maybe this was a omen. because the him and the last guy (my first 2) both had a fear of water
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maybe this was a omen. because the him and the last guy (my first 2) both had a fear of water
Haha! ^^
So while we're on the page of relationships... why is it so dang hard to tell if a girl is flirting with you? Christ, I hate how all the cuties are so flirtatious with their friends. Like, do you not see that I have a crush on you over here? Do you not understand that you're making me go insane?
Ah, the ramblings of a lame teenager.
Right? It seems to be a trend at the moment that straight people are super flirtatious and play-gay. Which, like, sure, is fine and all and certainly better than homophobia, but it makes it very difficult and sometimes super awkward for the rest of us :\
What an awful day. My BEST FRIEND since we were little lives with her wonderful parents and I just learned today that they are having to file for bankruptcy and losing their house and everything! *sobs* I'm truly scared for them. I can't do anything for them. I'm not even THERE. And this among a million other things makes me think GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! In moving out to the middle of this God-forsaken place?! It's so FAR from all my loved ones. I have no one here and I feel I may have made a terrible mistake trusting this rotten program and these people who feel that all a body needs to keep self intact is a bunch of @$^@#^#%& paper pushers. That's not enough for anyone to survive on. I'm passionate about changing this but I just CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! And due to my brain injury I have so much less to keep me together. I get tired a lot physically and mentally and I just can't do it by myself anymore. I'm praying so hard that God shows me what to do because I just don't know anymore. I never should have left my home. Screw those irl who say 'it'll be good for you.' Like Hell! I cry a lot. I'm alone. I'm so alone. I'm never going to injure myself or anything (just in case any of you get concerned, I'm fine) but I am just at the bottom. I can't handle this crap any more. So I've started to look into if there is any financial aid for someone in my situation because sorry not sorry people who are just paid to be here will NEVER be an acceptable substitution for honest-to-God REAL people. The worst part is that I'm slipping in things because I'm so tired all the time and the stress is through the roof and I don't get anything done any more. By God I got myself a job on my own and I'm getting a good grade in my class for goodness' sake! But this stilted conditional shit isn't worth it. I HAVE to find out something else to do because I'm just dying, as a person, as an individual and spiritually. I feel everyone Including ME deserves to be happy where they're at. And the shit and the disdain I get here are not acceptable. I can't even get a hug when I need one. I have no space to think I have nowhere to go. I hate this place. I have a random person sticking their faces in my 'apartment' every two frigging hours. If I have to steal it from someone's metaphorically speaking cold dead whatevers then I will. I'm just super overwhelmed and I have no one to lean on or tell me it'll be okay. I'm mainly online because through this and a few other places those are the only people who give a crap whether I live or die (yes I have family but I NEVER hear from them). I just don't. know. what. to. do. If anyone needs someone to listen or someone to talk to please consider me. I am a good listener and I will be happy when you are happy and sad when you are sad. I have no use here and that's the other side. No one wants my input not even in my own life. And frankly I come from a background where you help each other and stick up for each other and give a crap when someone's in pain. I get to do none of that here and sure as hell no one does that for me. I just... need a vacation or something. I don't know. I want it to be Wednesday night so I can be at church where I know what to do and where I can feel connected. I also really REALLY want my own family. I think I will sign up for my church's thing online (for my whole church denomination which is... I think... worldwide.) I'm 30. I'm okay if God wants me to wait for love ect but I need someone's To love now. I can't just love myself. I mean, you gotta love and care for yourself but I need to be able to care for others too. None of this being the only one to have my own back. None of this bullcrap about 'we should all be able to do it all by ourselves'. I think I'm going through a spot in life where I realize that what I truly value is relationships (which is kinda weird-ish cuz I SUCK at groups and stuff since I'm awkward.). But I just can't be doing this every other day at work too, where someone says 'if this-or-that doesn't get done people will start getting fired'. I can't work with that stress. And by God, I do cherish my online relationships and the many outlets I find online that are not available irl and I swear to God I'm about to take people to task for treating those in their precious program like crap. I'm passionate about this but I feel too little and small and weak to take on the entire ideology that if you lock up a brain injured person in a loveless paper-pusher whiney ignorant place that that could EVER be a growing learning safe environment. I just HATE that people don't get something I see as simplistic that if you don't allow people space and love and nurturing they will end up WORSE. For Goodness sakes you deserve what you get when you do that to people. The up side (and their is one!) is that I can always pray to God and know that he is ultimately in control and even though I don't have people to rely on right now I do have my bath tub my teddy bear (yeah I've got one of those :p ) and church. And books and I can cook some and stuff. I'm researching different methods of baking bread and other foods and I'm realizing that stress really does impede my growth and well-being and that to lessen stress I will have to start cutting things out. I am going to pray that when I talk to my new (scary) store manager-boss that she will listen and that God will give me the words to say. Because all she can do is fire me and if that happens then with hard work and God as my Dad I will find another one. I'll survive because I just KNOW there's a purpose somewhere. And I think I wont be able to finish this homework assignment but I have definitely learned and now I know that taking the step of contacting (read: trying to contact) the brain injury association of the state I live in was a good move.
I'm PMing you love, stay strong <3 <3 <3
Ughhhhhh so first of all I'm on my period. Great. Tomorrow is the sf swim and I can't go! Not because of my current painful endeavors between me and my uterus, but because guess who has a hockey game! I can't believe this. I have something fun that I want to do maybe (if I'm lucky) once a month. He has hockey practice and games almost every damn day. Because of him I have missed out on so much in life. I have spent probably an entire two years of my life in various hockey rinks instead of enjoying life, and I'm the older child! Why am I not able to do things I like while he's dragged along?! For those of you who are confused I'm referring to my abusive younger brother.
didn't you get a car for your birthday?Quote:
Originally Posted by mermaidofthelabyrinth
eta: not to be snarky, just that if you did you could drive yourself up here
my birthday is next month and I still don't have my permit. If I had a car I'd definitely be going! Speaking of which, I really need to get my permit
My sister in law just came over with clothes she dug out from her Mum's cupboard. I am so tired of people thinking I want hand me down clothes! My cupboard doesn't even fit more clothes! The sizes she brings me are 14 and 16, she says, "you can wear for sleeping", I say, "No thanks. Too big, won't fit me." Then she gets all upset because I said no to her. Then I say, "Why don't you wear it then?" Then she puts the pants next to herself, "Its too big! Why can't you appreciate and just thank you?" Then I say, "None of my size 12 clothes fit me well anymore since I lost weight from swimming. What makes you think I'll magically fit into a size 14 and 16?" Then she goes off on a rant that I should start learning some etiquette and just be more accepting. My last reply before she went all the door, "Sorry no. I grew up with secondhand toys and shit, I don't want second hand stuff now. How do you think it makes me feel that you always bring stuff you don't want to wear and then just pawn it all on me?"
I think I'll have nap and feel better. I just came back from the pool.
Why doesn't your sister-in-law just donate the clothing? It just seems silly for her to get so upset over you saying you're not interested in old clothing she got from her mother.
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"Its brand new!"Quote:
Originally Posted by CheshireKat
Her words, not mine.
I'm feeling sad. I hope this makes sense to put here.
Last night I logged into my old facebook that I deleted over a year ago and it made me so sad.
Life is SO different and I feel like such a different person in a good and bad way.
I feel like I have made so many mistakes and poor decisions. And now in life I spend my days over thinking, worrying, and just being unsettled.
I don't think I wish I could go back, I think there are just a lot of things I wish I would've handled differently.
And I really miss home. :(
That's all.
Nawww! When I think of Alaska, I see polar bears and ice... Where does one swim in Alaska?Quote:
Originally Posted by MermaidBrynley
Lol EVERYONE thinks of Alaska that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid Jaffa
It's only like that at the top of the state. Seriously.
Where I am which is smack in the center, it gets to -50 at the lowest.
Down on the coast it rarely goes below zero and it doesn't snow THAT much.
But where I am, we got 10 inches of snow in 24 hours. AND IT'S STILL SEPTEMBER.
Anyway, I swim in lakes, rivers, and indoor pools :)
When it's warm enough to do so.
Which it is in summer. For about 2 months it gets warm.
I cannot physically roll my eyes hard enough at that statement.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid Jaffa
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I'm Rollin' so hard they hatin'.
:insert disgust rolling her eyes gif here:
Life is hard, y'all.
You should drop off a bag of old clothes at your sister in laws and see how SHE likes it, Jaffa. ;)
And I feel you Brynley. I live in a provincial suburb of Chicago, but I'm from Manhattan, so my New York City kid sensibilities are constantly impinged upon. I miss home, too, and I haven't even been to visit in years. But Chicago proper is a good city, and it certainly has it's compensations, despite my dislike of suburbs.
And to Amphitrite, just hold on. The storm will pass eventually. Just live. Make a life for yourself where you are and email, text, Skype your friend. She'll understand that you're doing all you can. You say you find comfort in the church, so take advantage of that. One of the positive things about organized religion is that there is a community that will support you. Reach out to them. If they're worth their salt they'll be a real community for you.
Good luck, Joker! I've had relationships end based on mental health issues.
On a water-related relationship omen note, one of my friends tried to set me up with someone who is actually ALLERGIC to water. Or skin contact with water. He can drink it, but swimming is out of the question. He gets hives, apparently.
Clearly, dating a mermaid is also out of the question, lol.
Jaffa, just tell her to roll them on over to the Salvation Army, or if it'll keep the peace, thank her and do it yourself. It's not worth stressing over. Gotta pick your battles.
While I don't agree with the SA's political stance on some issues, they have the highest rate of using money taken in to helping people ratio. Something like out of ever dollar, 93¢ goes back out.
Truth, Pearlie. That is an impressive ratio.
Well my chances of going to Mermania are now close to nil. My husband got laid off this past Monday. :(