. I define it by my goals. Something I have suggested in the past that pro-mers do is decide on their goals as a pro-mer and if they have any kind of motto they want to live by. For me it's inspire, inform, and imagine. I feel successful when I leave an event knowing I have informed people about ecological issues they didn't know existed. I feel successful everytime someone emails me and tells me they overcame something difficult because I inspired them. I feel successful whenever I have kids actively engaging with me through imagination. My goals are very centered around self-development and regulation as well as ecology.

Does that mean I'm not happy when I hit 2k fans? or I don't care if I happen to go past my usual breath hold? no way! Those things are awesome and fun and still are a part of my growth. But I still hold these other things as more important.

For me for instance, swimming in an aquarium is sort of a bucket list thing. It's not my main goal to land a gig doing that- but it would be something I'd enjoy if it happens. Meeting someone like David Suzuki? well... now that's a goal for me! I don't judge someone if their goal is to swim in an aquarium either. I think it's awesome- and I'd go see it. I just recognize that it's not for me- no more than riding a unicycle would be haha. Would I do it if given the chance? Totally! Would I be good at it? probably not... lol does it mean I'm a failure? Well if it's not my goal- then really, no.

I don't ever want to come off as full of myself when I share these thoughts with you. But I do remember what it was like 8 years ago unable to find anyone who did anything to do with mermaids online. Scowering the internet for any shred of thought or advice. So I share these things- not because I want to push my view on you but because I think they could be of use to someone out there!

It doesn't matter what your goals are as a mermaid- just let them be YOUR GOALS. Maybe you want to make a realistic tail, maybe you want to swim in an aquarium, maybe you want to host a meet, maybe you wanna have your own t-shirt line... it doesn't matter so long as they are your goals and you focus on making them happen. The problem comes, and often the self-fufilling prophecies when we focus SO MUCH on what others are doing that we bring ourselves down getting in our own way to meeting our goals.

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[Mermaid Annariea]

raina, i love you and all your inspirational everything.
this really made me feel good :3 a few days ago, i told my boyfriend how i didnt feel like a mermaid because i wasnt doing anything professional or anything, comparing myself to hannah fraser and mermaid melissa, and a few others, and that i might not even be able to do what they do, and he said "youre a wonderful mermaid. just because you dont work at an aquarium or swim in the ocean doesnt mean youre not a mermaid".
life can get discouraging sometimes. but youre right, if i eventually achieve my goals, then i have succeeded. (:

you are awesome <3

[Artisankatie]

One of the things I've found is that if you act like a professional and treat yourself like one, you're more likely to become one!

My goal, starting out, was to be asked to be a mermaid for something, whether that be a party or as a model or anything! That wish has recently come true, and it's an awesome feeling.

Good luck everyone!

[Kanti]

Awww I really like that quote!
Also that's very nice of you Raina! It's always nice to hear inspirational words and you're completely right
You need to focus on yourself! You can't go around comparing yourself to other people because there are
always places where you won't be as good as others so of course you're never going to be on top all the time.


This quote isn't quite right but I think it has a good point in the sense that just because someone out there is
prettier than you or smarter than you or better at making things than you are, etc. doesn't make you any more or
less talented! It just means you're different.

[AniaR]

Love that quote Kanti thanks for sharing it!

[Alveric]

Brianna: Sounds like your boyfriend's a keeper.

[spottedcatfish]

Raina thanks for this. Sometimes I can get really caught up in the mermaiding world, and I wonder what am I doing? Then I take a step back and say to myself... I'm doing what I need to do for ME! And currently though I'd like to make mermaiding more integrated in my daily life, right now it's just a fun thing to do. Day by day I am taking steps to reach my goals. School is one of these goals, and focusing on environmental issues is another that ties in with school, for me. Maybe one day mermaiding will be featured more prominetly in my life. But currently I have my own goals I must achieve, and No one else can do that for me! Only I can! So I will, and I am looking forward to my future!

[Mermaid Kassandra]

Thank you very much for sharing everything with us Raina!
I love what you do and how you are, but most of all I owe you much because without you I would never believe that one day I may become a pro.
I always used to see Mermaid Melissa as something impossible to reach but I would have liked to be a mermaid, but this was before I met you and this wonderful website!
You share your secrets with us and help making real our dreams, while instead the other pro mermaids you keep everything tight as it is a secret and they make sure no one can become like them or just try to.
You aren't afraid to let the other people do what you do and help them to improve their skills.
Thanks a lot again Raina!

[AniaR]

I try to share as much as I can, but there are still some trade secrets I keep to myself. Quite a few of us in the community actually helped Melissa get where she is. Though she's on good terms with him now she had some issues with Mertailor when she started out, and then another tail maker (Adam Martyn) stole her money. She had a lot going against her when she was starting out and she was able to overcome it with help. Just like I'm able to overcome my illnesses, just like Kariel's able to overcome her learning disability. Everyone can get far with a little help, so I try to put as much out there as I can while still being unique and true to myself. One of the reason why I love the mercommunity is that we're small enough right now to really determine how things will go in the future. I want the community to grow but I want their to be respect with it. <3 Thanks for your feedback and positive affirmation.

[Mermaid Margarete]

Thanks so much for this beautiful thread, Raina!!
Actually, last night, I was thinking - "How am I going to get anywhere in the mercommunity with starting out in it at 25?! I'm getting old! I'm sure I can afford a latex tail soon, but a silicone? Those aren't cheap and they're considered the professional ones!" I had to give myself a reality check, "You're never too old to chase a dream" that and I was also getting ahead of myself XD I'm taking small steps right now - Going swimming once a week, ordered my first monofin and plotting out character and colors and whatnot. And that's okay place to be right now =)

[Merman_Ryan]

I'm a small mer in the big pond. LOL I'm hoping to change that but I just don't have the financial stability to to do the events or afford a nice tail like others do.

[Mermaid Bella]

Gintzuki, I'm 26 X3.

Last week I went for my first swim and made a total ass of myself..I attracted attention like no ones business despite being at the beach during a storm. but I went. my tail got wet. I finally moved forward in my journey and I have photos to prove it. I feel successful. in fact the only photo I have where I'm actually IN the water as opposed to all of them being me trying to get in, then back out, is called success! :B

and raina. clearly you are so famous, because you are a redhead. ;)

[Mermaid Lei Loni]

I just loved this post! You are truly inspiring, Raina. :)

[Mizuko]

Thank you Raina <3 as someone starting out in 'professional' mermaiding its always been my aim to achieve my own goals, not reach for stardom! Stardom would be wonderful, hehe, but I'm realistic and as long as I'm enjoying myself I dont care where it takes me <3

[AniaR]

I'm 26, Kariel and I share a birthday so we'll both be 27 at the same time. Hannah Fraser is 36, Melissa is in her 30s, I'm not sure but I believe Linden was older than me when she started as well, I think Chris and Shell are in their 40s, and there are loads of women in their 50's and 60's doing the mermaid thing too. So for goodness sake, don't let age be a factor. LOL You're NEVER too old to enjoy swimming as a mer, and personally I think with women like Hannah and Linden setting the bar- everyone should go for their dream of being Pro if that's what they want!



and raina. clearly you are so famous, because you are a redhead.
I was platinum for quite a while, then red, then back to regular hair colour that is just naturally a bit reddish. I'm always surprised by how bright it looks in photos- it never looks like that in real life, lol.

Just remember, I have gotten this far, despite not having any money, being unemployed at times, having frustrating illnesses, and a Dad who constantly reminds me mermaids aren't real! ;) SO YOU CAN ACHIEVE YOUR MERMAID GOALS TOO. Promise! It just like everything else can take time!

[Mer_Adella]

Just remember, I have gotten this far, despite not having any money, being unemployed at times, having frustrating illnesses, and a Dad who constantly reminds me mermaids aren't real! ;) SO YOU CAN ACHIEVE YOUR MERMAID GOALS TOO. Promise! It just like everything else can take time!

Its nice to know that you have had hard times just like the rest of us Raina...

Right now I am trying to juggle bills, deal with debt collectors, and save for a silicone tail. I have a low paying job (especially for what I do) and no one is hiring around my home. I often cry about how I can't do it all and I feel like I am working towards nothing.

My boyfriend often tells me that it will all work out. Eventually I will have enough money for my tail (which he wants me to have becaus it would make me happy and he often says that a professional tail will get me more business along with my friendly disposition because the kids will see it is detailed).

I am just trying to work towards what I think is professional in my mind. photo shoots, parties, public speaking and grand openings right now. Thats professional to me. if something more prfessional coems along...GREAT

[Mermaid Sirena]

This topic finally struck home to me. I've been trying to write the Bio page for my website. I kept looking at others mers pages to try and figure out what sorts of things should be included. All I could think is I haven't been obsessed with mermaids sense I was little, I didn't make my first tail when I was a tiny bopper, I haven't done any of these wonderful amazing things or have years of modeling experience. After hours of writing I could only come up with a paragraph and a half to write about myself and how I got to where I am, and then I spoke with my mother. She opened my eyes to how I was comparing myself to other professional mers and forgetting who I am and what I've accomplished because I've been to busy thinking about how I'm not on the same level. I realized we compare ourselves to other mers without even realizing it, we think we are on different levels when in reality there are no levels. This isn't a game or a competition... there is no wrong answer and celebrating who we are and how we got there and talking about where we want to go is as empowering as looking at others and dragging ourselves down can be.

I never thought I compared myself to others negatively, until I realized that I did.

[Mermaid Harmony]

I'm with you all on this, I live on Oahu with Kariel and her merbabes, and since I'm just starting out (my tail comes in 4 weeks yay!) I'm nervous, as they kick butt. But this is a good reminder, that even if I don't end up working for her that it doesn't mean that I'm not a good mermaid, but that I just need to keep on keeping on, and that I'm doing great for where I am, especially for finding out that this was actually possible only 5 short months ago, and getting over my debilitating fear of water. Thank you Raina, I like the goal thing, that's a good idea. I love this forum. I love being a mermaid. Cod, we have the best lives don't we. Who else gets to do this? We are fintastic. I enjoy being able to read what all the mers think and all of the sharing of ideas. :-D Tis a good place for some fishy people!