The Hopes of Children and Parent's Reality

[Rivertee]

Hello Mers!
I've got a bit of a bind on my fins and need help. There's a sister and brother pair that has been watching me every night this summer practice in both my monofin and mermaid tail and tonight they actually spoke to me. Asking if I was a real mermaid and why I sometimes didn't have a tail.

I explained that I'm a human just like them training to be a mermaid. My necklace that came from the ocean gives me strength and ability to swim as mers do, if I train hard enough and the moon is right I sometimes get a tail. Well they explained that they both love the water and merfolk (yes the boy too) these kids are 10 and 12 the boy being the older; well the boy has diabetes and can't do a lot of strenuous activities but always dreams of swimming free in the ocean like a merman. Well I gave them each a pendant of the ocean (pearls and shells I had made into necklaces for future events) and told them as they grow in their training in the water so will the magic within the pendants. If they believed hard enough and trained just as hard their dreams of being merfolk can indeed come true.

Well we played and talked into the night and when their mother came to get them they explained where the necklaces came from and what they were for. She shot me a horrible look and began to scold the children as they left saying to "Get that nonsense out of your heads. There's no such thing as mermaids, fairies, magic, or any other nonsense like that..." they both looked so sad and defeated. I felt bad for raising their hopes and dreams only for their mother to scold them.

I know they'll be back tomorrow to watch or swim with me, but I don't know what to tell them. I don't want to upset their mother and cause problems, but I can't just let them loose their love of the ocean and it's magic.

Help!!!

[AniaR]

you cant really help that from happening :( nothing you can do I know it sucks. I had a parent complain to a principal because their 5 year old thought mermaids were real. These adults have had their imagination crushed. They're rushing their kids to grow up. it's one of the reasons I try to hard to advocate for play and imagination as valuable growing tools.

[Rivertee]

Thanks Raina i seriously believe that dreams like these should be nurtured and encouraged.

[Mermaid Wesley]

I'm sorry that happened. I would perhaps say something like "not everybody believes in magic, but we know better huh"

[Seatan]

I could understand the mom not wanting the kids to ACTUALLY think that if they hoped and trained hard enough they would become merfolk (because it won't happen and could really make them sad and upset) but there's no reason not to let them have a little fun and at least believe in the idea!

[EnidDarkWater]

I had a very similar situation occur recently. While doing a children's event at a swim school ( it was during a swim lesson so there wasn't a pile of kids around) I had a little girl approach me pick up my card and rather snottily tell me that mermaids, fairies and other fantasy creatures weren't real. I invited her to sit and we talked at length about believing would increase your chance of seeing them greatly. After breaking with major character I showed her a lot of photos and videos of merfolk ( She is rather enamored with the fact that there are mermen and with a certain Halifax mermaid!) She has decided that she wants to become one of us. I told her to grow a tail its going to take a lot of time, wishing, believing and lastly a lot a swim practice. Adults also sometimes need to quietly be reminded that the magic in children doesn't last for very long so when they believe don't take it away. Creativity and imagination lead to wonderus things as a nation and beauty around us.

[Rivertee]

Yea, I agree. Also as they grow older and more mature I'm sure they'll figure out the truth on their own. They're smart and down to earth kids, let them believe in anything and grow up in their own time. So I'll probably end up with a notice on my door in the comming weeks asking to not wear my fins lol

[EnidDarkWater]

If that woman makes it so you can't swim I'd put a notice on her door.22982

[Aquos Savar]

Gosh, that harsh. Also, is sad.

That mother just went straight and crushed the kids beliefs. Also, im sure they'll come back tomorrow, no matter what the mother says.

[Theta]

I think that's pretty awful, but if I was the mother I might have done the same thing, although not as harshly. You said the boy can't do strenuous activities but you gave him a pendant and told him that if he worked hard he could become a merman, implying that the pendant is magic for real. That could lead to overconfidence and he could get into trouble in strong water or currents that he couldn't handle. He could put himself into situations where he could be hurt, thinking that a pendant would protect him. Sometimes the line between fantasy and reality has to stay clear, for safety reasons.

[Rivertee]

I agree on that but I also know that with his condition it is treatable IF the person works at building up their body. *le sigh* I just reall couldn't stand to see him give up and look so sad. I remember my mother telling me anything is possible if you work hard enough at it. I still believe that to this day, though I know there are some things that take more effort than others I don't believe in limits just challenges and imagination.

People back in the 1900's would have thought man flying, electric cars, mermaids swimming in costumes, and other wonderful things we have now were impossible. But someone's dream and hard work made those and so much more possible.

Call me crazy but I do believe in a cure for cancer, a solution to world hunger, and world peace. It's just going to take one extrodinary person to make them possible. I may not be it but I do believe that there is someone out there somewhere that is. ^.^

Feel free to poke fun, scold, and otherwise disagree with me but my views haven't changed in 20 years and I won't stop now. Today when I go practice I'll be sporting my newly repaired fabric tail and for the love of me swim my mermaid heart out for anyone who's there.

[Theta]

I agree on that but I also know that with his condition it is treatable IF the person works at building up their body. *le sigh* I just reall couldn't stand to see him give up and look so sad. I remember my mother telling me anything is possible if you work hard enough at it. I still believe that to this day, though I know there are some things that take more effort than others I don't believe in limits just challenges and imagination.

People back in the 1900's would have thought man flying, electric cars, mermaids swimming in costumes, and other wonderful things we have now were impossible. But someone's dream and hard work made those and so much more possible.

Call me crazy but I do believe in a cure for cancer, a solution to world hunger, and world peace. It's just going to take one extrodinary person to make them possible. I may not be it but I do believe that there is someone out there somewhere that is. ^.^

Feel free to poke fun, scold, and otherwise disagree with me but my views haven't changed in 20 years and I won't stop now. Today when I go practice I'll be sporting my newly repaired fabric tail and for the love of me swim my mermaid heart out for anyone who's there.

I totally get where you're coming from, I really do. And like I said, that sucks that it happened. But the reality is here that you're not his doctor, and you don't know his limitations, or other conditions he may have. I know several severe diabetics that have tried to take care of themselves, work out, do physical activity, etc. and it doesn't work out well for all of them. My friend's father is nearly homebound at this point. Some people can work through physical limitations (Raina is a great example of this), some can't, and some shouldn't for their own health and safety. And believing in yourself and all that aside, the reality in the world of mermaiding is that there is always the possibility that you can get sued if a child comes to harm through your actions, well meant or otherwise. And that kind of press hurts all the pro mers out here. It also gets us banned from pools. I’m not saying that’s going to happen, but everything with safety should probably be looked at as a slippery slope in some ways. What we do is dangerous, frankly. A motivational poster mentality is not really going to change the dangers inherent in this activity.

You can feel free to ignore me, by the way. I tend to be super cynical. Where other mers are shitting out rainbows and giving people bubble kisses, I’m more or less continually grumpy and telling people to get off my reef. So there’s that.

[Rivertee]

I take everything you mers offer and say to heart so please don't think I'm trying to dismiss very good advice I'm just a bit of a dreamer. I'll have a down to earth talk today with them both and hopefully we can all swim together safely and happy. :)

[Seatan]

I remember my mother telling me anything is possible if you work hard enough at it. I still believe that to this day, though I know there are some things that take more effort than others I don't believe in limits just challenges and imagination.

The problem with that is that it is not true. It's a pretty idea, but there are simply things that are impossible, no matter how hard you want it and how hard you work. I had to learn to accept that when it came to my mental disabilities and because our culture is so "you can do ANYTHING, you special snowflake!" it was VERY hard for me to accept that seizures and mental illness both limit the things I am capable of doing in this world. It made me very depressed and bitter for a very long time, feeling like everyone else in the world could do anything and only I was limited. But the fact is that EVERY human being is severely limited in what they can do. Not everyone is a genius, not everyone is an artist, not everyone is an athlete. I can't play for the Lakers or spar with Stephen Hawking or paint a Sistine Chapel because those are simply not my talents. I finally came to accept what IS special about me, however, and it served me a lot better than a false belief that I can do "anything" when, in truth, NO ONE can do "anything." I will never be able to breathe underwater no matter how hard I try, and neither will you. Some people call this cynical, but I call it being realistic and believe it is the road to being satisfied with who you are rather than trying desperately to be something you're not.

So, no, I would not want someone giving my son a supposedly magical necklace and convincing him it could turn him into a merman because that is setting him up for failure and sadness. That doesn't mean that I would be harsh toward the person who did, however, because it was obviously done out of the kindness of your heart in the best of intentions.

[Rivertee]

So just got back from swimming with the kids again. Thier mother was upset at the late hour and took out frustrations on that. She thanked me for giving her kids something to have fun with as well as a friend. She just divorced her husband and was trying to have a good summer with them since the boy lives with the dad. I told her about mernetwork and when she came to pick them up she asked about monofins as well as if I'd teach them about being merfolk lol. Sooo ummm tips about teaching merlings? I'm still just starting out

[Lostariel Telrunya]

Oh, that's awesome!!! As long as they both know how to swim, get them to start working on their dolphin kicks. Dolphin kicks are for feeling like a mermaid/merman even if you don't have your tail on. :) after a while, if they ever get monofins, start them with just the fins and not the actual tail, and once they get comfy with that feeling, then they can try with the tail on. Take it slow, especially with the boy. And make sure you do everything with them. It'll encourage them a lot if you start where they're starting: just do dolphin kick without a tail or monofin when they are learning that, only use the monofin when they are learning with them, and then have one super special day when you all break out your tails and they get to try them out. Hope this helps, if not, sorry. That's all I got!

[Aquarianne]

Glad this had a happy ending! Sometimes parents are just cranky and they have a lot going on in their lives. Observer's bias and all, we never know what another person is going through. I'm glad she's encouraging them to swim with you!

Just make sure to append the info to the kids that magic necklaces will NOT save them from drowning or let them breathe underwater. Seems like a no duh, but you never know. And if one of the kids has an accident in the pool, grieving parents can quickly go from nice to "I'M SUING YOU FOR TELLING MY CHILDREN THEY WOULD BE SAFE!" Even if it's totally baseless. Better safe than sorry! Recommend to the mom that they sign up for advanced swimming lessons with a certified instructor and just swim with you for fun. :)

[Rivertee]

We have a talk and I explained that it's a reminder to always try your hardest but don't over do it. Like I said they're very down to earth kids.

[Merman Delphis]

That's great to hear! As far as teaching, I have no idea on the planet what to do :/ Sorry about that... I wish I could help in that area... Anyway, what I can help with is recommending that you have the kids write down what they want to do when they are mer-people and then go from there. Do a bit of role-playing, 'ya know:) If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask:)
Sincerely,
Merman Scott

[Fun123joker]

yay it all turned out nicely in the end!

[EnidDarkWater]

If he will tire out easily you can always have him dolphin kick with a pool noodle under his arms or one of those little kick boards. he wont got speeding around but it would let him cruise and build up muscle in the kick. Also let them know the dolphin kick had pretty much the same motion you use with your upper body to rock a rocking chair because if they do all knee work they will wear themselves out.

[Rivertee]

Thanks for the rocking chair tip it really helped explain the movement lol harder to teach than to swim honestly

[Rivertee]

The kids just got their monofins today!! Hot a knock at my door at 9am asking foe training. It's the hildren mermaid and shark monofins so they're a bit different than my finis one

[Lostariel Telrunya]

That is awesome!! Has the mom warmed up to you a bit then?

[Rivertee]

A little she's treating this as a phase of theirs

[Lostariel Telrunya]

Well, that's better than nothing! And buying them monofins means she's going in the right direction :)

[Rivertee]

Lol I hope so

[Mermaid Isabel]

Hello Mers!
I've got a bit of a bind on my fins and need help. There's a sister and brother pair that has been watching me every night this summer practice in both my monofin and mermaid tail and tonight they actually spoke to me. Asking if I was a real mermaid and why I sometimes didn't have a tail.

I explained that I'm a human just like them training to be a mermaid. My necklace that came from the ocean gives me strength and ability to swim as mers do, if I train hard enough and the moon is right I sometimes get a tail. Well they explained that they both love the water and merfolk (yes the boy too) these kids are 10 and 12 the boy being the older; well the boy has diabetes and can't do a lot of strenuous activities but always dreams of swimming free in the ocean like a merman. Well I gave them each a pendant of the ocean (pearls and shells I had made into necklaces for future events) and told them as they grow in their training in the water so will the magic within the pendants. If they believed hard enough and trained just as hard their dreams of being merfolk can indeed come true.

Well we played and talked into the night and when their mother came to get them they explained where the necklaces came from and what they were for. She shot me a horrible look and began to scold the children as they left saying to "Get that nonsense out of your heads. There's no such thing as mermaids, fairies, magic, or any other nonsense like that..." they both looked so sad and defeated. I felt bad for raising their hopes and dreams only for their mother to scold them.

I know they'll be back tomorrow to watch or swim with me, but I don't know what to tell them. I don't want to upset their mother and cause problems, but I can't just let them loose their love of the ocean and it's magic.

Help!!!
OMGOSH!!!!!! you can't prevent that from happening but you could talk to their mother! It's sad that a mother would say something like that to her children! that's like saying that Santa doesn't exist!!!!!

[Rivertee]

Hehehe sadly they don't believe in Santa at all

[MarkF]

I wonder what happened in that mothers life that makes her bitter about dreams and wonders?
Weird! :thinks:

She probably swats butterflies.

[Rivertee]

Like I said the poor thing is recently divorced and is loosing her son. She's new to the complex and works very hard. I sympathize with her and enjoy the time with the kids. Next week Brian (the boy) goes back to his dad's and won't be around much.

[Mermaid Margo]

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with something like this yet. All of the parents have been very encouraging and excitable. They come up with explanations before I can, lol. But my mom worries about situations like yours. She doesn't really think it's right to lie to the kids without knowing how their parents will respond. I think people who don't play along for the sake of the children are jerks. I mean, why not let them believe? Hold on to their childhood for just a little bit longer? There isn't enough magic left in the world, only anger, fear, and sadness. Kids are being forced to grow up way too fast and it isn't fair. They deserve to be able to believe in fairy-tales if they want to, (and who knows, maybe mercreatures are real, given that 95% of our oceans remain unexplored).

[Nana]

Dunno why parents do it.. maybe cause children can be quite cruel towards each other and still believing in fairies and other childish stuff can be a reason to be made fun of, getting bullied or just excluded from the group (aka forget about that weirdo).
So parents might think if they tell their children the hard truth very early they can prevent that.
Also they will probably feel dumb for defending their believes against other children only to find out they are most likely not true.

Yeah its pretty cruel but thats the way I could explain myself such behavior cause no parent wants the worst for their children. In their mindset they do the right thing.

I wonder if she told her kids about Santa...

[Rivertee]

Who knows but honestly I was bullied for a lot but my faith in fairy stories wasn't one of them

[Merman Delphis]

This is unacceptable! Why would a parent do that?! I'm with Mermaid Margo, there's not enough believers in the world!


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[tobiaszbartosz]

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