Self perception

[Sandra Siren]

Does anyone else have the feeling that their self perception is off? For instance: I'm 5'2" and weigh 150 lbs. Reading those numbers makes me feel horrible, but when I look at myself, I don't always see those numbers...maybe I'm just crazy, but I just don't get it. Some days I feel like a lazy slob who couldn't possibly be human, let alone attractive. Yet, other days I feel as though I ought to have people begging me to strut my stuff( those days maybe happen once every five years). My husband has always given me body positive messages( except once, and I felt it was totally justified), and so have alot of my friends, and yet I, more often than not, tend to listen to those who tell me all the things I usually don't want to hear. I don't know, maybe it's the insomnia, but I'm curious to know if anyone else has struggled with this particular dichotomy...

[NixieOona]

replying to another one of your threds yay :) yeah i have the same issue but for me its body dismorphia and results from my past of eating disorders and schizophrenia :/ not shure why it happening to you though. but from your pick i can tell you you should def. be strutting that stuff!! :D

[SeaGlass Siren]

I'm also 5 ft and I actually used to weigh the same as you. You're at a perfectly healthy weight :)

[Aziara]

Seriously, I don't even own a scale, because I weigh MORE when I get in shape because of muscle tone. So basically after a while of clothes getting looser and the scale creeping higher, I tossed out the scale, lol.

[Merman Dan]

And here I thought this was going to be one of those threads where we discussed those times when our wings itched (wait.. I don't have wings?) or our fangs felt like they were growing (nope... just checked in the mirror)... ;)

[MermaidCora]

Numbers are not important. I don't own a scale either because it just doesn't matter! ("Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit," 1Peter 3:3-4)

[Sandra Siren]

Thanks all, I used to not care about how much I weighed. O come from a family where no one has ever owned a scale, because we were taught it doesn't matter as long as you are healthy. But I had to go to the doctor a couple of times due to birth control things and my doctor told me I was over weight, and that if I didn't start losing weight I would be considered obese. Never in my life did I think that would happen, ya know? I may not be an athlete, hut I run, bike, swim, and go for walks. I'm a fairly active person. It's really encouraging to hear it's not just me. Thanks

[Tetra]

I have the same problem. I'm okay with certain features, and at times I'll feel confident and beautiful, but normally I just feel fat and try to hide my fat because it bothers me above anyone else. I'm 5'9". I used to do a ton of sports. But just because people think I'm tall they think that its ok to be heavier. It's not. I'm the one that admits to being fat and they try to convince me otherwise. It's a problem for me and always has been. I've always been heavier, but looking back at old photos I think "wow I was so skinny", but at the time I remembered feeling the same way I do now: fat. Especially trying to get involved in this community and with cosplay it has been a huge struggle with how to look skinnier, how to hide certain areas. So I know how you feel.

[Amphitrite]

I struggle with things like this. I'm told by my family (mom) that I'm beautiful (that's my mom <3 ) but I have a hard time even coping with taking care of myself because I've taught myself that to show disinterest in oneself is the only way to keep oneself from being self-absorbed (and c'mon, my life has always been about me...). But it's also really hard because during a time in my life when I was supposed to be learning to love myself and take care of myself I was busy with other things because of a car accident. I know what I should be doing but it is SO HARD. I'm just going to go ahead and admit it, I don't shower every day. I can't stand that look in the mirror. I usually wear a ponytail because I don't want to see. If anyone asked I'd say 'I'm beautiful', or 'I am loved'. But I'm overweight and life is overwhelming and I don't know what to do.

> sorry

[shimmygoddess]

I have always struggled with body image and self esteem. It is really hard to manage...positive vs. negative feelings.

[Mermaid Kelda]

Nooo Amphitrite, that's not how you should be feeling at all :(

You absolutely have to be interested in yourself! You have to live in your body, so if anyone is affected by matters concerning it, it's you ;) It's not narcissistic to be biased towards a prettier, happier, healthier you. When you are healthy and happy, you will always be pretty :) Sometimes just a poor outlook on your body is enough to make you feel unwell even if you're healthy. We shouldn't be thinking "I am perfect in any health state", nor should we be thinking that total disinterest is the only other option.

You don't have to love your body always. You can love bits, not like other bits, even hate some parts, but it has to be your opinion, and no one else's (though of course we don't live in a vacuum and we will always be influenced by society's outlook. Society needs to change for that reason!). You NEED to take time for yourself, for improvement and just for your mental well-being haha, so that you can be healthy inside and out. You are beautiful, and when you feel beautiful, it will show! It's always going to be hard, but if you surround yourself with positivity and always take time out for yourself when you need it (NO excuses, except for life or death, and even then, reschedule!).

If you aren't happy with where you are at, take small steps towards a realistic goal! Exercise & eat well, force yourself out of the house when you're feeling down, read books, meditate, go for long walks, listen to music that makes you feel good, do something artistic once a week, be lazy and hide under the covers when you need to. Set little reminders in a diary or calendar to do things that make you happy & add to your physical or mental health. It's a slow process, but you can enjoy the journey there! And always remember you have your mer-family to bitch and whine at ;)

[PearlieMae]

5' 4"/185 and happy with myself! It took me a long time, and sometimes I don't care for how thick I've gotten, but I am and happy and loved and I don't care how others may judge my appearance.

25044

[Sandra Siren]

That comic is fabulous, Is it alright if I print it out and stick on a mirror?

[PearlieMae]

It's not my comic, just sharing it!

I have a copy printed out, too! Isn't it fabulous?

[Sandra Siren]

I definitely think so! I think everyone needs little reminders like this hiding in their everyday places as a reinforcement tool.

[Vrindavana Starfish]

Everyone feels like this from time to time, or even most times. I'm 5'2" and range between 118 and 125lbs. I'm also tiny to begin with, and even at this low weight, I have extra fat on my body. Although, the more I climb, the less the actual number means, and the more my body composition matters. I'll probably weight about the same when I get to my "goal weight," which is really a goal shape— not skinny by any means, but athletic and trim. I have days where I look like hot stuff and days where I look EXACTLY THE SAME but feel like a sausage in my clothes. On those days, I try to make it a point to do something great for my body, like a hot bath/home spa session, or some yoga (yoga is GREAT for these days!) or learn a new healthy recipe, or get some exercise for fun. I also drink extra water, because if I'm feeling like a sausage, I'm probably just bloated, and drinking more water cures that. You're not alone in feeling this way.

[Merley]

I've gained like ten pounds over the last couple of months and though it isn't much it's too much for my frame, like Vrindavana I'm also 5'2" and am a similar weight (it also fluctuates from time to time), so extra weight is more noticeable. I'm still a size xs in US clothing but I can't get over the extra weight I see in the mirror; the way my arms jiggle, the pouch I've gained over my stomach and what's worst of all is my legs. I've always had thick legs and a big butt, but I can't stand to look at my legs right now. They're like two sausages when I sit. It's fucking awful. My bf tells me I'm beautiful and he gets mad when I shrug off his compliments, but I just don't see what he sees. I went from going to the gym 3 hours a day 6-7 days a week to like nothing since I ended up moving and was without wheels for awhile (my moped died and I finally bought my first car). It's really hard getting back into a routine like that after so much downtime. I think the body stuff I can live with though. It's bad acne on my face and other embarrassing places where I break out that worries me most about wanting to be a pro mer doing parties and events. Nothing I do works. And when I do find something that works it only works for so long before it loses effect. I want to be a mermaid not only because it has been my dream since I was given The Little Mermaid on VHS over 2 decades ago or because water has always been a big part of my life, but because I felt getting a tail would finally make me feel beautiful. Is that silly? Mermaids are *supposed* to be beautiful--or at least that's the general media and folk lore perception/stereotype, call it what you may. Yet, how can you be a mermaid with bad skin? Especially when makeup comes off in the water. Bah. Some days are harder than others. *end rant*

[PearlieMae]

Mermaids ARE beautiful, but it's their inner beauty that shines through.

You wear a XS? And you feel fat? :gah:

[Merley]

But people don't see inner beauty just from looking at you. They do however see bad skin. I feel like US sizes are vanity sized. So it's probably like a small. In dresses anyway. Most of my shirts are small, pants are all medium and like 6/7. It varies depending on the brand. But yes, I do. I was a fat kid in high school. I guess that image never left me. So I get really antsy about my weight and shape. Don't want to revert into my old self.

[Vrindavana Starfish]

Mermaids are beautiful because they love the ocean/lake/body of water where they live and they protect it and bring magic to people's lives. That reflects physically.

It is hard to get back into a workout routine. I'm there right now. Don't try to jump back into 3 hours a day, you'll flop and feel like crap for it. Aim for 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. Build up from there.

Also, anyone can "feel fat, even if they wear an XS. I wear a size 0. I used to wear an 18, but now I wear a 0 or a 2, and there's still more actual extra weight to lose. Where the hell am I going to shop when I lose it? Probably the kids section, I dunno. The point is, size doesn't matter. It's literally just a number. My size 0 is too big for my frame, and it would be scary unhealthy small for someone else. It's all relative.

It's dealing with those days where you feel like crap. Go ahead and listen to your boyfriend when he gives you compliments. Know that he sees you in a way that you can't at that moment, and if you're down on yourself, recognize that your viewpoint of yourself can't be trusted. Would you speak to your best friend the way you speak to yourself? Try to talk to yourself the way you'd talk to your best friend, with encouragement and love. If you're uncomfortable in your body (I am right now, for sure), then encourage yourself to make healthy changes. Don't berate yourself or call yourself ugly. That's mean. You wouldn't do that to someone else, so don't do it to yourself. :)

[Vrindavana Starfish]

But people don't see inner beauty just from looking at you. They do however see bad skin. I feel like US sizes are vanity sized. So it's probably like a small. In dresses anyway. Most of my shirts are small, pants are all medium and like 6/7. It varies depending on the brand. But yes, I do. I was a fat kid in high school. I guess that image never left me. So I get really antsy about my weight and shape. Don't want to revert into my old self.

People DO see inner beauty just by looking at you, and if they don't, stay away from those people because they're bad news. You don't have to earn people's approval with your looks, they should take the time to see your real beauty or they can move along. Nobody has time for that.

What helped my horrible skin: drinking lots of water. Changing my diet (got rid of all sodas, found out I had food sensitivities, avoid processed foods whenever possible, try to eat whole foods— fruits, veggies, grains, beans, no meat, but that choice is up to you.) Commercial face washes make my skin worse. I use the oil cleansing method, or I wash my face with raw honey. My skin is awesome now. Diet is crucial, water is crucial, and most commercial washes are just too harsh.

[Mermaid Wesley]

If you can, a dermatologist fixed my skin. Turns out the pill fixed it for me.
And on body image, loving yourself is important because your body is beautiful. It's a collection of star stuff shaped by the universe and there's no other body like yours. Belly rolls? Beautiful. Acne? Beautiful. scars and stretch marks? Beautiful. Big ole birthmarks, missing parts, extra parts, big crooked nose, little eyes, thunder thighs, no butt big belly and no boobs? Beautiful. You're beautiful because you exist and because you are you. That being said, everyone has bad body days. It's the nature of the beast. There's no escaping it, but you can have fewer of them by accepting that your body looks perfect in it's own right.


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[Vrindavana Starfish]

If you can, a dermatologist fixed my skin. Turns out the pill fixed it for me.
And on body image, loving yourself is important because your body is beautiful. It's a collection of star stuff shaped by the universe and there's no other body like yours. Belly rolls? Beautiful. Acne? Beautiful. scars and stretch marks? Beautiful. Big ole birthmarks, missing parts, extra parts, big crooked nose, little eyes, thunder thighs, no butt big belly and no boobs? Beautiful. You're beautiful because you exist and because you are you. That being said, everyone has bad body days. It's the nature of the beast. There's no escaping it, but you can have fewer of them by accepting that your body looks perfect in it's own right.


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:)
I love my stretch marks. Those are hard-earned battle scars. I dare anyone to try to tell me they're ugly. F that. They're like lightning tattoos.

[Sandra Siren]

The world needs more body positive messages like that!! I think another cause we mermaids can own is body acceptance. We own the love of our natural waters, protecting them and those that live in our various bodies of water, and many of us are great at educating about conservation, ecological responsibility, and I think we ought to add this to our repertoire of knowledge that we're giving out. Just a thought with all these positive messages.

[Mermaid Galene]

People DO see inner beauty just by looking at you, and if they don't, stay away from those people because they're bad news. You don't have to earn people's approval with your looks, they should take the time to see your real beauty or they can move along. Nobody has time for that.

In a nutshell! I mean, clamshell.

[Miyu]

I'm 5'3", and one of the taller women in my family. I used to be much heavier than I am now - I lost an average of 30-40 lbs in the year after discovering mermaiding, though it wasn't because of the swimming (I still have only gotten to swim twice in a monofin), but rather because mermaiding gave me something to feel good about myself with.

I know I didn't look bad when I was heavier - I've gotten enough compliments to know that I rock the curves - but I had an unhealthy (for me) amount of weight for a petite frame. I'm happy to have finally figured out I actually have ankles (LOL) and to have less problems with asthma, but it's weird having bony hands (the family curse, if you don't carry extra weight), and all the other bones in places I've never felt before - I keep bumping my elbow and funny bone and shoulder bones on EVERYTHING! I'm a healthy weight now - I fluctuate between 115 and 125, but I'm starting to be more active with focused exercise to get in shape/fit/healthy. I want to put on some muscle for swimming, so I don't float as much, and I want a nicer thigh/booty area, haha!

Still, I often forget that I am petite. It surprises me quite often - every time I need to buy an XS clothing (I wore M or L, which were still baggy on me because I'm a horrible dresser), or every time I fit children's clothes/glasses/etc. I also never understood how short I was until I took a photo with my favorite band and realized that literally everyone in the photo had to lean down to fit in frame with me.

Since shaving my head, I've come to love and appreciate myself more. I even love the two giant moles on the top of my head that everyone says I should remove (I've had them since childhood, it's a family birthmark). I do wish my face weren't so terribly scarred, but I made up a mermaid backstory for that too, and now I'm starting to hate it less... Not to mention that I am finally starting to pin down how to heal my skin. :3

[MermaidBrandie]

I could see how getting used to the different weight would take a time period of adjustment. :)

I want to have dreads one day, and shave my head! So glad you're enjoying it. My reasons are just sort of "bucket list" like, what are yours?

I love scars, they always tell such an interesting story.



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[Miyu]

I had a few reasons for cutting my hair:

* I started realizing how I identify gender-wise this year
* I was growing out long blonde hair for entirely the wrong reasons (trying to imitate someone who is very much not myself in the hopes of being better-liked)
* I've had pretty much the worse case of dandruff since I moved out here to an extremely humid climate (I come from CO as well)
* I'd wrecked my hair with bleach, and with the dreads I really wasn't looking forward to swimming in them and having to clean them was a total pain

Now I'm realizing that the shaved head actually suits me better than any other hairstyle I've had thus far. I'm even considering lopping off the tuft I do still have left, for easier cosplay opportunities/less upkeep... Though then I wouldn't have anything to dye, but maybe that's a good thing :p

[SeaGlass Siren]

honestly i think i could look a lot better. but i'm just incredibly shallow :P

constantly dying my hair, coming up with new tattoo designs and placements, worrying about my skin + makeup... figuring out how to get my teeth whiter o-o i have a serious fear of having yellowed or dirty teeth, and having really bad skin. was constantly bullied for it. skin is a lot better now. teeth on the other hand, well... :|
i stopped worrying about my weight. i'm at a healthy size and i can make clothes look good on me.

[Miyu]

Seaglass, have you tried using turmeric to brush your teeth with? I know it sounds really odd, but it doesn't stain your teeth! I make a tooth powder featuring turmeric, red Hawaiian salt, and black Hawaiian salt, and cocoa powder, and I have to say that my teeth are whiter than they've been since before I started smoking and drinking coffee! (I quit smoking, BTW). Turmeric also makes a lovely face mask/scrub! (here's two blog posts I made about it:https://historicbeauty.wordpress.com/2013/10/04/spice-mask-recipe/ and https://historicbeauty.wordpress.com/2013/10/08/progress-my-starter-routine-plus-bonus-recipe/) It's been used traditionally for generations for beautiful teeth and skin, plus it's really good at pulling out toxins from your body if you include it in your diet!

My family has horrible teeth, so I absolutely can't use anything harsh, and the turmeric + the clay and charcoal in the salts has done wonders on some longtime stains! I don't use toothpaste, BTW - so many things wrong with it, plus all the chemical sensitivities + soft teeth... My tooth powder works better anyways, as I've completely halted the crumbling of my worst teeth for the past 2 years and have gotten rid of the pain.

[Merman Chatfish]

Does anyone else have the feeling that their self perception is off? For instance: I'm 5'2" and weigh 150 lbs. Reading those numbers makes me feel horrible, but when I look at myself, I don't always see those numbers...maybe I'm just crazy, but I just don't get it. Some days I feel like a lazy slob who couldn't possibly be human, let alone attractive. Yet, other days I feel as though I ought to have people begging me to strut my stuff( those days maybe happen once every five years). My husband has always given me body positive messages( except once, and I felt it was totally justified), and so have alot of my friends, and yet I, more often than not, tend to listen to those who tell me all the things I usually don't want to hear. I don't know, maybe it's the insomnia, but I'm curious to know if anyone else has struggled with this particular dichotomy...

I am 6'4 and 240 lbs, and I have a bit of a belly but how much of that 240 is fat and how much is mucele I do not know. As long as I am healthy that is what matters to me. I do know I need to get rid of some fat, I am way too floaty right now, but that can be good when you need to stay above water while swimming with a victim you rescued at the pool.

[Prince Calypso]

I literally always feel like my self perception is off
I'm 120 pounds which according to my doctors is a healthy weight for someone my size and though I'm aware i'm not the skinniest person outt here
i feel like a freaking twig
yeah yeah yeah I'm complaining about being skinny but its annoying as hell when people assume i'm two sizes smaller than i am, or that i'm not eating enough
and coming from a black family where the woman are shapely and thick I feel like i don't belong or that there is something wrong with me
my boyfriend tells me i'm fine and that i'm not a twig but i don't really believe him.
I feel like when people look at me all they see is this boney little gay kid and i hate it

[SeaGlass Siren]

Seaglass, have you tried using turmeric to brush your teeth with? I know it sounds really odd, but it doesn't stain your teeth! I make a tooth powder featuring turmeric, red Hawaiian salt, and black Hawaiian salt, and cocoa powder, and I have to say that my teeth are whiter than they've been since before I started smoking and drinking coffee! (I quit smoking, BTW). Turmeric also makes a lovely face mask/scrub! (here's two blog posts I made about it:https://historicbeauty.wordpress.com/2013/10/04/spice-mask-recipe/ and https://historicbeauty.wordpress.com/2013/10/08/progress-my-starter-routine-plus-bonus-recipe/) It's been used traditionally for generations for beautiful teeth and skin, plus it's really good at pulling out toxins from your body if you include it in your diet!

My family has horrible teeth, so I absolutely can't use anything harsh, and the turmeric + the clay and charcoal in the salts has done wonders on some longtime stains! I don't use toothpaste, BTW - so many things wrong with it, plus all the chemical sensitivities + soft teeth... My tooth powder works better anyways, as I've completely halted the crumbling of my worst teeth for the past 2 years and have gotten rid of the pain.

Turmeric? Really? 0-0 it sounds counter productive but if it works I'll give it a try.
Dad educated me on the benefits of turmeric so I'll probably start incorporating it into my diet. Except I'm currently living with my Chinese in laws and they do not want anything to do with turmeric . They thinks it's "only for brown people". Smh...

[Miyu]

I know right? It totally sounds counter-productive, especially since it's used to colour food and dye fabric! But I swear, it does not stain teeth, and it's been a key factor in getting me to actually smile in photos (everyone used to beg me to smile).

omfg some people... :eye twitch: well then they should not eat mustard, or half the cheeses on the market, or anything coloured with turmeric - which is a lot! :p

[SeaGlass Siren]

RIGHT?? this morning they just threw on me AND MY MOM that we should shower after a wake or funeral as though we dont know how to shower wtf... OBVIOUSLY I WOULD, I'M IN A FUNERAL HOME :mad:

[deepblue]

^ That's... people and their attempts to 'help.' smh.

I'm going to try turmeric for teeth brushing. I love the herb, and I love it as a spice, but I hadn't heard of this use. One of the things that I am most self-conscious of is my teeth, the color and how crooked thanks to my cheap-ass Aerospace Engineer dad not getting me braces when I was a kid. bah. I always want to get braces now but damn, I need dental work for more important things than aesthetics right now.

These things were on my mind when I recently mentioned never doing selfies and my friends all do that, "But you're beautiful" thing that friends always do, even though whether or not anyone else says it isn't really the issue. "Oh, well, if someone else says it, it must be true." I don't even care about 'beautiful.' I care about being comfortable in my own skin.

[Naufra]

I'm 5'4" tall, my hips are 5'2" around, I weigh about 300lbs, and I am damned fine. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could say "I am damned fine," and it was really hard to get there, but I'm there. Despite falling well within the "morbidly obese" category, I have always been very healthy and taken good care of myself. I finally learned not to compromise that good health just to satisfy aesthetics that have been forced on me by the society I live in, and I finally learned that being obese, even morbidly obese, does not make me any less of a beautiful woman. Heck, it helps weed a lot of the d*bags out of the dating pool for me! Focus on gaining your OWN approval, because once you have that you won't need anyone else's approval ever again. :mermaid kiss:

[Gem Stone]

I am 5'1" (finally grew another inch! Whoop!) and i weigh about 175 right now. One of my biggest body problems is my broad shoulders. i take after my grandfather, so even when I only weigh 130, I still can't get into any thing smaller than a Medium. My shoulders won't allow it. It makes dress shopping a real pain, and it makes some outfits just look so awkward. I rarely feel pretty and I'm never treated girly (for clarification, asked to dance at parties, stuff like that). I hide from pictures cause I hate looking at myself. My teeth always have a slight yellow tint to them no matter what I try (My grandmother bought me those whitening strips. they worked for a week, maybe). I have zero pigment in my skin, and i can turn red simply by smiling or or clenching my teeth. I never tan, and I have a slight tendency to reflect the moon at night, giving me the appearance of glowing (Normally in a blue or green color. Once it was yellowish) I always feel like I swim weird, make odd faces underwater, or otherwise ungraceful as a mermaid. And standing up straight hurts because a car wreck three years ago threw my back out of alignment and to this day still gives me bad backaches and additional headaches (long sentence short, I slouch for comfort).

I think that just about does it for my body hate. But my overall point being, yeah, I have a negative self perception as well