The Pains of Being a Not-So-Little Mermaid

[Little_Orca]

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff176/Little_Orca/My%20Mermaid%20Tail/Cannon.jpg


The picture above was taken of me in 2009 at the Oregon coast. I was wearing my blue tail; the second fabric tail I had created and the first in which I had added additional fins and a dorsal fin. By this time, I had become popular for my fabric tails and the way in which I painted the rays on the fluke and fins. Mermaids flocked to my YouTube page to watch my tutorial on how to paint them and began to do so on their own tails as well. Mermaids, though, were not the only ones who came.


Trolls. Bottom feeders. Call them what you will, they came in droves. “What a whale.” “ 'Little' Orca? More like fat-ass orca.” “Someone call the Japanese! I found a whale here!” “You are too fat to be a mermaid! Lolol.” “Someone get the harpoon!”


I put on a brave face. Harassment of this nature was nothing new to me. Though it was hurtful, I knew of younger mers who looked to me for guidance and to see me crumble could have effected them in negative ways. What could I do but keep swimming?


Being a mermaid, there is this pressure to be perfect. Mermaids are beautiful, have shimmering tails, long hair, lovely breasts, and are slender. As in other aspects of life, those who are not are ridiculed, both to their face and behind their backs when others believe they cannot be heard or simply do not care that the victim can hear their loud whispers. I felt this pressure immensely and I had been working to reduce my tail size.


I tried to surround myself with mermaids and mermen I knew enjoyed my company. I would be happy through osmosis if it killed me. I moved from forum to forum as they traveled; joined pods on Facebook, and went to events when I could afford it both in terms of money and time away from work.


The more I was around them, however, the quieter my voice became. No sea witch had sliced out my tongue, but rather a strange sensation started to overcome me. Mermaids I had come to admire and love as dear friends began to progress and I felt left behind. They swirled off to the fantastical world of performances, silicone tails, and real shell tops that fit them. I watched them go, I waved to them, so happy that they had their dreams coming true, but so broken hearted that I was still waiting.


“Good things come to those who wait,” I've heard over and over again. So I continue to wait, I continue to work, I continue to fall into despair.


I did several things to attempt to motivate myself. I put my mermaid figures around my room where I would see them the most. I wore mermaid jewelry. I made charts of how much money I would need to purchase my dream tail from Raven. I designed the look and colors I wanted. Neptune knows I had to keep my composure when I saw Iona's tail in person. I was torn between jealousy and crying and really forcing myself to keep smiling and be supportive.


When I started to make and wear mermaid tails, I weighed shy of 325 pounds. Through hard work and changes in my life, I have fallen to a number that likes to fluctuate between 205 and 215 pounds. It still is not enough of a loss. I continue to work, but I am stuck as this terrible plateau. I have skin that hangs and portions of my body where fat still clings. I tried to brush that all off and tell myself I am still a fantastic mermaid, but it's nearly impossible.

I went bare-belly at an event and I was anything but comfortable. I was around so many beautiful mermaids with perfect bodies. I could feel my body moving as I swam; jiggling in the water much as the blubber of a beluga does.


“I have seen the pictures of you from the event you are talking about, Little Orca, you were awesome!”


Well, some of those photos were edited. Flatteringly so. Many of the ones I chose to put online I didn't edit myself, but rather I chose poses that attempted to hide my body, just not very well. You can still see rolls and where my stomach likes to crease into two parts and roll over the top of the tail:



http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff176/Little_Orca/My%20Mermaid%20Tail/FishiePants_zps55009e26.jpg



The thing is, this is how I look in my tail without posing, without stage presence, without distracting make-up and jewelry and hair clips. My back is disgusting, my arms are still large and flabby, and my stomach... well, we covered that.



http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff176/Little_Orca/My%20Mermaid%20Tail/20130707_165014_resized_zps4614ac36.jpg


This is the only image of myself as a mermaid I can see in my mind. When I see other images, I see this one staring back at me.


I started to develop an unhealthy obsession with my appearance. I would go through images of mermaids here and on facebook and, much as teens do with magazines, I started to compare myself and assign self-worth based on appearance and how much I did or didn't look as they did. At first it was just general facial appearance, then it was about bodies, then tails, then talent, and even age. I turned 30 this year and was no where near my mermaid goal I had set when I was 23.


Finally I had had enough. I pulled away from the mermaid scene. Post pirate event, I tried to ignore as much as I could online. I unhealthily buried myself into work and tried to make room for art and crochet. I still tried to offer support to other mers on Facebook with their posts, but even hitting a simple “Like” button became painful.


I tried to tell myself things would be all right: I had my money for my tail and as long as I could keep my school loan repayment from eating that up, I would be fine! … Until I saw the price had jumped up for the tail I wanted and I would have to start attempting to save again. My crumbling stability tried to put a positive spin on things. “This is perfect!” I told myself. “I can work out and get toned and save while doing it. See? You will be fine!” This optimism was like putting a band-aid over a shotgun wound; it did nothing to help. I sank further and further. I fought to stay in the light of the shallow seas, to stave off my depression and not let it take the dreams I had been reaching for for so long.


I have been working on this since 2007 when I got my first monofin, before I had even designed my first fabric tail. That is seven years of work... and I feel as though I am getting no where. I have started to reconsider my wedding plans... to do something else other than getting married in a tail. I am slowly convincing myself I will never be married at all if I keep waiting for my tail.

My story isn't over yet and I really do hope this is just the lowest point before my ship comes sailing in, but for now I am so far down in the trench that I cannot even see the daylight anymore.

[-Annwyn-]

Merlissa,

I was scrolling through YouTube back in August-September 2010 when I came across your channel. Through your influence you showed me that it was possible to be the mermaid within. You are the reason I designed my first tail and you are the one of the reasons I am still mermaiding today.

I totally understand what you are going through. Constantly comparing yourself to other mers, the trolls, the bullying, does grind you down. We wear our insecurity around us, there is no denying that. Making and wearing the tail is easy, it's the tops that get me every time. I'm particuarly large busted, and there is little in the way of tops, even by major tailmakers, for mers like us. I also have stepped back considerably from public life for the same reasons as you. Yet, I cannot help but feel like I would be doing a disservice to myself, and the future mers (be they plus sized or not) that would cross my path.

Being a larger mermaid myself, you gave me hope that it can be pulled off tastefully and elegantly. I still endeavour to be as classy an elegant as I can be, and as you have inspired me, I try to inspire others and pass the torch onto them. Paying off your education is important though, so please don't let that suffer. You need to love yourself as you are right now, otherwise you will never find happiness if your goals prove to be unattainable. Find your good points (and you have many), and work on that. Trolls are insecure little nobodies who are confused by their own place in society to a point where they need to exert some control over someone else because they can't control their own lives (I could wax lyrical for hours about trolls....)

Have hope, and know that your creativity does not go unnoticed. I appreciate everything you have done for me, even though we have never officially met. You are an exceptionally beautiful mermaid, both inside and out, I promise you.

[Seraphina Suds]

Please don't give up hope, Merlissa.

You were one of my biggest inspirations for actually getting a tail and really going throigh with becoming a mermaid. I'm overweight, have been all my life, and I didn't think there was a place for a plus sized mer like me. But then I saw your youtube and found your posts on here and I felt like there was hope. I thought you were beautiful and talented. If you could do it, so I could I. I even followed your fluke painting tutorial when making my tail.

I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to fight those nagging thoughts and insecurities. I'm constantly dealing with the same thing. I refuse to drop money on a "real" tail until I've lost at least 100 pounds. But you shouldn't let anything stop you from following your dream. You've come so far. Try to stay positive and know that you'll always have support. We've never talked, but if you need someone to vent to or are looking for a little motivational push, don't hesitate to message me. I know you're going to swim out of that trench and back into the light. And we'll all be eagerly awaiting your return.

You're an amazing mermaid and person. You can do this.

[MerAnthony]

Merlissa, it matters not what size you are. Be you big or small it matters not on what you look like it is on how you feel. There will always be haters out there no matter who you are. Just be yourself an that will make a ton of people happy.

[Mermaid Muir]

Little Orca don't give up hope! You look absolutely beautiful! Ignore the haters because you have a radiating beauty!

[AniaR]

Oh Sweet Merlissa. You know, people always ask me about you and I always give you such high praises!

First off, losing so much weight is nothing to balk at. I know it's not where you want to be yet. And I appreciate hitting a plateau. But still. We need to keep you in the present and in this moment of holy shit I lost a huge amount of weight. Because it is AMAZING. You made lifestyle changes, you stuck to them, and it is to be commended!

Mermaids are on display. We're all being scrutinized and judged at a higher standard. We're trying to portray this fictional character known for dripping in sexuality, long gorgeous locks, big breasts and tiny waists. I am happy with where my weight is now, meds had made it jump fairly high for my norm, but even though I'm happy I still delete the youtube comments about fat rolls, chipmunk cheeks, and then comments about my overall health appearance like you look too tired, you look stoned, you look sick. Yeah thanks for that captain obvious. Like I didn't even know.

I guess what Im trying to say it that... performers- especially female ones- they're going to stare at us anyway. They're going to laugh and tease and say hateful things for the sheer fact alone we're wearing a mermaid tail, throw in body stuff on top and isn't that just great? They're going to think bad things anyway. So I try not to let it stop me. I know, it's easier for me to say. I am not facing the same body issues you are. But I do sincerely believe every mermaid has their own battle. Maybe it's body image, maybe it's hair, maybe it's the fact they work a job that would flip if they knew they did this, or maybe they're from a very small minded judgmental community.

I feel this comic about cosplay is a bit similar in story:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VKyP1WngSxg/UYFpquBAKqI/AAAAAAAA_5Y/-6t7JDcL4xE/s1600/W6oGi2W.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YrRCN4ixAVU/UYFqJxCBWSI/AAAAAAAA_5g/e7Ng5fldHgk/s1600/ElrBxyr.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jbsDffDOUT8/UYFphmdvbxI/AAAAAAAA_5I/5VLY58OPRFU/s1600/iguvGTq.jpg



It's like, sure, you can live your dream, but you better be prepared to be totally harassed for it for the rest of the time you do it!

mermaiding is sort of unique that way in that even the men get it too. They get called gay or perverted or pedophiles etc.

I had noticed you slip away from the community and it made me sad. I wish now that I had reached out to see what was up instead of assuming you were just busy or didn't want to be a part of the forum. I will tell you though I am asked all the time about mermaids losing weight etc and I always show that thread you made a while back documenting your weight loss. People always thank me for introducing them to you and say you're inspirational. I'm not making it up girl, it's all over my tumblr.

And you are right. Your story isn't over yet. Being a mermaid is just plain freaking hard. It's hard to get to the point you want to be, and it's hard to stay there. But you just have to decide if it's something you really want and if it'll indeed make you happy, or if it's just the idea of it.

I got a little overwhelmed these past few months because my mermaid life took over. I had nothing else. And I was starting to resent it. Yeah I worked hard for it but I had no time for my other interests. I hadn't picked up the camera for more than a second in 2 years when I use to obsessively take portraits. My guitar gathered dust on the wall. So I forced myself to do those things again and it really helped! It helped me renew my passion for mermaiding but also give some love to some parts of myself inside that were missing out.

So knit, and do the other fun things you like to do. Keep a balance so you can feel sane. If you've hit a wall with your weight it's good to seek a doc's opinion and a personal trainer as many things can force a plateau (like birth control for instance, and many many other meds!) Keep aspiring to your mermaid dreams. It took me almost a decade to get this far so I totally appreciate it can be one freaking long journey.

The thing about you Merlissa, is that I can already tell you're going to make it. I just wanna be around to watch it happen and say hey, I know that kick ass mermaid.

If you need ideas for stuff etc don't ever hesitate to email me! <3

[mermaid_lover]

Merlissa,

I think you are a beautiful woman and you have so much courage! I think that no one of that rude people would even dare to make a mermaid tail, swim in it and then post it on youtube! don't let them take you down and just ruin your dreams...

Those people will always have comments, isn't it about your Body then it will be about your hair or your freckles ( not that you have those of course but you get my point), then just remind yourself that you have an amazing adventure one with people who don't care what body that you have. We all share the same dream, don't let those losers ruin that for you.

By the way I just love your blue tail on the first picture:)

stay strong, be happy and have fun!

you are amazing!

[Echidna]

Orca,
as someone who is right on the other side of the spectrum, I must say I hate seeing you bash yourself.

Since I started to swim so often, I lost weight that I couldn't afford to lose, right to that point where my images are now photoshopped to look bigger, and all the bones edited out.
Just like those scary models who are so sought after, and who at any given time can fall over dead due to internal organs collapsing.

Looking at those latter pictures of you, I can only think you look great, and don't have to be afraid to work out and swim in cold water because you have the right figure to do it.
You are now very close to the ideal body to swim in cold water and not fear any ill consequences for your health.
We're mammals, not fish.
I'm not sure how other mers deal with the problem, but in my opinion, it's less advantageous for a mermaid to be thin because of the inevitable weight loss and the effects cold water has on a body that has too little fat reserves.

That aside, your tails look great.

[Mermaid Clara]

I too am a larger mer, I get sick to my stomach when I think bout my size and see beautiful, pretty, skinny mermaids... I get so jealous of their tiny bottoms and flat stomachs and compare my own body, my pot belly, my large thighs, and my fat bottom... when I was in 9th and 10th grade I would hid in the bathroom stall at school to eat a tiny baggie of Chex cereal, I barely ate but I didn't loose any weight.
I watched your videos on YouTube and felt better about my self because I thought that if I was not skinny I couldn't be a mermaid. I wanted/want to be like you.

you are one of my biggest role modes and inspirations...
don't let those bottom feeders get you down!
you are a awesome person and create beautiful tails.
be strong, stay strong, ignore those who put you down for being a beautiful mermaid!

[Mermaid Kiba]

Merlissa,

I totally get that you are depressed and struggling. I wonder if there's a way for mers like us to love ourselves RIGHT NOW instead of waiting for later. I'm not sure I ever won't be obese, no matter how hard I work, due to a couple medical conditions. But I want to feel like I'm a beautiful graceful mermaid TODAY - when I don't even have a tail, just a monofin, and when I swim in a sporty suit rather than a beautiful shell bra.

On a lighter note sort of, and in reply to what caltuna said - if mermaids are marine mammals, shouldn't we be shaped like them? Strong like dolphins, gentle giants like manatees, mighty and large like whales - I know these aren't what the images of mermaids that pervade our culture are, but I try to think of myself as a manatee mermaid, and it really does help me a bit.

The fact of the matter is, people on the internet are jerks who criticize others' bodies. I think the healthiest thing we can do is know that this is true, be gentle with ourselves when the things they say hurt us, and then move on. Don't shame ourselves for being hurt, but also know that bodies are remarkable for what they can do as much as for how they look.

I say all these things, and they're not things I always do myself - just things I'm trying to do. I don't always succeed.

Thank you so much for sharing how you feel.

[Ariel-Starfish]

I'm....I'm just bursting out of tears when I read this... :'(
You are one brave mermaid! <3

[Mermaid Mhara]

Oh my I just realised who you are on YouTube and how much I use to watch your videos! :) When I first got into Mermaiding it was Hannah I watched CONSTANTLY. When I came back to it I saw Melissa (who I...sorry fans!...automatically disliked for some reason?) And I went off to search for alternatives...came across the three tails, and YOU! :) Let's just say...when I was buying my tail, you were one of the inspirations to allow me to do it!

I can see a huge weight loss in your pictures! And that's something to be proud of! But I honestly see nothing wrong with the first picture, I see a gorgeous mermaid who enjoys laying on the beach teasing those naughty pirates with her flirtatious ways ;)

I NEVER associated weight with mermaids...especially considering I'm not exactly the thinnest person ever. And if you think about it, the most graceful and beautiful of ocean creatures...whales, manatee's, Dugongs, and even dolphins...aren't exactly stick thin creatures...NOPE, they need their blubber to survive. I see beauty in everything, and I refuse to let an outside image warp my views on what's on the inside.

I've had my fair share of comments though, and know it isn't easy reading them. Being a male, and a bit bigger there were days where I just wanted to give up on the dream. But it kept poking back at my fins and I just couldn't...be yourself and be unique, those here will always love you for it :)

[Mermaid Adriel]

Sometimes ignorant people want to make joke of others basing on body "defects" (even if they don't exist). giving up your dreams doesn't solve anything, it will just let these people win. Try to think that they will never do what you did! While they were playing the fool insulting other people, you made you dreams true!

You have our support and everybody of us thinks the same thing: you are beautiful and unique :) <3

Bubble kisses and hugs :mermaid kiss:

(sorry for grammatical errors)

[Aziara]

Little Orca, you are an amazing and beautiful person. To have the strength and willpower to drop over a hundred pounds isn't easy. Perhaps you should disable comments on your videos so you don't have to put up with the trolls' BS. You don't need their negativity bringing you down.

[Fun123joker]

when i read Little Orca on the form i instantly remember watching your videos.n i studied your videos on how to swim and your memorable maybe even one of the famous mermaids on youtube! i dont have a way of words like the other mers here but you gone so far! sadly there's always hate but your tails improved and so have your videos. you did alot of good here. if it makes you feel better i always thought chub was attractive

[Coradion]

Maybe you should try the Accountability thread. At the end of the day we rule our own bodies and we do have the power to change them. If you feel not so little and you want to change that, then start taking the steps to do it and know that you can. If you want inspiration a lot of the people that are posting on that thread are seeing real results. It's not instant and sometimes it's not fun, but being able to control your weight and seeing the changes YOU made can help you start to realize just how much power over it you have.

I've been there, I was obese at 245 pounds and being 5'10" in high school. I now fluctuate between 165 and 180 and am 6'1". I still feel like I'm not where I want to be, but I know I will get there. Just hang in there and take active steps to becoming who you want to be. If you know it's bad for you don't do it, if it's good for you, do it. Weigh yourself every day, seeing the first few pounds drop is amazing and then you'll start setting goals and meeting them. Smashing your benchmark weight goals makes you feel incredible and people will see your confidence. Being sad and depressed only perpetuates more of the same feelings. Take steps, find what works for you and just do something about it. Workout, sign up for fitness classes, eat better. You don't need a crash diet, you need small achievable goals. Spark people is a great free website. You can do it, you just have to try and be willing to stick it out.

[Mermaid Tula]

So I don't know if this helps, but here's my story that connects directly to you.
A couple of years ago, I was looking up mermaids, because I wanted to draw some mermaids. I found so many pictures of both people in tails, anime, cartoon, etc. When I saw people in tails, that inspired me to hit up youtube. Of course I saw Mermaid Hannah, and so many other 'famous' mers. I found so many skinny, muscular, thin mermaids. My initial thoughts were all of "I wish I was thin so I could be a mermaid too." and "I should loose weight so I can get a tail." So wistfully, I put it on my own shoulders that mermaids were skinny and that was that. I even went so far as to look up how to make a tail, for when I would be able to loose weight. I saw Sasha's tutorial, and down in the "similar" videos, I saw your video of you painting the rays. I clicked on it, and instantly felt like I had been hit by an orca's fluke! There you were on video, a gorgeous not stick thin woman working on a mermaid tail. I ate up your videos, watched you and your partner swimming, watched you play your harp, dance with veils. Honestly, it feels a bit stalker-ish thinking about it this way, but I couldn't help myself. I found someone like myself. Plus sized and mermaid! Because of you, I decided to start my own tail. I bought my first monofin (sadly it didn't fit and I sold it to a lovely mer.) I joined a community of mers.

So because of you inspiring me. I became a mermaid. I am still plus sized, and I am working on loosing weight. (I've been fluctuating between 225-245 currently.)
So over all, thank you for being you <3 I know it's cheesy, but you've inspired me.

[Winged Mermaid]

Maybe you should try the Accountability thread. At the end of the day we rule our own bodies and we do have the power to change them. If you feel not so little and you want to change that, then start taking the steps to do it and know that you can. If you want inspiration a lot of the people that are posting on that thread are seeing real results. It's not instant and sometimes it's not fun, but being able to control your weight and seeing the changes YOU made can help you start to realize just how much power over it you have.

I've been there, I was obese at 245 pounds and being 5'10" in high school. I now fluctuate between 165 and 180 and am 6'1". I still feel like I'm not where I want to be, but I know I will get there. Just hang in there and take active steps to becoming who you want to be. If you know it's bad for you don't do it, if it's good for you, do it. Weigh yourself every day, seeing the first few pounds drop is amazing and then you'll start setting goals and meeting them. Smashing your benchmark weight goals makes you feel incredible and people will see your confidence. Being sad and depressed only perpetuates more of the same feelings. Take steps, find what works for you and just do something about it. Workout, sign up for fitness classes, eat better. You don't need a crash diet, you need small achievable goals. Spark people is a great free website. You can do it, you just have to try and be willing to stick it out.

I know you're trying to be helpful, but I really feel like you're being dismissive of all of her hard work. ALL of the things you've suggested she's been doing, and then some, for 5 years. She's made legit lifestyle changes. She's lost tons of weight through her hard work and diligence, and hit a plateau- which would frustrate and depress anyone. Keep in mind that there's a lot more to do with someone's weight than just "doing something about it" and being "accountable" for being healthy, including genetics and medical issues (both physical and mental). I know you mean well, and maybe it's just me, but your post came off very, "You can lose that extra weight if you REALLY wanted to" which is completely unhelpful and can be devastating to say to someone who has literally worked their ass off for years to help them feel better about themselves. Perhaps just keep that in mind.

[Winged Mermaid]

I just want to say, I've thought you were beautiful since I first saw your videos of you in your first tail back in the day :) I thought it was the most awesome thing that you chose the name Little Orca, because to me that was showing a beautiful kind of pride that you didn't care what others thought of you and you accepted yourself. It gave you an even deeper kind of beauty to me. You always carried yourself in such an elegant way that I would have never known that you had such self confidence issues.

You've come such a long way, and it's been inspiring to watch your journey :) I think that you look amazing, but I know all too well that what others think doesn't matter much.. what you see in yourself is what leads to something like this becoming a self-confidence destroying insecurity. I won't go into it much, becuase this thread isn't about me. But I will say that my mental picture of myself has never matched up to my physical one, no matter what anyone said. Just a few small examples- I bawled for hours when stepped on the scale and saw I was 60lbs in elementary because I thought I was fat, I use to cry myself to sleep thinking I was grotesque though many nights of middle school.. when I was actually a size zero. I dressed in baggy clothes through middle and high school and dreaded when I had to wear anything other than that- wearing form fitting things would even drive me to full on panic attacks. What I'm getting to is that I think you have the same issue... that no matter what you look like on the outside, it's never good enough inside your head. To this day I will literally think that I am the same size as someone who is 5-10 sizes bigger than I am, becuase in my head I am that size (it's gotten me into some really embarrassing situations actually..).
My point is, that when you're like that you never see what others see, just the malformed self-image inside your head, and you always compare yourselves to others and hate that you can't be what they are. You not think so because you have in fact had a weight issue in the past, but in the here and now you look amazing- I really do think that most of this is self esteem and not physical. And of course you are an amazing person all around, and you always have been!


My advice to you would be do all you can to love and accept yourself. That doesn't mean you have to stop your weight loss efforts, but stop trying to be/look like someone else, and aim to be the best (healthiest) version of yourself. This is waaaaay harder said than done, I know. Hubby and best friends have been lifting me up for 10+ years and I'm still not there yet, but I'm much better off now than I use to be. What I found helped me was forcing me to face myself. I use to hide from anyone with a camera, I use to cringe seeing a mirror and avoid looking at my reflection, never wear form fitting clothes, never do anything that resembled performing in any way, the list goes on.. People would compliment me and it would make me want to cry, run and hide, and/or just scream at them- because of how uncomforatable I felt, because of how much it clashed with my own view of myself. (To this day I'm still bad at not only taking but giving compliments becuase I'm afraid I'll somehow upset someone like people use to unintentionally upset me. Work in progress there.)

So.. make you face yourself! Take time to look in the mirror each day and think or say 5 positive things about yourself. I listen to uplifting/upbeat music while I get ready to go out- so by the end I feel great emotionally and can face myself in the mirror and be more genuine thinking good thoughts about myself. Take selfies! You don't have to post them, but take 5-10 minutes to goof off in front of the camera once a week. Play sassy or goofy music while you do it and have fun :) Keep the photo you like the most (hint: It doesn't have to be the one where you "look pretty" ;) ) and go back and look at them every now and then to remind yourself that you're beautiful :) Go out of your comfort zone- do photoshoots! The shoot is the main thing, the photos are just a happy afterthought. Put the photos you like best with your selfies and look at them, and be reminded that you had fun making those shots! It doesn't matter if your "best" photos are due to good angles or whatever, don't dismiss that you're beautiful just because it's "from a good angle". If you can, do something that puts you in the spotlight. For me it was show choir that really helped my confidence, and after that it was mermaiding, becuase I WOULD go out in the spotlight for the things that I love, even if at first it was beyond scary. (I'm working on getting the guts up to do karaoke myself.. singing by myself in front of others?? aahhhh scary! ) Because doing things you that make you happy and putting it out there can make you see that you love what you do AND you love yourself for it. If that makes sense ;) I think besides mermaiding, the cosplays you do are a great way to express that!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usixSGc7T9o#t=257

I know you've already done a lot or all of these things, but keep it up! It can come and go, but don't let it slip away. If you let slip too far the darkness leeches back in, and we all know how easy it is to be brainwashed by those dark self-loathing thoughts.

Oh, and if someone compliments you, accept the compliment! I don't know if you have issues with this, but I use to be the worst at this. Today when someone compliments me, instead of feeling complete self loathing, anger, panic, ect- I just tell myself what my boyfriend (now husband) and best friends use to tell me, "Shut up and take the compliment!". A lot of times I will literally laugh when someone compliments me, because to me it's just funny, but I will still say thank you. And laughing and saying thank you is much better than wanting to just fall apart becuase someone gave you a compliment ;) And as funny as it sounds, it actually helps.

Hope some of this made sense (I'm rambling in the midst of a brain-fog episode right now haha) and might help you or others. You're a beautiful person inside and out, and you deserve to love yourself, but you have to allow that to happen <3

[Coradion]

I know you're trying to be helpful, but I really feel like you're being dismissive of all of her hard work. ALL of the things you've suggested she's been doing, and then some, for 5 years. She's made legit lifestyle changes. She's lost tons of weight through her hard work and diligence, and hit a plateau- which would frustrate and depress anyone. Keep in mind that there's a lot more to do with someone's weight than just "doing something about it" and being "accountable" for being healthy, including genetics and medical issues (both physical and mental). I know you mean well, and maybe it's just me, but your post came off very, "You can lose that extra weight if you REALLY wanted to" which is completely unhelpful and can be devastating to say to someone who has literally worked their ass off for years to help them feel better about themselves. Perhaps just keep that in mind.


Trust me I know. I've been there. I've been working on my body for seven years and it's not easy. I just take a different approach than others when it comes to handling problems especially with weight. I've lost a third of my body weight since high school. Size 46 to a size 33 waist and for me, people saying things like "You look good how you are" hurts because what other people say doesn't match how you feel and I think Melissa probably feels the same.

If you work hard for something and haven't succeeded yet, there is always something you can do. I'm not dismissing what Melissa's already done, cause she's done it. I'm saying keep it up, and make more changes. If you need support, find it in whatever form it takes, but don't give up, push on, work harder. Like biochemically humans don't need carbohydrates in their diet yet 60% of Americans' diets are carbs. Cut out the carbs entirely if you have to. Talk to a nutritionist or signup for a fitness boot camp. Take pole dancing classes, that's what did it for me to finally drop the last twenty pounds.

Melissa, I think you can make your goals. I think you can make it work. I have been where you are with genetics, depression, and shit loads of life crap staring you in the face and going against you. Do what it takes to be happy and don't let people stop you from getting there it's too easy to say "Oh, they're right" and give up. Don't. If you don't feel pretty enough or fit enough yet, then that's what matters, because it's how YOU feel.

If you're working out and eating right and you're still not losing weight you might be doing the wrong types of exercise for your body. I was a competitive swimmer for 13 years and I was OBESE not just kind of overweight, despite being in a pool 36 hours a week. Turns out if all you do is cardio and you do too much you can switch your body to starvation mode and actually gain weight despite being very fit. This is especially problematic for women. Resistance training and switching up your routine can help you get around it. That's why I'd suggest pole dance. It's a good cardio workout and you get so much muscle super fast. Every girl I've trained saw some kinds of visible results within a month but more importantly felt more fit. If you want if I go back to Eugene this summer we can go to a studio in your area and I can teach you pole basics. Don't give up, power through.

[Mermaid Jaffa]

Don't leave Little Orca. You're one of the reasons I decided to try mermaiding.

Short story is, I watched your videos and I got to thinking, if that lady can be a mermaid, then there's no harm in me being a slightly older bespectacled mermaid. And my 40 year old bulge at the waist I cannot seem to shift no matter what I try. And no, its not baby bulge. Its from years of couch potatoing and watching tv!

It probably sounds like stalking too, but I watch all the videos I've bookmarked at least once a day, to learn how to move like a mermaid. Yours are a few of them.

Each video you put out, you lost some weight, which is a good thing to me. It means I too, can have a slimmer look and with more body strength like you do.

[Nicky-Katz]

First of all: I don't mean to be offensive, but I want to say something here.

There's a HUGE difference between people who weigh more than others and care for their appearance and people who weigh more and do not care. Orca, you look great! Judging by your photos and videos that's the case. You work hard to keep up to your ideals, but there will ALWAYS be someone who's jealous of it, or someone who's just a plain troll.

Loosing weight was never easy. I needed about two years to gradually loose 20 kilos and get back half of it, when I stopped tracking my diet and exercise. Now I'm on again. I've been using a nice app called noom. It helps.
I've also completely changed my diet gradually over past four or five years (rapid changes are evil to your body!). I went from being hardcore all-eater to vegan with seldom exceptions. It was fun. Also, vegan is not unhealthy. It helped me loose a couple of kilos. I took a lot of fruit and vegetables and also whole grains into my diet. I don't want to preach, just telling what helped me a lot.

I hope you'll find your way soon!

[AniaR]

I don't want you to feel from some of the posts here or anything you hear from someone else either that you aren't working hard enough already, or arent motivated, or don't have the right goals. Body plateaus happen for a reason and it's best to find out why, because often it doesn't matter HOW hard you work, it will not change if you can't change what is causing it. For me, being on elavil for my interstitial cystitis made it impossible to change my weight. I was seeing a personal trainer several times a week, working out like crazy, saw a dietitian and had super healthy eating habits. I worked hard for YEARS and didn't even lose a lb and carried a LOT of water bloating. Within weeks of stopping Elavil the weight started melting off. 30lbs later and I'm at my normal and comfortable weight.

I would most certainly investigate any meds you're on if you are. Like I said, birth control can play a huge role, so can anti depressants. Sometimes minor tweaks can make a huge difference.

Also getting your thyroid checked is super important. Rapid weight loss and or other health issues can confuse your thyroid and put you into starvation mode where your body refuses to let the weight go. or other health conditions can cause it to do that too.

Sometimes the fitness mindset bothers me, because it often implies you just aren't doing something right if you arne't getting results. But there are legit reasons why you wouldn't be getting results anymore, it just takes a little detective work to find it out.

Best fishes

[WavyMermaidy]

So many wonderful and interesting and supportive things have been said by others, and all I can do is echo what many have already said and show my support and my empathy. I'm not a tiny mermaid either, and I'm constantly worried about people's conceptions of mermaids as thin and beautiful even though I know mermaids come in all shapes and sizes. Weight has been a lifelong issue, and I am always listening in the crowd for comments...can't help it since I've always been conscious of it. It's on my mind so I figure it must be on everyone else's whether it truly is or not.

I'm constantly fidgeting with my tail and top to hide the "wobbly bits" as Bridget Jones says and scrutinizing photos afterwards and having not quite as much fun as I could because of it. Part of me knows I've come to much better terms with how I look over time, but the other part of me is still on the lifelong battle to lose weight. Also the age thing too, which is something you brought up...I turned 33 this year and while I know that's not "old" on the grand spectrum of things it doesn't help to have the whole time-moving-too-fast thing in addition to worrying about weight...especially with mermaiding and the uniqueness of it in so many ways (as Raina elaborated on). I'm there with ya sister.

So I hope you will really take to heart all of your fishy friends here who love and support you and who have given great advice, like not to give up on your weight loss and health goals as well as not giving up on things you love or your dreams. That obsession with weight, especially if it's been a lifelong issue, is not probably ever going to go away (at least in my experience), but it's just the way that you balance it with everything else that matters.

There's lots of love out there amongst all the hate and haters...and there's love inside amongst all the self-hate. You gotta hold onto that as much as you can whenever you can (cheesy? yes probably. easy? absolutely not). So glad you reached out to the community...it's here for much more than drama and photos. Much love :group hug:

[Mermaid Galene]

Merlissa, do not give up on your dream.

No doubt some people will think I'm ridiculous for becoming a mermaid at age 59. But I do not care. Those people are ignorant. It's my choice to make, my path to follow. We each have the power to create our own reality, which, after all, is just a perception of each individual's brain.

Merlissa, you have made it as a mermaid. I have watched your videos with so much admiration: the superb artistry of your tail design and workmanship, the fluid grace with which you swim in it, your commitment to the mermaid persona - these things are beautiful. And you are beautiful inhabiting the mermaid within you - beautiful on the inside, and that physically shows on the outside, where you are also beautiful. No one ever reaches their idea of the perfect body, much less anyone else's idea of body perfection. But you can realize your perfect dream - the dream of being who you feel you want to be. Sometimes it's a lifelong quest to pursue and hold onto big dreams, but to me that makes them all the more valuable and precious. Ignore haters. Ignore naysayers. Listen to the positive people, the kind people, the good people. Listen to the positive and the kind and the good within yourself. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be mer.

[Mermaid Enhydrina]

Little Orca, I just have to say that you are such an inspiration to me. When I first saw your videos I thought, "Woah, this girl isn't 'skinny' but she is beautiful and courageous and graceful. And she is ROCKING those fabric tails." You have such talent and I know you'll feel better and get through this. You're awesome! :)

[BayouMermaid]

I know that you don't know me, but you were actually the very first "real life" mermaid that I had ever heard about. I saw your posts on the long hair care forum and I was absolutely enchanted with your serenity and grace. Your purple tail is one of the most artfully crafted tails that I have ever seen. You ARE a successful mermaid, and your knowledge and experience is a great help to many aspiring mers who want to make their own tails. I'm glad that you are sticking with your goals, and I wish you much luck in whatever you want to do with your life.

[michellerobison]

I know and feel your pain,I'm not a petite flower either, 190lbs now. I was diagnosed with breast cancer so I was looking at fat and no breasts or hair for my mermaid within.. Still hoping someday to get a tail or make one.. I'm undergoing treatment for my breast cancer and had initial breast reconstruction and my hair is growing back...
Your weight loss is amazing, it's practically one whole person. You look great.
Do what you feel comfortable with, your bravery is inspiring and your goals have been amazing..
Keep rocking that tail and more pix!

[Mermaid Lorelei]

I'm not terribly good at posting long paragraphs worth of words, but I want you to know that you are highly valued, and not just as a mermaid. You are an outstanding human being with an incredible amount of talent and potential. I'm sorry that you are struggling, and I wish I could do something to help. If nothing else, know that you are loved by the people here and in other parts of your life and that you. are. stunning. First in personality, soul, mind, and heart. Secondly in body. Love you, you pretty fish you.

[Little_Orca]

I have wanted to sit down and write out a thank you for the support since yesterday, but I have been ill and was curled up in my oyster bed for over 15 hours of sleep, so that didn’t quite happen. Let me see if I can thank you all now while I am at work before the moray eel (aka boss) sees that I am not doing “real” work.

I had been told by fellow mers that I had made a difference in other merfolk’s lives. Other than my painting thing I put on YouTube (which is why I mentioned it in the first post, and it felt awkward to do so), I really didn’t think I had too much of an influence around here or anywhere. Sure, I thought there might be one or two that looked to me, which is why I kept pushing forward and didn’t crumble, but not even half as many that have posted in this thread.

It is strange, honestly, to think I do. I have always been introverted and shy (go ahead and giggle at that statement; it’s easier to appear extroverted online, but ask Iona! She will tell you how shy I can be in person) and to think that someone looks at me and thinks “Wow!” is the more foreign of concepts.

I knew there would be haters in this pursuit. Heck, I knew it when I chose my identity “Little Orca.” I knew that people would compare it to my weight versus the real meaning I had chosen it (identified spirit guide and tattoo,) but I didn’t let that stop me. I told myself that people were going to harass me over anything I did, it had been happening for a long time, so I sucked it up and went with what I wanted.

I know that a portion of my plateau is due to lack of motion. I am on my feet a lot at work (I work in a locked crisis facility for persons with mental illness), but walking can only get me so far. I work my arms when I can at home with weights, but again it only gets me so far. I am hoping with the weather changing, I can get back on my bike and continue with my 5-10 mile rides I would do with my fiancée last summer. I also have small plans for what I can do around the home, given my odd schedule at work and its resulting insomnia effects. I’ve already had my thyroid tested and there are no medications I can blame.

I am about 80% convinced to attempt to order my tail in October so that it will be ready for the following summer. I am at the point now where I want to give the middle fin to the world and just do what I want. I posted on my personal Facebook about figuring out the cost of the tail, and I talked to Iona about redesigning it slightly. My mother also stepped in and suggested a wedding location: where her and my stepfather were married, an inexpensive location in Hawaii.

First things first though: the tail.

And a big thank you to everyone for the support I have gotten here and in private messages. It means a lot to me.

Since it was asked for, here are some more pictures of my purple tail (and some more were added to my album) … and a few other costumes I have put on for the sake of laughter and mirth:

https://scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/t1.0-9/q71/s720x720/1016729_10100994285875128_1860855719_n.jpg
TAILS UP! Showing off the goods to the pirates at the pirate event, 2014.

https://scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/t1.0-9/q73/s720x720/1546384_10100997435233788_254201090_n.jpg
Post Pirate Event, Charles and I chill in a hottub in Seaside, 2014.

20420
Myself as Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite, Aki Con 2013.

20419
Charles and I as Flynn Rider and Rapunzel at Aki Con, 2013. (Wig was full length, 15 pounds, so I carried it on my shoulder at different times, hah!)

https://scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/v/t1.0-9/263163_884969966128_7152734_n.jpg?oh=1cb2f79a308df 1b410ef0250f9868fd9&oe=53D8A2EE
Shaking hooves with a little girl who was thrilled to meet a unicorn at the Oregon Country Fair, 2011.

[michellerobison]

You look amazing, I love all your piccies... So cool to have your fiancé into this with you! Now I'm cancer free and hopefully soon, will be done with breast reconstruction and grow a bit more hair,I'm looking forward to getting my tail... some how!

[JessieMermaid]

I'm so happy that you now see the influence you've made! We love you little orca! I hope you continue to grow and become and even stronger mermaid. Remember you do have friends that love you, and a super cute fiancee!

[Nicky-Katz]

It's wonderful, you've got your confidence back, Little Orca!

[The Harlem Mermaid]

Hi You have brought tears to my eyes! i thought i was the only one with this issue of being heavier and no looking like i thought a mermaid should look like , and i was so wrong! i feel beautiful as a full figure Mermaid and you my Lovely Mermaid are beautiful!!! dont ever let any one make you feel otherwise!!! Beauty comes from within, feel it, embrace your inner beauty and it will show to you as well as others, but in reality all that matters is how you feel and look to your self and you have a lot of supporters here from what i read , i too thank them for their caring advise to you and all of us Pleasantly Plump mermaids :) Just keep Swimming!

[The Harlem Mermaid]

You are my inspiration dear what you did took guts and courage i salute you with my tail dear :)

[Little_Orca]

You are my inspiration dear what you did took guts and courage i salute you with my tail dear :)

And I salute you, my dear, and every other mermaid and merman who goes through the ups and downs and has the courage to keep swimming.

[Rivertee]

I'm sure you're already aware but I am a huge fan of yours and so are my friends. We all thought the same thing, we love mermaids and would love to try this out after we loose enough weight. But none of us were able to drop it and keep it off. You inspired us. We saw your videos on youtude and were amazed at how elegant you looked moving in the water and what beautiful tails you had. But what really got us all and made us decide to start now was the change in you as well. You looked amazing in your black tail then we saw you in your spotted tail and we al agreed. "She lost a lot of weight! Look at how much difference there is!" We all felt instantly better and even cried a little that we not only could follow our goal of mermaiding but loose weight in a fun way.

So thank you Little Orca for staying strong for all of us. You're not alone in this big ocean. We'll be here for you like you were there for us.

[Naufra]

I'm 5'4" and weigh 295lbs. I've been obese since I was a teenager, and had given up on ever being anyone's fetish by the time I turned 20. I was convinced that I would never be beautiful and that I couldn't do anything about that since no matter what changes I made, the weight would never go away, my hair would never be long or soft or shiny enough, my skin would never be clear enough, my teeth would never be pearly enough, and so on. I was looking up mermaids for drawing reference online one day, when I found some vids on YouTube. Beautiful, thin, graceful performers were swimming in mermaid tails. I was entertained, but automatically assumed it was something I could never do. Then I found more vids, some I think you're familiar with: a gorgeous woman with a body like mine was easily outshining most of the thin performers. The others looked like models, but I had found the real deal - an actual mermaid. Grace, elegance, and style in spades, all wrapped in black spandex. She seemed fearless and utterly unashamed. I wanted to be just like her, I wanted to be a real mermaid, too. Then, I remembered that I'm a really bad swimmer so I shelved that idea for a few years. Last year, I decided to "give the world the middle fin," as you put it, and just do what I want. I'm still very self-conscious, about my appearance, clumsiness, lack of skills, and all that, but I'm 26 and it's high-time I stopped letting that stop me from even trying. Do I suddenly believe that I'm awesome and have I suddenly gained all the confidence I lacked before? Nope, but I'm on my way to loving myself like I should, I'm taking much better care of myself even though I'm not trying to lose weight anymore, and I'm setting and pursuing goals despite my doubts. I credit several people for inspiring me to better myself and do what I love, and you, Merlissa, are among them. You made mermaiding possible for me. Thank you. I'm still a terrible swimmer, but I know I look good in a tail now. ;)

[SiaTheMermaid]

Hi Little Orca,

I notice this thread was posted a few weeks ago but I'm going to say something anyway. I know what it is like to feel down about yourself, to feel like you will never be accepted for what you want to do because of the way you look. I was even told this by a friend of mine, which was hurtful.

I have the same issue as you; Body image. Over the years I tried to fight my weight, constantly yo-yoing until I eventually fell into the category of anorexia. I went from a size 16 (European size) to a size 8 in a month, which had everyone panicking. I refused to eat, made myself sick if I was being forced to eat by my parents and cried myself to sleep every night. But that isn't all. I am covered, head to toe, in horrible stretch marks that were the result of really fast onset puberty (I literally got hips and breasts in like a week, it was odd) and I have a lazy eye. So when I was told that I couldn't do my dream job? Yeah, it nearly broke me.

Today, I am back to a dress size of 16 and I hate it, but it's not going to stop me. And it shouldn't stop you either. I've seen your pictures on this thread and your videos on youtube and I'm hear to tell you that those haters? Yeah, they can all shut their mouths and crawl back under their rocks because honey, you are amazing! So what if your not a conventional mermaid? Life is about the unique. The way I am coping is that when I eventually get my full silicone tail, I'm going to get it painted in stripes and call myself 'Sia the Tiger Shark Mermaid' because I'm already covered in tiger stripes :D. I believe that if all us bigger mermaids show todays children that you can be big and beautiful, just like you can be slim and beautiful, then maybe today's teenagers will stop dieting and starving themselves to bend to what is deemed acceptable in the media.

You are a role model for all of us out here, the skinny, the large, the ethnic, the pale (I didn't know another word?! Sorry if that comes off racist!), the wacky and the wonderful. Don't lose hope. Love yourself for who you are, not who you want to be. I know this was a bit of a tirade but I really dislike seeing people put themselves down, especially when there is so much beauty in everything and everyone.

Keep on swimming and hold your head up high!

[Arejay]

I think you're beautiful! Don't give up, you never know who you might be inspiring.

[MerMaiden Lissa]

I know this is an older thread, but I almost gave up being a Mer before I even got started. Thanks to this thread, I think I will go ahead with my plans to get a new monofin. Here's hoping I can get past my weight, and rheumatoid, and "just keep swimming!"

[SINISTERsystem]

I know this thread is 2 years old, but I want to put in my two cents as a hobbying mermaid and someone who's currently struggling with weight gain.

Melissa, you are the reason why I went ahead and bought my tail and monofin from Fin Fun roughly about a year ago in the summer of 2015. I was a freshman in high school, and because of biking to and from school I was at an alright weight. I was always self conscious of my belly, even if it didn't hang, and I was confident enough to wear bikinis! Sophomore year was better, as I was biking and in aquatics! I recall wearing just my fabric tail (no monofin) during halloween, which just so happened to be a friday, which was water polo day. Had to take it off after a while so I could play better, but it was amazing to be considered 'curvy'. I was confident, I felt good.

Then I was kicked out of that school. No more aquatics every five days a week, all year. No more biking five days a week. The situation between my parents worsened. Sooner or later I was sneaking onto my mother's phone to gain my dad's best friend contact info. On October 2nd 2015 my dad left with his best friend, and that was the last time I've seen him since. The abuse my father deal tiwth for 23 years from my mother, and what I dealt with for all of my life is STILL hitting me up the head to this day. Not only am I insulted and told I'm "just like my asshole father", but my grades with school dropped, and most of the household chores are shoved into my hands (Which ironically, they're all the things my dad did when he was still in the house.)

And my weight is as bad as it's ever been. My belly hangs, my breasts are a cup larger. I don't fit in clothes anymore and the depression worsens my binge eating episodes. The stretchmarks are horrendous and I have a double chin!! I am disgusted with my body, I despise it, I wish my measurements weren't like this. I could go on and on, it's everything I hoped I wouldn't be.

But you Melissa? You proved to me that mermaiding helped you. And it STILL helps you. And you're proving to me that despite your "unflattering" weight and appearance, you are still beautiful and wonderful. That with enough perseverance you can change in the ways you want to, even if it may take a while.

I'll hopefully be getting my new swimsuit in the mail by this weekend, and California weather is always summer once spring hits. Soon, I'll be a mermaid again, with the determination of swimming again and actually gaining back the body I felt the most comfortable in, the body that never punished me when I needed to run or bend over.

I love you for who you are and how you are, I love you for the fact that you introduced me to a world that I'm trying to bring my own friends into. I love you for the fact that despite my current situations with my health you can say to me and others you can still be proud of yourself.

I hope you don't continue to feel this way, atleast not as strongly. I hope everything is better for you.

[The Harlem Mermaid]

Hello Maiden Lissa (http://mernetwork.com/index/member.php?5814-Maiden-Lissa) Im so happy to hear you have not given up on being a mermaid! Hope to see photos of you in your tail and new monofin, I truly hope you will get past your weight issue, unless its health related you have no need to be landlocked for we are beautiful regardless of our size and shape im pleasantly plump and i feel so free and beautiful when im in my tail, i thought at first i was a bit to fat and would be made fun of, but quite the opposite! I feel beautiful and its shows! im so happy and proud to be who i am now hope this inspires you further in becoming the lovely mermaid that you are inside and out

[Sea_Angel_Rusalka]

Dear Merlissa:

Yesterday, I finally started cutting my pattern for my fabric tail.
I honestly have been struggling with this. It happens every time. Then, in the midst of image after image of fabric tails, I saw the photo from the start of this thread.
I didn't think you fat, or too big, or a 'whale'
I thought you were beautiful, and you gave me the confidence to go ahead and make those first cuts. It was probably one of the hardest things. I'm going to have to deal with the stress and anxiety when I sew it, when I first try it on, when I slip into the water to test it. I'm going to have to do the same thing again when I wear it out in two days.

And I'll think of you every time, because i'm not alone in the struggle of feeling how I look, but you, you've overcome and that makes me so happy. It also makes me feel so much better showing off the "Rusalka" that I know I can be.

[Sakutama]

Hi Melissa! I'm also jumping in a bit late. I'll be honest, I very recently discovered mermaiding, so I haven't seen your work yet. But I can say that I will also be a not-so-little mermaid, and I've struggled with my weight for all my life. I can't remember ever not being overweight, only faintly before I started school. School stressed me into eating my problems away, and I'm still dealing with that. But I've made great strides, and it's a never ending journey of finding health and self acceptance. Sometimes I feel ill never fully accept myself, but I just remember to keep going and as long as I don't stop, I'll always be moving in a good direction. Sometimes it's better to focus on the journey, and not stress so much over where I'm trying to go. Everyone has to decide for themselves what they think is best. Maybe you're happy as you are, and that's great! Others want to lose weight, like me, and that's great too. The important thing is to be healthy, and decide for ourselves how we are most happy, not let anyone else tell us what should make us happy.

I saw a beautiful video a friend shared, it was a bigger woman who found self acceptance and a passion for yoga. She struggled with exactly what we struggle with. Watching her do yoga, and watching her beautiful smile filled with joy, I t was so inspiring! I realized, if we shine with pure joy in what we do, we can be beautiful no matter what. And in turn, we inspire others. Sadly the world seems to focus on cookie cutter standards of beauty and happiness. People like us who don't fit the mold, we are made sad and convince ourselves we can only be happy if we can squeeze ourselves into the mold, even if it means crash diets or even surgery. We become sad, we never shine, and the idea that the cookie cutter = happiness is only more enforced because we stop smiling. So in short, I think we need to find our passion, love it, own it, and remember to smile with pure joy. Then share it, and inspire others!

It looks like you've inspired a lot of members here, including me! So keep being awesome! From what I know of this community so far, you'll always have wonderful people to turn to when things get tough. Because they do, it never goes away, it's part of us no matter if we are big, small, tall , short, or whatever we have that doesn't fit the mold. Whether it's trolls, or days where it's a bit harder to accept yourself, or anything in between, we all have to lend each other a helping fin.

[Mermaid AshleyML]

I must tell you, if it wasn't for you I would never have bought the material to make my first tail. I saw your beautiful pictures and thought maybe I can pull this off. Just a little back ground info on me I'm 5 foot 9 inches and weigh 270 pounds. I have always hated my body ever scenes high school when I first got bullied for my size. You are a true inspiration for me. Yes I still have hide my stomach when I swim but I am so happy I made my tail and have the confidence to go swimming in public with it. And I never would have started if it wasn't for you!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mermaid Cataleya]

i wouda told them to "go such a duck" your very Beautiful then and Now. you swim because you enjoy it and have a passion for it I assume. Like me. I was bigger all my life so I know the feeling of being pointed at. Be wh0 you are and Love who you are for you and no one else. You are beautiful and always will be for the person you are inside and out. ^.^

[Mermaid Camden]

I'm new to mermaiding and am I'm the same boat as you are currently. I'm not a small girl and I have been very self conscious about this. I've found I really love to swim in my tail (i have a fin fun tail and have had it for a year now) and I have been trying to get a suitable top to go with the colors that I have fallen in love with for my tail now and hopefully a future silicone tail. Every time I make something I look at myself in pictures and all i see is my belly and arm flab. I've been trying everything i can to lose weight, not only for health but for appearances. I'm no where near the end of my journey. I am still trying to make my image not only as a person but as a mermaid (any advice from anyone of the creation of my mermaid costume image would be greatly welcomed). As you can see I don't have any pictures on here including a profile. That is because I don't have an image that I feel is good enough for this page.