So...question about when to say something

[Mermaid Meko]

When do you guys think it is acceptable to pass on or "caution" others about someone who has been EXTREMELY toxic to you and dozens of other people on multiple levels? Especially when the people you want to "caution" are part of a community that you have been involved with and deeply care for?
Like, we are talking super messed up, borderline (if not literally) psychotic disorder kind of toxic.

I sometimes struggle with knowing where the generally acceptable boundaries are in this crazy society we are building.

Any feedback would be super appreciated!

[Mermaid Wesley]

Yes you can I think


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[Mermaid Lunette]

If you think this person is a danger in anyway then anytime is alright to caution others in my point of view.

However, that being said it is best to stay cautious and wait till you have some sort of proof of such things. Saying things like this about people may be well meaning and just a way to warn others but if you don't have any proof then it MIGHT end up looking worse on your part than there's even if you know it to be true. Perhaps an aggressive email? harassing comments? screen caps? if you have something like that as an example of this person's behavior then I see no reason not to speak out.

(even if you don't have visible proof, if this person is a danger then I think a warning might still be a good idea, to an extent at least.)

[ShyMer]

Have you tried to talk to Iona about it? Maybe she can help you decide if it's appropriate for the site-if you can get a hold of her. She seems pretty busy lately.
Raina might be able to help you decide if it's appropriate, too. She deals with that stuff all the time.

I'd guess that they'll tell you to block them so you don't see their posts as a start. I'd also guess that they'll ask to see documentation of your interactions. I think the main thing will be to decide if this person is just bad with you or if they actually pose a threat to others.

I'd suggest that you keep it private until you know if it's okay. A third person can help you figure out if this is a community issue.

I think according to the forum rules, if anyone is harassing you, even off mernetwork, they can be banned. So please let an admin know if this going on- they want you to feel safe here :)

[AniaR]

this is tricky, because I have had toxic experiences with mermaid melissa and it took me 3 + years on the forum before I decided to talk about it.

I personally always thinks it better, so long as you can stick to facts and it doesnt become an all out war. But I do believe in warning others about toxic people. Just be prepared for some backlash. And try to have a thick skin. It really comes down to whether or not you think it's worth it.

I've told about 10% of my issues with her, because really 10% are all that apply to the mermaid community. everything else is pretty personal so I guess I don't see the point in posting in publicly but I discuss my experiences privately with people.

[AniaR]

you can always PM me!

[Mermaid Meko]

You are such an awesome person Raina. thanks, i will.

[Coradion]

Just be careful and do it as nicely as possible :) (I still gotta work on this :P). Avoid "you need to" type statements cause they often come across as too command based. Be sure and ask them what's going on too, sometimes there's more to it than we know or other life things are bothering them.

[Mermaid Meko]

Hey Guys!

So after a long conversation with Raina (thanks again Lady), I am going to be posting (briefly) here and then move to the "Bitch it out" thread.
So, here's the deal:

I had a best friend, and we were close friends for almost 10 years.
We worked, played, performed, and toured together until one day,
really ugly Truth after Truth started turning up.
And I realized two things:
1 - the person i thought was my best friend had been lying to me for our entire relationship
2 - many other people around me were also realizing the same thing about their interactions with her

After takin some space from her & seeing and experiencing all the damage and destruction she has caused,
I recently found out she is working her way into our mermaid community (and attending MerFest).

While I believe that everyone has the right to be their self, make their own judgments, and express themselves freely;
I also believe that if you could have prevented someone from being hurt and didn’t at least try to stop it, then you bear part of the blame.

This Mermaid Community was there for me when her choices hurt me. You all helped me (even if you didnt even know it!) move on and find something good in the world again.
I feel incredibly grateful, very lucky....and a bit protective of my all around the world MerFamily.

So.
With all of that having been said:

If/When you come across the girl with a rainbow of stars falling over her left shoulder, a heart on her left wrist and a colorful tree on her right calf,
Swim carefully.


If you have more questions/comments/concerns, please feel free to PM me and we can discuss it further there. And there only, please. Thanks.

[Mermaid Sirenia]

Thanks for the warning! Though I won't be at merest I'll be cautious around here