coral_sybil
07-30-2014, 04:29 PM
So this past weekend I went on a cabin trip, however I was not able to finish my tail.
To a degree I was sad, to another I was relieved.
Because I was scared, of the water, in the lake. Specifically I made myself paranoid about bullsharks that I just couldn't handle the idea of not knowing if something saw me as a threat and I could not see it. Scared to the point that while packing to go up I actually started crying..
Still the first morning out there Amber approached me and asked if I wanted to go out swimming with her. We grabbed the raft and started heading out, Amber, myself, Amber's dog, and the Alexs (a husband and wife both named Alex, the wife goes by Al usually) behind us in a canoe.
We stop and hung out for a bit, picking on Al about not being able to swim and trying to convince her into letting us teach her to kick since she was wearing a life vest. But eventually we pulled up the anchors (which I was pretty convinced weren't actually touching anything but just making it harder for us to be pushed around by the winds), and I started trying to paddle towards shore since we were about 40 feet out and I was getting nervous. However I was wrong. We were going out further. To which I took in a deep painful breath, not realizing that my chest had seized with a panic attack, I bid them adieu and entered the lake. I got back to shore with three breath and using the dolphin kick. It really is the only kick I feel in control while doing. I got to the shore and all I could say was "no no no no no nope naha not gonna no." Or some pattern like that.
I pulled up my blanket around me to protect myself from the horse flies and scurried to the big cabin. My roommate Kelly was chuckling at me and said at least I looked graceful in my panic. The boyfriend came out of the bathroom, saw me and convinced me to walk down to the lake with him. We sat there up to our knees in the lake looking out at them. They were now about 65 feet from shore, drifting in the wind. Where they were was about 50 feet deep.
"I'll go swimming if you get back in" I looked at him in a panic.
"Don't you wanna go get your swim trunks? Aren't your shorts going to drag you down?"
"no, I'll be fine" he stood up and took off his heart monitor and his 'Jaw-bone' (monitors sleep cycle, steps, calories burned, fun stuff), putting it in a pile with my towel and we both entered in at the end of the dock. The water was only four feet deep there, but quickly it became a race to get back out to where everyone else was.
I ended up swimming for an hour and a half straight. I could not rest as the current kept trying to put me under the raft, I could grab on and allow myself to be pressed under it, but too long and I'd get paranoid that I'd look dead and fair game. While in the water I was swimming with a few people and I got to feel pretty comfortable and at ease. At least if there was a pod of us maybe we'd look more intimidating even if there was something down there.
It's been a day since we got back and there's still a burn in my nasal cavities and a strong smell of lake water, but it isn't unpleasant. In fact the boyfriend (now fiance since the night after that) and I are planning on visiting more lakes in our area. I just wish I could figure out how to get the lake out of my head. :)
To a degree I was sad, to another I was relieved.
Because I was scared, of the water, in the lake. Specifically I made myself paranoid about bullsharks that I just couldn't handle the idea of not knowing if something saw me as a threat and I could not see it. Scared to the point that while packing to go up I actually started crying..
Still the first morning out there Amber approached me and asked if I wanted to go out swimming with her. We grabbed the raft and started heading out, Amber, myself, Amber's dog, and the Alexs (a husband and wife both named Alex, the wife goes by Al usually) behind us in a canoe.
We stop and hung out for a bit, picking on Al about not being able to swim and trying to convince her into letting us teach her to kick since she was wearing a life vest. But eventually we pulled up the anchors (which I was pretty convinced weren't actually touching anything but just making it harder for us to be pushed around by the winds), and I started trying to paddle towards shore since we were about 40 feet out and I was getting nervous. However I was wrong. We were going out further. To which I took in a deep painful breath, not realizing that my chest had seized with a panic attack, I bid them adieu and entered the lake. I got back to shore with three breath and using the dolphin kick. It really is the only kick I feel in control while doing. I got to the shore and all I could say was "no no no no no nope naha not gonna no." Or some pattern like that.
I pulled up my blanket around me to protect myself from the horse flies and scurried to the big cabin. My roommate Kelly was chuckling at me and said at least I looked graceful in my panic. The boyfriend came out of the bathroom, saw me and convinced me to walk down to the lake with him. We sat there up to our knees in the lake looking out at them. They were now about 65 feet from shore, drifting in the wind. Where they were was about 50 feet deep.
"I'll go swimming if you get back in" I looked at him in a panic.
"Don't you wanna go get your swim trunks? Aren't your shorts going to drag you down?"
"no, I'll be fine" he stood up and took off his heart monitor and his 'Jaw-bone' (monitors sleep cycle, steps, calories burned, fun stuff), putting it in a pile with my towel and we both entered in at the end of the dock. The water was only four feet deep there, but quickly it became a race to get back out to where everyone else was.
I ended up swimming for an hour and a half straight. I could not rest as the current kept trying to put me under the raft, I could grab on and allow myself to be pressed under it, but too long and I'd get paranoid that I'd look dead and fair game. While in the water I was swimming with a few people and I got to feel pretty comfortable and at ease. At least if there was a pod of us maybe we'd look more intimidating even if there was something down there.
It's been a day since we got back and there's still a burn in my nasal cavities and a strong smell of lake water, but it isn't unpleasant. In fact the boyfriend (now fiance since the night after that) and I are planning on visiting more lakes in our area. I just wish I could figure out how to get the lake out of my head. :)