B!TC# IT OUT!

Thanks everyone. I'm going to give him a chance to apologize simply because I enjoy him as a friend. But only after I tear him the f*ck up. I hears he's resigning too so even if it goes poorly I want him to know that what he did was wrong and either way I won't have to see him after a week or so.

Oh and today at work after ranting to a coworker we have the majority of the restaurant saying "ummm can you not stand like that?" As a joke. Only she knows what it means and I hope that he gets the picture next time he works because I want him to be as uncomfortable as possible.

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Sounds like you have it under control. :) Glad you have someone supportive there. And that he's leaving!

It actually bums me out because I like him. And I want to be friends with him after I finish tearing him a new one. I don't like many people at work.


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Who knows, maybe he will actually learn from it. That would be of benefit to every woman in his future.

I hope so.


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So I'm really upset, angry, and feeling extremely low and self conscious.... why? Two words: Tonsil Stones. A few days ago, I realized I had these horrid little stones bothering me at the back of my throat, I googled it and found they were tonsil stones, little collections of bacteria that smell like Satan's bowels. They are really hard to get out on my own, and I'm really down about it because my breath has always been something I'm self conscious bout (since I have braces and have totaled harder care of my oral hygiene). I could get my tonsils removed and stop them from occurring but I've been taking the cheap way out and getting them out with q-tips. But again, I can't get them all :/ I get really down whenever I'm in a room and I hear someone say "Did someone fart? It smells like fart." because I known they are talking about me :( woe is me.

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Originally Posted by Mermaid Wesley

I hope so.

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Before resorting to reporting him to HR, talk to him and tell him how angry and upset you are, how his comment is inappropriate and his imagination is not your problem. Be sure to tell him that you had valued your platonic friendship, and don't let him laugh it off as a joke...("It was a joke, I was just kidding!")

Be sure to let him know how disappointed you are. Perhaps ruining a friendship over something so stupid will prevent him from doing it again in the future.

People come into your life for a reason, just as you are part of others' lives. Maybe the loss of your friendship will wake him up.

If he continues with his bad behavior, go straight to Human Resources/boss/labor department and file a formal complaint.

Good luck!

Wow, SeaMage! I had no idea about tonsil stones and read this article about them: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/01/he...tons.html?_r=0

What does your doctor recommend?

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Originally Posted by SeaMage108

So I'm really upset, angry, and feeling extremely low and self conscious.... why? Two words: Tonsil Stones. A few days ago, I realized I had these horrid little stones bothering me at the back of my throat, I googled it and found they were tonsil stones, little collections of bacteria that smell like Satan's bowels. They are really hard to get out on my own, and I'm really down about it because my breath has always been something I'm self conscious bout (since I have braces and have totaled harder care of my oral hygiene). I could get my tonsils removed and stop them from occurring but I've been taking the cheap way out and getting them out with q-tips. But again, I can't get them all :/ I get really down whenever I'm in a room and I hear someone say "Did someone fart? It smells like fart." because I known they are talking about me :( woe is me.

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yeah, I get these too. You can dip your q-tip in peroxide and swab as much of the tonsil as you can reach. I find taking magnesium helps desolve them a little, as they are usually calcium based. But mustly they have to be dug/squeezed/pushed out. I have a teeth cleaning tool like a dentist uses, I use it to go digging--I've also got a little squirt syringe with a bent tip that I use to flush the whole tonsil with water. But these only really work for me because I've been suppressing my gag reflex for years. I really wouldn't suggest getting your tonsils yanked out... your body will just find another dump site internally. That junk gotta go somewhere!

White plaques on the tonsils can also be a symptom of laryngopharyngeal reflux. It's a "silent" type of reflux, because you don't get heartburn with it. I was diagnosed with this about a year ago and I manage it with diet. You might consider going to a laryngologist to assess your tonsils and larynx. If you do have that form of reflux and it goes undiagnosed/untreated, it can lead to throat cancer. Don't mean to be an alarmist, but get it checked out!

I've been on the opposite end of the spectrum than Mermaid Wesley. When I started interning at my current office, I was one of only a few girls in my intern group. Some of the higher-up co-workers started offering the other girls to hang out with them at movies or go out to dinner with them and friends, but when I offered to hang out with them in the same way, I got the cold shoulder. Not that I was interested in anything beyond a platonic relationship, but I believed that no single girl should get better priveleges than others. These higher-ups would hover around these girls while they worked, offered them longer breaks, help if they needed it, and gave them special assignments that required very little work. Nobody did or said anything about it. These other girls were already in relationships, anyways! So when I asked these same people for some help at work (not even asking for anything outside of that), some would respond with, "ew", and ignore me. Geez, I didn't know I was THAT hideous.

A couple years later, they both got promoted to manager status, and one got fired for sexual harassment. (Big surprise there.)

I'm planning on going to an ENT doctor next week. Hopefully, they'll just give me some antibiotics

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Originally Posted by MermaidCelesteFL

I've been on the opposite end of the spectrum than Mermaid Wesley. When I started interning at my current office, I was one of only a few girls in my intern group. Some of the higher-up co-workers started offering the other girls to hang out with them at movies or go out to dinner with them and friends, but when I offered to hang out with them in the same way, I got the cold shoulder. Not that I was interested in anything beyond a platonic relationship, but I believed that no single girl should get better priveleges than others. These higher-ups would hover around these girls while they worked, offered them longer breaks, help if they needed it, and gave them special assignments that required very little work. Nobody did or said anything about it. These other girls were already in relationships, anyways! So when I asked these same people for some help at work (not even asking for anything outside of that), some would respond with, "ew", and ignore me. Geez, I didn't know I was THAT hideous.

A couple years later, they both got promoted to manager status, and one got fired for sexual harassment. (Big surprise there.)

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It's like damned if you do damned if you don't. I'm sorry that happened to you


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My last job was in HR. I was the Executive Assistant to the Director of Human Resources for a loan company about 8 years ago, and I want to mention one thing- talking to HR doesn't have to mean filing an official complaint. One thing it can mean is a 'heads up.' Sometimes an HR department- or if you're a smaller company, the HR person- wants to know if these things happen on a smaller scale like his saying what he did. They won't always tell you to open an official complaint, they won't always talk to him (or her) but it's a good idea to let them know it's happening. That way, when it comes time for the official filing of a report of sexual harassment, they will have those notes to refer to.

Every company is different, but all of them are operating under harassment laws and are very aware of how much trouble they will be in if it goes on- people sue over these things, usually with success. In California, the laws are very clear. Creating a hostile work environment through harassment of any kind is in fact illegal.

I know it's illegal and I could get him in trouble but I would like to handle it personally as we are friends


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Illegal or not, a small heads up to HR doesn't have to turn into something bigger, but I do understand. Although, if he were your friend, he wouldn't have treated you that way. Anyway, I'm done. I hope you get the result you want. :)

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Originally Posted by SurlySeaNymph

Illegal or not, a small heads up to HR doesn't have to turn into something bigger, but I do understand. Although, if he were your friend, he wouldn't have treated you that way. Anyway, I'm done. I hope you get the result you want. :)

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Thanks. And I get what you're saying, but he is actually quitting soon so I don't think it would be of much use. I'm more worried about teaching him a lesson than making sure he's held accountable.


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This might sound stupid, but I have to get it off my chest. Literally.

Movies and TV shows always portray large-busted women as being more attractive to men and looking better than normally-proportioned women in anything they wear. Not the case. It's hard to not end up looking like you're a bag lady in a muumuu or making the buttons on your shirt cry from being pulled to the brink, neither of which is a good look. I think people prefer the look of thinness/tonedness to ample bosoms these days. My own parents show more approval of me when my weight is lower -- and the girls are as concealed as possible.

I also feel a little bummed when the term "curvy" is used as a euphemism for "overweight". You can be a curvy size 0, or a straight size 28. Curvy relates to shape, not size. I'm guessing that is the word of choice because the bigger you are, the less likely you are to have a "boyish" look, but to have some ins and outs. Nonetheless, you can be curvy at any size, and it doesn't mean you're unhealthy. Hell, even "overweight" doesn't necessarily equate unhealthy.

**Disclaimer** I mean no offense to anyone of any size or shape by this gripe. It is only a reflection of how I feel about myself and my mixed feelings towards my "treasure chest".

Mermaid Wesley you will face this more as your job life goes on unfortunately and how you deal with it will in a large way determine which teams you become successful with. This likely won’t be the most you will hear.
The part that you said “This guy I work with and I were becoming really good friends”, real good friends?
Looking coldly at this, he’s opening up to flirt with you. When it’s inappropriate just tell him, just like in school if he’s your friend it will shut him down. As he didn't touch you and it’s just this one time- Just let him know, Mermaid don’t play that game! From what you’ve said he hasn't done this to anyone else either.
Some people are just trouble and some have just a lapse in judgment, only once while you’ve worked there? “Bad judgement.”
“really good friends” – tell him you felt that was inappropriate.

Ugh I feel you girly. Boobs suck. The only clothes that ever fit me well are hella expensive. And as far as curvy goes. Hell I just call myself curvy. I have a little waist, no butt, big ole thighs, but the boobs though. THE BOOBS. There's not really another g rated word for my body type. And if someone whines at me for benign skinny and calling myself curvy I'll just ask so what would you call me then because if there's a better word plz let me know. Oh and don't get me started on t-shirts and hoodies. Can you say blob? Ok yeah I just agree with this so hard.


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