How am I supposed to feel???

[Lotus]

SO,
My husband has not shown much interest in me physically for a while now... he doesn't EVER come on to me, and he even rejects me with classic girl excuses... "I'm so tired," "I don't feel well,"... I know he IS tired, but so am I- I get up at 5 with him every morning, make his breakfast and lunch, make sure he has everything he needs before he goes...then I take care of my three girls all day and go to work as soon as he gets home at 4:30. So I began to suspect that my looks have something to do with this. I am 20 pounds overweight, my tummy and boobs are saggy from having three kids... It's not like I like what I have turned into, because I don't... but honestly, I'm in a rut with exercise... I know, excuses, excuses. Anyway, I did what no woman in her right mind should ever do and asked him straight out if the problem was my appearance. He said "NO!! I always think you're sexy," Sadly, I almost believed him, until this morning, when he left his email wide open and there, right in front of me are all the pictures of super thin chicks he has emailed to himself; one with a note he added that says "god, I wish," here's what really bothers me about this: I can lose a ton of weight and get into great shape, but the loose skin isn't going away without surgery and now I feel like I will have to surgically alter myself so my husband will find me attractive again. So here's where I'm at: I feel like it's time for me to get up at five and work out, not baby him and do everything for him every morning any more. I feel like it's time for me to look after myself and see what happens. I don't think it's fair that after all we've been thru it's come down to me being judged for being a little pudgy. anyway, that's my rant. I'm done now.

[MermanMatty]

It's ok to feel the way you do but he should have the respect to tell you the truth if you ask him a question. And don't be ashamed of your body after three kids! Your body was a beautiful vessel for three things that you will hold dear forever! Don't be ashamed, be confident. If you want to lose weight, do it for you and for your health not because your husband is being shallow and stereotypical.

On a side note, I am 19 years old and I used to be 324 pounds in high school and now I am down to 170, I lost weight right by dieting alongside my exercise, I had baby carrots for breakfast everyday while I ran/walked a mile every morning when I woke up for school. I can send you my work out list if you want! I made a GREAT workout myself that focuses on the midsection of your body. :) Let me know I would like to help! And I hope your husband comes to his senses, and honestly what I would do is basically do the same thing he did to you! Leave a picture of a hot guy open in our email! You'll put him down a few notches. Just saying :)

[AniaR]

Nikki I think you've hit a snag the majority of long term couples hit- sometimes more than once. You gotta have a frank conversation about it and start setting aside specific time for couple time. My boyfriend and I are real go getters to the point we run ourselves into the ground and have no time or energy for each other. For a few years we signed up to take a tango class together. It seemed to be the only time all week we ever did anything for the both of us and it was great. When it ended we decided to keep that night as "date night" and made an effort to always do something on date night. I havent had issues with my weight but I have had extreme issues with my health that basically left me feeling sick and weak for months at a time and not wanting to really be touched in any way because I hurt so bad. When I finally started getting better it took a long time for my boyfriend to even hold my hand or hug me because he was afraid he would hurt me and all I wanted sooo bad was just a little human affection!

It takes communication, improving your self confidence, and sometimes actual planning. We get caught up in love needing to be spontaneous but it can and needs to be planned out some times. And you'll find after a few months of that all of a sudden the spontaneous stuff sneaks back in ;)

You're not alone in your concern, so many women feel this way and so many people hit this snag- dont give up!