website wording help needed

[angelstarfish]

I need help with finding the right words for my website's SERVICES page.

here's what all I have so far:

IMPORTANT NOTE:
A deposit of $175 will need to be paid two months in advance in order to ensure that you land a spot in my calendar book. Sorry, but once paid, the $175 cannot be refunded under any circumstances

NEW!!!

Beach party swim up ($145- $300)
Up to an hour and a half with a dramatic entrance by sea featuring Mermaid Angel Starfish and her mertender, dressed as either a pirate or a sailor
Special gift for birthday child (on request)
A craft OR music time OR story time OR a game (or have all four!!!)
Photo opportunities
Bubble show
A swim with Mermaid Angel Starfish

NEW!!!

Hospital birthday party ($145)
An half an hour visit with a dramatic entrance featuring Mermaid Angel Starfish and her mertender, dressed as either a pirate or a sailor
Balloon making
Music OR story time OR bubble show
Photo opportunities
A special present for the birthday child (upon request)
(Limit 8 kids)

Seashell Package ($175)
A 45 minute visit with a dramatic entrance featuring Mermaid Angel Starfish and her mertender, dressed as either a pirate or sailor
A craft OR song and story time OR a game
Story time
Photo opportunism
Music
A special present for the birthday child (upon request)
45 minutes (ideal for small children/ small parties)
Limit: 15 kids

Wave Package ($200)
An hour long visit with a dramatic entrance featuring Mermaid Angel Starfish and her mertender, dressed as either a pirate or a sailor
Music
Story time
Photo opportunism
A special present for the birthday child (upon request)
Limit: 15 kids

Lagoon Package ($225)
An hour and a half long visit with a dramatic entrance featuring Mermaid Angel Starfish and her mertender, dressed as either a pirate or a sailor
Music
Story time
Photo opportunities
A special present for the birthday child (upon request)
Limit: 15 kids

Arts and Craft Package ($225+)
An hour and a half with a dramatic entrance featuring Mermaid Angel Starfish and her mertender, dressed as either a pirate or a sailor
Arts and Crafts galore
Limit: 8 kids
($35 per additional child)

Add-ons:

NEW!!!
Mermaid party favor bags $24/ child
May include:
A party hat
Bubbles
A coloring book
Markers or crayons
A customizable treasure chest
Pirate coins
Stickers
Marbles, seashells, gems, seaglass, shiny stone
A starfishie

Face painting only $60/hr
Balloons Only $60/hr
($75/hr if you want the mertender to do face painting AND balloons.)

Mermaid souvenir photo book $65
Includes pictures of the party and more!!!

Camera option ($75)
The mertender takes pictures with a waterproof camera. Kids can take picture too!
(Mermaid Angel Starfish will email the pictures to the payee two weeks after event.)

Fund raisers and environmental related charities ($125 for the first hour, $25 for each additional hour)
Features Mermaid Angel Starfish and her trusty mertender discussing the beauty of the ocean and what can be done to help preserve the fair Lady Blue
Items for kids to touch and hold
Environmental and kid friendly presentation on on the beach and wonders of the ocean

Movie productions ($165 per day of filming)
Mermaid Angel Starfish and her trusty mertender (HERE'S WHERE I GOT BRAIN FREEZE)
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Please email the script to me six weeks in advance.

(Most of my packages are customizable. I will try my best to fit each individual party need!)

[AniaR]

K just a few thoughts from my own personal experiences:

Your deposit is too high because it's equal to or greater than the value of some of your packages. Deposits tend to range from 10-25% of the total cost of a booking. Occasionally people with very expensive services will up it to 50% but it needs to be relatable to the actual booking price. I would set specific deposits for each specific package

The limit for kids is great and very important to have

Listing what the package include is great, you may even want to charge extra for some of the services. eg the base price is 150$ but you can add ___ for ___$ I found that worked REALLY well for us

annnd I see you have add ons at the bottom so I actually missed it, I'd actually list your ad ons under every package cuz just like me your clients will scroll to the package they're the most interested in and miss your add ons.

Overall I think it's really good. check mine out for some inspiration: http://halifaxmermaids.weebly.com/kids-parties.html

I also suggest creating a booking agreement if you dont already have one. Here's ours: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B61NQ9tFRzdfTXdBMjdPRjg0N2s/edit?usp=sharing

good job!

[angelstarfish]

Thanks for the tips Raina.

Math is not my strongest strength, but I'm planning on taking a business class next semester to help me expand my knowledge about owning my own business

[AniaR]

It'll certainly help I have taken a few classes and workshops

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[Meilyn]

In my opinion, your prices are too high unless you have a realistic tail. Not that your tail isn't beautiful but with fabric, you can only expect so much.

Two months in advance is too long unless you're fully booked until then. A week in advance is more realistic, even as a model. Speaking from experience, some high end bookings will book you less than 12 hours in advance, but that's upstairs from you in the Oregon/Washington area.

Movie productions is too low for a day :) typically what I've seen, 600-800 a day is on the low end of full day shoots, 200-400 for half days, but that's at a commercial rate, again, for the Pacific northwest area.

Business wise:
For people to want your services, you'll have to market yourself with value equal to your prices. Some of your prices are too high, and others too low (speaking in terms of modeling and acting rates from the West Coast). You must put more than enough value on yourself starting out to make others think that you'll be worth the cost. Stalking your Facebook page, you don't have enough party pictures/experience to be charging so much. It'll be hard to get people to pay you if they don't know what they'll be paying you for. You'll need examples of past parties, events, swims.
Provide demand before you supply. It may take a few free events from friends and family to get started but something to show is better than nothing.

Raina is right on the deposits as well and booking agreement.

Anyways :) I hope this helps as well

[Mermaid Galene]

I'm fairly new to mermaiding, but not to performing. I doubt that clients are going to judge your worth on whether or not you have a silicone tail. They are going to judge you on artistry, content, professionalism, experience, and your ability to interact with your audience. This are the factors that will allow you to set higher prices.

[AniaR]

Her prices are almost on par with mine and we are on the lower end of what mermaids charge because we are in a poor area. I think they're fine personally

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[Mermaid Galene]

This is just my two cents, but I have found (in puppetry and music, at least) that going into so much detail about pricing on your web site can be counter-productive. I think the goal of a web site is to capture the interest of potential clients, rather than to spell out every detail of the business arrangement. Hook them first; talk shop later. It makes for a cleaner, easier to navigate site if "first contact" doesn't require sifting through paragraphs of rules and details. That can all be discussed once the potential client decides to contact you. First they need to be impressed by the visuals and intrigued by carefully selected bits of information (the "bait"). You could always just say "prices range from $X to $X, depending on services chosen. Contact us for details."