Why do people judge you before they know you?

[MerAnthony]

I have noticed that sence I have started swimming in my tail that people judge you before they even know you. Why is that? They look at me like I am weird or into a fetish thing or they have ask if I'm gay. Which makes me feel like crap when they do ask that. I mean some people are realy cool about it when your in a tail and others just start to make fun of you with the coments and accusations, which make you feel lower than whale crap. For one I am not gay an I love swimming in a tail and Love just about everything that that has to deal with the sea. So another question, then why sometimes when people start with the name calling an accusations why do I feel so wrong swimming in a tail? Can somebody help me figure this out?

[Mermaid Celissa]

Well, I guess people [who don't know] consider merfolk to be more on the female side than for males. Of course, we, on the forum, are open and don't judge by gender. Unfortunately, some people are ignorant to our interests and wonder why we do what we do. Mermaiding is a way to share and express your individuality, not a reason to be put down or a thing to be questioned. Maybe, when they ask you about it, you could say, "I'm straight and brave enough to do this, are you?" Hope it helps!

[roamingmer]

Probably because of society's fantastic way of ensuring conformity?
Seriously though I suspect if you were regularly swimming with a bunch of mermaids then no-one would butt in; but swimming / posing on your own is seen to be the realm of vanity; so much closer to what a real "mermaid" would do. (Irony alert on maximum). Or at least what the public perception is. Maybe one of the few times it is good to be seen associating with additional mermaids? Or state that you are part of a performing show and practicing the swimming techniques?

Men and women will continue to jeer as most macho types deny that there is a sensitive side to them; and especially in groups have to show off to prove how macho they really are. And a merman is an easy target. Not easy to fight back with legs in a tail.

So to answer the question as to why you feel bad when this happens? There is likely to be an element of wanting to confirm whilst having your freedom trampled upon by social opinion. You have to rise up above them and feel the inner strength in yourself to accept that you are different and happy that way. Can they swim under water long distances without scuba gear? Does an athlete worry about excessive training which puts them apart from their social peers? Not if they want to be successful. You are fighting stereotypes so it will always be hard; but remember that you are better than them.

Hope this helps; and when your new tail arrives show the world how unique you really are!

[MerAnthony]

That makes very good sence. But I don't think that the feeling of lower than whale crap will ever go away. I just wish that there were more mers near me to swim with. An this way I wouldn't feel so bad . But being here where I am and the only one in my area Just makes me feel out of place. If you know what I mean.

[Nykur]

@vallee33, people looking at you strangely as if your weird? Everybody looks at me like that, but ironically when I'm not in a tail!;)

[Mermaid Cascada]

Society has a hard time accepting something different... it's sad really.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I always give them some bullshit reason. Works eeverytime. If they're going to be so judgmental I cannot be arsed to explain why I do what I do.

[Ashe]

Society can become scared and nervous when they see something new and unusual. To comfort themselves, they feel the need to make fun of it to take the worry away and make it less scary. Why is it frightening to society when they see something new? I can't say for I have never been like that, but I'm sorry people have been treating you rudely for your hobby. It makes me angry too when I see this happen to great people.

[AniaR]

People judge you before they know you for any multitude of reasons, not just in tails. Then, they judge you based on what they THINK they know about you. Then they just know you and judge you.

I know it sucks to have people think untrue things about you. It happens to me constantly in the mercommunity. But eventually you just learn to let it go because it becomes too consuming and exhausting to stand up to every single comment and idiot.

[roamingmer]

Well - watching 'Fire Within' about Cirque du Soleil performers. There you can see the beauty and understanding of what it means to be different. Not a lonely path; but a different one. Consider traditional story tellers; bards and those whose travel a different, but ultimately artistic path. Mermaiding is perhaps the beauty of art underwater; matching performances and colours; body movements and flourishes; a story... Something different which you (and most of the community) can experience and give hints to others outside. Perhaps the artist performer of your soul is feeling crushed - not only because of the words, but because it is not free enough. How often are you out exploring the artistic side? Once a week? Once a month? Light the passion of your soul.

If you get stuck for what it means - watch 'O' by cirque du Soliel (ideally live in Vegas). There the fire god will speak to your soul; as the stage becomes water and dreams come to pass.

(oh that sounds weird on the re-read; but it is spoken from the soul).

[Lotus]

It's human nature to judge. Some people have enough scruples to keep their negative comments to themselves, while others don't. The key is to just let it roll off your back. They DON'T know you, so don't let them rob you of your time and energy. I know that's easier said than done, but when you can find a way to be at peace and just be happy to be you, the stupid crap will affect you less and less.

[Elle]

"No, I'm not gay. My fashion sense is not fabulous enough"

"It's a great way to pull the mer-babes!"

"I'm preparing for the day the ice-caps completely melt and we all have to live in the water."

people are stupid. They will judge you before you can blink. This is still a world with prejudiced. When the world stops caring about homosexuality, ethnicity, religion, and all the rest of it; then you won't have to worry about being judged.
Sorry :(

[Ayla of Duluth]

It's human nature to judge.
It really is too, I read somewhere that everyone is always judging everyone, because that's one of the body's safety mechanisms. You need to be able to instinctively judge at first glance whether someone is dangerous or not. Its only when those judgements become more shallow, when you start to actually try and analyze the person, that it becomes something negative.

[Blondie]

Society sucks.
I used to be like that. If someone was wearing something different or acted different I'd start drawing false opinions. Then I realized what an ass move that is. I wish people would just get over themselves and let people do whatever makes them happy. If it's not effecting you, why should you involve yourself? Sheesh..

[Thalassa]

Sorry if this sounds silly, but everybody judges. We all do. We HAVE to! You can't walk down the street and stop every person, spend a day with them, get to know them deeply and personally. We make a bunch of judgements every day about who we choose to interact with, who we choose to know better, etc. "Judging" isn't the problem, IMHO. It's when people get thrown together with someone they wouldn't normally interact with and allow those judgements to keep them from seeing the person, then they aren't kind enough to keep their words to themselves. They don't allow their judgements to be influenced by the person they're now getting to know.I know it's hard, but try not to let their judgements sway how you feel about yourself. We all like to be liked, heaven knows! Other peoples' opinions of me effect me deeply, even when the opinion isn't about me. When someone attacks an opinion I hold, I feel personally attacked and I feel HORRIBLE. But just because someone thinks you're delusional, just because someone thinks you're from the dark ages, just because someone thinks you're crying for help...it doesn't matter, because they can't make you be that way. You are who you are.

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

Excellent point, Thalassa!

vallee33, it DOES hurt to have people decide that you're gay (even if, like me and unlike you, one actually is gay) when that's not what you're trying to get across, or when they're insulting and cruel and thoughtless and shallow. You're doing something AMAZING, and all they can do is mock and belittle you? Eventually, I think you can learn to grow stronger and bask in the good attitudes of people while shutting out the negative ones.

On another note, spreading awareness that you're straight, and that even if you weren't, someone like you doesn't deserve to be mocked for his potential sexuality, might change minds in the future.

[Dee Tal]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time from others on this. I glanced at your Facebook and it seems even a person that knows you is being a total ass about it.

All of the comments on here are great but another thing to consider is your surroundings. I don't know much about where you live but I DO know that where I live Portland, OR people can largely just be themselves and people either don't care or love it ("Keep Portland Weird" bumper stickers all over the place). Also having friends that would belittle you for something this simple, well, they aren't true friends at all. I hope things get easier. Keep on swimmin'.

Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde