AGREED. You really need to talk to him. Maybe go to a family councillor?
Good luck with that Kelly.
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AGREED. You really need to talk to him. Maybe go to a family councillor?
Good luck with that Kelly.
He sounds like my dad :/ sounds like an asshole.
my advice would be to cut him out of your life. You don't need that kind of asshattery. But because you still live with him... I suggest you lock your door and when you need to eat bring the food upstairs.
I second Sabrina's vote for seeing a family counselor, and seeing if you can have a calm/rational conversation with him to explain that his methods are going to get him the opposite of what he wants. (Also...maybe the hw/studying is for different classes, but either way I feel like they should go hand in hand. In doing homework, you're reinforcing the things you learned in class, which is a kind of studying; in studying, you're working out the kinks in and solidifying your knowledge of a subject, which in turn helps when you turn around and try to do some homework. Might be worth mentioning to your dad.)
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Although, I do agree with SeaGlass that distance is the solution.
However, given that moving out isn't an option, counseling might help smooth relations a little.
In my experience, people with a certain... attitude refuse to go to a counseling.
I've been eating in my room for years.
Amazed I didn't starve yet.
agreed. my dad refused counselling too. he's convinced IM the crazy one.
Here's my bitch: I'm a college student paying $500+ (in Texas, that's expensive) for an apartment, and of the three bedrooms in the place, only mine has a roach infestation :( My roomies have seen maybe one each in the past five months but I have seen more roaches in the past WEEK than I have seen in my entire life. I even had one in my bed! :mad:
I've sprayed, I've had the place exterminated, I've put out baits, but nothing will make them go away! So, I'm paying all this money and I get to sleep on the couch and shower & use the restrooms on campus because I can't use my own. Lovely.
If your room has roaches, you can bet the entire place has them. And the problem with an apartment building is that, when you exterminate from one apartment, they run to the next until the coast is clear and come back. The entire building needs to be fumigated.
My grandmother used to upholster furniture and she opened the back of a couch and an entire colony fell out! We had to bomb the whole house with one of those tents!
Ouuuuch. That. Sucks. Big. Time.
I live in a fairly clean suburb of Chicago but I'm originally from Manhattan, and my dad and his wife and her children live in Chicago proper, so the roach issue is a terrifying one to me, especially given that I'd also prefer to not kill critters. (I was SO mad when my mom called the exterminator on the mice a few years ago, them I don't mind sharing with)
But roaches, I'd feel terrible afterward, but honestly, KILL THE LOT OF 'EM!!!
If you are allowed a pet, you can also invest in a cat.
I guarantee she'll keep your room bug-free, especially is she is indoors and bored ;)
And totally toxin-free at that!
Thank you all for your words of support and your honesty, it means so much to me and makes me feel stronger. It is good to hear that all that i have been thinking and feeling is not all in my head, it makes me stronger and more able to stand up to my family.
I read all of your messages and wanted to reply sooner but i was not feeling well at all, i have a bad cold and like said i may be going through early menopause. I need to call the doctor on Monday to get some tests done.
To top it off 2 nights ago i got locked out of the house with my dog because of hornets.
I went outside to let my dog out before going to bed and i checked the door for hornets (they get aggresive now because the temperatures are dropping) but i did not see any.
As soon as i opened the door one attacked me! I ran off with my dog but when i went back to check the door....the door was covered in them! They were everywhere and even on the spots where if i would open the door they would fly inside!
So i knocked on the bedroom window to get my hubby to the window.
I told him about it and he first laughed, which i understand, pretty crazy what was going on.
He tried getting them away from the door by kicking the door from the inside but they would not move at all.
We only have 2 windows that can open and one is at the bedroom but the nest of the hornets is right next to it and they were on the windows there to, i could only tap on it quickly to get my hubby's attention and walk back a few feet before talking to him.
The other window is my work room and there was a hornet on that as well trying to get it.
We tried multiple things but nothing worked.
An hour after i was locked out i told my hubby that i was getting too cold (my feet were wet since i only wore flip flops and no jacket since normally i am back inside in 5 minutes) and if i could not get in soon i would have to stay at my parents or call them for help.
Luckily the one hornet went away from my work room window and we quickly opened it to let my dog jump in first and then me.
I slept awful that night, i was shivering and had nightmares all night.
Yesterday when i woke up i felt like i was hit by a train, i just wanted to get some extra sleep but it was so busy i could not get any type of rest untill i went to bed around 11pm.
I started to shiver around 5 pm and felt a fever coming.
Today i had to bake cupcakes for tomorrow so again no extra rest.
Baked cupcakes from 9am to 8pm with my hubby.
Then this afternoon my brother calls me and said he showed the video of me singing with my grandmothers photo's to my mom and she cried when she saw it. But now my mom thinks it is a very bad idea to wait till tomorrow night before my dad can see the video because it may be too emotional for him.
So my brother called me to ask if it was ok to show it to my dad....i was like...NO WAY. It is meant for tomorrow evening.
He asked me to consider showing it in the afternoon tomorrow before the guests arrive and then later when the guests are there a second time.
I told him it was bullsh*t.
My mom started with me about it as well this evening and i told her that it is not going to happen.
The video is for tomorrow evening and that's that.
I told her exactly what the video would be, she even gave me a lot of the photos for it since i did not have those photos of my grandmother.
She can not simply tell me now that it will not be a surprise anymore, that's just stupid.
She said ok, but i think she and my brother will try to change my mind tomorrow before the party.
Thing is though....my brother told me that he made a video as well to start the evening with. He will use the holocaust in it as well when i know for a fact that my dad does not want to be confronted with that past, it gives him nightmares and he will not be able to sleep.
Why is THAT ok and my video of his mom not?
I told a friend of mine about it who knows my family and she said my brother is obnoxious for making that video and that it may ruin my dads evening.
My parents tried to play some mind games with me this week but i stood strong against them and it is thanks to my mer family here for helping me so much!
Thank you again everyone!
I will try to make some photos tomorrow of the cupcakes and post the link to the video of my grandmother here hopefully next week when it is on youtube.
My brother asked if it was ok to post it on youtube and i said it was, it is a great tribute to my grandmother.
I can't say it enough: Thank you my mer family:hug:
I'm sorry you got so sick!!!
Good luck with the party, though your brother's video seems utterly inconsiderate. It also seems like he's just trying to steal your thunder.
Have you managed to force the hornets to vacate yet?
Again, good luck with the party!
I hope it ends up being enjoyable!
Every time you post, I am stunned at how much of a jerk your brother is.
They are going to do what they want with your video, not much you can do to stop it. Ideally, they should tell your dad there is a surprise, does he want to see it before the party or at the party as originally planned, let him have the choice.
The total insensitivity of your brother's video is ghastly. He sounds seriously mentally ill and needs professional help.
Sorry about the hornets! I hope you feel better! :mermaid kiss:
Everytime I read I also want to punch him. I'm sorry for the cesspool you've been swimming through.
Today's Bitch:
If you're a model, and you are to model a non-contemporary piece.
You strike a pose like the woman who might have worn these clothes (look up old paintings if you don't know any), and not a crappy, run-off-the-mill, modern pose.
It looks cheap, tacky, and totally out of place.
Point in case:
Attachment 33068
Haha all I can imagine now is a mermaid doing generic (non mermaid)model poses
Pffffft. *laughs* So true.
Well....it is the day after of the big night.
I am completely exhausted.
We had a ton of cupcakes left and i did not understand why.
I was quite sad about it, i thought maybe guests did not understand they could simply take them, or they did not like them.
I asked my mom why we had so many left over and she claimed she did not know either.
The end of the evening when my hubby and i left we took some home for ourselves and i told my mom again i did not understand why we had so many left and then she told me that it is because only 70 to 80 guests were there in stead of the 110 to 120 they claimed would come.
Well...that made a whole lot more sense, now i understood why we had so many left over.
My video and song were a big hit, i got a ton of compliments from guests (a lot are artists/singers so it meant a lot to me).
Funny thing is though that most of them said:" I was so touched by your video and you can sing so good! YOU have such a beautiful voice, YOU can really sing." emphasising the YOU part.
My brother also sang a lot last night so i knew what they meant when they said it to me ;-)
My brother, sister in law, mom and dad performed multiple songs together and my god....i got such a big Kelly Family feeling when i saw them lol.
The difference is though that the Kelly Family can actually sing.
The whole night was a big brag night for my brother, his wife and my parents.
I am glad i kept myself from it.
I was simply there to pour drinks and cater to people's needs, like show where they could hang their coats or where the bathroom was.
There was a very akward moment where a guest wanted to know where the bathroom was and my hubby and i showed him (gave us a chance to leave the room and get away from the room) but apparently after that last song my dad wanted to present the book and needed me and my hubby on the stage with him which we did not know so apparently they were calling us from the stage and the audience was as well but we did not know and i told my family that i would sit in the back and leave the room if guests needed me.
They never said that i needed to stay there at that time, so that was emberassing for my hubby and myself :-(
Then when we stood there and got the book they also wanted my brother, sister in law and mom there for the photos and then my dad said out loud in front of the audience:' I really hope we will continue to perform together for years and years to come"
I was like....really? They know i want to quit and they say this in front of all the guests?
I knew exactly why he did that though, trying to put more quilt on me and see if he can manipulate me into staying with the shows.
I was sad on the drive home last night, it was hard to keep the tears back.
There were people there who are friends of us and who my parents see multiple times a year and it was so clear that they never mention me and my hubby or what we do since i got the follow question multiple times last night:" What it is exactly that you do all day?"
So i had to explain multiple times that my hubby and i are running our own business and are doing very well and work 7 days a week.
I felt like i had to explain to people that i acutally work and don't sit on my ass all day doing nothing.
I felt questioned.
My hubby told me later not to worry about it and not to care.
How am i expected to just forget about the fact that i am clearly not on my parents mind when they talk to people and never will.
No matter how hard i work, no matter how succesfull my hubby and i are, that it will never be enough for them?
I love singing, i really do and the compliments i got last night make me wonder if i should work at it again and sing.
But honestly i do not want to be on stage with my family anymore and i am not sure if i want to be on stage again anymore. I would never want to be like my family.
So delussional on your talents, so bragging about myself without any shame what so ever.
My parents also told people that they sold the house my hubby and I live in that they were going to build us a new house.
I was surprised since my dad is giving me a completly different vibe at home.
I am not sure i want to live so close to my parents, i am getting scared.
Most likely i will be looking for houses to rent the next few weeks, hoping i find something amazing.
But i fear our only option is to move with my parents.
I am sorry if what i wrote did not make a lot of sense or was all over the place. I am so exhausted at the moment. I even deleted part of what i wrote of things that happened since i felt the way i wrote it may not make sense.
May I advise against this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adalira
I know from personal experience that if family behaves obnoxious while you have your own place, it will get soooo incredibly much worse if you move back in with them.
You have your husband to help and speak on your behalf, but I bet it will be constant stress and carp, which is bad on all levels, not to speak health.
I really wish I hadn't taken the bait and given up my own apartment ("we will save so much money if we just move in together").
Now I have to deal with being treated like a 3 year old, including constant berating for not being obedient and submissive enough, and dare I mention I'm not a baby or pet dog, there's the ubiquitous eye-rolling accompanied "when will you ever grow up and stop behaving like a belligerent teenager".
And any "talking back" (actual arguments) is "naughty".