Help from the Older and Wiser?

[Usagi]

Okay, looking for advice, here. I'm 18 and don't really have any friends. It's pretty much just me and my boyfriend, and our friend, but he's away at college. I know it's my fault that I don't have friends right now, because once I got a boyfriend, I started devoting all my time to him. But then I started getting an outside perspective on my "friends." I realized that everyone was always talking behind each others' backs constantly and excluding people from group events. We were a big group, because it was all of the theatre kids. Anyway, I just got fed up with it all and just started keeping to myself in my senior year. I'm also really shy and awkward, so it's hard for me to make new friends. But I'm also snobbish, I guess, because I don't really like being friends with girls because of all the drama that comes with it. I've yet to find a girl my age that shares my interests, which includes wanting to be a mermaid. Haha so my main question is this: what do you do when you don't have someone that wants to be a mermaid with you? Do you just go swimming alone? Make/get your tail and keep your excitement to yourself? I think it would be really fun to find someone that likes it as much as I do and be able to make tails with them and share photos we find and stuff lol sorry this post was so long, and to anyone that actually reads it, thanks(:

Also, I would like to credit Mermaid Jaimie for getting me obsessed with being a mermaid. Haha if you haven't, you should like her page on Facebook!

facebook.com/thelocalmermaid

I've never met anyone as sweet and encouraging as she is!

[AniaR]

Just so you know it's incredibly normal and common at your age to find yourself a bit on your own. Don't think so negatively of yourself, my sister is your age and going through the same thing. it's a transition time, friends have all gone off in different directions, and people are finding themselves. Between 18-22 I think I was by myself a lot. Then I started meeting new people. Now by 27 I can say I have the best group of friends in the world who will be lifetime friends.

I also don't get to go be a mermaid with others very often. Maybe once or twice a year as my friend Saphina and I only JUST got to do it, and my friend Mimi who is also a mermaid is just as busy as I am.

How I solved it is I VERY SLOWLY got my boyfriend into it. He doesn't wear a tail, but he starting taking me places to swim and taking photos. Flash forward and now he's planning stuff, taking photos and videos, scoping out locations, assisting in photoshoots and parties, and helping me make mermaid jewellery and accessories. My family and friends don't even look at it as me doing it by myself, they see it as "our" thing :)

[Mermaid Celissa]

Hi! I'm only thirteen, and not really "wise" so we can rule out the title. I know how you feel, kind of. I have two main friends, and they don't care what I'm into, they don't push me about it. But yeah, I get mad and judge people really easily for stupid reasons. Example: I kind of avoided a girl for a while because another girl was wearing makeup and girl 1 splashed her in the face. Anyways, I'm not eighteen, but I understand. Usually I upload videos to my YouTube channel to communicate. It's great because they don't have to know you personally to be friends with you. I've learned this is a nice way to open up and interact with others like you. I was so excited when I got my Magictail (posted a video of the unboxing) and when I went to singing camp (posted a video of that too). Even the GIF in my signature is from a swimming video I posted! So that covers the "keep your excitement to yourself" question.

I'm not your age, but if you want a friend who's just as interested in merfolk, mermaids, merpeople, aquatic humanoids, whatever you call it, I'm here! :D

[Usagi]

Raina (if I may call you by your name, haha): Thanks for your reply! I know I do think negatively of myself, and I know why I do, but I'm slowly starting to accept myself. From everything I've seen on here, I think you are an amazing role model! Your sister is lucky to have you in her life :) Maybe I'll find someone Spring semester when I take more classes that I can show this beautiful, mermaidy world to! Haha as for the boyfriend thing, I've talked to him about it, and he said he would love to swim with me, but I know he doesn't actually want to be my merman. Maybe my Aquaman, but then I might have to ditch the tail and be his Mera instead. :P Anyway, he's really supportive, but he's pre-med right now, so he's gonna be super busy with volunteering and schoolwork so he can get into med school, where I'll just never see him again! xP Which is why I'm on a journey to find an amigo. You're lucky to have a guy that wants to be a part of your mermaid life, even if it's just on land. Haha :)

Celissa: That'd be great! I haven't made any "mer-friends" or whatever haha what is singing camp? I've never heard of it lol

[Artisankatie]

I'm almost 24, and I also have a very hard time making friends with women. I don't like them and they don't like me! I get along like a house on fire with guys, we'll start joking around immediately, and I suppose that makes girls a bit territorial if we've just met, so it takes forever for them to warm up to me, no matter how hard I try! I guess I'm just a bro on the inside hehe.

I'm very lucky to have two merbuddies to go mermaiding with, one of whom we met through the last version of MerNetwork, so you might have some luck here ;)
You might even find that people who have mermaiding in common will also have a LOT of other stuff in common with you, I think there are threads on here dedicated to being amazed by that exact phenomenon :P

My partner is SLOWLY allowing himself to be more involved in mermaidy stuff, he mertends for us often now (mostly because his car blocks mine in our driveway and it's easier for him to just drive me places and hang out rather than move cars around haha). I've even had him in a tail a couple of times, and he's expressed interest in swimming with it more often :P I think he quite likes the monofin thing. Maybe if you have any guy friends they could try out the monofin, and you could go swimming with them :)

Anyway, I know exactly how you feel, I had a Harry/Ron/Hermione thing going on for 4 years, which got kind of wrecked when I switched from Harry to Ron and suddenly discovered I didn't have any friends (still good friends with Harry, but since he and Ron aren't really friends anymore I don't get to hang out with them both, though I think they're slowly coming around). I didn't need any when the three of us did everything together, but now it would be nice to have a female friend to go shopping with or cycling or out for coffee or something - my merfriends live an hour away from me, so we only really hang out while mermaiding, as it's a bit far for us to do anything spontaneous.

[Mermaid Celissa]

I take voice lessons, and every year we hold a day-camp to learn voice-related stuff, like how to sing in the diaphragm, what to wear to performances, what songs fit our voices best, etc. It's fun :P

[Usagi]

Girls have just always been so mean to me T.T lol then again, so were boys. I was always the oddball at school. But I'm okay with that now :) But I agree, it's much easier to get along with guys! You can talk about a lot more interesting stuff. Haha but when it comes to having guy friends..well the boyfriend doesn't like it very much, other than the ones that were his friends first lol it's a good thing you switched to Ron! I think he and Hermione are great together!:p does Harry have a Ginny yet? Maybe that would help in mending the friendship. But then Ginny might not be too fond of you haha I would never think about switching guys..not only because I love my boyfriend, but also because our friend is gay. Lol and having someone to go shopping with would be awesome! If I had money. :P My problem is I need to find someone like me who would live in Joann's if they could! My boyfriend hates taking me there because he knows it'll be hours before we leave :p Hopefully you and your friends get to be more spontaneous in the future!

[Usagi]

Celissa: That sounds fun! I've always wanted to take voice lessons, but we never had the money for it. So I shall remain sounding like a dying something or other when I sing(:

[Artisankatie]

Bwahahaha Ginny is one of my merbuddies xD
And yeah, Ron always gets really frustrated and bored when I get lost in crafty shops :P it's a shame you don't live near me, haha!

[Usagi]

Is merbuddy Ginny Harry's new love interest?

I think boys just lack creativity, so when they see something, they don't think of all the possible things they can do with it! Haha

[Shivice]

I know how it feels to not have anyone to talk to. Thankfully I have my older sister who is interested in mermaiding so I can talk to her. I asked my best friend to draw up my future business logo. otherwise being 19 I have no one around here to talk/ swim with besides my sister.

[Usagi]

That's so awesome that your sister does it with you! :) Both of my sisters are way too busy (the oldest has two kids) and I don't know that they'd be interested anyway /: but hopefully once I learn to swim better, I can make my niece a tail and take her swimming with me :)

[MerAndrew]

Well I am 24 years old, I thinking that you will need more friends and you look beautiful, so I am thinking that can I be your friend please?

[Thalassa]

I used to be sort of the odd one out, too. I'd see other people doing fun things and wish I could have that, but social interactions are so painfully awkward for me that I didn't end up making friends. Mermaiding has actually solved this! I swam by myself for a few months, then I went to a small local pirate fair and met local mermaids, lots of people I have stuff in common with, and the man who is now my mertender. Those mermaids were fun and got more local mers into the group...so now I have a bunch of friends who understand my oddness! But keep in mind that it took me at least 6 years to find this. You're not alone in your loneliness. I hope you come to find good friends!

[Thalassa]

Oh, I'd like to add, however, that most days I am the "odd one" out, still. I don't have friends that I hang out with every day, per se, but I've also found that I simply don't have the time as I get older. One or two outings a months is it, and from what I hear that's normal.

[Artisankatie]

Yep :P it worked out pretty well I think, I just need Harry and Ron to talk to each other -.-

Hehehe mine is creative, just not in the same way - he's an engineer, so I get dragged around scrap yards for hours ;)

[Usagi]

Andrew: I accepted the friend request, and thanks for wanting to be my friend! :D

Thalassa: I've been going to Renaissance/Pirate faires my whole life (hence the username). But because of my awkward/shyness, it's even difficult to make friends there. But that's where I met Mermaid Jaimie this past year! :) Maybe this upcoming faire season, I'll finally break out of my shell OFF-stage. Haha I guess I'll just have to be patient and see what's to come :)

[Usagi]

Artisankatie: I've always wanted to go to a scrap yard! Haha my dad's an engineer, so I guess I get that from him:P
It's good that you have him, though, so he can help you if you want to make your own monofin or something! Haha

[MerAndrew]

Your welcome, so can I have a talk to you during private message?

[Usagi]

Sure haha

[Sherl]

I'm neither old nor wise, but would like to share my experience if that's okay with you :P

I was bullied throughout my entire time in primary school by this girl. It wasn't physical - more like emotional/mental abuse. What happened was what you realised: Girls were talking behind each other's backs and deliberately excluding so-and-so from activities. I was the so-and-so. I don't know what I ever did to her, but whatever friends I had turned against me, year after year, which was her doing (I was unlucky enough to be in the same class with her for 6 years). I had this on/off friendship with her as I was naïve to trust her when she said "it won't happen again". She made me feel lost, confused, and damaged. I even contemplated suicide. But I held out the 6 years in school and told myself all this would change when I progressed to secondary school.

There, I tried to changed who I was. I became giggly and petty and loud. It was not me. I hoped I could be popular by doing that, since it was what the bully did and I wanted to make lots of friends as no one knew me here. But I didn't want to target anyone and become a bully like her. I got a circle of friends consisting of four girls, and had two guy friends whom I occasionally talked to. I had trust issues and got into petty fights with my friends because of my ego and unwillingness to appear weak and give in like I did back then, and thus hurt two friends whom I realised had been true to me all along. And the two were the guys. Yup.

I hurt them over petty things, and I regretted doing so deeply. Perhaps I was no different from that bully in primary school. It took me a long time to accept myself for who I truly was and to find myself again. I managed to do it when I was 15 last year, and seized the beginning of this year to wish them "Happy New Year" to make up with them. I am on speaking terms with both but we aren't as close anymore, and it's my fault. I have almost no friends who are close to me, and I have no one to share my mermaid obsession with now. I have promised myself not to make the same mistakes ever again and hurt anyone.

That's pretty much the story of my friendship life. Mermaid fanatics are scarce in my country and I doubt I will ever have a tail of my own, but I am always looking forward to making new friends if they'll accept me :)

[Usagi]

Ah, I know where you're coming from. I was bullied all throughout school, starting around 3rd grade. I did the opposite of you, though. I just kept to myself and let fate guide me to the other weirdos. Haha I hope you're able to mend things with the two boys. We all need a friend that we can really count on. Maybe try talking to the shy kid in class that always stays quiet. Those ones are usually worth getting to know ^-^ And remember that you're still really young. I know that might sound silly coming from me, being just two years older, but a lot can change in just a year. Try to stay true to yourself and don't try to grow up too fast :)

[EnidDarkWater]

Being some one who always got along with guys better than girls but I can promise as time goes on it will seem to get easier to make friends of the female sort, you just got to find some like minded people and remind yourself to be open to them because as people learned with me being a wierdo. First impressions of some one can be wrong and some of the girlyest catty girls sometimes arent actually that way, you just happen to meet them at a bad moment. Faire has always been one of the best places for me to make female friends so I think you should def try to bust out of your shell.

[thelocalmermaid]

Gah, syd.

I wish I lived closer:( I LOVE you, you're so awesome... And no joke, the faire was probably the best part of my year, and meeting you was amazing! I can't wait until next season so we can hang out a lot more! We are definitely going to scheme about mermaids things. And if I can manage the money, I really want to talk to linda about adding a tank for mermaids to swim in. You and I are definitely going to squish in a tank and dazzle all the faire people!!! And we should meet up, if you are gong to make a silicone or latex tail and need help, let me know, I would love to be there :)

Oh, and with the boyfriend issue... I feel exactly the same. Jessy and I lived far apart, so after we got married, I packed up to move to where he grew up. Now all I have is him, no friends, no immediate family..no anything. And he definitely didn't plan on growing up to be married to a "mermaid" entertainer. I make him my pirate, it's a compromise. Lol. I don't think he'll ever out a tail on. And I can't see Alex doing that either. Haha, though it would be pretty funny. He could totally be your aqua man. You should make him a suit ;) or make him an aqua bat man, to your harley-Quinn tail :)

Also, you're probably the first person that I've ever met in person that has wanted to be a mermaid too! So, that's the bad news... But I think with time, this hobby is going to be a big trend and LOTS ore people will be doing it. But until then, you know you can always count on me to gab about random stuff like this... And more!

Next time im in so.cal, we should hang out! My parents heave a heated pool, if you wanted to, you should come over and bring all your mermaids goodies over and I can do an underwater photoshoot for you! Let me know and I'll make sure to let you know when I'm down. Plus, I think you're awesome, even without our mutual love of sea-things!! So an even better reason to hang out!!!

This is Jaimie, btw.., but I'm sure you know that already.

[Usagi]

Haha! All I saw was "Gah, syd." and I was like, "I knew it was just a matter of time before she found me." Lol okay, I feel a lot better after reading all of that because this whole time I've been like, "I'M TOTALLY STEALING JAIMIE'S THING!" Haha but I saw Star's videos on youtube, which led me to here. Once I made my account, I thought, "I wonder if Jaimie has an account." So I typed in thelocalmermaid and I wasn't sure it was you at first because it says you're male. Haha but I figured it out, then felt like a stalker, so I just didn't say anything about it. :$

On the topic of faire: Linda would probably like it. It would bring a lot of attention our way! BUT I don't know if we would have the space for it. We were already a little cramped this past year, and definitely the year before. But it might work! You never know can happen when my dad, Bruce, and Robert (Honey's husband) get together. I'm so glad we have them!(=

Boyfriends: I asked Alex if he would do it AFTER he got in shape. Haha just today we were talking about his appearance for whatever reason, and he said, "If I wasn't fat, I would be a GOD." I should have said, "Well then once you get in shape, you can be my Poseidon!" (; But yeah, I guess the guys might look a little funny in a tail..but that's love! (:< You guys are so cute together, though! One day, he will be in a tail..one day. (;

General stuff: That would be awesome! My tail is kinda stinky (appearance-wise) since it's my first and I didn't know about this entire community to get tips from! I just found out about wearing tights/leggings underneath! That would definitely help since you could always see my bathing suit bottoms lol I should have lined it with something. But I would love having someone to hang/swim with! It'll definitely work out a lot better once I get on the ball about learning how to drive. :P Also, I'm trying to find a job so I can actually afford all this stuff, but I have to decide between that and a heavy workload at school next semester. Once I have money, I will get a lot more serious! Haha your octopus necklace is on my Christmas list, by the way! I hope my mom actually gets it!! Okay this post is super long so I'm gonna stop here. :P

[Usagi]

I can promise as time goes on it will seem to get easier to make friends of the female sort, you just got to find some like minded people Like the one above? Haha that was just funny timing for her to pop in, if you ask me! But I'm definitely a lot more social and "me" when I'm behind a computer lol so I really gotta work on that. I am a terrible conversationalist(x And faire is great! If you ever come to SoCal during season, you should come to "The Original Renaissance Pleasure Faire" (quotes because I don't want to sound snooty:P). And then it'll be a little mermaid-lovers party! Haha Thank you for your response, though. I really appreciate everyone's comments(=

[Elle]

You have so much life ahead I wouldn't worry about what's happening now. You will find your niche! Girls at your age can be a bit more drama obsessed, so look to having older friends. Look to your own maturity level as opposed to an age group. One of my best friends is 12 years older than me and I don't know what I'd do without her :)

I spent so much time from 15-20 with maybe 2 friends and even then I wasn't all that crazy about them.
When I met my now fiance, my life took a new direction and I was able to connect with like minded people (I feel more comfortable meeting new people as a couple than I do by myself, and he's wonderful at getting me to express myself for who I am rather than someone I'm not.)
There is nothing wrong with spending lots of time with your BF just remember there is a world outside of the relationship. I forgot about that when I was your age as I spent to much time with my partner at that time than I did exploring the world around me. I think it caused me to miss out on a lot of experiences that I may not get a chance to live.

[Mermaid Jessica]

I'm in almost the same position as you, sydthefairebrat, except I get along well with both boys and girls and I'm 19. After I got a boyfriend I usually only hung out with him. I was kinda in a group in high school and then I realized there was a lot of drama in that group. Honestly, I think it's mostly the boys that cause the drama though. I'm also shy and awkward but I make myself act like myself, the real me, and talk to people. I'm a pretty cool and fun person when I'm comfortable with people. But when I'm shy, I say and do weird things so I try to imagine I'm talking to someone I know well. The other day I met a guy while waiting for boyfriend to get out of karate class and after talking for awhile, I told him I'm shy and he couldn't believe it and said I seem so social. I told him I must be a great actress then. Also, when I meet new people, I don't judge them before hand. I don't assume ALL girls cause drama. I give everyone a clean slate and fresh start so I think that helps me get along better. I have a couple good friends that I see once in awhile but when we hang out, we talk like we've seen each other everyday. We know that life will be busy and even if we don't see each other for months even, we're still great friends. And sometimes, I'll get invited to hang out with my old group. I go and have fun, but just avoid the drama. I don't think it'd be a bad idea to hang out with your old group once in awhile. Just hang out for the fun and stay out of the drama. And you could go swimming with your boyfriend or invite facebook friends. Who knows, maybe some of your old group will be interested in being merfolk. I was in more than one group in high school. If you had other groups of friends besides the theater group, maybe you could invite them to swim with you. Also, you can find merfolk in your area on MerNetwork and if not, there's nothing wrong with internet friends!

[babsannee]

I'm 18 too!!! I'll be your friend. I've been having the same issues.

[spottedcatfish]

Syd, (mind if I call you that) I'm noticing your location, LA. There is a large mer pod there. Get to know some of us, by joining the Pod of Cali group! We generally have events year round.

[Usagi]

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your advice and personal experiences. I've never really had anyone to go to help for, so it's really great coming on here and hearing from people of all ages. You guys are great, and I'm so glad I joined! (=

spottedcatfish, yes you may call me Syd. It makes me feel more comfortable when people do :) I was thinking about joining the pod, but I thought I should let people get to know me before just joining without knowing anyone. Haha I make weird decisions a lot of the time. But I'll go join now. Thanks!