Thalassa
02-03-2013, 12:28 AM
I'm sure we've all experienced it. The big contract that falls through, the people that you talk to that decide they don't want to hire you, the event that cancels on you last minute...rejection is a part of the entertainment business. From auditions to party entertainers, everyone gets rejected sometime. I recently had a big step forward fall through, something I'd invested a lot (emotionally and financially) in, and I thought it might be helpful to have a thread for...maybe venting, maybe tips on how to handle the rejection. So, here's my two cents:
1) Realize that this doesn't define you as a mermaid or a person. One rejection does not mean you will be rejected forever, nor does it mean that you'll be rejected if the job comes up again. It simply means, at that time, the job/people weren't a fit for you.
2) Avoid the "If only I'd..." and "Why didn't I..." syndrome. Beating yourself up over mistakes and wishing you could have a do-over are dead end and destructive patterns of thought. It makes you feel really bad about yourself and doesn't help anything! Instead, try "Next time I'll..." If you know of something you'd like to do better, work on it!
3) If you're not sure if it was holding you back, ask for feedback. This was a killer for me when trying to get a job. If an interview turned out as a rejection, I went over and over the interaction wondering what it was I did that turned them "against" me. Someone advised me to ask the interviewer for feedback, and it was one of the hardest and best ideas ever! I found a lot of things I'd worried about weren't really a problem, and I was able to focus on the things that actually needed fixing. If you can't ask the fall-through-er, ask someone else for feedback (be careful asking friends and family unless you're sure they'll be honest with you, though).
4) Make new plans. It's easy to sit around focusing on what could have been and not wanting to move forward for fear of hurting again, but that's another dead end. Work on your page, your site, craft something, attend a faire, hand out some cards...DO something to move you forward! Trust me, you'll feel better and more optimistic if you're actively planning for what's happening rather than thinking about what is no longer going to happen.
5) Don't avoid people. LOL, I tried this by withdrawing from MerNetwork for a bit, but (as the saying goes) I just couldn't quit ya! Seriously, though, focus outside yourself. Find a newer mer to help. Maybe they just introduced themselves in the forum, maybe they need a compliment on their page or thread. Maybe they have a question you can answer. Helping them makes you feel good about yourself and gives you a change of perspective for a time.
These are all things I've found useful over the past couple of days. Feel free to add tips or stories, and I hope this helps someone along their way!
1) Realize that this doesn't define you as a mermaid or a person. One rejection does not mean you will be rejected forever, nor does it mean that you'll be rejected if the job comes up again. It simply means, at that time, the job/people weren't a fit for you.
2) Avoid the "If only I'd..." and "Why didn't I..." syndrome. Beating yourself up over mistakes and wishing you could have a do-over are dead end and destructive patterns of thought. It makes you feel really bad about yourself and doesn't help anything! Instead, try "Next time I'll..." If you know of something you'd like to do better, work on it!
3) If you're not sure if it was holding you back, ask for feedback. This was a killer for me when trying to get a job. If an interview turned out as a rejection, I went over and over the interaction wondering what it was I did that turned them "against" me. Someone advised me to ask the interviewer for feedback, and it was one of the hardest and best ideas ever! I found a lot of things I'd worried about weren't really a problem, and I was able to focus on the things that actually needed fixing. If you can't ask the fall-through-er, ask someone else for feedback (be careful asking friends and family unless you're sure they'll be honest with you, though).
4) Make new plans. It's easy to sit around focusing on what could have been and not wanting to move forward for fear of hurting again, but that's another dead end. Work on your page, your site, craft something, attend a faire, hand out some cards...DO something to move you forward! Trust me, you'll feel better and more optimistic if you're actively planning for what's happening rather than thinking about what is no longer going to happen.
5) Don't avoid people. LOL, I tried this by withdrawing from MerNetwork for a bit, but (as the saying goes) I just couldn't quit ya! Seriously, though, focus outside yourself. Find a newer mer to help. Maybe they just introduced themselves in the forum, maybe they need a compliment on their page or thread. Maybe they have a question you can answer. Helping them makes you feel good about yourself and gives you a change of perspective for a time.
These are all things I've found useful over the past couple of days. Feel free to add tips or stories, and I hope this helps someone along their way!