Cosplay (mermaiding) is not consent

[Mermaid Harmony]

So I saw this today: https://www.facebook.com/CosplayIsNotConsent
and basically it's a page about how even if you dress up, it's not consent for people to touch your costume, grab you inappropriately, or take pictures with you (granted, it's going to happen in big groups, etc etc, but you get the point).
After something happened today at the beach when I told someone that I was doing a birthday party and I could take a picture with them in 30 minutes, after I was done, they were furious.
So I wrote this on my page,
I saw this today (the Cosplay is not consent page), and it strikes a chord after something happened, although I am a mermaid and swim, sometimes it is for a private event, or I need to stretch my fins, and can't stop to take a picture with someone, I usually try to explain, and more often than not everyone is understanding. If a mermaid (myself or others, or cosplayers/fairies/satyrs/ insert random creature) can not take a picture with you at the moment, it's okay, there may be time later, or in my case, you can get a card from me to have me come to your event and you can take all the pictures you'd like. Consent is fabulous and amazing in all walks of life, even if your half fish.


I know we've had this conversation before, but wanted to share the cosplay is not consent, because I hadn't thought about it that much before, and after being nearly called public property (as I was on a public beach) it's a good reminder to have boundaries, and be willing to state what they are.
Anyways, carry on my merfriends, I'm gonna take a nap, drink some butterbeer and then go line dancing, (because my legs aren't apparently sore enough from my mergigs today lol)

I didn't know if anyone wanted to share their stories, or what their boundaries are when it comes to performing, but thought it was a good convo piece.

[AniaR]

I was doing a photo shoot at some water falls and a woman came over with her kid wanting to get a photo. The other mermaid and I were trying to put our tails on. I told her her daughter could have a photo with us after we had our tails on. The other mermaid was ready before me, and I stood up to have Sean help me pull the waist up. The woman blew past him and literally pushed me out of the way so she could get her kid down to the other mermaid. I fell forward into rocks with my tail around my ankles- totally sure the fluke was going to break but Sean caught me just before my face hit the ground. I actually yelled at the woman and she flat out ignored me and took her photo.

The only other really bad issue I had was a drunk guy at a beach who came over and pinched my leg through the tail so hard it left marks.

Oh and I always get the rude people who try and call you over for a photo while you're doing a birthday party. Even in indoor pools at a PRIVATE party, I'd have moms bang on the window and try to usher me over and get annoyed. -_-

[Mermaid Harmony]

Raina, that's nuts. I can't believe she shoved you, actually I can believe that which is unfortunate, but jeesh. You should have yelled, "fish, please!"

[Miyu]

ah ha ha this makes me a little happier that I'm not going to focus too much on being a children's performer... I'm sure I'll get some birthday party gigs, but I'm not planning on making children my main focus as a performer. I know that when you're dong children's events, it's best to stay nice and gracious and polite... But if people are going to be rude and grabby, I'm going to say something about it, probably a little rudely back! Especially if there's drunk dudes pinching me or moms shoving me! I can't believe people are doing those kinds of things to you fine mers!

[Echidna]

Maybe it's because I come from another stage background, but I never understood why so many mers (and other performers) are ok to have their pictures taken with no recompensation.
If you're on a convention and your goal is only exposure, then sure.

But before or after a performance, with the costume on?
Hell no.
The costume (especially when self-made) is part of the performance, and thus part of the deal that I expect people to pay for.
If they happen upon the scene and take some photos, there's little that can be done, but going out of my way posing with and for them all for nothing?
Not a chance!

Talking about random people here, not those who paid to see your performace, of course.
I'll happily pose for pictures with clients, but I have a strict "no videotaping" during my actual performance.
And that includes stealthy mobile phone filming attempts.

[AniaR]

We actively tell them no and sean will stand in the way usually. People just don't always care

[Harpress]

I can't say I agree with you Echidna..
Whilst I agree it is desirable that respect is shown and given in regards to photo taking.. I just can't agree with getting too uptight about it. Whilst it can be bothersome at times, as performers this is something that comes with the job description. I'm sure there are some Mers out there who wouldn't even consider themselves performers, but in saying that, the nature of photography is to capture a moment in time that 'grabs' the attention of the viewer or observer. A photo is a way of preserving a special moment in time. A CD sale during a gig is essentially the same thing. People (audience, listeners, observers ect..) want to to take something away from the experience to remember it by.
Maybe a solution could be to have already signed Pictures that are for sale rather than being bombarded with requests to pose if money is the issue..??

I've been a performer my entire life. The job does not finish immediately after the gig and most times begins well and truly before the scheduled 'start'. We all wish it didn't go that way though trust me. Slipping out the stage side door is sometimes what we want. But truth is, the gig isn't over till we're well and truly out of costume and in the car driving home! And sometimes not even then.

Most of the time I've found anyone wanting to take photos, get a signature.. whatever usually asks along with paying you a nice compliment.
"I love your music" "you were great up there" or whatever.
I look at it as an ~energy exchange~ in most cases. No one's on a pedestal here.
How many times have you seen something incredible you've wanted to 'snap' to capture the specialness of that moment Or to show and share what you saw or experienced with others??
What you can't forget sometimes is, even though what we do may be our everyday 'profession, hobby or interest', It's not just an 'everyday or mundane' experience for others. Anything out of the conventional ordinary is going to attract attention. This is Nature.

and whilst I do understand not all requests are respectful or pleasant, and what happened to Raina was a straight out shocker! I understand at times we just want to do our thing in peace without any bombardment or attention of any kind.. I'm not glossing it over.
It can be trying to say the least.

[Harpress]

In regards to Mermaid Harmony's Beach Tanty Experience ~ Your response was more than fair, waiting the 30 minutes was more than fair. They behaved like you had said a straight out No and you didn't.
So it's their problem and let it slide straight off the end of your fluke hun :)

[Mermaid Harmony]

Hairpress, thank you, it was just shocking seeing someone become that angry over something so small. I felt bad for their kids. Yeah, with getting to the places at least 15 minutes ahead of time and then changing after, 1 hour gigs are usually 1.5 of changing/performing/changing and then another hour driving and another prepping and cleaning up and setting up for the next one. Not to mention cleaning tail, sometimes being a mermaid is exhausting, because your not just done, yay sand in everything.

[AniaR]

Amen

[Echidna]

Whilst I agree it is desirable that respect is shown and given in regards to photo taking.. I just can't agree with getting too uptight about it. Whilst it can be bothersome at times, as performers this is something that comes with the job description.

Did you read what I said?

Posing for photos, etc, with people who attended a gig/performance or such is completely fine, and indeed part of the job, just as autograph sessions, etc.
It has nothing to do with being "uptight", either.

Imagine being a model and doing a photoshoot, and someone who happens by walks up to the scene and demands you pose with them for a photo just like that.
Umm, what?

Also, maybe it's different where you live, but here, trying to make a video or snapping photos during a show (theatre, opera, musical, ballet, you name it), is usually NOT ALLOWED unless it's for something official.

Just because a performer is wearing a tail does not mean they are in any way less a working model, performer, whatever at that point.
It's not an invitation "up for photo grabs and other demands", which I also believe, was the point of the thread.

Of course it's nice to humour everyone everywhere all the time, but that also fosters the kind of expectations people may have towards cosplayers or mermaid performers :/

[SINicallyTwisted]

The only other really bad issue I had was a drunk guy at a beach who came over and pinched my leg through the tail so hard it left marks.

Ugh, marks or bruises. I'm still miffed about my recent bruising which btw they never caught the guy.

As someone who has worked for comic cons, I've had my fair share of gropes, grabs, inappropriate touching, attempted foundlings, and rude aggressive behavior. It's not fun and can totally ruin your entire day when it happens. Unfortunately those types of rude people are everywhere. I'm glad that conventions are taking it more seriously. My advice to people that have come to me when they have had a problem is to tell security and report it right away. There are quite a few issues that have happened at shows and sadly have gone unnoticed because a person was too scared or embarrassed to speak up. :(


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mermaid Sirenia]

People can be so rude! I've had people ask to take pics of me while I was being carried to the changing room! I'm not just going to make my mertender stand there and hold me any longer than he has to!


~Mermaid Sirenia~

[Mermaid Galene]

There are a lot of clueless, classless people out there. When we were performing as puppeteers, there was an indoor park where we were regularly booked for shows. It was in an affluent suburb, and the kids and adults who came to those shows were the worst behaved human beings I've ever seen. Invariably, they would let their kids run around onstage amongst our equipment as we were setting up and taking down. We would have to explain to them, over and over again, that such behavior is not only disruptive but downright dangerous for their children. A puppet stage in a state of partial assembly is a hazardous place with many tripping hazards. It got to be such a hassle that we finally just put that venue on our blacklist and never performed there again.

[Rivertee]

People can be so rude! I've had people ask to take pics of me while I was being carried to the changing room! I'm not just going to make my mertender stand there and hold me any longer than he has to!


~Mermaid Sirenia~

Oh dear lord let some one try that at any event of mine, they'd get a swift reprimand and sent to walk the plank! Having attempted to carry you I have nothing but respect and astonishment for your mertender!

[Sherielle]

A friend of mine posted pictures she took of herself and some friends with a couple of living statue performers at a show. They were posing obscenely with them and trying to make them break. I'm tempted to pm her telling her that it is NOT ok to do that. Just because a person is performing, it doesn't give you the right to try to mess them up. Why can't people just appreciate the performance?

[Mermaid Enora]

Aurelia
If those are the living statues at the Midas ball they are amazing performers! Such a shame someone might treat them like that as the nature of the job doesn't always allow them a fast exit
I haven't had too much trouble with what others have described I do get the occasional strange comment
My major problem is being pick pocketed
I had a $200 double flute lifted off me at a ren faire [emoji20]
It happened I think while someone was posing for a picture
Never did get it back

[Sherielle]

Aurelia
If those are the living statues at the Midas ball they are amazing performers! Such a shame someone might treat them like that as the nature of the job doesn't always allow them a fast exit
I haven't had too much trouble with what others have described I do get the occasional strange comment
My major problem is being pick pocketed
I had a $200 double flute lifted off me at a ren faire [emoji20]
It happened I think while someone was posing for a picture
Never did get it backYes, they are in the Midas ball. It just ticks me off when people consider performers as 'things' as opposed to people. It was worse when I was a costume character at Six Flags. People were just plain mean. I had so many times when someone would whack me on the back of my head, or try to squeeze my hand super tight when shaking hands. It didn't help that I couldn't talk in costume. We had people in regular uniforms to keep the beatings to a minimum but it was still offputting.

[Mermaid Sirenia]

It's absolutely insane what people will do. While working at a Halloween at the zoo here 2 weeks ago I had to deal with a lot of difficult people. One guy put his arm around me (which is usually normal and expected of some guy) and he squeezed me as tightly against him as possible! It was so uncomfortable and too close for comfort! So many people acted like I wasn't even a human (or mer) being that night. I still had a wonderful time don't get me wrong but those people are ridiculous


~Mermaid Sirenia~