Originally Posted by
RastaMer
Mermaid Kelda, everything you just said I 100% understand and have felt very similarly if not exactly the same for a lot of my life. I will tell you how I cope with it but it is by no means a solution. I'm sorry to say there is no solution. The reality of the situation is that if you went to a doctor they would probably tell you that you have some sort of depression and put you on pills that probably wouldn't solve anything. Maybe therapy would be helpful but only because talking about things is helpful in general. You don't need to pay someone to do that. I've been down that path and it doesn't solve anything. I largely believe your internal conflict comes from society drilling into you ideas that you don't necessarily believe.
As far as school goes, I hated it too. I could never will myself to study as much as I needed to and I knew I could get by even if I didn't study because I was smart. My best advice is to just finish. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't keep telling myself that school is really important and then continuously not take it seriously. Actions speak louder than words. I began to believe my actions rather than my words and found it helpful. The truth is I don't value school as much as I should and I don't believe it measures intelligence. However, I do believe it is necessary to function normally in today's society and due to that fact, I forced myself to suff through it. I believe you should do the same. I didn't need a degree to validate to myself that I'm smart but I needed a degree to validate to everyone else that I am. Once I kind of said "fuck it" and stopped fooling myself about the amount of work I was going to put in, I became a little happier and stressed less about school. My GPA wasn't great but I graduated.
Getting a job came next. Instead of focusing on the work itself, try to think about what kind of environment you would like to work in. With a lot of people or with only a few? With people your age or with children? With people who want to make a difference in society or with people who just want to make money? I hate working but it's a necessary evil of life. We just need to make it the least painful as possible in every way. At first this is hard because you're limited to entry level jobs but try to turn your negative energy and feelings into motivation to get out of the situation you're in.
Think about what you actually like and what is important to you. For me it's close relationships, mermaids, traveling, family, and maybe a few other things. Make those your main goals in life and then think about all the little things you love like music, movies, art, food, sleeping, writing, the ocean, bare feet, cuddling with a soft blanket, petting your cat. Make sure you savor these things along the way. Life isn't easy for anyone and we, as humans, are in a constant struggle with our consciousness. Don't ever make yourself feel bad because you don't want to do something you feel you should be doing. If you don't want to do it just say "fuck it" I'm going to watch a movie because I enjoy that a million times more. And a lot of people think that's a bad attitude but fuck them too. We're all gonna die and I would rather go out knowing I had a fun life rather than a stressful one full of internal conflict.
I think you need to find more balance in your life. Be true to yourself and what you actually think is important. Think about why you value those things. Is it because that is what you think your supposed to be doing or because it actually makes you happy? Obviously, with that logic you could go around killing people and be like "oh, well it makes me happy". That's where you need to find balance between doing what you want and what society wants. You can't be too indulgent in what you want or you'll never accomplish anything and be living in your parents basement forever but you can't give into what society wants or you'll never be happy with yourself.
Sorry for the long post, I hope this is helpful. I have an attitude that's like "fuck it" and that works for some people and not for others. I don't know what works for you but I hope you can figure it out!
