When is family not family?

[Traveling Merman]

I'm quite interested in people's ideas on this, today I've just been out with fiends and I've bumped in Charlotte; my grandad's grandmother's sisters great great grand-daughter when I explained who she was to my friends they thought and said to mine and her face that we aren't cousins and shouldn't refer to each other as such! Whereas our family is tight knit and as you might guess a family affair like a wedding is a big event which growing up in this I thought this was normal.... So what I'm asking is: when does someone stop being family and become someone you share an ancestor with?

[AniaR]

well, I don't consider my birth mother to be family. She was very abusive growing up, and 3 years ago I decided to stop having contact with her all together. It was very scary and hard. But I went through therapy 1 year before stopping contact and 2 years while I was without her. I get guilted a lot by the society mentality of "you only have one mother". Like that phrase erases the lifetime of abuse, neglect, and harassment. My mother has a personality disorder- she wont ever change. I have accepted it, I wish the rest of society would. If society had my mother for a mother they wouldn't talk to her either! LOL. It's not even a matter of being mad at her, or hurt, it's legit a matter of my well being and safety. So for me, I 100% believe people can be family and NOT family at the same time. That being said, I feel closer to my boyfriend's family and some of my friends than my own family. They treat me like family, so I feel like they are.

It's weird when you meet people who are related to you somewhere down the line and they're basically a stranger though. I have a few of those too

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

Family is a designation that is both given and earned. Your friends are imbeciles (and rude ones at that) for saying that sixth cousins aren't family (especially if you treat each other as family and are there for each other).

[Mizuko]

I have 'aunties' and 'cousins' whom I'm not related to- they are close family friends and so I was brought up calling them Aunty/Uncle. You dont have to be related to be family :)

[Thalassa]

I have a bunch of family that I don't think of as family because I never see them. Like, ever. Maybe once every 10 years. Then again I have distant cousins I see every week, and I think of them as family more than the others.

[spottedcatfish]

For me Family can be people you are related to, but it can also be people who love and care about you, who are not associated with you in a biological sense. Family are people whom you surround yourself with, in order to feel happy and loved, and if they are not in your life you miss them dearly. For me, I have very few people in my biological family whom I can give that Family name to. But I choose to surround myself with people who understand me, and accept me, and who I feel loved and happy with. Those people I accept to be my family. I guess it's more defined by a feeling and how you are with others than who raised you.

[Rain]

Well if you're asking whether someone is family biologically, then my answer to that is, they are family as long as they are related to you by blood. If you are not talking about family biologically, then family is pretty much anyone you consider family in my opinion. It's pretty much what Spottedcatfish just said.

[Mermaid Isabela]

"We build our families through bonds, not blood."

This is something me and my partner constantly say. Their parents aren't all that great, specially their mom. So we consider our friends our true family rather than blood relatives.

[Traveling Merman]

Thanks it was just a bit odd when we were told we aren't family, when we've grown up together (there's loads of us!)

[SeaGlass Siren]

two things if we wanna get all technical:

1) if you are blood-related you are still technically considered family, just "distant relatives."

2) if you have "divorced" your family because they were abusive etc etc then yes, they are not considered your family. they are considered family in Name and Blood only, nothing more.

edit: i lie, one more thing.

3) for non-relatives (not by blood or name), they can be considered family (or better than family) through a strong bond, yes.