"friends"

[Lotus]

I seem to be the girl everyone turns to in times of strife or heartache. Then I get abandoned. Left behind to watch whoever post happy pictures of their true friends on FB. Then I tell them how crappy it makes me feel. Then I get told "hey I'm really busy, what are you doing Friday night?"
I say, "working, like I always have," and then I get-
"stop being A BITCH. You want me to include you in my life, but then whenever I ask, you say no," For the record, no one asks me to go out, unless it's on the nights I've told them I work.
FML

[OceanicStory]

You're probably not as alone as you think. We here, for example, have surely all dealt with people like this before, and know that such individuals can be both hurtful and inconsiderate. Sadly, some people just don't think about the situations of others as much as they should. Of course, they might not mean any harm, but when they just don't think to wonder "She helped me feel better, but I wonder how she's feeling?" or "Maybe she's just busy and doesn't have the time to join us", they easily come across as being thoughtless, or maybe downright horrid.
Some people don’t think about other's situations, or think before opening their mouths. Whether or not they really mean to be cruel, that's just the way of it. But be proud that you're more willing to listen and be there than they are. That says a bit more about you.
And again, you're not as alone as you feel. Even places like this can be a wonder when you're just looking to clear your head after a bad day, or after dealing with unfavourable people. Why, there's even a thread about discussing your mood right on this forum, I think. So there's always someone happy to listen. :)

[Mermaid Annariea]

im having the exact same problem. and i only had a small handful of close friends to begin with, like 3, maybe 4.

none of them even talk to me anymore, really. one in particular, who was my CLOSEST friend for like 3 years, actually just ignores my messages. i guess she would rather hang out with her party-going friends than me. i finally gave up trying to talk to her. i just stay at home with my boyfriend and our cat now. and work. i dont understand why my friends dont talk to me anymore, but it makes me really sad.

[Sammi Ray]

I also have this problem as i am a mother. My friends who don't have children do not understand that you have responsibilites and can't just drop everything to go out and get hammered... then stop contacting you.. People change but you will always be you and you will always be awesome just like you were before they walked into your life. When one door closes another opens and you will meet new friends who will treat you better!

[Spindrift]

What happens when you ask them to hang out when you don't have work?

[Dacora]

I used to have this problem. I only have about 2 or 3 friends of my friends that I talk to on my own. Even then we don't even hang out since one is always on a truck with her husband on the road, another always either works or plays too hard so no time to hang out. The other just does not talk to me much.

As a result I hang out with my family a lot. Espically my grandpa, we are really close and have been all my life. I also have met 1 really close friend through my boyfriend, his brother's GF. His other brother's GF is cool and I have known her for a long time but she is really busy with clases and work so I don't see her much. If I'm not with these people I'm with my boyfriend's family and friend's or my animals. Which are all really nice people and I enjoy being with.

Friends will come and go. It will hurt so bad but you will meet other people. Even the people you work with can become almost like family.

Sent from my HTC One X using Tapatalk 2

[Mermaid Narina]

When people realised i was into mermaids (i posted a picture of my mermaid tail on facebook) I really got to see who supported me....
I immediately became less popular at school, and some people didnt talk to me anymore (they didnt want my "weirdness" to be contagious most likely) but i had some people who supported me. You know who they were? The people who are different. The ones who were considered "weird" themselves. Interesting, huh?
But my original friends still use me as the one to offload all their problems onto, which is really draining. I know how it feels, to be so overwhelmed by everyone elses problems and noone helps you with your own....
I guess you have to find out who your "true friends" are...

[Mermaid Bella]

I used to find out that all my friends had gone out, like to the city or a concert and they would tell me "oh we didn't think you wouldnt be interested, we thought you would be busy" I lost two very close friends when I finished school, they just decided to become snarling bitch queens and I was the subject of their sudden rage issues, what I didn't know until later was that they were always like that and I just never saw it. My mum did... somehow... anyway I've always had issues with flaky friends, finally I have some good ones, just 3. my best friend and her husband and a friend from an old job. And I guess that's all I really need..

[Mermaid Celissa]

That really sucks. I know how you feel. But hey, we're all friends here. I know it's not the same as hanging out in person but still, we all get to know each other and help each other out. We're a close-knit bunch, and we all care for each other. Message me if you need a friend!

[Gem Stone]

in my life (not saying im old or wise) I have had two best friends, one of which I shared my mermaid ideas with. and both of them, in their own time, have stabbed me in the back and both now refuse to speak with me

[Mermaid Allie]

I hate my school. All the girls are evil rich snobs who like to put other people down and hold grudges. I don't have anything in common with the girls I talk to. They're all so stuck up. And fake. I've definitely lost tons of friends. Last year I completely got excluded from the group of girls I was hanging out with. Thats why I'm afraid to show people how I like mermaids, because everyone is so judgemental.

[Mermaid Allie]

It's really sad that you can't be yourself in our society.

[Lotus]

@spindrift- most times when I'm not working I get the "I'm really busy," excuse.
See here's what really chaps my ass about all this- I've had two friends who have done the exact same thing... Both went thru really hard, crappy, emotionally taxing divorces from crazy guys who treated them like garbage. I was there for them both at all hours of the day and night, whenever they needed an ear and I had a minute to text back or listen. I even testified in court for one of them at the last divorce hearing. I wouldn't have done this for either of them if they had not been solid, dependable friends to begin with, I'd like that to be known. As soon as the divorce and rebound lover scenario that followed was over, I stopped hearing from them. Like they just vanished into thin air. I still called and left messages like always, wrote emails and so on. I sent messages to them on facebook asking when we could hang out as I was looking at the pictures of them out partying or snowboarding or whatever- and that's when I started getting the "I'm just so busy, I'm always at work," and so on.... I called out gal #1 on this, and she turned into a huge bitch, writing me a three page letter detailing what a pathetic loser I am. Needless to say we don't talk anymore. Gal #2 got called out on it too, but she called me to apologize.... and then imediatly returned to said behavior.
I would like you all to understand something that I know I failed to mention when I began this thread- (mostly because I was just feeling bad for myself at the time) I am more than happy to be a friend to people, good times and bad. But when I start getting stabbed in the back or walked on, I cut ties. I say why I'm upset, and then I leave it alone. A true friend will act, and do something to make it right. The false ones don't and they just fade away. I get really upset when I get to the point where I have to put my foot down for myself because it hurts to lose friends. But I get passed it, and I go on with life. You don't have to hang around with people who are snobbs and brats and treat you badly. It's not your job to make people with low self esteems feel better about themselves by putting you down or making you feel like crap. I went to school with a handful of these low-lives and believe me when I say that they are not worth your time and energy. You must stand up for yourself. You don't have to be a jerk about it, you don't even have to say anything, just remove yourself from the company of people who treat you poorly. That being said, I know it's really hard to do. I can say very truthfully that I have met very few people in this community who I have not really cared for, but I really don't see them around anymore anyway. I love you all very much and I am here for any one of you if you need me, I have found the same to be true of all of you who I've talked with personally, who have replied to posts, ect. Thanks for all the kind words, guys. You really are kick-ass little fishies. :)

[SeaGlass Siren]

call me a "beach" if you must. but if i don't like someone i will flat out say it. why? because i'm damn honest. and i hate liars. to keep it inside and pretend i'm nice, it'll mean that i'm sinking to their level and being a faker. "i don't like you because you are fake, flakey, stuck up, and pardon me if i am being a bitch, i really dont like the way you treat me and i dont need a person like you in my life"

if i dont wanna hang out? "i dont wanna hang out today. i'm just too damn lazy"

just yesterday this guy i used to be friends with (who is really flakey) kept changing venues and times for his birthday. and then on the day of, he says this place at this time but he never called in to reserve. and this has happened so many times before so i just blew it. "i'm not going to your party. you are flakey, you didnt even make reservations, you woke up late for your own party, made me wait at the venue for 45 minutes for you to show up. and this has happened 3 times before. i have got better things to do than to pamper your flakey ass. good day to you sir."

people change, people come, people go, some will come swimming back.

as for judgemental people who call you names. just accept those names. it'll only bug you if you let it bug you.
"I'm wierd for liking mermaids? i'm not wierd, i'm just crazy obsessed. plus who wouldnt wanna swim in the ocean? oh i'm just wierd in general and noone like me? oh how concerned of you to tell me! and you think i care WHY?"
"i'm mean? damn straight i am! i'm a big bitch. but better an honest bitch than a liar and a twoface.
i'm childish? no i am a big baby who still loves watching disney movies because i miss being a kid, getting free shit. admit it, who doesnt miss being a kid? being fed, bathed, gifts, no work, play all day..."

i hung out with a bunch of drama-class students in highschool and im still friends with most of them today. they used to get the exact treatment from stuck-up snobs too because "drama students are wierd"! but we all learned to be honest with ourselves and "embraced our wierdness," accepted names, and we'd give them a taste of their own medicine because we always hung out in a group.

[Lotus]

Wow. I personally try to never label myself a bitch. Like I said, I'll let people know I'm upset, but I don't put myself down in the process- I don't like being called mean or bitchy so I don't call myself those things for people. It's good to be assertive and look out for yourself tho- goodness knows very few people will look out for you if you don't.

[SeaGlass Siren]

it's a method that seems to have worked for me. that way they stop trying to find names for me. i've practically "disarmed" them of any names they try to throw at me, making them powerless.