Bullying? :(

[MysticMerman]

I'm not pointing fingers, calling out names, I'm not giving specifics, and I'm certainly not speaking badly about any one particular person or group... But this is really bothering me.

I was so excited to get on here after my absence and read about what people are doing/creating, general ideas, funny Mer-jokes, so one and so forth... Along with the positive and/or constructive feedback. First link I open up was on a tail makers new product... A tail maker who's not even on here to see what's being said about him or his work. Some people politely stated that they didn't like it and gave their reasons. (Fair enough). Others were rudely mocking him and his work, not only that, but dragging other (non merfolk) artists and people in to it and just laughing away. If that were my work, my art, my passion that this was happening to... I would be embarrassed and hurt. Most of us in this community know first hand what it's like to be mocked or torn down because of what we do... Why add fuel to that fire? Why be bullies to others and cause more suffering? We should have each others backs and support people... Not pick them apart for amusement. I love this community, and I love this forum... But I continuously see stuff like this going on, and it's most frustrating. I understand why people don't like this particular tail maker, I understand he's had a negative past on here (possibly in general) but he's not on here... There is simply no need to randomly bring up his name and work and drag his face through the mud. Trust me as a gay merman who grew up in the "Bible Belt" and than in some of the roughest places the USA... I know very well what it's like for people to do me wrong. But I'd never become a bully over it. My point is... Please... forgive, move on, and respect others (even when you feel they don't deserve it)

[AniaR]

The thread in question had actually been dead for a while with no one posting it in. For some reason someone resurrected it today. I was actually surprised to see that too.

I think often when you're looking from the outside in you miss context. And I'm not defending bullying either. But often posts on mernetwork are in response to posts made on facebook or off site. If your present on the site frequently you can often follow the timeline, but yeah it looks much worse when you arent around for a while and see it first. It certainly DOES get taken too far.

[MysticMerman]

It really does... I've heard a few people say they would stand up for someone and get shredded for it. (Me personally, I could care less what people think of me anymore) and when asking a large portion of people about their experiences with tail makers, I've actually crossed some people who made dishonest reviews to exhentuate and exhadrate how bad someone's work is. And I've found one girl who's afraid to speak up about problems with one of the more popular tail makers, because she was afraid people would treat her badly for it. (I feel that particular girl may have been over reacting with her fear of speaking up, but it's there for a reason, I'm sure) I view us all as one big family... And like in any family, there are going to be problems... Heck, that human nature! But it's a shame when people feel fear of speaking up or feel the need to lie. Just puts uneeded stress on people which ends up hurting everyone later down the road.

[Coradion]

I'm not pointing fingers, calling out names, I'm not giving specifics, and I'm certainly not speaking badly about any one particular person or group... But this is really bothering me.

I was so excited to get on here after my absence and read about what people are doing/creating, general ideas, funny Mer-jokes, so one and so forth... Along with the positive and/or constructive feedback. First link I open up was on a tail makers new product... A tail maker who's not even on here to see what's being said about him or his work. Some people politely stated that they didn't like it and gave their reasons. (Fair enough). Others were rudely mocking him and his work, not only that, but dragging other (non merfolk) artists and people in to it and just laughing away. If that were my work, my art, my passion that this was happening to... I would be embarrassed and hurt. Most of us in this community know first hand what it's like to be mocked or torn down because of what we do... Why add fuel to that fire? Why be bullies to others and cause more suffering? We should have each others backs and support people... Not pick them apart for amusement. I love this community, and I love this forum... But I continuously see stuff like this going on, and it's most frustrating. I understand why people don't like this particular tail maker, I understand he's had a negative past on here (possibly in general) but he's not on here... There is simply no need to randomly bring up his name and work and drag his face through the mud. Trust me as a gay merman who grew up in the "Bible Belt" and than in some of the roughest places the USA... I know very well what it's like for people to do me wrong. But I'd never become a bully over it. My point is... Please... forgive, move on, and respect others (even when you feel they don't deserve it)


Well said. I think one of the problems this forum faces are the people who create and imagine the most get bashed by those who only have opinions to offer the community. People like Eric, Raven, and Kanti have left, been kicked off, or choose not to post here anymore because they just get swamped by drama. As someone whose made tails for hotels before any kind of negative feedback on your work or about you just sucks. When you pour your heart into something seeing it get stomped is really depressing. Especially when it gets trashed by people who have never met you, seen your product, or even had an interaction with you. I think a lot of the really cool tail makers leave this site because they'd rather focus on making something amazing instead of hearing what criticisms people have to say.

If you look at the people who bully the most on here, the majority of them haven't even attempted to make their own tail or create something magical. I'd just use the block function on them, let those who perpetuate misery wallow in that creation. It's the only thing they'll ever make. I prefer to make new fins and enjoy the company of my pod. We don't always get along perfectly, but being able to feed off of the energy and inspiration of other people who want to live and do the same thing you do is really wonderful.

[AniaR]

Love you speaking for Raven. Also practically all of your recent posts could be considered bullying by your own standards. I wonder if kanti leaving has anything to do with her stealing loads of money.

Criticism and holding people accountable isn't bullying.

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[AniaR]

Often people get disagreed with on mernet or people dissaprove of their behaviour. They cry bullying. That isn't bullying. If I stalked you off site, sent you nasty messages, tried to hack into your stuff, posted you on an extortion site, made death threats that is actually bullying and harassment and I have endured those things. Criticism and opinions expressed in a thread about something is just that. When things get elevated to an unacceptable point mods step in or often other members.

Me right here disagreeing and offering up my points gets called bullying. And sorry. It isn't. Saying kanti stole money when she did is fact. Not bullying. Pointing out nasty post history is accountability. Not bullying. Disagreeing with someone even if a bunch of people join in the disagreeing is still just disagreeing

We can't always apply the label of drama and bullying just because we don't like something.

I have seen people melt into nasty. But more often than not it is people trying to find humor in situations where they've been ripped off or treated badly.

I'm not saying we can't or shouldn't all improve either, myself included mystic merman. But for me personally certain people will focus so much on one criticism I've made and ignore the constant rising above for the sake of peace.

I'm sort of personally at the point where I don't really care. I have been taken advantage of so much when I try to move forward. So I just try to say what I think I see happening. People can disagree. Just cuz I have a heated conversation doesn't mean I'm bullying. A forum is a forum and I think too many mermaids have no experience. They have no clue how civil we actually are.

I really find that many of the people who perpetuate this are people who are sour with the general opinions of them ( that they create) or people held accountable to the rules on mernetwork and don't like it.

But with the thread you mention mystic merman I totally agree.

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[shimmygoddess]

I think some people are just tired of taking other peoples crap. I think Raina has strong beliefs and stands up for herself. She states facts. I do agree there might be people on here, occasionally that are being mean or rude, in fact there is alot of drama on here. All that said, if you feel someone you like and respect is being crapped on, then the best thing to do is stand up for that person. I agree with Raina when she said that she just doesn't really care anymore. I think at a certain point people are tired and frustrated and if they feel they are constantly being attacked you better sure as hell believe they will fight back.

[Shelley]

I have two words. Patience and Karma. :D

[MysticMerman]

Raina is correct, there is a huge difference from bullying, and constructive criticism or keeping people informed of things to watch out for (such as confirmed thievery/scamming and dishonesty). Pointing out flaws (in a respectful manner) is helping people grow as an artist when their products are their business. or even as a person in general. And absolutely nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws and when somebody points out any of my million and ten of them... I take their opinion graciously, and I try to be better. What I was referring to is quite a bit different. And I know a lot of it was never meant to be more than harmless joking but I feel like people get caught up in it , it becomes habit, and people end up with hurt feelings. So really, the intention for this thread was to hopefully get people thinking about what they say/do and how that may end up affecting others. (I work a lot with children, so I try to nip things like that in the fins pretty quickly by habit).