Is this depression?

[seagirls626]

I've been feeling very sad lately. I'm home schooled because of dance, so I get very lonely. If I lived in the U.S right now, I probably wouldn't be because there are so many other home schooled kids there. But I live in Geneva, and I'm the only home schooled kid. It's not that I don't get out or that I have trouble making friends, it's that a lot of the kids here are... well... They don't know how to think for themselves and they ALWAYS have to be right about things they might not even know anything about! It might just be the culture or something. Being an American, it's hard for me to deal with them. Therefore, I have one friend here, and even she's not always nice to be around. Plus, she's not available most of the time.
At the dance studio, I get teased and pushed around a lot because first, I don't speak French like they do, and second, I'm pretty...Let's just say...creative. I get called weird a lot too. I'm feeling very angry and what I think is depressed because of this. Sometimes I even think about cutting myself. I try not to cry, but it's just so hard not to! I don't know what to do! I feel so alone!

Can someone help me? Is this depression?

[Nykur]

Nope, I've felt like this so many times, but you will get over it, we can pop you in a tail and you will be a mermaid, pop them in one and they will sink and drown!

BE WEIRD, BE DIFFERENT, BE AWESOME!:cool:

[Mermaid Shayna]

I've felt like this, and I've felt depression. There is a difference. This might be depression; I'm no doctor and I'm not you. You know how you feel best, but it might be helpful to talk to a doctor about it before you end of doing something rash.

[Mermaid Shayna]

I tried to jump off the roof and had cut myself with a steak knife and a nailfile because I hated sharp objects...

[Kanti]

Maybe not hardcore depression, but it could be a form of it.
Sounds more like you're just sort of being picked on and don't fit in that much which is always stressful.
Those kids still don't have a right to be mean to you when you're out dancing. I think kids (sorry I don't
exactly know how old you are I assume they're young 10-15 years old?) are generally very group oriented
and like to punish anyone different so they can be accepted more.
The best thing for that is to show confidence in yourself. Throughout elementary and even in highschool I
was always picked on for being different. In 3rd grade I never listened or cared about the difference between
Nsync and the Backstreet boys so naturally girls made fun of me and thought I was weird. In highschool I
liked anime and wore anime accessories and people make fun of and call you out for that sort of stuff too.
I just didn't let it get to me. It REALLY bothers them when you don't care about their opinions.

But I do understand it's really hard to be the only one out. Maybe you should talk to your parents or the
dance instructor?

[Alveric]

Probably not clinical depression. Clinical Depression is when you're sad and down even when there is no apparent reason for it. That's what makes it so hard for people to understand those who suffer from it.

When you're depressed over circumstances your mood will improve when you situation changes or you find a way to deal with it in a positive way.

[SeaGlass Siren]

i wish i could help. :hugs: i've been through that, and it's really hard to prevent yourself from not actually cutting yourself (i've got scars too, i'm not all gigglemcgee and rainbows). all i can say is wait it out, learn to love yourself and respect yourself enough to walk away from baboons like them, and keep your chin up.

[seagirls626]

Thanks guys. It helps to have some support. I wish my bitch of a sister could be the same.

[SeaGlass Siren]

we're here if you need to talk :hugs:

[seagirls626]

Aw! Thanks!! :hugs:

[Lois]

oh im sorry to see that your feeling like this. It sounds like your pretty homesick and missing America. It can be really hard finding your feet in a new place, but, I promise it will get easier as you get older. Teenagers can be horrible to each other at time which can make you feel pretty low. I would agree with Alveric your probably not experiencing clinical depression, unless you are feeling continuously low all of the time. Allot of women will experience depression at some point in their lives, just try to remember how special you are! And look for the positives. I've had problems with friends which sound similar to yours but i think you've just got to appreciate the people around you who are kind to you and who treat you with the respect you deserve and forget about the rest. And remember your still young you have so many adventures ahead of you....

[MerEmma]

Wow, haha. It sounds like you have the exact scenario I did for several years (I'm homeschooled too; I used to dance, nobody really seemed to like me there, etc. it's a very long story xP). I'd say it's not depression. I've never really felt depression but I've felt close to it before. You're not the only homeschooled kid on this site, anyway! :)

[Alveric]

Your sister may be the way she is for the same reason you feel down. She's a stranger in a strange land as well. Does she speak French? Is she getting teased by the locals? Being younger she may not be able to deal with it with as much maturity as you are. That may be why she lashes out.

Do what you can to help her. Under these circumstances, sisters need to have each others backs not be at each others throats.

[Lotus]

trust me, cutting yourself isn't the answer. It makes things worse. I hope you feel better, just remember everything is temporary.

[Winged Mermaid]

I'm no doctor, but it sounds like situational depression. (There's a difference between that and clinical depression and major depression disorder.) Moving to a whole new country and culture and being greeted with unkind behavior from those around you.. I can't imagine what that must be like :( I'm so sorry.

I will say that even though you get urges to cut, don't. Don't EVER start. It may release the stress for a moment, but it quickly turns into a full force serious addiction. It feels better less, you cut more, you cut deeper, and all the time you're not really dealing with your problems, and the cutting and everything that goes along with it (the secrets, shame, guilt, you name it) makes everything a million times worse. It's a spiral of darkness that you don't ever want to go down. One that can lead to such deep depression it can lead to suicide or attempts. And an addiction like that is very hard to quit and you may have to deal with the urges for the rest of your life. Yes, it's that bad. Please, never go there. There are tons of websites with tips on how to express those feelings without self injuring. Here's a good list of things to do instead. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/)Find more by googling "alternatives to self injury". There are also hotlines you can call if you just need to talk to someone. Although I'm not sure if you'd be able to use them or if they have other hotlines in the country where you live.

The important thing is to talk to someone. A friend (online or not- perhaps friends you had before you moved that you trust), an adult that you trust, and yes even your parents. It's worth looking into to see if there are programs to help foreign kids/teens get settled into that new country and culture. If nothing else, if you have access to a counselor or even therapist, use them. Talk to them, ask them for help. Teenage years are hard, moving makes it so much harder, moving to a different culture and country can be completely overwhelming. And that's okay. The smart thing to do is to talk about it and seek help, even if you feel you don't want to. You'll thank yourself in the end for it. Regret is SO much worse than fear of seeking help. And just remember, one of my favorite quotes, "This too shall pass." <3

[Usagi]

Sounds a lot like me all through high school. I was always smiling at school, but would go home and cry every day. I think it was because of a lifetime of being bullied, at home and at school. Is there really NO ONE that stands out a little? Or maybe they seem like they would if they were able to come out of their shell? The quiet ones are always fun. Haha having a companion who really gets you or at least supports you can make a world of difference. Keep an eye out for the ones who seem even a little off-beat, because it sounds like they would probably too scared to be themselves for fear of being bullied. Or they're all just brainwashed. /: also think about if it's a hormonal imbalance (you're a teen, I'm guessing, so your hormones are probably all over the place) or a lack of certain vitamin/nutrients. I think vitamin B is supposed to help with that sort of stuff. Or maybe you have a thyroid issue. Definitely go see a doctor to get blood work done (I didn't read through the whole thread because I need to leave, so i don't know if this was already mentioned) and if it really gets bad, consider seeing a therapist. I hope you start to feel better! I didn't until I got a boyfriend, and two years later I'm still struggling, but not as badly. It can be hard to overcome, but it must be done!

[Dacora]

Ugh homeschooling. It has its ups but being alone at home sucks.
Maybe you should write/video chat your friends back home? Or maybe even cousins or family members.

When I was home schooled I fell into a depression and shut every one out. My pets really helped me to open back up to people. Maybe you can ask your parents to get a dog, or a cat or even a fish. Honestly my fish have helped me a lot with my anger. Learning how to take care of them correctly is a challenge and its fun.
:)

[FreshWaterMermaid]

I was homeschooled from 1dt grade until graduation of 12th grade. I LOVED IT I don't remember ever being lonely. My mom always made an effort to set up 'homeschool park days' and such, so us kids got to hang out with others. And we also did lots of field trips.
I would homeschool my kids, if I ever have kids lol

What I do remember from school (kindergarten and 1st grade) was being picked on. Skipping the whole being picked on thing in elementary/highschool was probably what gave me the courage to just do what I want to do without being mindful of what others think.
Yay for being DIFFERENT! (not 'weird) different is good! Don't conform! ^_^
<3


Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2

[seagirls626]

Thanks guys! But the thing is, I've lived here for 6 years in May, I have pets (A dog, a gerbil), and I video chat with my BFF in the U.S almost every day (we share this account). I don't know what else to do to not feel lonely. I speak nearly fluent French and I've lived here since I was seven. I think one of the other problems is that I HATE the couture. Everyone is so SLOW and RESERVED! So, I've come down to the conclusion that for me to be truly happy, we'll have to move back to the U.S. My dad is doing everything he can to get a job, so hopefully we'll be back soon. I'm occupying myself with various things, such as writing Mystic Waters episodes, making Youtube videos, frequently inviting my one and only friend here over for sleepovers (and while she was here last, we made a new Hunger Games youtube channel called CapitolCupcake), and we're currently in the process of making a Hunger Games series.
I also doubt that my sister is out of control and angry because of things going on in school. She's been living here since she was four, so she barley remembers the U.S. She's also one of the popular, pretty girls at school, so she gets lots of attention. I actually don't know why she's so angry all the time...

I don't know id this counts as cutting yourself, but when I'm angry (which sadly is frequently), I take nails clippers and clip dead skin off my feet. Sometimes until they bleed.
Today I found that just going to the park, sitting on the swing and listening to music helps. Also, when I'm home alone, I sing as loud as I can, which seems to boil off some of the rage. I think my dog thinks I'm crazy now. Haha!

[Mermaid Enhydrina]

I'm homeschooled too and it can get lonely, even with park days and other types of meet-ups, especially for more reclusive people(like me). It can get tough when people treat you poorly, but don't hurt yourself. It's good that you've found someways to work off steam. Do you like to make things, like art or other hands-on things? I find that creating things helps me a lot when I'm raging. Hope this helps.

[Mizuko]

I'd say the best help: go see a youth councillor or a doctor. Just to talk it out. They are far more educated in what is early onset depression/hormones/or just loneliness and will be able to help you make some steps to feeling happier (no drugs, just 'steps' or things that can help your outlook on life). There is nothing embarassing about seeing a professional when you aren't feeling 100%- physically or mentally- because they are there to help. I hope you start feeling better soon <3

[Traveling Merman]

It's not depression just displacia, with loneliness!

My best advice is make the effort! Show people you want to be a good friend, if that means learning French then learn French!(your prospects will be much better for it, believe me!) or of that means just nodding and agreeing then do that! (My grandad gave me this advice; a person may talk to you for 59 minutes about utter bollocks or stuff you already know but for 1 minutiae there might be a pearl that you didn't know! So basically listen 3 times more than you speak, I do it and it won me a load of friends! Most people just want to talk and not have a conversation)

[Traveling Merman]

Oh and a smile is worth 1000 words!

[Traveling Merman]

It also might also be worth seeing if you can get into mainstream schooling in geneva as then you won't be as much of an outsider and you'll intergrate into the community instead of being apart from it!

[seagirls626]

Incase you didn't catch it, I speak almost fluent French. Another problem is that when we first moved here when I was 7, my parents put me in a French speaking school so that I would learn the language, instead of continuing to home school me. So I was in an all French speaking school until I was about 11. That's when I starting home schooling again, because the kids in my class were really rude and I would go home crying every day because they teased me about every thing I did. They even teased me because I was into fashion designing at the time! It's like, instead of letting you aim high and go for your dreams, they try to pull you down to their level. They also teased me about wanting to win the Olympics in figure skating.

[Lotus]

Girl, you hit the nail on the head when you said "they want to pull you down to their level," That's what it's all about, kiddo. Different is scary when you're growing up, and I think a lot of the time those who go against the grain get wailed on because someone's jealous you've got the stones to be your own self. That doesn't make it hurt any less, I'm afraid- but that's really what it's all about. When people pick on you for no good reason, they're just trying to make their own bad feelings go away by pinning them on someone else. Misery loves company, right? Keep talking tho- don't bottle it up. I hope you see you have a big group of people here who care for you.
Oh and BTW- I think it's freaking awesome that you speak French. I've always wanted to learn a different language! I kind of understand Mandarin, but that's because I work in a Chinese restaurant and the kitchen staff (except my boss and Uncle) speak VERY LITTLE English. I try to speak too, which usually works ok, but Mama tends to giggle when I ask for things in Mandarin. :)

[Lotus]

PS- you are talking with your parents about what yo're going thru, right? Don't leave them in the dark.

[seagirls626]

Thanks everyone! And Lotus, yes, my parents know what's going on.

[Lotus]

good! Yeah, I've been SUPER scatterbrained lately, so I've probably missed or forgotten a lot of stuff I've read from you and other people. I'm just concerned about ya is all!

[seagirls626]

Aw! Thanks!

[Traveling Merman]

Incase you didn't catch it, I speak almost fluent French. Another problem is that when we first moved here when I was 7, my parents put me in a French speaking school so that I would learn the language, instead of continuing to home school me. So I was in an all French speaking school until I was about 11. That's when I starting home schooling again, because the kids in my class were really rude and I would go home crying every day because they teased me about every thing I did. They even teased me because I was into fashion designing at the time! It's like, instead of letting you aim high and go for your dreams, they try to pull you down to their level. They also teased me about wanting to win the Olympics in figure skating.

I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thread; I just answered you first question as best I could!

My reasons being that I had a harsh time in school, being physically and mentally bullied because I was different from the norm, I was only trying to think what I would have done differently and impart some wisdom from adult to child, I'm sorry if I offended.