What's provocative?

[Traveling Merman]

Just a thought I had, what're people's stances on girls being "provocatively dressed?" And "they shouldn't be surprised if they get wolf whistled at, came onto etc" at the moment I couldn't give a rats arse about how anyone else is dressed but I know when I finally settle down, and if I get to adopt and got a little girl, I daresay I would be quite vocal, over what she wore when she gets to the teenage "adventurous" stage and beyond!

Are my thoughts on this prudish/over protective or would that be a normal thing for a parent to do?

Also do you think that girls should be surprised if someone shows interest? My mum said it gave her a confidence boost so she used the wall past as many building sites on the way to work when she was my age! (24)

[SeaGlass Siren]

I dont think it's a bad thing to be protective of your child if you're worried about men preying on your child. I personally wasnt ready to dress a little more revealing until I knew how to handle being around men.

Now if she's prancing around in a skirt with her thong showing you should be more over protective. At some point I know you won't be able to control them, and it IS their body to do with as they please. But as a parent I can imagine how heartbreaking it must be when you see that your child might get preyed on by men who only want them for her body.

I dunno. it's a touchy subject. I can see it both ways, but ultimately as a parent i think I'd be more comfortable of they were fully clothed (after thinking for a bit I think I owe respect to a lot of parents putting up with their child's shit.)

[MerEmma]

Provocative... "Arousing sexual desire or interest, esp. deliberately."

I'd say that's about how I feel about it. If they WANT the sexual interest and are dressing for it, that seems provocative. But if it's hot and you're sweaty so we wear a camisole with no sleeves, it's not deliberately wanting attention.

[Kanti]

I think it's fine to show stomach and a bit of cleavage.
When her butt is hanging out of her short shorts that might be a bit too much.

Short skirts are fine with me AS LONG as they go below the butt and when you bend over they don't flash the world. I don't really understand why people like the whole thong/skirt combination. It's really sort of uncomfortable. When you go to sit down you're sitting on your bare butt which is ggroooosssss when it comes to going to public places.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Showing off breasts is a different story I think. I'm ok with breasts. Presenting your vag(pardon my French) to the world however is provocative.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I think it's fine to show stomach and a bit of cleavage.
When her butt is hanging out of her short shorts that might be a bit too much.

Short skirts are fine with me AS LONG as they go below the butt and when you bend over they don't flash the world. I don't really understand why people like the whole thong/skirt combination. It's really sort of uncomfortable. When you go to sit down you're sitting on your bare butt which is ggroooosssss when it comes to going to public places.

^ THIS.

[Mermaid Kelda]

Ultimately it'd be nice if everyone was able to wear whatever they liked without unwanted sexual advances, but society isn't there yet. The whole "being provocative on purpose" thing gets iffy when people start using it as an excuse for rape.

I think it's better to be safe than sorry in the end. Sometimes conforming to social norms can be the best option.

[telzey.amberdon]

Is it possible to be a mer in public without being provocative? I suggest that as we are not dressed as average people, some attention is inevitable.

[MerEmma]

What do you mean? Provocative is wanting sexual attention...I don't think mermaiding is unless you wear a very racy top.

[telzey.amberdon]

Provocative: to provoke; to stir to action or feeling. Being a merman I don't expect whistles, but "Did I see what I thought I saw?" would not be unexpected.

[Mermaid Kelda]

I think the difference might be we are obviously in costume. Wearing a shell top in everyday clothing would not be normal :p so that might be considered provocative.

[telzey.amberdon]

But are we in costume or just replacing the missing tail?

[Traveling Merman]

The whole reason what sparked this in my head, is that on my local news a girl declared rape and was soon arrested as she'd made a false claim, (she only got a fine! I think it should have been given a heavier sentence as she could have ruined a guys life if she'd got away with it!) it was quite funny as there was CCTV footage from the club and street where she came trotting, in wearing little else but hope and a handbag, and proceeds to give the eyes to the poor sod of a guy! His comment after her arrest was "of course I went after her because of the way she was dressed" but prior to her arrest one of her comments was that she was harassed all because of her fashion choice! (personally I thought wearing more than just underwear outdoors was compulsory not a choice lol)

But believe me guys this woman was Jeremy Kyle/Jerry Springer worthy, so this is an extreme case! But it prompted me to wonder what other people thought without me telling them the full story and putting it in a different context!

[Mermaid Kelda]

I dunno, walking along the street and being harassed because of what you're wearing sounds pretty awful. I'd be terrified. And where do you draw the line? Someone in a short dress going clubbing? High heels? At what point are you "asking" for it, and at what point do men have an excuse to rape you?

[MerEmma]

There is NO excuse for rape.
Nobody should have to tell a woman "not to dress that way because you'll be raped." Men should be told not to EVER rape a woman, to target her.

[Traveling Merman]

I agree with you girls, but I do find it offensive when I go out for a night out and you see "more" of people than you want to! Lol

It's not really fair on everyone else who don't want to see that! It's at it's worst at gay pride or Mardi gras when everyone's walking about almost stark bollocked! And pissed as farts!

I do think the world has lost a lot of its dignity and pride sometimes! Makes me sad!...

[Traveling Merman]

And I agree there is no excuse for rape! Tho I do think sometimes very very very rarely there can be people who take advantage of the justice system! A cousin of mine (a teacher) had to defend herself against a male student much bigger than herself, and then his mother had the cheek to say my cousin slapped him!

[MermanJesse]

I think it's fine to show stomach and a bit of cleavage.
When her butt is hanging out of her short shorts that might be a bit too much.

Short skirts are fine with me AS LONG as they go below the butt and when you bend over they don't flash the world. I don't really understand why people like the whole thong/skirt combination. It's really sort of uncomfortable. When you go to sit down you're sitting on your bare butt which is ggroooosssss when it comes to going to public places.


I don't want to go into my view on the subject, but I agree 100%!

[Kanti]

@ Jesse - Bahaha YOU SHOULD GO INTO IT!

Bleh the people who say "she was asking for it" when considering what someone's wearing as to rape literally makes me assume they're from Saudi Arabia. You should be able to wear whatever you want, however you want. I don't really LIKE when people's asses show, but its not hurting me and I have the complete freedom to look away at any time so I mean, I don't see how it's harmful.
But yea, as Bombardier said, by dressing in certain ways you're bound to draw attention. Whether it be good or bad, so in that sense, you're always taking a risk.

[Usagi]

About the mardi gras thing....it IS about boobie flashing. Haha I think I dress pretty modestly, but that might just be due to insecurities and all that. Who knows, if I had the body I want, I might go around in a bandeau and short shorts! Lol but probably not..I have what have been called "puritanical" beliefs.

No one should be raped, ever.

But you also have to take a girl's body shape into consideration. I only just found underwear (not boyshorts) that actually cover my butt. And it's not even that big, but my skirts are gonna look shorter in the back because of it. I don't really think I should have to go around looking for long skirts (I do NOT let my butt show, though). Our culture has kinda started using sexy as a "compliment" rather than beautiful, and I think a lot of girls want to hear it because it's become the "norm." Therefore, less clothes. Lol

[SeaGlass Siren]

I'm a little iffy on this subject.

pardon me if i sound like an old granny, but if you wear revealing clothes, you ARE bound to draw some sort of attention.

however i also agree that there should be no excuse for rape based on what the person was wearing.

think of it this way:
Lets say you have a nice attractive looking house. beautiful lawn, big in size, interior design is fabuloso, and you want to show it off. you open your window blinds so everyone can look in (which is stupid because then it's like telling the world "look at my goods" and then someone who's not right in the brain might wanna break in and steal).

dunno if it makes sense to you guys but the main idea is, just because you throw open your window blinds and leave a welcome mat outside your house doesn't give the person any right to barge into your house without asking for permission.

[Candytails]

That's exactly how I feel on the subject.. Great analogy. Personally there have been days when I'm completely busted no makeup sweats hair in disarray and I still get looks. I'm not looking for attention anyway. young female on public transport everyday so I do try to be cautious of my clothing. Albeit I cover up and layer insansky bright colors to show my personality

[Kanti]

That was a good analogy!
Well said!

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

I think that "provocativity" exists in our minds, not in actuality. If I wear a v-neck t-shirt with a necklace that draws attention to my throat and chest and lean into someone while keeping eye contact with them, I might be considered provocative. On the other hand, if I sleep (alone) in the nude one night, then I'm not being provocative, even though I'm showing (a lot) more skin. The problem comes when provocativity needs to be selective... i.e. if someone wears an outfit they feel makes them look good, while someone else thinks the first person is looking for wolf whistles and an excuse to flirt.

[Kanti]

@Joy - well how can you be provocative (drawing attention or arousing emotion) when there is no one from which to draw those emotions or attention? The definition itself seems to basically imply that you can't be provocative unless there is another person present.
I mean, unless you've very vain xD

[Traveling Merman]

O.0 I never thought this topic would spark this much interest, all it was, was that it was inspire by watching my local news! Lol

[SeaGlass Siren]

I don't mind this topic as much. It's one of those things where it NEEDS to be discussed. Its A social issue that hasn't been resolved yet. How to stop rape vs how to prevent it, what we're supposed to do as a group of fellow humans(mers?)... Etcetc anyway back on topic,

How come men aren't addressed and only women are? Men get raped too ;0

[Traveling Merman]

I dunno why men aren't included, tho male rape does happen I don't think it's as frequent as female rape

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

I am not sure, Kanti... does masturbation and personal fantasy count? Can one be provocative to oneself? I think the efforts people go to arouse themselves suggest that they can be.

And traveling merman, I don't think male rape is reported as much... I would be wary about suggesting it happens less often without actual facts to back up that suggestion, though.

[Kanti]

Yea you can I suppose
I wouldn't really say it's provocative unless you get turned on or something. Well perhaps it could be. Not sure.
And usually when people masturbate I think they usually picture another person/thing they find attractive. I don't know of anyone (besides Donald Trump) who actually masturbates to the idea of THEMSELVES. That'd be like if you looked in the mirror and were like OH HELL YEA THATS HOT and just did it to yourself xD

[Traveling Merman]

I agree I don't think male rape isn't reported as much but I do think its in the minority compared to female rape, when stats come out saying it's on par with females then ill change my mind.

[Mermaid Momo]

Incase anyone is interested enough:
http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-statistics/

[Tasha Mermaid]

Ok my opinion....

Well let me first point out a am ALWAYS dressed hippy/gypsy faerie like that is just me, big floor length flowy gypsy skirts, faerie hoods and a snug fitted top that shows a little cleavage (and never make-up) sometimes i will wear my one piece swimmers as the top with my skirts....and when i am not wearing my long flowy gypsy skirts i am wearing black tights with a tutu of some sort (i know i am odd but its just me) in relation to other girls i would be considered covered up (although i am fine with nudists), although i feel a girl SHOULD wear what she is comfortable in i DO NOT agree with skirts/shorts that clearly are no different then walking around in underwear.....i really think girls should have more respect for themselves in what they wear, so many girl these days just look cheap and trashy but the NEVER gives a guy the right to rape her.... NEVER.

As for the "young girls asking for it" i absolutely HATE that statement, when i was quite young i walked around in typical jazz dance wear (i was a Jazz ballet dancer) and i just felt more comfortable in them as it allowed me to dance all day....these costumes DO show the tummy (and due to always being well developed) you could tell i had boobs and my hour glass curves were far from invisible.....i was NEVER asking for anything, i simply just wanted to be able to dance all day, but that didnt stop older dirty men from preying on me (and attempting disgusting things). To say that i was asking for what i got is plain ignorance, a MAN should no restraint and NOT think that he can have any woman or GIRL he desires simply because she is dressed a certain way......YES you could tell my short top and 3/4 pants were dance wear but yet they still thought it was fine to try.

So although i think walking around in undie (underwear) length shorts and a bra is trashy and looks like the girl has no respect for herself i do not think it gives guys a free ticket to do what ever he wants with her.

On another note, if i have a daughter she will NOT be leaving the house in such attire ;) ....yep i may be bossy but i am full aware of the dirty minded men out there :) of cause not all men are like that thankfully.

[Nate Walis]

Was I right in thinking that Traveling Merman was using for an example here an incident in which a woman lead a man on and then claimed that he raped her, when in reality the situation was more akin to her having given him a clear signal that he was - if you'll pardon the phrase - "in there"?

Rape is an inexcusable crime, but making false claims that are later revealed as such creates the illusion that false claims are far more common than they are in reality, making real victims all the more likely to be ignored and dismissed.

I think personally that one of the biggest problems we have in this area is the fact that so many people are convinced that the actions of other people give them a pretext for their own behaviour. In the perfect world an individual should be able to wear whatever they want and not be judged by others, but in reality the average person is simply not mature enough to cope with the idea that others are entitled to the same rights as they would expect to enjoy themselves.

When I see someone dressed in a "provocative manner" there is no chance that I won't have a look at them as they go past, but I'd be damned if I'd actually say somethign to them, let alone think that their choice of clothing gave me a right to behave in a certain manner. And that's the reality of the situation, everyone will look, but the majority won't do anything more than that.

Personally I have no problem finding something to like in revealing clothing on the opposite sex, but I'll admit to having been intrigued by floor-length skirts in the past and headscarves worn for either religious or non-religious purposes. Am I the only man in the world who thinks that a little mystery that hints at the shape of a woman's body can be as interesting as showing it all off at once?

[Alveric]

Have to agree. I've been involved in Civil War reenacting for many years and there's nothing quite like the sight of a woman swishing by in a floor-length hoop- skirt.