I think I'm becoming schizophrenic...

[Mermaid Stark]

I really think that I'm becoming schizophrenic. I have these voices in my head that have convinced me that I am not "human" and that I need to help the humans, that they are naive and I need to help them learn. They've convinced me that I have "powers". Yesterday, I started seeing these really tiny silver bugs flying around the room in swarms, but when I got a closer look, they weren't there. I've started seeing flies fly by me, but then when I get a closer look, they aren't there. Yesterday afternoon, I saw what looked like very faint dried up blood on the wall. Today, it isn't there. I feel like I hear things that no one else hears, and sometimes I'll just laugh at something that isn't funny at all! Not just a little giggle, but I'll start laughing until my sides hurt! A couple of nights ago, I woke up laughing hysterically about something in my sleep I couldn't remember! These voices in my head also tell my that I should be perfect, and that I'm stupid (although I think that happens to every teenage girl). It's like they have conversations with each other. They tell me that everyone is judging me and reading my mind. I also feel like people are spying on me 24/7, like there are cameras or something everywhere I go. I don't know what's going on!
Do any of you think that I'm schizophrenic, or am I just really lonely?

[SeaGlass Siren]

It....sounds like you need help... Have you told anyone else?

[Mermaid Stark]

No, I haven't told anybody. I feel like they're not going to believe me and judge me. I feel like I do need help, but I don't feel comfortable telling anybody...

[SeaGlass Siren]

Not your parents either?

At least you recognize the signs of schizophrenia. "first step to feeling better" right? Maybe consult with a doctor before telling your parents?

[Mermaid Stark]

No, not even my parents. I'm 13, so I don't think seeing a doctor without a parent or guardian is an option.

[SeaGlass Siren]

What about a guidance councilor? Gosh it must be rough for you right now.

The only thing I can tell you right now is to get out and excersise . Maybe jog or sleepwalk around the neighborhood . And eat a lotta veggies. Physical health is connected to mental and emotional health .

[SeaGlass Siren]

Speed walk not sleepwalk *** ;-;

[Mermaid Stark]

Yeah, it is kinda rough. The good news is that I got into the international school in my area, so next year it won't be as rough and I can go see a guidance councilor like you said.
I do fairly well on physical activity. I have a hour and a half to two hour ballet classes four times a week and I exercise everyday.

[Mermaid Varshana]

What I think you should do is tell someone, but do your research first and come up with a ready arsenal when they try to judge you or tell you this isn't legit. It turns out that schizophrenia DOES have a biological basis. Your brain makes too much dopamine. The cerebral ventricles are enlarged. The cells in the dentate gyrus are in disarray. There's too little activity in the prefrontal lobe during cognitive tasks. Maybe if you put together compelling info that stresses that this is a medical condition and not a character flaw, they will listen to you and get it treated.

[LittlePolly]

You are not schizophrenic. I do have voices in my head too but that's because of my ADHD and they don't tell me to be perfect and that I'm stupid but they have conversations and discussions about normal things like were my keys are or what I am going to eat for breakfast. When you are schizophrenic you have 2 personalitys. Like Gollum from Lord of the rings and you really don't notice it until someone else does. If you really see these things YOU NEED TO GO TO A PSYCHIATRIST before the voices are telling you to do stupid things. People with Anorexia and Bolimia hear those voices too. ( I actually know this because I have had years and years of psychiatrist sessions for my ADHD, so I'm not making this up) There is also a posibility that you are a Medium and then the voices, blood and flies are caused by spirits that want your help. But that's not scientifically proven so only if you believe in ghosts. When you go to a psychiatrist there is nothing to be ashamed of because they learnd to deal with this. Other people are always going to have their opinion and stereotypes ( I hear this a lot when I go on holidays: Omg you're Dutch do you smoke weed??:doh: no I don't!) so just ignore them ;)

[SeaGlass Siren]

We all can't really assume or diagnose anything until she sees a doctor of somesort though. (unless we are all doctors with a phd or something we can't really say what she is or what she is not..)

But so far we've all come to the conclusion that you should seek help

[Mermaid Varshana]

No, schizophrenia is not multiple personality disorder. They're two different things. I'm speaking as an experimental psych major who got an A in behavioral neuroscience. Schizophrenia can be marked by auditory and visual hallucinations, delusions, social withdrawal, and structural abnormalities in the brain. Please do proper research on this so you do understand what this disorder is and isn't, Fiona Mermaid. There are a lot of false myths about it out there.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Kakarotte, I look up to people like you...

[Mermaid Stark]

Thanks, Polly. You reassured me and I feel a bit better now. I think you're right about the Medium thing. I do believe in ghosts, and I can see people's auras. I can kind of sense what they're feeling too, so maybe you're right. I'm going to see a psychiatrist anyway just to be sure. I think I got a bit freaked out because I was looking at youtube videos and I got to one that said, "what it's like to be schizophrenic", and it was a bit like my everyday life. o.O And even if I am schizophrenic, I don't think I would have a severe case of it. But you ever know, I could end up having it in early adulthood since I'm only 13.
I read up on it a bit too, and it says that you are usually unaware of it or in denial if you really have it.

Thanks to all of you for your help!

[Mermaid Varshana]

Just...don't end up like my friend who swears he's met Satan and thinks he sees demons. Ten bucks says that if he took a dopamine antagonist and some other meds, he'd never see them again. Schizophrenia does resemble a degenerative disease and tends to not become full blown until late teens. You're absolutely right to go to a psychiatrist. Do it sooner rather than later.

EDIT: I'd also like to ask everyone, as a 29-year-old adult, to PLEASE not tell a 13-year-old girl that she might have magical paranormal psychic powers no matter how good your intentions are. Just...no...please...no.

[LittlePolly]

Whoops I translated it wrong you are right kakarotte. schizophrenia in my language is schizofrenie/gespleten geest. Gespleten geest is litteraly Splitted mind so I confused it with Dissociative Identity Disorder (Dissociatieve Identiteiststoornis). But I did ask my psychiatrist about it (because I was curious) I just translated it wrong. But I still think that you should go to your own docter because when you look things up on the internet you'll always get confused and we can't diagnose that well because we haven't seen or spoke to you in real life so it can be something completely diffrent. So do tell your parents and go to the doctor.

[Lotus]

Fiona, whatever you are going thru right now, please don't shrug it off as being some kind of sixth sense. Bear in mind, people who get migraines and some epileptics see "auras" before a seizure or a headache comes on- there could actually be a medical reason for some of these symptoms.
From everything I've read about you and what you go thru- friends, living in a foreign country, your sister, you seem to have a very high level of emotional stress in your life. I'm no professional, but I know that stress can really take a toll on you. Andrea and Karkotte are right- you need professional help. I've been dealing with mental health issues my entire life, this is not something to mess around with. I'd also like to add that as a recovering bulimic, I never heard voices.... there was (and still is) just always a lot of negative self-talk going on in my head. I've taken care of people in the hospitals who hear voices, it's a really scary and troubling thing for many of them- not something they can "just ignore,"
I really hope you get to the bottom of whatever is going on.

[Echidna]

No, schizophrenia is not multiple personality disorder. They're two different things. Schizophrenia can be marked by auditory and visual hallucinations, delusions, social withdrawal, and structural abnormalities in the brain.

^^this.
I had a close relationship with someone who suffered from schizophrenia, and from what you describe, that's exactly how it usually starts.
Mind: STARTS.
It doesn't stay this way; it usually develops and worsens.
So while now, you are still questioning your mind and what it might be, later on, you will be convinced you're psychic/a chosen alien/a godlike being with incredible powers (you get the idea...), and nothing and no one will ever make you think otherwise.

Schizophrenic people also often think they can read other people's minds.
Even when they are totally in the wrong (I tested it out, believe me :/ ), their absolute belief in their "powers" will not be shaken.
Gradually, Schizophrenia will build a wall between you and the outside world.
You might end up not trusting anyone.

Before I met said person and saw what schizophrenia is up close, I would have recommended to just ignore the voices and sights as long as they don't make you uncomfortable;
but now, I'd rather advise to indeed check it out.
See whether the visions and stuff disappear if you get medication.

I hope you can sort it out.

[malinghi]

I think you should calmly approach your parents or someone you trust.

Its understandable that what you're experiencing scares you, and you may be afraid of how they will react, but there are qualified healthcare professionals that can help. Communicating with someone you trust is necessary to get help so you don't have to deal with this by yourself.

These things can be scary, but they are treatable.

[malinghi]

I just wanted to add that doctors are expected to keep any information a patient shares with them private unless sharing it is necessary for the patient's health. If you're very concerned about how your parent might react, you could ask your parents or another adult to help you find a doctor without disclosing the details of why you'd like to see one.

There are also anonymous hotlines that you can call to speak to a live person over the phone, who can give you information. I'd try googling something like "mental health hotline" or "schizophernia hotline", and the name of your city.

[Mermaid Stark]

Thanks guys. Now I'm starting to believe that I really am schizophrenic. I mean, there's no proof at the moment, but from what caltuna says, I think I have early symptoms. I try to convince myself that I DON'T have powers and that it's not possible, but then something weird "happens" and I start to believe it again. I'm not sure if it's just part of the mind playing tricks on me or if it's real.
Lotus, I've seen a therapist about these auras when I was 10 and she said that it's more of a gift and that she can see them too. (wow, that made me really sound schizophrenic!) I can choose to see them. I do this thing where I dilate my pupils and make my vision blurry (not sure how good that is for the eyes) and that's how I can see them. It's not like I see them all the time and I can't help it.

I think I'm going to talk to a friend about all this and see if she takes me seriously. It's going to be a really close friend who values my opinions and I'm gonna ask her what she would do in my situation.

[Echidna]

I try to convince myself that I DON'T have powers and that it's not possible, but then something weird "happens" and I start to believe it again. I'm not sure if it's just part of the mind playing tricks on me or if it's real.

Actually, it's both.
The "weird" things may happen, unrelated to you, but then your mind convinces you the event is connected to you.

Example from my friend:
He goes somewhere, and in the region occurs an earthquake. Ergo he's convinced he made the earthquake happen. This again enforces his belief he has incredible powers.
This goes for almost everything he encounters: good weather, bad weather- he did it. He can control the weather.
A plane crashes- he did it. Inadvertently. He's cursed!
No wait, aliens persecute him. He can hear them after all!
And so on.

Then again, my friend never sought medical help.
It's important to do so before you are completely lost within your own "world".

A word about auras.
"Aura", as described as the eye malfunction known to people suffering from migraenes (I do, so I know what it looks like) and epilepsy is NOT the same as the auras that can be "seen" by dilating your pupils and staring until sight becomes blurry.
The latter can be trained, and everyone can do it.
It is a bit similar to those trick 3D-pictures that emerge from a 2D picture if you look at them right.

This is not magic of any kind, nor is it uncommon, nor does it have anything to do with the other symptoms of schizophrenia, or other disorders!
It is simply a viewing technique that cheats your normal vision.
Whether these auras are there for real, or just a trick of the mind, is not known yet. :)

[SeaGlass Siren]

I say it's a trick of the mind. Imbalances of chemicals in the body I think...But I'm no expert

[Mermaid Danielle]

Fiona, I'd definitely say find a professional to talk to. A friend is a great way to help you from day to day, but only a professional could tell you what is really going on.

[Mermaid Varshana]

Actually, it's both.
The "weird" things may happen, unrelated to you, but then your mind convinces you the event is connected to you.

Example from my friend:
He goes somewhere, and in the region occurs an earthquake. Ergo he's convinced he made the earthquake happen. This again enforces his belief he has incredible powers.
This goes for almost everything he encounters: good weather, bad weather- he did it. He can control the weather.
A plane crashes- he did it. Inadvertently. He's cursed!
No wait, aliens persecute him. He can hear them after all!
And so on.

Then again, my friend never sought medical help.
It's important to do so before you are completely lost within your own "world"

We have a technical word for those in psychiatry. They're called delusions, and they're a very well documented symptom of a number of disorders.

[Mermaid Dottie]

Okay. I've read every post in this thread, and I think I can weigh in a little...

From my experience with schizophrenia (which I admit was limited to my interactions with my ex), their voices and visions are more negative than not, and often include paranoia.
Please, please, tell your parents. They Love you. and if the voices tell you differently, you know that it's not a super power or psychic abilities, and that you really do need help.

I know that, as a parent, I would want my child to come to me if he were feeling things like this, or seeing things that frightened him.

[Lotus]

Caltuna's comment involving aliens made me remember something.... My husband used to see aliens walking around is our bedroom. The bed would start to vibrate and he would see a light in the other room, and then the little grey dudes would come filing in.... it terrified him.... later on he went thru some pretty intense therapy for his PTSD and explained this phenomenon to his shrink. He explained to him that in times of extreme emotional stress, his mind was creating these images because the aliens were something he truly feared, whereas the emotional things he was experiencing were harder to define. In essence, the anger and sadness and isolation and pain he was experiencing was manifesting as aliens invading our home to do terrible things to him.

[Echidna]

Explanations are really hard. Psychology and Co are no exact sciences like math.

Fact is that a whole lot of people have "visions" and delusions in which they firmly believe, no matter what.
All the guys who saw aliens land with bright lights, were abducted, experimented on, and so forth?
True believers.
It's probably fortunate for the "prophets" and seers of bygone times they lived when their societies were deeply rooted in religions and superstitions.
If you read up on the visions of famous prophets, most of it sounds like the average delusion and/or epilepsy fit
(bright light- voices- couldn't move or speak, etcetc)

[AniaR]

I didn't read anyone's replies, but medication interactions can cause this. Sometimes, prolonged used of a medication like dexodrine can cause it too. A family member of mine had this happen and that's all it was. (it can come from something as simple as taking a sleeping med and an anti-allergy pill!) Either way, def talk to a doctor right away!

[Mermaid Cascada]

Okay... the auras you're seeing probably aren't auras lol. When I was having really a really bad asthma attack I thought I was seeing auras or something. It turned out my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen and I passed out a while later.It turns out that this can be caused by alot of things (such as lack of oxygen or delusions). I think it's really important to tell someone so you can get the help you need. I hope everything works out :)

[Mermaid Varshana]

"Explanations are really hard. Psychology and Co are not exact sciences like math."

As science has developed things like MRI's and we have a clearer notion of how the brain works, psychology has become just as much a science as Biology or Physiology. Lots of people think of Freud, Jung, and other more philosophical theorists when it comes to psych, or that it's somehow very rooted in philosophy still. I thought it wasn't as much a science as other sciences too, until I got into Kent State's program and saw that psych is strongly gravitating towards empirical science now.

Like, EVERY theory out there is experimented on, written up, submitted for peer review, criticized to death if there's a tiny gap in evidence, and so forth and so forth. I've sat in conferences and listened to these people debate over every technicality in different experiments...they know their shit. Just like in other forms of science. If you want to go into Clinical (working with humans and mental illness), you pretty much have to be an android that gets straight A's with tons of research experience if you even want to go to grad school. Any therapist you see probably had at least a 3.6 GPA bare minimum in undergrad.

[Echidna]

Okay... the auras you're seeing probably aren't auras lol. When I was having really a really bad asthma attack I thought I was seeing auras or something. It turned out my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen and I passed out a while later.
From the way she described it, I'm pretty sure it's just the "optical trick" that everyone can do (see where I explained it above).
It's not widely known, but it can be done in a perfectly normal healthy state.
It is not necessarily related to whatever causes the other problems.

Oh, and what Raina said!
Meds (or a combo of some) can cause delusions too.
If you seek medical help, be sure to read up on the stuff they will prescribe you, lest it worsens the situation.
Some pills can have rather heavy side-effects.

[Echidna]

@kakarotte

glad to hear psych has improved this much.
My mother was working in a renowned psychiatric clinic some years ago, and...what can I say.
She isn't allowed to talk about it, but I know it was...erm...more like a farm with guinea pigs, than a clinic.

sorry to derail, i'll shut up now.

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

Be careful with assuming that because you have symptoms of an illness or condition, that you also have that condition... and it is usually a bad idea to look up symptoms online, even on a well-meaning forum like this. I once experienced swollen lymph nodes and pain, flu-like symptoms, general lack of energy, etc, and had half convinced myself after l looked up the symptoms that I'd somehow contacted AIDS (despite the fact that I always use protection, don't do drugs or use needles, etc), when in fact it turned out that I actually had Mono instead (which goes away with rest and recovery after a long period of time). I could've saved myself a heap of worry had I not tried to play doctor with myself and instead gone to a reliable doctor to figure out what was wrong.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Moving on, I recall one or two nights I saw a ghost girl standing beside my bed... That creeped me out but I swear I was awake because I wanted to get up and go to the bathroom. But then I saw her and put the overs over my head for like a few seconds until she wasnt there. I don't think it was sleep paralysis because I could still move and breathe.

The third night I got fed up and I yelled in my sleep for her to go away... And she hasn't come back.


What do you guys think it was?

[Mermaid Varshana]

Have plumbers check your house. There are hallucinations that certain sound ranges can cause from malfunctioning equipment around the house.

[Mermaid Dottie]

If she hasn't come back, it may have actually been a ghost. I grew up in haunted houses, so ghosts don't bug me much. They do behave in just the way you described

But Kakarotte, you just reminded me of something....
Some people are very sensitive to electromagnetic waves/fluctuations, etc, which is why a lot of basements with exposed pipes and wires give ya the creeps.
Fiona, do you by chance, live under, or very close to, any large power lines? If so, they could be making you hallucinate, and so on.

[MerEmma]

Be careful with assuming that because you have symptoms of an illness or condition, that you also have that condition... and it is usually a bad idea to look up symptoms online, even on a well-meaning forum like this. I once experienced swollen lymph nodes and pain, flu-like symptoms, general lack of energy, etc, and had half convinced myself after l looked up the symptoms that I'd somehow contacted AIDS (despite the fact that I always use protection, don't do drugs or use needles, etc), when in fact it turned out that I actually had Mono instead (which goes away with rest and recovery after a long period of time). I could've saved myself a heap of worry had I not tried to play doctor with myself and instead gone to a reliable doctor to figure out what was wrong.

This, SO MUCH! Plus self-diagnosing can also cause you to have the issue as a mental thing even if you don't actually have it in the beginning. I personally have issues with that before and if I think something weird about myself, I DO NOT go online or anything. I ask my family and they always tell me it's normal, so I don't stress. I really don't think you have schizophrenia. I really don't, mostly from what you've said, but also how rare it can be, and that I've known people with it before. I really don't think you have it and you really don't want to have it either, but about the adjusting your eyes to see blurry--both my sister and I can do that on will. It's not very weird.

[Mermaid Varshana]

I wouldn't have known about Aspergers or High Functioning Autism without information on the Internet. The net's a tool. An information hub. What is overwhelmingly agreed upon is that you need to get your symptoms checked out. I did, and I got the diagnosis. I don't want to have Aspergers, but that doesnt change the fact that something not normal has affected my life. You may or may not get a diagnosis but you don't want to risk not treating a serious illness.

What is indisputable is that many of your symptoms (seeing things that arent there consistently, hearing voices outside of internal monologue, believing you might have magic powers) aren't things that most healthy people experience. I promise you that much. If anyone tells you those things aren't worrisome reasons to get checked out, I have a bridge to sell them...

[SeaGlass Siren]

Dottie... THAT'S SCARY... ;---;

But seriously they just stand there and creep people in the dark?

[Mermaidwriter]

There are many illnesses that can produce auditory and visual hallucinations such as you're experiencing, and also changes in attitude similar to what you describe. I strongly recommend seeing a doctor. They won't dismiss it as "character flaws". When I'm not writing stories my day job is doing CT and MRI brain scanning, and sometimes things such as you describe are down to a physically treatable illness.