ShyMer
02-28-2013, 12:25 PM
How to avoid creating drama
I have been observing the behavior on this forum, and I thought I might share some things that I've noticed.
If you have any ideas that may complete this list, please add them.
Keep in mind that you may need to change the way you behave. It's not always someone else's problem. Be honest with yourself and reflect on what you say before you post.
Steer clear
Many of you already do this. It's okay to try to avoid the craziness. You'll probably be a lot happier in general.
Encourage openness
This goes for yourself too. Don't let grievances fester and explode when something comes up.
Don't immediately attack someone else who says something you don't like. They may actually have a point. Criticism is difficult to swallow, but you might grow from it.
We have multiple threads for venting. Use them instead of hijacking other threads if you can, or create a new thread if you want to discuss a new topic. This will reflect better on the users on our forum and keep things clean.
Don't overreact
I understand what I read much better when I'm calm. If you read something that upsets you, take a break before responding. Don't stew over what you read. Drink some water. It's good for you after all.
When I come back, I often find that I misunderstood what I read. Maybe the tone wasn't bad like I thought, or maybe the word choice was awkward. Look for facts, and don't let yourself respond to emotional outbursts. A levelheaded person gets a better reaction than someone who cuts loose.
Check your motives
Once again, be honest with yourself. Are you writing because you want to get a rise out of someone? Do you just need to get something off your chest? Is it even any of your business? Think about it before you post.
Tone and word choice
Many of the problems I've seen here are because of word choice and tone. Simple, precise sentences are easy to read and harder to misunderstand. Also, a huge wall of text is no fun. Please make frequent breaks in your writing. People will be more likely to read the whole thing and understand it, too.
Using inflammatory language is going to get you an angry response. Don't try to say that this is just how you talk and use that as an excuse to say whatever you like. There's a difference between being frank and being nasty. This tends to lower your credibility as well.
Alternatively, read over what you wrote to check for statements that may be ambiguous. Make people understand you the first time you say it.
Also, smilies don't make up for nastiness. It's confusing and makes you look bad. If you truly don't mean to be nasty, check your word choice and tone.
State facts, not opinions
You can still tell people how you feel. Just keep the emotions out of it.
“When you did this it upset me, and here's why” is better received than “You're disgusting.”
You look more credible and the reader spends more time thinking about what you have to say than your poor word choice.
Most of these problems can be solved by taking a break and reflecting on what you've said.
If you've got something to say, by all means say it, just check yourself before you hit reply.
If you have anything to add, please do. Additional tips to follow would be awesome.
I have been observing the behavior on this forum, and I thought I might share some things that I've noticed.
If you have any ideas that may complete this list, please add them.
Keep in mind that you may need to change the way you behave. It's not always someone else's problem. Be honest with yourself and reflect on what you say before you post.
Steer clear
Many of you already do this. It's okay to try to avoid the craziness. You'll probably be a lot happier in general.
Encourage openness
This goes for yourself too. Don't let grievances fester and explode when something comes up.
Don't immediately attack someone else who says something you don't like. They may actually have a point. Criticism is difficult to swallow, but you might grow from it.
We have multiple threads for venting. Use them instead of hijacking other threads if you can, or create a new thread if you want to discuss a new topic. This will reflect better on the users on our forum and keep things clean.
Don't overreact
I understand what I read much better when I'm calm. If you read something that upsets you, take a break before responding. Don't stew over what you read. Drink some water. It's good for you after all.
When I come back, I often find that I misunderstood what I read. Maybe the tone wasn't bad like I thought, or maybe the word choice was awkward. Look for facts, and don't let yourself respond to emotional outbursts. A levelheaded person gets a better reaction than someone who cuts loose.
Check your motives
Once again, be honest with yourself. Are you writing because you want to get a rise out of someone? Do you just need to get something off your chest? Is it even any of your business? Think about it before you post.
Tone and word choice
Many of the problems I've seen here are because of word choice and tone. Simple, precise sentences are easy to read and harder to misunderstand. Also, a huge wall of text is no fun. Please make frequent breaks in your writing. People will be more likely to read the whole thing and understand it, too.
Using inflammatory language is going to get you an angry response. Don't try to say that this is just how you talk and use that as an excuse to say whatever you like. There's a difference between being frank and being nasty. This tends to lower your credibility as well.
Alternatively, read over what you wrote to check for statements that may be ambiguous. Make people understand you the first time you say it.
Also, smilies don't make up for nastiness. It's confusing and makes you look bad. If you truly don't mean to be nasty, check your word choice and tone.
State facts, not opinions
You can still tell people how you feel. Just keep the emotions out of it.
“When you did this it upset me, and here's why” is better received than “You're disgusting.”
You look more credible and the reader spends more time thinking about what you have to say than your poor word choice.
Most of these problems can be solved by taking a break and reflecting on what you've said.
If you've got something to say, by all means say it, just check yourself before you hit reply.
If you have anything to add, please do. Additional tips to follow would be awesome.