So the internet found out I'm fat

[AniaR]

This is an amazing video where a woman talks about dealing with internet trolls and harassment. WARNING STRONG LANGUAGE not for kids. I really relate to some of her stuff here, and she makes so much sense about the hate some people project on the internet. I've had to deal with all sorts of anon hate from people who think my version of a mermaid isn't "correct" (e.g. knees and a belly button etc) to people who call me fat, to some people in the community who reaalllllllyyyyy hate my guts. But this really keeps things in perspective, and if you've ever had to deal with online hate, I suggest giving this a watch :) I hope it gives you a laugh, inspires you, and helps you let go. ♥


http://vimeo.com/50006487

[Merrow Fair Isle]

This video is sooooo great. Lindy deals with a painful topic with such humor and light. And her honesty about the pain is so heartfelt. What an amazing woman! And speaking of amazing women, don't let haters get to YOU, Miss Raina. You inspire so many of us!

[MerAnthony]

Raina You are NOT fat. An don't let anybody tell you different. I myself like you the way you are an I am sure there are other people that feel the same. BIG MER HUGS.

[AniaR]

"So the Internet Found out I'm Fat" is the name of the video ;)

[Ashe]

Hehe, the first time I looked at the title I was like "Whaaa? That doesn't make any sen- Ohhhhh!" I thought you were talking about yourself and I got confused too :) It's such a great video though, almost like the one of the news reporter who got that hateful e-mail a few months ago. That was posted here, right?

[-Annwyn-]

Was it relating to this in particular, Raina? : http://plentymoredolphinsinthesea.wordpress.com/2012/09/08/mary-quits-call-center-job-to-be-a-mermaid/

Except this guy wasn't anonymous. Not only was he fabricating lies about me, but he just gets downright vulgar and nasty. On further investigation, I discovered that he had subscribed to me on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube, as well as he had created a facebook page in order to pretty much try and mock the mermaid community (I simply happen to be the poster-child for it :S) Or as he says " A blog that is going to feature heinous pictures, useless fact and stolen content from other people!!"

You can find that Facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Plenty-More-Dolphins-in-the-Sea/157844661006100?sk=info

(I reported his vulgar posts about me and facebook managed to remove them, however, they have not actually removed the page)

7786

I do what I do without bothering other people. Or at least, I try to. I certainly don't go looking to be treated this way and I think it would be unfair of anyone to suggest that because of my body image or what I am wearing can justify someone being hateful towards me. I can take someone not liking my appearance or what I do. They can go jump off a bridge for all I care, they don't pay my rent, my wages or for my hobby. But for someone to actually create a facebook page solely for the purpose of being a hater is awful. :(

This is also going to sound a little paranoid, and the likelihood of it happening slim, but it's a little disturbing reading about the people who want to throw a spear into me.....

IMHO this goes way beyond the bickering within the mer-community.

[AniaR]

Aela, this wasn't in response to anything. I posted it on my facebook, after my friend sent it to me on tumblr. (http://rosalarian.tumblr.com/post/36519107137/jwtroemner-str8nochaser-fitvillains)
That being said, just reading what you shared makes me want to throw my computer out the window! I CAN'T BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE. Like seriously. That is a mentally ill person who needs a serious evaluation. I am SO SORRY you've been the target of someone like that, RAINA SMASH. Gah

I REALLY SUGGEST PEOPLE REPORT THAT PAGE. Next to the like button, click the down, select "harassment" or "shouldn't be on fb". It breaks their rules.

Aela, I recently learned a bit of law surrounding twitter. If the guy is using his twitter to harass you, don't engage him but take screenshots of it all and open a harassment file with the police. They may not be able to do anything for you at first, but you'll have it open. A woman in my country recently had a guy arrested for harassing her on twitter, and there have been more and more cases of it happening in the states. Twitter is VERY cooperative with the authorities, much more than facebook.

It can suck soooo hard dealing with these people, but when someone is THAT level of obsessed, I would recommend opening a a file with the police and keeping tabs. You never know when they'll be able to do something for you. If it makes you feel threatened it's worth it to investigate.

I have done something similar with someone who's said something along those lines to me as well. Don't mess around. I'd rather over react in a situation like that because at the very least it keeps the crazies from doing it to someone else.

Ugh, so mad someone is doing this to you. Seriously. Raina smash!

[Thalassa]

How horrible, Aela! It's so sad that people feel the need to hurt others. :-( I reported the page, I hope many more do and we get this page down! :-S

[Ashe]

I am so sorry, Aela!! That is one of the most horrible things I have ever seen :(. That man honestly has no better thing do do with his life than disrespect someone who isn't afraid to go out an do what they want? He's is the kind of person who makes me rethink the meaning of humanity :mad:

[-Annwyn-]

Raina: Ahh, ok, wow, what timing then! Because I just discovered this yesterday. He hasn't threatened me directly on twitter, I simply did my research, discovered that he subscribed to me on all the main social networking platforms (creepy, but not illegal) and the level of attention he has given me actually quite a lot. So other then him being a creepy, sexually and mentally immature tool, I see no reason to go to the cops for "He said mean things on the internet" arguments. But I AM keeping a file on my PC of his antics in case he does try to pull a stunt. His twitter is @aarondixon21 and his YouTube account is "http://www.youtube.com/user/aarondixon21" and I suggest other mers keep an eye out for him.

I don't want this guy getting into the mer-scene. At all.

[-Annwyn-]

Also, this in an interesting article that might help! :)
http://netforbeginners.about.com/od/weirdwebculture/f/what-is-an-internet-troll.htm (http://netforbeginners.about.com/od/weirdwebculture/f/what-is-an-internet-troll.htm)

[Merrow Fair Isle]

Aela...I am so sorry to hear about that slime of a human being. Just terrible. I think you look beautiful!!!! It's so infurriating that people find it acceptable to treat other human beings with such calloused meanheartedness.

[-Annwyn-]

Thanks everyone :) This guy isn't the first, and certainly won't be the last unfortunately. I find the psychology behind trolling to be really interesting. Typically, it's sexually frustrated male youth would finds confidence in women threatening.

And what do I have? A sexually frustrated male youth would finds confidence in women threatening of course! Who knows, maybe he actually finds me attractive but is so repressed and insecure that he has to resort to bullying to try and get any attention from me whilst still trying to maintain any 'manly' reputation with his friends.

It's so sad.

Perhaps it might be an idea to gather all our information and create a "How to deal with your Typical Bully" because they tend to all follow similar protocol?

[AniaR]

Perhaps it might be an idea to gather all our information and create a "How to deal with your Typical Bully" because they tend to all follow similar protocol? I was actually thinking a lot about that, like a guide that explains how to deal on mernetwork and then all the major social media networking websites like FB etc.

[Ashe]

Perhaps it might be an idea to gather all our information and create a "How to deal with your Typical Bully" because they tend to all follow similar protocol?
I think it is a great idea! We could all be able to contribute our past experiences wit bullying and what we've learned about dealing with it :D

[Merrow Fair Isle]

I think that is an awesome idea!

[-Annwyn-]

All that, and common comments that are made (snide or otherwise) and how respond.

[Mizuko]

Holy mother of pearl, Aela!! D: I had no idea! I saw you link this to me yesterday but I didn't get the chance to look at it. I'm so sorry this guy is doing this! What a crazy person *_* I've reported the page too <3 I hope he finds something more productive to do with his time.
But seriously, he probably has a crush on you. :P Still doesn't excuse his behavior!

[-Annwyn-]

Aww Thanks Mizuko! But he will never find anything productive to do with his time other than spending his life berating others who are different in order to try and inflate his ego. It's happened to me so much that I see a pattern in it all. And if it doesn't happen to me, then it will happen to another mer. And it shouldn't happen at all.

Actually another person who would be good for information about this topic would be Randy "Peter Pan" Constan. He deals with cyber bullying all the time.

[Nate Walis]

I may have mentioned this before around here, but people like this often make me embarassed to be a man and wonder if we are actually twelve years into the 21st century after all, and I worry about them dragging my entire gender down in the eyes of the other with their constant shows of immaturity towards women and inability to be motivated by anything other then their own retarded adolescent sexuality.

While it maybe a cliche to say that I'm amazed someone would call a person of Raina's body-type fat, I'm also astonished someone would be so thoughtless as to become fixated on body-type in the case of Aela as well.

I think I said in a pervious post that she often reminds me of a classical figure of a woman from rennaisance and later romantic styles of art, and seems both pleasant and charming in her videos. Underwater she has an elegance and grace that I am not sure any of these negative commenters have seen as well.

Please don't judge all men by the standards of these arseholes.

[Azurin Luna]

I've reported his fb page too... the picture in the header was even more disturbing...

I agree with you Nate, it takes a few to ruin it for all the others. I work with alot of men, and I can assure you they aren't all like that guy. Most are pleasant to work with too and not judging me on my hobbies.

[Nate Walis]

I've reported his fb page too... the picture in the header was even more disturbing...

I agree with you Nate, it takes a few to ruin it for all the others. I work with alot of men, and I can assure you they aren't all like that guy. Most are pleasant to work with too and not judging me on my hobbies.

It's hard enough dealing with the real issues of everyday life, without these sad individuals dragging you down as well.

[-Annwyn-]

*gets all choked up reading Nate's words*

You know it's strange that in my own circle of friends, the men (including my beloved) are totally loving and gentle, but strong where they need to me. They are so confident in themselves that they are not afraid to do something different on the presumption that they would appear any less of a man. I don't make friends with people like my bullies, which is probably why I am blessed that my life is so rich with intelligent people from all around the world. Thank you Nate, for being one of them :)

[Nate Walis]

Hey, what would the world if people like that were allowed to discourage mermaids from being mermaids apart from a place with less mermaids?

As they're pretty rare already, I have no desire to see them become an extinct species.

[AniaR]

Yeah this kind of behaviour just can't be tolerated. It's ridiculous. I know I sometimes come off as a drama meddler because I find myself involved in situations like this this, but really, if no one does something HE GETS TO KEEP DOING IT. I see so many people ignore, and you know what? Ignoring works for some situations, some people, and some thing. But the first thing we teach kids when there's a bully is that you don't be a bystander. If you can't help, you go get someone who can. I don't want to seem mellow dramatic, but when situations like this escalate to the point someone feels suicidal or even worse attempts suicide- one of the common themes they express is that they were being hurt/bullied and no one else seemed to care or even notice. That only validates the feeling of "I am worthless". I don't jump into these sorts of things thinking, "I'm super hero Raina and I'm going to solve this problem and everyone will think I'm awesome!" it's more like "Raina Smash ignorant fool, Raina Angry!!!" LOL. I just get so mad when I see people pull this kind of sh!t. There are people in this world I don't personally like, everyone knows I have issues with certain people in the community etc. But I will ALWAYS stand on the side of stopping bullying and harassment. Just because I don't like someone, doesn't mean they deserve any treatment like that. In that same respect, Just because I don't KNOW someone, doesn't mean they deserve that treatment either.

The internet has a real shame cycle in place for when people try to stop this. They call you a white knight, accuse you of meddling/not minding your own business, or accuse you of trying to make drama. When you look at real life, if this was happening let's say on the playground at a school, or perhaps to a person on a bus, or a person getting a drink at a bar. The one doing the bullying will always try to justify their actions by blaming the victim for "bringing it on" and using the tactics I mentioned against anyone who helps try and stop it/ defend the person. But in real life, the second a real person who isn't behind a computer takes it too far- they're in big trouble. We don't stand for most of the stuff we've learned to put up with on the internet, in real life. I guess it's always been worth it to me to end up having people not liking me, if I felt like I was doing the right thing.

I could rant forever. I was just having a discussion with a peer about how one of the things I work on both as a teacher and as a mermaid is teaching children empathy. You'd be surprised at how many people who grow up and simply don't have it. Anyway... grr just makes me so mad, lol

As far as a guide, which is a fin-tastic idea Aela, let's get planning and then we can do another thread devoted to it specifically!
I think we're looking at:

- Tips for ignoring a person online
-How to specifically block a person and or report them on mernetwork/other social networks
-Knowing when to ignore, and when things have escalated more seriously
-responses to common arguments/issues /mermaid perspective
-how to document your issue/tools available for you
-understanding the troll/hater (like how the woman in the video did)
-coping skills when you're being attacked
-inspiration (stories of how others overcame it)
-relevant laws and law definitions (e.g. harassment, cyberbullying, cyber-stalking etc.) I think this would end up being a big section because it varies from state to state in US and province to province in many other countries, would likely be a work in progress section that is always being added to
-where to get help

Did I get it all? What else should we include? I am thinking we can have a brain storming thread (we can even brain storm it here, I don't mind) where we flesh out the ideas, find relevant internet links etc, then we could assemble it all into a nice thread on it's own. Depending on the size of it, and if people are cool with the idea, I think it's something that would be really helpful to put in another issue for tail flip, and maybe eventually be posted somewhere we could all easily share it as well.

What do you all think? I'm so mad you went through this Aela, but so glad you've had the idea to make something positive of it :)

[-Annwyn-]

Thanks Raina, I am happy to work with you on this for the benefit of everyone :)

[Lotus]

Aela= Reported his page. What a dick.

[Merrow Fair Isle]

I just have to say that this thread, though it has elements of sadness and pain, in the end just warm my heart. Such awesome folks here at MerNetwork!

[AniaR]

People often write off mernetwork saying it's a place of drama. I don't think they realize Drama gets posts here because community members WANT to resolve it. I've seen a LOT of good come out of bad. When I first posted in mer-yuku, Raven and I got into drama. Look at us now, lol. I realized when we were talking back and forth that she was passionate and I thought, I bet we're a lot alike, I should get to know her. Then low and behold... a whole saga unfolds! Hehe. I think our community does a lot of good and puts out a lot of positivity, it just gets hidden when drama gets loud.

[SeaGlass Siren]

reported, blocked, double reported.

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

Mermaids vs. Trolls :)

And I think your comments about not going in as Super-Raina, but as Hulk Raina (I wonder if there's a wisecracking Spider-Raina or a Grim Mysterious Bat-Raina social strategy for dealing with difficult people, as well) because it shows some very different mindsets and concepts.