depression.

[melbel1023]

i was just wondering if any other mers on here deal with chronic depression?
mine hasn't been defined by a psychiatrist or anything, but i know for a fact that i have horrible bouts of mood swings.

i know i haven't always been like this - before i moved away for school, i was always a generally happy person. i never sweated the small stuff or got easily upset over anything.
i have very few friends in savannah, the ones i do have left for summer vacation (and will be returning in a few weeks), and i have my boyfriend, and we've been together for over 2 years now - but when he leaves for work and i'm stuck at home, i just get really depressed. i try to keep myself busy, but i end up surfing facebook most of the time.

i just wonder how others who might be in the same scenario as me deal with it. i just have a hard time not getting upset over small things now, or crying due to boredom.

[New York Mermaid]

well i dont have chronic depression but i do have some depression. So much has gone on in my life, i feel like i cant grab a hold so i get mood swings and lazy at times- no mood to do anything at all. But I always look at the bright side always try to be positive because feeling the way i do affects my health, im so stressed lately I have an ulcer. Just know your not alone here, If you ever want to talk Im here for you.

[Little_Orca]

I do have depression. I have been on several medications for it over the past few years, all of which did my body more harm than good so I stopped taking them. (The last ones I took I was not weaned from and I crashed and burned and it was terrible!)

Now I try to do things to keep me from thinking about my depression and co-morbid anxiety. Some of the best things for depression is moving more and some depression can be traced to what you are eating. One of my professors at school works for a hospital out here and he is in the top of the mental health department. His specialty is depression and ADHD. He is a great person that he agrees medication can be useful, but it is not the end-all-be-all and he suggests several things for the depressed person to do to help them along with their medication (or in place of it if that is not what is needed).

[Mermaid Jewel]

I'm not clinically depressed, technically, but I do suffer from some too. Mostly it's just stress and complicated stuff but I do have wild mood swings. I've learned to put on a happy face at school and a lot of people don't know but I think it's made my depression worse, because I end up holding it all in so when something little arises, it turns horribly wrong and into a mess of tears. I've been affected in my appetite too. And I know people think it's a teenage thing, but people I've talked to don't nearly have as many breakdowns as I do.

You're not alone, and it's important to remember that :)

[MermaidSaku]

Oh man,..... do i know depression.

Actually, i mentioned a bit about it in my dreams post. I have been suffering from night terrors since 07, when i found out my boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident.Before then i was depressed about my abuse from my mother, but it never hit me to the point of having night terrors. I also have anxiety/panic attacks. Stemmed from different forms of abuse in my life. I take no medications for it. I tend to cry without wanting to cry more than most of the time, it comes from one eye not both. Um.. How i deal with it? Since my attacks come from a certain emotion I hold tears in, and i have been since i was abused. Which is why sometimes people will see me crying randomly but, i am not actually crying. How i deal with the depression? I remove the causes of the pain, and for the stuff that can't easily be removed, fat, bad friends, people who purposely want to hurt me, etc. I get them out of my life. Since then i have lost weight and i smile a lot more. Whenever i feel depressed or have an attack i have a couple quotes that come to mind.

My favorites as it stands:

You can't leave everything up to fate.She's go a lot to do, sometimes you must give her a hand! - Da Vinci from the movie "Everafter"
You have all the weapons you need. Now fight !- Sucker punch

When i think of these i realize the only thing stopping me from being happy is myself. If i want Happiness i will have to fight to get there. (in a humble way of course) I refuse to feel Sadness all my life.

[MermaidAubrin]

I have been having some depression but I haven't seen a doctor a psychologist due to some severe family issue and abrupt changes in my life I fell it to a pretty dark place (if anybody needs to talk to me more pm me) I have been working on climbing out of it and focusing on things that make me happy like mermaiding

[melbel1023]

i didn't realize how dependent i was on my social life until i moved away for school, and it all disappeared. and i tried my best to make friends, but i always felt like the odd-one out in my classes. i don't really drink that much anymore (just too broke to really enjoy it), and in Savannah the main activity is bar hopping and being a tourist.
my boyfriend has a full-time job, and he's become more of my best friend since we've moved to Savannah, and i just get horribly lonely. i try to call friends from my hometown, but they're usually too busy to talk. i know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but my friends that i left were like family to me for the last 6 years. my parents were never really close and fight a lot, and i have a jerk for an older brother, all of my other relatives live in New York - my friends were there for me more than any blood relative ever was. leaving them was a big deal.
and i feel like i forgot how to make new friends.
i used to work out with a classmate, but she left for the summer vacation. i might start again, it did help with my mood a bit.

thank you all for sharing your parts, i know some of those responses must've been pretty painful to write.
my main thought that gets me through the low points is "no matter how bad things are, someone else has it worse somehow." i know its kinda vague, but it is rather true.

@Lanai - thank you, i have to say that this mermaid forum has become a warmer and more-welcoming environment and i'm glad i can not only open up to you all like this, but i can rely on my mer-sisters/brothers for advice and comfort =D

@Little Orca - i have to say, i'm really anti-pill for things like depression, but that's just me personally. i think its awesome you know someone who can give you his educated knowledge on such a big part of life (i know everyone gets depressed sometimes).

@Jewel - i know the feeling, whenever i go to class i try to hide feeling upset. but the minute i get to my car after class is over, it all floods out of me. (i probably look like a crazy person talking to myself in the car lol, but it helps me)

@Saku - i'm so sorry for all of your loss and pain, i can't imagine losing someone the way you have (but i have nightmares of it very often). i love your quotes, i might start collecting some myself!
my weight has always been a big factor on my depression, but i do know that if i want that to change I have to make the change happen. thank you for relating your personal information for the thread, i know its not always easy to talk about the past.

@Aubrin - mermaiding is the only thing i truly love to do now that involves no social interaction lol (but that's only because my neighborhood has a lot of children in it, and i like swimming without being bombarded by them lol). i'm sorry about your issues, maybe we can message each other and get it all off our chests? only if you feel comfortable, ofcourse.

again, thanks for all of the encouraging and relative words, i'm glad to know the members of this forum got my back whenever i feel like i'm falling =)

[MermaidSaku]

You can never fall underwater, going dead weight will only make you float. hehe : D
I'm betting this is my mermaid joke of the year. xD

[Moonflower]

I've always had a degree of depression, and sometimes my moods swing so low I can't stop crying. Then there's days where I feel so happy I could burst. Both happen for no real reason whatsoever, trigger-wise.

There are things that trigger my anxiety though, and being around friends does help, but I've learned that when they aren't available, the best thing to do is distract myself. Wether it's watching one of my favorite movies, playing video games, or doing something creative, not thinking about feeling bad or lonely really helps me.

Do you have any hobbies or things you want to try? There's a lot of little creative projects you could do that don't cost anything or very little to start. Making or creating things can help you relax and feel more productive, plus you get an ego boost when someone compliments you on your work ^_^

In addition to the rest of the lovely members who have offered here, you're welcome to send me a message here at any time if you need to talk. I'm usually up very late. Oh, and this offer goes out to anyone here.

[HBMermaid_Angela]

melbel - i kinda know how you feel. I grew up in FL and all my family and most of my friends are there. I had to move out to CA because of my husband's job. All his family is out here and sometimes I don't think he understands why I get upset on "special days" (mother's day, father's day, etc). I mean, he gets to see his parents, but I don't get to see mine. I make out to FL about once a year, but it's hard sometimes.

I too don't feel I fit in. I guess that's why we love being MER's. It's hard....

[Taylor is a Mermaid]

When I was in high school, my personality drastically changed and I became constantly angry, tearful, and sad. I know all teenagers are supposed to have mood swings, but this was beyond that: I felt like all the color had been drained out of my world. Life had very little joy for me anymore, and I felt a constant paranoia that everyone around me secretly hated me. I was very resistant, but my parents made me go see a psychologist and a doctor. It turns out I'd developed a chemical imbalance where my body no longer produced enough serotonin, the happy hormone. They put me on medication and I became my old self again.

Then in college I got proud and decided I didn't need to rely on a pill to make me happy. I stopped taking it and crashed horribly. This was right after I had a fallout with my two closest friends at school and was living with a girl I didn't quite connect with. I isolated myself and it was one of the lowest points of my life: lots of lying on the bathroom floor, just crying and crying. I wouldn't answer phone calls from my parents, I never went out, and I nearly moved schools because I was so unhappy. Finally once again my dad forced my hand and told my most respected professor what was going on. She had a talk with me and I started 1) taking my meds again and 2) finally admitted to my classmates that I was miserable at school and so very lonely. People started coming out of the woodwork to support me. I made some of my closest friends, people who are dear to me to this very day.

What I found made the biggest difference in my depression (besides taking my meds) is the very last thing you want to do when you're depressed: getting out of the house and interacting with other people. I didn't want anyone to know that I was flawed, but when I finally sucked it up and started admitting how I really felt, it became more enjoyable to interact with people. I hated faking it, and it took all of the honesty that makes friendship worthwhile out of my interaction with others. So I would strongly encourage you to reach out to the people around you, get out of your apartment when you're feeling depressed, and try not to spend much time alone. I am an introvert and need alone time to be functional, so I get that, but everyone needs interaction with other people.

It's so hard to make new friends, and unfortunately after school it just gets harder. I joined my school's English honors society and became active in that; you might think about joining some activities. But not just any activity: ones that are in line with what is honestly important to you and holds your interest. Being honest with yourself, who you are and what you enjoy, makes a big difference. I know I was trying to be the person I wished I was instead of myself, and it made me very unhappy.

Also I think it's smart that you're not drinking much. I love alcohol but I have to really limit myself, because it's a depressant and counteracts my medicine. I never know when I might crash after drinking too much and end up a blubbering puddle of tears.

I will support you as much as I can, and if you want to talk please don't hesitate to PM me. Still I know I am in another state and none of us here can take the place of face-to-face interaction. I really hope you find your niche in Savannah and get past this hard time.

EDIT: I want to mention one more thing. If you see me acting overly sensitive, touchy, or bitchy on the forums, there's a good chance I have gone off my meds for whatever reason. Sometimes I will forget to take them for a few days, run out, etc. I apologize in advance if that does happen and for any snippiness on my part in the past. I do my best to hold my tongue and stay on top of things with my medication, but I am just not myself without my meds.

[AniaR]

I didnt have time to read all the other replies but I wanted to say just because you experience mood swings and sadness does not mean you are depressed. I thought I was depressed- for years, and like you I hadnt always felt that way. But mental illness ran in my family so I was sure I was like everyone else and just had depression. This sort of put me into a spiral of feeling bad for feeling bad.

Sometime it's hormonal- I know people don't wanna hear that excuse but I dont think people quite understand our body picks up way more estrogen than we need from the environment and our food- and especially if you're taking the pill on top of it. (the pill alone can cause a chemical depression) I was having way worse PMS than I ever thought possible and my doctor simply got me taking a specific supplement that would block my body from absorbing more estrogen than it needs and hollllllly cow giant difference. On the flip side- I think some women have trouble hanging onto their estrogen even at our age with everything else going on in the environment and a b12 or bcomplex can make a big difference too.

Feeling can have a lot to do with food too. You may have food sensitive that you dont know about- and they can cause your body to feel depressed and lethargic because you're missing key things you need.

And a heck of a lot of the time, you are justified in being sad and stressed!

I recommend a multi-facet approach. Talk to your doctor and maybe see a councillor. I have been seeing a therapist off and on for 3 years and she always tells me when I feel sad "well no wonder! Look what's happening in your life! and that sorta makes me feel better it's like I have permission to feel bad some times :P I am emotional and I have learned that it is because I am a highly sensitive person. Reading books about high sensitivity (this doesnt just mean a sensitive personality) has really empowered me and helped too.

So my suggestions
-change up your diet or do an elimination diet to see if you feel better or worse with certain foods
-take a self test for high sensitivity and if you score high pick up a book on it :) http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
-check out the colours around you- I had a dark blue room as a teen and the doc told me being surrounded by that colour could actually induce depression
-take your environment into account
-keep a mood journal- it'll help you see when feelings are valid and also give you info for the doctors
-consider a counsellor- sometimes we just need to work through different things.

I was convinced I was depressed because I cried a lot, felt insecure, and bad. After seeing a doc turns out I have like 10 illnesses, major food allergies, environmental factors, and childhood baggage! Lol shes like yeah no wonder you feel bad, you dont have depression, any normal person would respond this way! but it's all a big puzzle and you're trying to do it without all the pieces :)

big love to you.

[Thelma]

I need to wholeheartedly agree with Raina here. Just because you're feeling low doesn't mean you have chronic depression. Judging by the factors in your life, it sound like you have perfectly normal low feelings caused by major changes in your life. I would, as a complete layman, prescribe getting out in the sunshine and being active every day! No really, science proves it. FOR SCIENCE!: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2077351/

(http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2077351/)I, personally, AM chronically depressed with a condition called dysthymia. I "self-medicated" myself for over a decade by doing what I mentioned above -- GOING OUTSIDE and BEING ACTIVE! Which is why I'm now a semi-pro stunt actor!:lol:

Check your environmental factors and, of course, if you feel that your low moods are affecting your day-to-day life, see a health care provider.

[Mermaid Jewel]

I don't think I'm clinically depressed nor nowhere near it! I'm just a lonely only child teenager xD Actually I talk a lot to my mom about it and she tells me that it's natural for me since I am an only child so I will feel more lonely. And she understands a lot of my problems and understands more now that sometimes when I freak out and cry that it's an after-effect of something like long way ago. It's really nice to have a mom like that and I'm so happy I have a person to talk to about it.

It does help to be doing something! Mermaiding is a good a thing as any :D

[Maple]

I'm not surprised about how many of us have dealt with or are currently dealing with depression. It's much more common than people realize.

A few years back I was on Effexor for anxiety. While I wasn't having panic attacks or anything, I had what Taylor had - the colour drained from my world and my response for difficult situations was to break down in a mass of tears over every tiny thing. The medication helped me get back on track. We found out that I was suffering from winter SAD combined with a poor work and school situation. I quit my job, changed my major, and suddenly I didn't need that little pill.

I did replace all my lights with natural lights and if I'm blue I either try to get some sun or hop for a quick tan session. I'm not an advocate for tanning, but I have done 10 minutes here and there when I really needed my vitamin D. I am a battery and the sun is my charger!

I agree with Taylor - finding a group with similar interests doing something that is important to you might be a great way to get your fins wet.