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OMG Shimmer...i am so sorry to hear that! A big hug to you! :hug:
Raina, omg...that nutjob....how can i report him? Cause i will! Geez...he has a serious mental problem and is now trying to make it your problem :-(
What an ass.
If anyone can explain to me how i can report the ass i will immediatly!
So my roommates and I got handed our three months' notice to move out... x.o It's not that we're awful tenants and they're kicking us out just to get rid of us-- our landlady's been super apologetic about the whole thing, she loves us to pieces and is going to give us a glowing reference for wherever we move to next, it's just that the dude who owns the house lost his job and is planning to move back into the place when he comes back from Alberta in a few months. So now I'm slogging through rental listings on Kijiji trying to find a spot...
This wouldn't be a huge deal, because my boyfriend and I were planning on moving out in late summer/early fall anyway, hopefully into a bigger spot, but the reason we were going to wait until then in the first place was because my two best friends are waiting for their lease to end at that point so they can move into the bigger house with us. We've been planning this pretty much since they moved back into town last year... And now, my current situation throws everything out of whack, because now it's either we 1) move into a smaller place for the time being, wait until September when my friends' lease is up and then move again, or 2) find the big house we wanted in the first place and basically shell out more rent in the meantime while we wait for them to be able to move in with us, which... I'm not sure we (or at least, I) could afford. Boyfriend has a really good job, me... not so much.
Which is another thing: Transportation is kind of an issue for me right now. I live a five-minute walk from work, but from all of the listings we've gone through, there... really isn't anything else that fits our requirements in this area. One place we've already shot off an inquiry to, which is a beautiful house and has everything we need, would require me to either find a new job closer to the new house (which makes my stomach knot up because I'm the worst with job-hunting and job interviews), or spent an hour and fifteen minutes between three bus transfers to get to my current job, which hell. no.
On the upside, one of my mom's friends is a real estate agent who's offering to help us find a spot free of charge, but I'm worried that it's going to be difficult; I've never gone house/apartment/whatever-hunting before, so that's a whole new level of anxiety for me... Plus I need to find a pet-friendly place which is proving to be really difficult. I'm terrified that I'm going to be expected to give up my cat Loki, who's basically like a therapy animal for me (obviously, I'm not giving him up-- My cat goes where I go, and if he can't go then I'm not going!). Every decent spot we've found has pretty explicitly stated "No Pets."
I feel like someone dropped a bomb on me out of nowhere; I really hate stuff like this... I know that we have three months to find a place, get everything ready and get gone, but I really don't do well with huge changes like this, and now I'm over-stressing about it and starting to get really edgy. @-@ This really isn't something I want to procrastinate and I feel like the sooner I get everything straightened out and ready to go, the better... But my boyfriend is too busy playing zombie games with our roommates. >->
I've just... kinda been screaming internally, all night. I mean, I know it's not going to be a huge deal in the long run, and everything will work out fine, but it's just that now I have to deal with finding a decent place, save up whatever money I can for the move, and then make sure I have everything I need in order to move my cat and figure out how the fuck I'm going to transfer a 30-gallon aquarium and 20 fish without hurting them. In winter. And then likely start job hunting again...
http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/upload...g-A-Pillow.gif
Oh! I'm sorry! Have you considered buying a camper? Or something similar and living temporarily until your friends lease is up and your able to go do that? Maybe someone has a camper they could rent out to you? We are having to move due to the problem I posted a page back, and we got a camper. We have several cats, and 2 big dogs, but my dad is letting us put the camper on his land until we find something better.
Unfortunately, it isn't really an option for us; there's nowhere in town where we could really put a camper if we had one, and... Well, boyfriend and the one roommate who's coming along with us (boyfriend's brother) are both being stubborn about it-- when we move, it has to be into a bigger spot, because boyfriend wants to get a dog, and he wants the new place to be somewhere where he can settle down for at least a few years, so a temporary spot with the intention of moving again in a few months' time is out of the question for him (and for me, too, I guess, because I have a pile of sensitive fish to worry about too; one move is already going to be stressful for them). Not to mention we've got like a house's worth of stuff to take with us... x.o
This is going be a rant just to warn you.
The other day I reported somebody to Face book about what they said about a friend of mine. Wha the person said was mean an rude, just disrespectful. This is what he said. "Hahaha your a man that's why not a woman. Die bitch" The asshole that said it is Gilbert Aislynn Monroy. An this is the reply I got from Face Book. "Thank you for taking the time to report something that you feel may violate our Community Standards. Reports like yours are an important part of making Facebook a safe and welcoming environment. We reviewed the comment you reported for containing hate speech or symbols and found it doesn't violate our Community Standards. What the hell is wrong with people now a days?
What kind of bullshit is that? How is it NOT against their community rules? That is blatantly hostile. They need to do something about that!
I agree 1000% an then some. But they from what I have been told they look at money insted. An I know it clearly violates the rules but they don't seem to care.Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesGunnels
I wouldn't stop sending messages. They need to get someone HUMAN, not a machine, to send you a real reply. That is so unjust.
Try reporting it again, this time as a threat to your friend. See what FB does with it then.Quote:
Originally Posted by MerAnthony
I have a really long bitch to make and I'm like so heart broken and hurt I just need to get it out somewhere.
So January was a crappy month, if you follow my FB page you know 3 family members got in car accidents, all very close to us, and one who is super close nearly died and is in really bad condition. I had bad stuff happen at merfest and when I got back, was sick for months, had all this dental work done etc. I had that issue with my FB page that we talked about earlier in this thread and while I am trying so hard to ignore the guy he will not stop. He is totally insane. I just got this message today:
Quote:
Raina,
Carlos is at it again: https://www.facebook.com/JeanGilles....44740172319243
It's one of his horrendously long posts on his page, but he includes a link to your Help Forum question in a paragraph near the end:
"Here's a link to the Facebook question in the Help Forum, http://goo.gl/XzYJwa, of the silly poster who thought that she could have my current account disabled by Facebook. Because my Favorite Critic had been falsely accusing me of letting my daughter manage her Facebook account, I deliberately set that person up to hack into my daughter's Facebook account by deliberately leaving it without the protection of the double factor security feature. Do I think that the hack into my daughter's account is just a coincidence? Absolutely not! It's the same obsessed person who has been harassing me since 2012 who hacked into my daughter's account, except that this time I have definite proof that s/he had done it."
In case you haven't caught on to this piece of "Carlos-speak", he's assuming that you are Ky Conn, whom he loves to call his "Favorite Critic". I know that Ky has been in communication with you; she are I became friends as we waged war with Carlos. He's also posted something in the Help Forum that I am sure is pointed at you: https://www.facebook.com/help/commun...77237212449088
He just can't get it through his thick skull that your problem has nothing to do with your "customized username". Anyway, in case he continues to escalate, I thought I'd just give you a "heads up".
I love your obvious enthusiasm for your profession!
Have a good day!
it's annoying at most, just frustrating that I seem to have a magnet for these kinds of wack jobs. (did you see the drama with the guy all over the MTV article? Ugh, just ugh!) I have no idea who this man is. On my end all I did was post in the help forum looking how to get the block off my FB page (which btw is there because someone 1.5 years ago reported every single thing I ever posted as 'spam' as a way to harass me) this guy gave me irrelevant advice, which I chose to ignore and I downvoted his answer. He has been on the rampage ever since! Clearly mental illness, and doing my best to ignore and not respond to him, but he keeps making fake accounts to contact me with.
So I have been going along with all this crap just doing my best but this past week the worst thing happened. It's going to take me a minute to explain it but I really need some validation that I did the right thing...
I have/had a best friend. We've known each other almost 15 years, and been close for about 7. She has 4 kids and we've always been really good to each other. I wrote about her wedding in my book- where I did the photography, and was a mermaid. I have always always helped her. And she's always been good to me. I was with her when one of her kids was born and I did birth photos. When I had stints of unemployment I would go to her house and just clean for her. I consider her family. I watched her kids all the time, half my FB photos are of her kids. I threw her baby showers, wedding stuff etc. I have her family on my fridge, on my walls. They were the first people to EVER hire me for a mermaid gig, and I always did photos at the kid's birthdays etc,
we had similar issues with our moms and helped each other through. Her husband helped me with photography stuff. We have always been on good terms and never had issues. She's never been a selfish person. She's never been anything but even keel if that makes any sense.
Well she had her last baby in May. Her pregnancy was really rough, she had that disorder where you just barf all the time. She already had 3 kids at home, she doesnt drive, and her husband works during the day. Since my boyfriend was unemployed and had time off, he helped out (at my suggestion) by taking her to dr apps for the baby, watching the kids, and just helping in ways that I couldnt because I was working. All was fine. She had the baby- and it was unnaturally fast, like 6 minutes or something. Almost had it in the bathroom.
Ever since she had the baby she'd been a bit off. She's had 3 before and this was their planned last. It came on subtle at first so I didn't notice what was happening until it got out of control. My friend has always had anxiety issues, but after this baby her anxiety seemed to get worse than normal. So sean and I upped the level of help and support we were giving. He'd physically help out in person, and I'd talk on the phone or online or in person trying to just give her support. Afterall, she's got 4 kids!
The past 3-4 months the anxiety was spiraling around phantom leg pain and numbness she was having. For anyone who knows my backstory this was something I knew all to well. The fear of not knowing why you were in so much pain and could barely walk, others not understanding etc. So I tried extra hard to show her support and listen, but also encourage her to see health professionals to figure out what was causing it. I told her I suspected because of her birth that her pelvis was misaligned and pinching a nerve. As my leg pain and numbness comes from a combination of pinch nerve by way of the pelvis which is misaligned because of scoliosis, and I have fibro which makes it worse during stress. Hey, I get it. It's freaking scary when you wake up in the middle of the night and half your body is numb. Or you get random spots of pain in legs that make you feel like it might be deep vein thrombosis. (which can lead to stroke in women on meds that I take, or in her sitch had recently had a baby)
At first my friend would not see a doctor. She'd send me photos of bruises on her legs and obsess over minute body changes. Then when she woke up numb one night she called an ambulance and I do believe the experience gave her a bit of PTSD.
She finally was properly assessed, and after a bit of back and forth they confirmed that no she had no chance for blood clots, and yes I had been right: her pelvis was crushing some nerves. It would take adjustments and physio and meds to help get her back to normal, and like my process, it would be slow before she saw results.
This didn't seem to help my friend, in fact it made her worse and she became convinced she was going to die every night. I would stay up til 3 or 4am talking with her trying to convince her to seek professional help to get anti anxiety meds, or sleep meds, therapy, or something.
During this 3 months I was very busy, but always made time and ended up staying up too late to talk to her. Meanwhile, she was calling my boyfriend almost everyday. She started asking him to take her to the ER even though we knew she did not have blood clots. Her husband would not take her because he was exhausted and knew she didn't have blood clots, so she'd wait til he fell asleep and call Sean.
Now Sean and I are busy people and didn't really realize what was happening here at first. Though, I admit, I was starting to get uncomfortable with how much she was fixating on Sean. Daily calls, insisting he visit her, trips to the ER, etc. I trust Sean and I trust my friend. But this is still my MARRIED friend calling my boyfriend daily. It was inappropriate you know? Plus it became like an arguing point with her husband "well Sean does ____" kind of deal. Which Sean and I didn't realize.
My friend then started getting really inappropriate with her fixation on Sean and her anxiety. She asked me on CHRISTMAS EVE to get Sean to take her to the ER for her imaginary blood clots :( to which I told her we were busy with family. But I still enabled her (I shouldn't of) by trying to validate what she was experiencing and talking to her. Then the day my family member got in the serious crash (which I posted on FB) she was at the ER and bored and asked me to send Sean! She had no clue what was going on in our lives ever, and was always asking for him without even saying Hi to me, asking what was going on or if we were busy or anything. She called us at merfest (my FB was totally full of how we were away) called us when we were at the girl's empowerment workshop. Like I said, it became really inappropriate.
Sean and I had a talk about it and decided he wouldn't do that anymore. We realized we were enabling her anxiety and she needed professional help, and also realized we were undermining her husband. Sean often thinks of just helping people but doesn't always look to the bigger picture in those situations. So we got on the same page and he ignored a few of her calls.
Last week we had a huge freaking snow storm. Since Sean was ignoring her calls she messaged me on FB wanting Sean to drive her through this big snow storm and I finally got up the nerve to say something to her about all of this. This is what I said,
I am hoping by reading that you can see how hard I tried to be empathetic and show I loved her and cared, while still putting my boundary down that I was not OK with Sean going through a snowstorm for imaginary blood clots...Quote:
"I think you cant move on with mental health until you see a therapist to help you address all the anxiety this brings out in you.You always think you'll feel better after having a doctor check your legs but they never find anything, and you still get upset the next time it happens.
I'm not comfortable with Sean going out in the weather and at this point it's going to be a bad storm for sure. The last couple times you've asked for him we've been doing important stuff (my uncle is in serious condition in the hospital) for us or weren't even in the province or country.
I love you very very much. I understand what you're going through- I know a lot of people say that and have no clue, but I do. I still wake up thinking I'm going to die and have spent most of my life that way because of health problems. I know what it's like to have weird parts of your body or even half of it go numb randomly. I know what it's like to have leg pain that makes no sense. I do 100% believe your doctor that it's a pelvis issue because my intense leg pain is because of my pelvis being misaligned, and the other symptoms I have come from fibro which comes about from stress and anxiety.
I don't think it's helping you or supporting you anymore to take you to the hospital all the time. I think instead it's enabling your anxiety to spiral out of control and I can see it's putting a lot of stress on you and Marcel. I love you and support you and want you to be healthy. But sometimes being a good friend means pushing someone to do something that's hard for them and I think for you that means not enabling your anxiety and encouraging you to get a therapist who can help you work through the things causing you anxiety,but also help you come to terms with dealing with the physical pain you've been going through. That dr I recommended you (drs. name), is amazing. It should be covered under your insurance but she'll also do sliding scale rates and work around yours and (husbands) schedule to see you. If Sean's gonna drive you anywhere I think it be better to see a therapist than keep making emergency trips.
This has been ongoing for you for months and it's taking over your life. You can't function like you usually do. And honestly, you have always been supportive of me when I'm down and I appreciate that. it's hard for me to say this to you because I don't want you to feel like I am being unsupportive to you. You're one of the best friends I've ever had. caring, loving kind. But you've been so wrapped up in this I think you havent realized it's been inappropriate a couple of times when you've asked Sean because you weren't aware of what we were going through on our end. Like the time you asked for Sean to go because you were bored at the hospital. I know you're probably just being silly and I totally get being bored at the hospital... but we'd been through a bunch of shitty things that I'd posted about on FB and I need my boyfriend too ya know? Or like asking us to take you on Christmas Eve when we're doing things with our own family. If it was an honest to God emergency you know we'd dropped everything to help you but this has been an ongoing thing and you've been told a lot you dont have a blood clot.
I know Sean likes to be helpful because he's been off work and he'll always be the type to be helpful no matter what- but he has been busier. he does juggle things around to fit you in and doesnt admit that to you. And it makes me uncomfortable sometimes.
I understand your fears. I understand them better than anyone you could talk to I promise you that. And that's why as your friend I am telling you, this whole thing will only get partially better with a doctor. You need to see a therapist. When you're obsessing all day over dying, when you think you need constant dr/emerg visits to feel safe, when you're willing to go out in dangerous conditions or during important holidays, or it's gotten to the point it's causing problems with your husband and friends it's really time to see a therapist. They can help you break this down into something you can get over and cope with. The one I recomended you knows the medical field so she has like real world advice not just anxiety management. She understands chronic pain and the fear that comes with it. She understands the stress it puts on a family. She understands the fear of not knowing if you're getting the right help. Thats her job. and she's really good at it. Because I dont think you're going to get what you need by venting to me or getting Sean to drive you to emerge. "
Well she flipped shit on me, called me a bunch of awful things, and I think I went into shock a bit. It was SUPER out of character with her. So I just tried to be loving and neutral. I just kept saying "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. We are still here for you we just aren't going to do that one thing anymore. We want you to get better too"
She kept trying to "break up" with me and every few hours over the next few days would send things like "I'm sending my husband to pick up ____" not even paying attention to the fact that she was saying these things on the day I was having my oral surgery. She is not NORMALLY a selfish or self absorbed person. This is 100% the anxiety bringing it out in her.
Well last night I thought enough days had passed that I'd message her again. I had already messaged her husband and he was super thankful. He was feeling very alone like everyone believed her side and didn't realize that she was making this all up in her head and obsessing over it and he's been trying to cope working full time and having 4 kids while she's been at home like this. The sean stuff was def causing a problem but he's not upset with us after we explained everything. I was hopeful that after my friend calmed down she see that we just want her to get some help and that we still love her.
But last night I saw she deleted me from facebook. She has my little sister on fb. But she deleted me. And yeah the tears just came. I love and care about this woman so much and I am not trying to take it personally because I KNOW she's not in a mental state that is reasonable. But goddamnit, it IS inappropriate to be so obsessed with my boyfriend and risk his life through a snow storm for imaginary health problems!! I am allowed to put a boundary down for that. She's married and has her OWN husband. It goes well beyond the normal "helping a family friend" you know?
I just feel like poo. On top of all this other crap going on in my life, and my chronic illnesses are flared up, and other things are stressing me out and making me sad it's like man. I never thought she'd be that way. I honestly thought she'd sleep on it and the next day we'd make up or something. 15 years down the toilet basically because I said no, you know?
I hope she comes around. I know people will say things like "not a real friend" but that's no comfort to me. I can't express how out of character this behaviour is. I am trying to just be strong and have faith that things will work out but this is the first time in our whole friendship I've said no to her, or put down a boundary.
I just feel so sick over it. When I first talked to her I couldn't sleep for a few days, and had knots in my stomach. Now I just wanna cry. I think I am just fed up with life right now. Yeah there are good things that are happy and great but the bad stuff just seems to pile on lately. And of course, right now is when every entitled mermaid is bugging me so I need to take a break from FB. Sometimes people have so much demanding attitude of me it blows my mind. I wrote a book for a reason and have a million free things on the internet to help you. You aren't entitled to my time...
/rant
Raina, you and your boyfriend sound like such sweet people and let me just begin by saying that I hope that one day I can have an awesome best friend like you in my life.
You may really care about this woman, but she sounds like she's really mentally unstable right now and may have been attempting to emotionally cheat on her husband with your boyfriend (not his fault at all). I'd say move on from her for a while-- she chose to have FOUR kids and place the entire financial responsibility on her husband, and seems to refuse the psychiactric and chiropractic help she needs to relieve her suffering. This isn't your problem and you can't allow yourself to be upset about problems she has created for herself. SHE has to be the one to change. :/
I'm so sorry for you, Raina. I can't imagine how difficult that is on top of everything else.
I wouldn't say that she isn't a "real friend", because of all of this. Your friend is sick, really sick by the sounds of it, and 15 years of previous friendship attest to the realism of the relationship you had/have with her. I'm sure in time, assuming she gets the help she needs, that she will come to understand how her actions were negatively affecting you and Sean, and why you needed to put down the boundaries when you did. She doesn't sound like she's the same person you built your friendship with, and she may never be again- but that doesn't mean that she won't be able to find the balance that she needs to rebuild her life.
If it helps you, and works for you and Sean, every once and a while you can try to initiate contact with her again, see how she responds. Eventually, as she heals, she may show interest in rebuilding that relationship with you.
I'm thinking of you guys, and all of you are in my prayers. I hope she is able to get the help that she needs soon, and all of you are able to heal from this.
As for the entitled mermaids that keep bugging you, personally (and I don't know if you/anyone has done anything like this already), I'd recommend making a satirical v-log or mermaid episode about it, lol. Hopefully it will help you vent about the annoying/obnoxiousness of the people bugging you, and maybe raise awareness to rest of the fans who may not realize how difficult that type of behavior is to deal with. End all be all, I'm sure quoting some of the things that are said/demanded of you would be entertaining to bring to light (without pointing the finger at anyone, obviously).
I hope things turn around for you (and Sean) soon.
Best wishes.
You have not done anything wrong Raina, and I really really hope that it will all work out in the end.
It's sad to read about such a long friendship go down the drain like this, but for now, under these circumstances what you did was necessary.
Something that came to my mind is that it sounds like she might have some kind of Postpartum-depression, it's not that uncommon and make people change out of character like you describe.
You are valuable Raina, take care of your time, and your family.
<3
Aww, Raina, I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to see a long term friendship suddenly take a turn for the worse. I think given time and proper mental health treatment, your friend will come back around. I think her anxiety could be related to ppd or even postpartum psychosis, although I'm not sure of the time frame. Try to keep your chin up! <3
As for the Facebook nonsense, you don't owe anyone your time or effort. Ignore and block who you need to to keep yourself safe and sane.
Hi, Raina. You don't know me that well but through all of your lovely resources and books and everything, I do feel like I know you. I just wanted to echo the others and say that this is not your fault.
No, this doesn't mean your friendship is absolutely ruined. Your friend sounds like she is sick. You have to reach rock bottom before you can swim back up sometimes, you know? And this is most certainly not because you set your boundaries. It is because she is fighting with her own problems that are (like you said) consuming your life.Quote:
15 years down the toilet basically because I said no, you know?
I am so, so sorry that she hasn't been there for you lately. I hope you can lean on Sean for now and I hope that she will start seeing someone about this to try and get better. <3
Raina, you have done your very best for this friend, but she needs professional help. She is out of control, and the distance between you right now is necessary. She needs space to confront her problems, and you need space to recover from a tough winter. It's not necessarily the end of your friendship -- perhaps just a hiatus. But for now, let her go. Take care of yourself.
I wasn't sure if I should say something because I am still new and you all don't really know me and I can't really help much with mermaid stuff, but I do want to say that I hope that things get better for you Raina. You are so amazing to be such a good, dedicated friend. Most people would be too worried to get so involved in someone else's life because they wouldn't want the person to think they could always call on them and they would come, etc. You have done sooo much for your friend, and it does sound like she is just going through such a rough time she has no idea what she is saying by dissing you. She has some tough stuff to get through, and you definitely have helped her by refusing to take her to the hospital all the time. This is something she will probably have to deal with on her own or with a therapist like you recommended. Hopefully she will come out of this a stronger person and back to her old self. Also hopefully she will be friends with you again. My boyfriend's Mom has 7 children and she is a stay at home Mom. I have noticed that she has a sticky note in the kitchen for tips of how to relieve stress and how to stay happy. I am sure she gets stressed with so many kids, but she is still able to make it through the day. Hopefully your friend will get things together and heal both mentally and physically.
--------------
Well my other hobby is keeping peafowl, so you can expect me to mention them every now and then haha. I was on the bird forum and saw a Dr. talking about how he can de-voice a peacock. He hasn't done this to a peacock yet, but he has done it to roosters. I was surprised when looking at the topic about de-voicing roosters because a lot of people were excited about the procedure and wanted it done on their bird! I was glad to see some people expressing how they thought it was cruel. Then I found a post where the Doctor said that his own roosters are not de-voiced, but if he ever had to de-voice them he would. Yeah... Well I just hate this idea all the way around. So if you can't have a noisy bird, instead of finding a bird variety that isn't as loud, you are going to take away the bird's voice or make it quieter? This just made me sad thinking about the poor birds who will get their voice taken away to make their owners happy. In my opinion if you want to take away the bird's voice, then you don't really care about the bird.
THIS.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid Galene
And like I saw another person mention, we don't know the time frame but it does sound like postpartum depression/psychosis. I understand mental illness well and hope she gets help. :( It's not fair for her or anyone she is putting through it.
On a lighter note: I also understand how easily it would be to become fixated on your Sean. ;) Haha, jk, kinda, not really. Where's Loki? I should get some sleep......lol.
The more I think of it the more I think you all might be right about post pardum. I only ever thought of it as straight up depression previously but it seems from reading about it it is chemical imbalance that can affect in many ways.
That was my thought, too. I have known women to go completely off the deep end with post partum mental/emotional disturbances. This is why your friend needs medical intervention.