AniaR
12-10-2012, 04:16 PM
I want to talk about something a little taboo. It's not intended to cause drama, but I think it's a touchy subject. So I ask that you read on with an open mind.
The more known I become as a professional mermaid, the more I encounter people who feel they are entitled to all the details of my mermaid life. I'm honestly understanding now why mermaids like Hannah or Kariel etc don't post on mernetwork. I don't think it's for a lack of love for the community, but rather they don't feel like being hounded constantly with questions.
For instance, the majority of emails, messages, and comments I receive wanting information on what I do so people can do it themselves, come from people who haven't taken more than 2 minutes to actually SEE what I do. If they did, they'd actually see I've already made really comprehensive information available to them. Quite honestly, I feel pretty used.
I'll give you some examples,
-An example for mernetwork, is when mers join, and before even introducing themselves they're asking in the tail making forum for a exact tutorial on making a tail. They haven't taken ANY time to see that Iona as already stickied the best information we have right at the top for the convenience. If you want to make a tail, as badly as you say you do, why can't you take the 5 minutes to read what's there and realize everything you could ever ask for is done?
-Similarly, I get people hounding me on a daily basis asking me to give them a tail. Having a lot of attitude about it too. They say things like "I'll do anything" to which my response is usually, "that's great! If you'll do anything, you can start saving!" but it doesn't stop the comments from coming.
-People who email, PM, comment etc with "please give me a tail" or "tell Raven to make me a tail" or "please tell me how to make a tail I need to know everything!!!"
I honestly feel like there's two mentalities in the mermaid world that most of the people fall under. It's either "protect my craft and keep my tools/skills a secret" or "information is for everyone, no limits!" for those of us who teeter in the middle, sharing information but reserving our right to keep some things to ourselves, we're met by hostility from either side. I remember not too long ago there was quite the debate in a thread because people wanted Raven to divulge how she does things, and she and her partner explained they taught themselves from the smooth on websites and video tutorials, and that anyone could do it. Again, met with hostility from both sides.
Personally, I feel that I go above and beyond to give out the information to get people started. No, I'm not going to help you create your entire mermaid career and tell you how to do every little thing. But yes, I will point you in the right direction and share a few tips. I have a huge detailed FAQ (http://rainamermaid.tumblr.com/FAQ)and I put hundreds of hours into every issue of Tail Flip collecting articles from other people on what the community wants to see, and more often than not writing them myself. A huge majority of articles are always either by me, or I have influenced with my experiences in some way. I don't want it to be that way, there just is an awful lot of asking for certain types of articles, and not exactly people lined up to write them and give out the information.
Sometimes, I don't think people mean anything by it, but I don't think people really consider what they're asking professional mermaids to do, and how insulting it is when they have a negative reaction to being told "no". You're asking us to give you our services for free. If this were any other business, as a few pointed out to me on FB, you'd pay us as a consultant. You wouldn't go to a starbucks and demand to know every aspect of how they make their coffee, and how they run their business, for free. You wouldn't approach an actor, and ask for a step by step of how to become a successful actor and oh by the way can you hook me up with a manager? People swarm the tail makers pages with questions about making tails, demands for tails, and questions about information that is already laid out plainly for them to see. Sure, the whole purpose of mernetwork is to have a community and share stuff, but where is the limit? People don't join in here and have part of the terms of service be "I agree to give away all my secrets" etc. I mean suddenly we're "selfish" because we don't want to do all this stuff for free?
Now, the community can be pretty divided on the example of tail making. We know that a good amount of this stuff can be figured out and found out by simply sitting down a the computer for a few hours, watching, and reading. There are people like Star who are good enough to document their entire process, wins and fails, and then others who want to keep it to themselves. My point is, in either case, that's their right.
I think what makes it all the more insulting, is that people don't even take the time to get to know you before demanding stuff. I'd say the huge majority (like I mentioned earlier) of people who send me messages just found me and jumped right to asking. I've stopped accepting FR from people on FB because 9/10 it's a person who's only adding me because they want to pick my brain about mermaiding. I find that really selfish. I've got a lot to offer, and I certainly am good about sharing, but it should be give and take, not take take take. It's also makes my stomach twist a bit when people from the community only ever contact me once to ask a question about something that I have already explained in detail.
People who follow me on FB, twitter, Tumblr, etc have all seen examples of this. Some great people from the community actually jump into help. But honestly, I think it's an issue that needs to be addressed at a community level as well. The fact is, even if I was okay with sharing every tiny bit of information about how I do things THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME for me to live a happy/healthy life and actually do that.
I also think it's a big symptom of societies "give it to me now" lazy mentality. I'm not saying anyone here is being lazy, we're for the most part a very passionate bunch who really come together to help each other, share info, and learn. Most people who ask a question on here have asked it after already doing everything on their own that they could to get the information. But not everyone. So I want to challenge the few on here who maybe just want someone else to do all the work for them, to roll up your sleeves and get messy!
I believe there is a huge benefit to trying to establish yourself as a professional that people miss out on when they want someone else to do all the work. As I try to get bigger and better, I get self confidence, I refine my skills, I learn NEW skills, I strengthen my creativity and problem solving, I feel accomplished when I get through something, and I really refine what being a mermaid means to me. THESE ARE ALL THINGS YOU NEED TO SURVIVE AS A PROFESSIONAL. If you ask me why the mermaid thing is actually working for me, I'd point you to these experiences. You aren't having these experiences when you fire off an email and expect someone to do all the heavy lifting for you. It's like reading a book about swimming, so now you think you know how to swim. YOU LEARN BY ACTUALLY DOING.
So please, be appreciative of the people who are sharing information. They figured it all out through trial and tribulation. They're saving you trouble when they give you a pointer. There are people on the forum who have expressed in the past "what's so hard about just answering a question?" and I hope this enlightened you a little bit in regards to the answer. Sometimes, it's not that it's hard to answer, it's what asking the question implies to begin with, what asking the question expects, or what asking the question does to another person. So on the end that I ask you to appreciate when people share info, I also ask you to RESPECT when people don't want to share information. They are under no obligation to do that. And yeah, sometimes it can come down to something as normal as HEALTHY professional competition. Many of us have felt the burn of someone asking us for help and then using it against us. So whatever reason a person's reason is... if they don't want to give you info, respect that.
I think I will do what my FB friend's suggest and start charging a consulting fee ;)
The more known I become as a professional mermaid, the more I encounter people who feel they are entitled to all the details of my mermaid life. I'm honestly understanding now why mermaids like Hannah or Kariel etc don't post on mernetwork. I don't think it's for a lack of love for the community, but rather they don't feel like being hounded constantly with questions.
For instance, the majority of emails, messages, and comments I receive wanting information on what I do so people can do it themselves, come from people who haven't taken more than 2 minutes to actually SEE what I do. If they did, they'd actually see I've already made really comprehensive information available to them. Quite honestly, I feel pretty used.
I'll give you some examples,
-An example for mernetwork, is when mers join, and before even introducing themselves they're asking in the tail making forum for a exact tutorial on making a tail. They haven't taken ANY time to see that Iona as already stickied the best information we have right at the top for the convenience. If you want to make a tail, as badly as you say you do, why can't you take the 5 minutes to read what's there and realize everything you could ever ask for is done?
-Similarly, I get people hounding me on a daily basis asking me to give them a tail. Having a lot of attitude about it too. They say things like "I'll do anything" to which my response is usually, "that's great! If you'll do anything, you can start saving!" but it doesn't stop the comments from coming.
-People who email, PM, comment etc with "please give me a tail" or "tell Raven to make me a tail" or "please tell me how to make a tail I need to know everything!!!"
I honestly feel like there's two mentalities in the mermaid world that most of the people fall under. It's either "protect my craft and keep my tools/skills a secret" or "information is for everyone, no limits!" for those of us who teeter in the middle, sharing information but reserving our right to keep some things to ourselves, we're met by hostility from either side. I remember not too long ago there was quite the debate in a thread because people wanted Raven to divulge how she does things, and she and her partner explained they taught themselves from the smooth on websites and video tutorials, and that anyone could do it. Again, met with hostility from both sides.
Personally, I feel that I go above and beyond to give out the information to get people started. No, I'm not going to help you create your entire mermaid career and tell you how to do every little thing. But yes, I will point you in the right direction and share a few tips. I have a huge detailed FAQ (http://rainamermaid.tumblr.com/FAQ)and I put hundreds of hours into every issue of Tail Flip collecting articles from other people on what the community wants to see, and more often than not writing them myself. A huge majority of articles are always either by me, or I have influenced with my experiences in some way. I don't want it to be that way, there just is an awful lot of asking for certain types of articles, and not exactly people lined up to write them and give out the information.
Sometimes, I don't think people mean anything by it, but I don't think people really consider what they're asking professional mermaids to do, and how insulting it is when they have a negative reaction to being told "no". You're asking us to give you our services for free. If this were any other business, as a few pointed out to me on FB, you'd pay us as a consultant. You wouldn't go to a starbucks and demand to know every aspect of how they make their coffee, and how they run their business, for free. You wouldn't approach an actor, and ask for a step by step of how to become a successful actor and oh by the way can you hook me up with a manager? People swarm the tail makers pages with questions about making tails, demands for tails, and questions about information that is already laid out plainly for them to see. Sure, the whole purpose of mernetwork is to have a community and share stuff, but where is the limit? People don't join in here and have part of the terms of service be "I agree to give away all my secrets" etc. I mean suddenly we're "selfish" because we don't want to do all this stuff for free?
Now, the community can be pretty divided on the example of tail making. We know that a good amount of this stuff can be figured out and found out by simply sitting down a the computer for a few hours, watching, and reading. There are people like Star who are good enough to document their entire process, wins and fails, and then others who want to keep it to themselves. My point is, in either case, that's their right.
I think what makes it all the more insulting, is that people don't even take the time to get to know you before demanding stuff. I'd say the huge majority (like I mentioned earlier) of people who send me messages just found me and jumped right to asking. I've stopped accepting FR from people on FB because 9/10 it's a person who's only adding me because they want to pick my brain about mermaiding. I find that really selfish. I've got a lot to offer, and I certainly am good about sharing, but it should be give and take, not take take take. It's also makes my stomach twist a bit when people from the community only ever contact me once to ask a question about something that I have already explained in detail.
People who follow me on FB, twitter, Tumblr, etc have all seen examples of this. Some great people from the community actually jump into help. But honestly, I think it's an issue that needs to be addressed at a community level as well. The fact is, even if I was okay with sharing every tiny bit of information about how I do things THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME for me to live a happy/healthy life and actually do that.
I also think it's a big symptom of societies "give it to me now" lazy mentality. I'm not saying anyone here is being lazy, we're for the most part a very passionate bunch who really come together to help each other, share info, and learn. Most people who ask a question on here have asked it after already doing everything on their own that they could to get the information. But not everyone. So I want to challenge the few on here who maybe just want someone else to do all the work for them, to roll up your sleeves and get messy!
I believe there is a huge benefit to trying to establish yourself as a professional that people miss out on when they want someone else to do all the work. As I try to get bigger and better, I get self confidence, I refine my skills, I learn NEW skills, I strengthen my creativity and problem solving, I feel accomplished when I get through something, and I really refine what being a mermaid means to me. THESE ARE ALL THINGS YOU NEED TO SURVIVE AS A PROFESSIONAL. If you ask me why the mermaid thing is actually working for me, I'd point you to these experiences. You aren't having these experiences when you fire off an email and expect someone to do all the heavy lifting for you. It's like reading a book about swimming, so now you think you know how to swim. YOU LEARN BY ACTUALLY DOING.
So please, be appreciative of the people who are sharing information. They figured it all out through trial and tribulation. They're saving you trouble when they give you a pointer. There are people on the forum who have expressed in the past "what's so hard about just answering a question?" and I hope this enlightened you a little bit in regards to the answer. Sometimes, it's not that it's hard to answer, it's what asking the question implies to begin with, what asking the question expects, or what asking the question does to another person. So on the end that I ask you to appreciate when people share info, I also ask you to RESPECT when people don't want to share information. They are under no obligation to do that. And yeah, sometimes it can come down to something as normal as HEALTHY professional competition. Many of us have felt the burn of someone asking us for help and then using it against us. So whatever reason a person's reason is... if they don't want to give you info, respect that.
I think I will do what my FB friend's suggest and start charging a consulting fee ;)