Do your other friends know how he's treating you? Because that's really inappropriate behavior. You don't want to have anything to do with that guy.
I can't believe how much of a jerk that guy sounds like.
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Do your other friends know how he's treating you? Because that's really inappropriate behavior. You don't want to have anything to do with that guy.
I can't believe how much of a jerk that guy sounds like.
It sounds like you are going to have to stop being so nice and tell him to fuck off. If he can guilt trip you into hugging him, he's going to think he can eventually get you to do whatever he wants. Nip it in the bud before he forces himself on you in a way you really don't want. Sometimes a classic slap in the face in front of a club full of people can be very effective. If he escalates his harassment beyond the simply annoying level, take out a restraining order because he is a stalker.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixy
He thinks he can harass you because you are too nice. You have a right to your choices, and if they don't include him, that's his problem.
He's fallen out with one of them who took us all out for a meal, in the guy's words his friend was dangling me infront of him like a piece of meat.Quote:
Originally Posted by ShyMer
I've had so much shit the last year, enough with guys for now. I got used last year, police were involved due to a sexual harassment and borderline assault against me. I've really had enough, and I've come so far and I don't want to regress back and have all the hard work I've put into building myself up again to go :(
Sorry guys, and thanks for the support.
Those words say a lot about this man. Get out now, let it be known to all your friends/everyone involved that this is happening, and make it clear he does NOT have a right to think of you like an object. I know its hard to be assertive (I lack that skill) but lines have been crossed more than once. You sound like you've been extremely patient out of kindness, but someone like that does NOT deserve any kindness.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixy
^ What mizuko said!Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizuko
Yes. Completely. If I had the courage to call out my ex-friend on his behavior in front of people I would feel much safer.
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*sigh*
So freaking annoying and irritating!!! Yes, I am unemployed, no I am not wasting my hours away each day. I wake up early, look for work on the job searching sites and through various agencies.
And I get a phone call from Mum just then... She said sis in law saw a job opening at KFC near their place, I try to tell her its not like 20 years ago, nothing is like that now, that you can walk in, say you want a job and they give it to you no questions asked. You need the right qualifications and experience. They think its so easy to walk in, just get that job. They look at me and say, "How hard can it be? You just stand there and press on the cash register and get people's orders. If anything else, they'll train you anyway."
There is a reason all fast food places hire young workers. They want people who can work fast, not saying I'm a slow worker, I am pretty efficient at doing office work, and people who can stand on their feet all day. Sorry Mum, I didn't have custom made arches made just for shit and giggles. I cannot stand on my feet more than 3 hrs straight or I am in pain!
I know family mean well but, if they're not going to bother reading the job description to see if what I have matches what they're after, its a waste of everyone's time! I've never lied in my resume, I'm sure as hell not going to start now just because I am in need of work.
Currently, I volunteer in a kids camp doing office support. I know my skills are severely out of date compared to today's generation of young office workers. But it has helped me gain a bit of confidence back into myself, and at the same time, I am upgrading my skills via the work. Apparently, that isn't good enough for them, they think its a waste of time and effort, and I should be out there working instead.
Sometimes I kinda feel like slapping it back in the family's faces and saying, "Hello? My skills are old. You didn't want me to study again and get a better qualification. Now you want me to quit volunteering here, where I am enjoying the work and the company. And to mention I AM upgrading skills for free at the same time. And you never know, I might be offered a career within the camp or someone else's business via a parent. But you won't let me try, how do I bloody know what's going to happen?"
But I am too shy for that. We live fairly close, 90 mins drive from Sydney. If I say something bad, I can feel their evil stares all the way from Sydney!
so my friend was just kicked out of his house by his mom. He's female to male trans (hasn't started T yet because he was worried he'd get kicked out of his house) So he had no idea he was going to get kicked out. He went home Yesterday morning after staying with his friends and datefriend for the weekend and when he got there, his mom told him that she had packed up his things that were in the front room, and left bags for his things in his room for him to pack and get out and that she wanted the keys to the house and she put the phone bill in his name.
And to make me hate his mom more, she sat and played candy crush and played with their cat and ignored him while he sat in his bathroom crying and packing! He's only 19 and has no where to go, thank god he has a job to support himself (he tutors kids with reading and learning disorders) but we don't know for how long he'll have it because he's going to come out to his boss soon.(he wears female clothes to work since that's how he's on the paperwork as) As he wants to start T soon.
I really wish my family could take him in, but we're taking in a whole family next month and we don't have that much room in our house. I told him that if he wants, when I leave for university he can take my room but he declined saying that our family is always taking people in and that we need a break from that. I'm just really mad that his mom could do something like that, and we're all scambling (we're as in all of his friends) to try and find somewhere for him to stay where he will be able to get to work from.
I totally understand this. The whole "they'll train you" "Why aren't you trying harder to get a job?". Like my mom literally sent me a job offer from a gym that needed a personal trainer. Uhm... How am I qualified for that?Quote:
Originally Posted by ireneho
The worst is that she puts pressure on my husband too. He's stuck in a dead-end custodian job. The reason I say it's dead-end is that they've literally told him that he'll never get a promotion until he "can complete every one of his current responsibilities". Problem is, he's not only in charge of cleaning stuff, but just about everything else anyone doesn't want to do. It's a five person job, and they get mad at him for doing the work of one! He gets really depressed because he has a college education (in history/government) and can't find anything better. Literally everything that is hiring right now wants you to have 2-5 years prior experience in that field. How are you to get the experience, I ask?!
I live with teenagers. My parents have the emotional development, level of consideration for others, and frigging selfishness of the average teenager. It may sound like I'm just complaining and putting other people down in order to make myself "look better" but this is how it is. Their crappy behavior has caused serious problems for me in the past, and continues on. Negligent and delusional, they have this ridiculous misconception that things will just "work out" all the time without doing any sort of work to actually make things happen.
Like.... They constantly complain that they have no money an how much my schooling is sucking up. My dad has said to me (quite seriously mind you) that my education has kept him from buying himself new motorcycles even though he already has two. He apparently "wants one for every day of the week." Just to contextualize this, its NOT like my family is rich, there is absolutely no reason for him to think he needs multiple bikes. But he refuses to sell the second one he currently has that he doesnt even use, and constantly looks at ads or price listings for new ones.
My parents said that they didnt have the money to fly me home for Christmas, then turned around and bought themselves a new flat screen tv as a present. Since Im "so far away and the shipping is a lot" I do not receive presents, and havent for the past 4 years. I dont get to see my family, friends, or places that I love at home for 10 moths out of the year thanks to this school. Its difficult to deal with because I have deep hatred for the crappy small town I am currently stuck in, I have absolutely zero friends or social contacts up here, and Im so far removed from everyone and anything that I care about. Just mentally its been....... very very tough.
So now were coming upon the end of the (school) year nd my parents STILL have not paid for my years tuition. They owe about 11 thousand dollars. When I made an attempt to all my parents andsee how they were doing trying to settle the matter or get money together...... I was informed by my mother in a carefree voice that itll "get done dont worry about it" even though Ive been receiving semi-threatening emails from the university. She then said that its was a good thing I called - because my parents were about ot leave off to vacation in the desert for a few days and race doombuggies... or whatever those desert vehicles are called. ._________.
Its just incredibly frustrating to deal with. Like I tried to call and express how stressed the fuck out I was near the end of the year. Being an international student youre forced to keep a full class schedule, which isnt typically done after you reach the higher years. Usually students are able to take less classes because the material is no longer easy peesy introductory stuff, and they expect a lot more work out of you. While other students were complaining about having two classes? Or essays they had to get done - I had six, usually required to be 15-25 pages long. International students also arent allowed to drop classes, so even if I was doing poorly in something I wasnt able to jsut say"oh well I dont need this" and preserve a high average (this is how anyone has a high average going through school, do not be mistaken or fooled into thinking they hold magic intelligence, its all manipulation of the system).
My exasperated ranting was met with "oh you can do it, youre so smart" dismissive garbagewater. When I burst into hysterical sobbing saying that I was sure to fail things because I just could not manage that amount of projects with them all having the same basic deadline - I got a lecture about "starting things earlier." When I said that I was terrified that my parents would disown me for being a failure (and essentially wasting the thousands upon thousands of dollars they spent forcing me to attend), or not accept me back into our home my mother gave the most manipulative slimy reply I could ever imagine " Well I know you wont let yourself be a failure so Im not worried :D Youd never be able to live with yourself if you failed" Which is true, after failing things last semester and knowing I had zero future I sank into deep deep depression, and I thought I couldnt live with myself. I thought the only way out was just as my mother said - to never see them again because by their own admission noone would accept me.
After thinking about it for a long time I was able to feel better about myself - by noting what miserable and abject failures both of my parents are as people, if I look at them objectively. If they want to say theyre ashamed of me Ill just have to point out things that theyve done or how theyve screwed things up. I've been fairly obedient to my parents and their insane whims, I honestly try to protect them and not show or tell them just HOW bad of parents they were for me, how negectful and other things. This will be my final straw though, I wont be able to stand sarcastic or cutting remarks about how "easy" this should have been or what a horrid person I am for not just "getting it done." The nonchalance over the 11 grand also really bothers me, I keep half expecting to go home and be slapped with a bill then have to strip or something to pay it all off.
^^ugh, yep. That reminds me.
Our family doesn't have a lot of money.
It's barely enough to cover necessities, and often not even that.
There will be complaints of "no money" when it comes to medical bills and other important stuff, but there "is always enough" as soon as it's about buying drinks, leisure trips, or yet another completely useless technical toy our house is already full of.
The best part is when I get told to make more money, like, become a millionaire.
"But it's so easy, just write a bestsller! Everyone does it, why can't you?"
Usually I reply with "if that's so easy, why don't YOU do it?"
Which is of course completely dismissed, like most things I say.
urgh this makes me so mad =( and once again raging as USA personell law... you're not allowed to discriminate against someone for being lgbtq here. If someone comes out as trans then the company has to do everything they can to support them otherwise the employee could quit and claim constructive dismissal which is easily like £10k in compensation that they would almost certainly win.Quote:
Originally Posted by draggersprez
And how I wish I were over there that I could help this guy out with a place to stay. I have several trans friends at varying stages. One of which just had their top surgery on thursday on the NHS. The idea of someone being kicked out by their family for simply being who they are is just... urgh I get so mad. Please can you tell your friend that I'm so so sorry that they're going through this BS and that I'm sending positive thoughts their way <3 x
Yep. Totally. I even offer my services (Office Support) for free to try to get my foot in the door, so to speak, and I get looked at funny. They probably thinking why does a 40 year old woman would want to work for free?Quote:
Originally Posted by Aziara
I just want recent industry experience so I can look for a more stable career!
And the pressure of family members sending you job ads thinking you can do them all. I've never done office management yet I get sent them all the time! I got tired of telling my family I mainly did data entry and relief work when staff go on holiday or have a baby. They don't understand that. They think that office work is just sorting papers, typing and filing. It was like that when I started 20 years ago, but no longer. Nowadays jobs that once were filing clerk, typist etc are all mashed into one role.
The worst part is, when you tell them you didn't apply for it, and they ask why, then you give reasons why (lack of qualifications, experience, industry knowledge etc), then the family think you purposely rejected the job because you thought it was beneath you. My family... "Once you send your resume, your foot is already in the door." No sorry. Not how it works in reality.
Its the same here too. If you don't have a qualification and the experience, you won't even get a second look, let alone a phone call. Like that KFC one, it asked for certificates I didn't have nor have heard of. And the job requirements, I don't have any experience in.
I'm highly qualified in office work and office support. I have many qualifications and my previous experience as a temp in many business in Sydney and Singapore. I still get rejected everyday because I didn't work in local areas, and because I'm an older worker, they want the cheap labor staff who are years younger which sucks. No offence to our young people here. Its just the way it is over here in Australia.
Argh! I have just received an email from amazon that say my payment has been declined and I won't be getting my monofin even though the money has been taken from my account. I have been onto customer services all day and they just keep saying that they haven't gotten any money and they can't because I apparently cancelled my order. Gah. I didn't cancel my order and I'm sooo irritated!!! It still shows up in my orders along with everything else I have bought from amazon I looked and I can see my two other cancelled orders for the same monofin from a few days ago when I first tried to order it and it went through twice so I had to cancel both to make sure they didn't still charge me it had been fine until today and I'm going for a weekend away with my family to a hotel that we specifically booked with a pool so I could try it out... I'm so annoyed!
sorry rant over:)
Crisis averted...mostly. I'm getting my monofin on saturday, I had to use my mum's card to buy it cause mine wasn't working and now I have to get my bank to stop holding the money that was supposed to go to amazon so i can pay my mum back. gawd I was nearly crying over it, still atleast I'm getting it now :)
My boss came into work yesterday threw away our tip jar and took away my skydiving donation box for a local charity. The pirates are going to help sponsor me but it'll be nice to have the local villagers help me :/ He's also taken the business cards of local businesses and all the posters down.
I've tried to get through that doing that sort of thing, helping them out would help my co-workers and boss integrate in the local community.
I hope he just took the box and not your money too! Maybe he felt he wasn't promoting his own business enough that he took everyone else's stuff away.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixy
!!Parents are supposed to love you unconditionally and always help you out, no matter what! Even if they don't understand what being trans is, they're supposed to at least try and help him through this, not kick him out of the house!Quote:
Originally Posted by draggersprez
And my friends wonder why I always got so worried about coming out to my parents about being trans, and still am constantly scared everytime I try and bring up the subject with them.
Thank you for helping him out with giving him places to stay, you sound really awesome. :) And tell him that random mermaids on the internet think he's awesome too.
Amazon are EVIL!Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerRogue
did you know amazon's founder originally planned to name it "Relentless.com"?
says a lot about the business philosophy there :p
Some of you know, I work in a locked crisis facility for persons with mental illness. We get people from all over the county who are in crisis due to lack of medication, support, or a strong desire to end their lives. We have a high rotation rate: We have 16 beds at the facility and rotate in and out over 70 people a month.
I have a hard time paying attention to things at times (like in jobs, classrooms, meetings, etc) because I have ADD (non hyper version). I also have anxiety issues and am an introvert, and being forced to interact with strangers on a daily basis at my job is hard for me. I would take crochet to work and work on it to help me settle down. At first my uppers didn't like it, but after they saw how my attention improved and how I would speak easier to people while working on it, they applauded it as long as I worked on it in the milieu and engaged with people in the process. I was even complimented by the head nurse when he saw how I was more engaged when I worked on something with my hands
Recently, I had a meeting with my supervisor. She listed everything wrong with me (as those meetings tend to go). She stated I needed to engage more with our residents without the crochet.
"Sit yourself down in a conversation they are having and join in," she told me.
"Isn't that a little rude?" I asked her. "I don't think most people would be accepting to a worker at the mental facility they are in just sitting down while they are talking with a peer and to have me weasel my way into the conversation. If there are more than 2 people, sure I may sit down, but just two of them as there has been as of late? It feels rude and disrespectful."
"I think that says more about how -you- feel about it than they do. This is like a pre-warning. I don't want to have to be that person, you know? When I see you knitting ... crocheting, I get anxious and I think to myself what more can I have you work on and go do? There is always stuff to do around here. If this persists, then there will be another warning, then after that something will have to be done. I was even talking to [the administrator] and we were wondering if you would fit better in another part of the company. Like how [coworker] went from doing your job at night to the record keeping during the day. Also, I have seen how you and [two coworkers] are very social with you come in here and that is a problem. You need to focus on the residents and not on one another."
My coworker's time with me at work overlaps by an hour and a half. In that time of the shift, most residents are in groups, are napping, or are in the television room. Yes, there can be major events at this time and they get handled.
After the meeting I have been in a funk. I no longer bring my yarn to work and try to do all I can to look busy; sadly she did not see this change since she works only 3 days a week with me. My evening coworkers for the other days noticed something was off with me, but I didn't tell them anything. "You are not your usual bubbly self," one nurse told me. I just shrugged at kept working.
Mental health is not my dream career. I have always wanted to be in a more art field and was pushed to Art Therapy as it was viewed positively by my family. Partway through gradschool I told my mother I didn't think I wanted to so it anymore and she told me to finish the degree so I had it, then look for something else. Now, though, I feel trapped to keep working here (in general, it is nice) while attempting to break out into something more artsy. I have a goal in mind and am slowly working on it, but my gods, I am reaching burnout and I cannot do anything about it. (Vacation time has to be submitted a month in advance and people are dragging their asses about visits next month.)
sounds like they'r ejust nit picking and looking for a reason to pick on you. I had a boss just like that. Got mad at me for a stain on the carpet that had been there long before me. lol
I hate when people make fun of great mermaid shows like this one when they look goofy trying to swim in their poor quality tails 😜. http://youtu.be/nySQZxTP5V8
Really? Lol no one made fun just voiced concern
Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk
Trying to figure out how to link your facebook page, tumblr, and twitter together >:/ This mer is evidently not very technologically gifted. Lame comlant, yes, but ugh...
Oh remind me I'll post a tutorial
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I'm sad.
My mother jut called me scum of the earth and that I wasn't her child.. All I did was say "ok I will drive you to the doctor before I go into work". You know what hurts? The verbal abuse I get Everytime I go out of my way to do something nice for her. I gave her shopping money on mothers day because she doesn't work a day in her life, and I got yelled at. Drive to Get groceries, I get yelled at. Drive her somewhere before work? I get yelled at. buy her a present for her birthday that she'll juš end up giving away? I get yelled at.
Wtf why?
Time to stop being nice. Sounds like your mom could use a nice spoonful of indifference.
a nice spoonful of arsenic would be great. :|
:Internet police i know you're watching, it's just figure of speech/sarcasm:
seriously though, i can't take it. fuck this i'm moving out.
SeaGlass Siren, that's wretched.
I don't know why this just popped into my head, I'll share just in case it's helpful: http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmo...-disorder.html
If not, just ignore it. I hope you move out soon. No one who treats you that way, relative or otherwise, retains the right to continue doing so.
I'm really sorry, SeaGlass. That's absolutely awful. :( I really hope you can get out of there soon, and get that woman out of your life. Nobody needs that kind of constant negativity and toxicity all the time, especially when they're just trying to be a good daughter.
I definitely agree with Pearlie-- Maybe your "mother" will learn to be a little more grateful when you're no longer willing to put up with her abusive garbage, or even not around at all.
I really hope things get better for you soon. <3
OH MY GOD SHE HAS THAT. EXTREME VANITY, EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES, TRIANGULATION, PARENTIFICATION, INFANTALISATION, . AND THE ENABLER. MY DAD. OH MY GOD YOU JUST OUTLINED MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE STORY...Quote:
Originally Posted by MerGrrl
seriously though, thankyou guys for the support and comfort. i really needed it. <3
So this isn't really a bitch it out, it's more of a plea for advice (and possibly any help people can offer).
I'm currently living with my parents until my husband and I can get into an apartment in Cali. Living conditions have gone from ok to complete and total hell on earth. I'm not talking about the house, I'm talking about an occupant. My step-dad hurt his back almost 2 years ago, and since his attitude has quickly become more and more abusive.
He started with passive aggressively attacking my mom and has gone to full out verbally attacking her. He tried cutting us off from family, telling them that WE were attacking HIM. Recently he's started being aggressive with me as well. More than once I've had prototype projects turn up broken (but no one knows how it got that way, even though I put it in a safe place). He is constantly telling people that I sit at home and do nothing, and that my personal finances are his families business (even though they hate mom and I). He's telling people that he is having to support mom and I because we are so lousy with money, even though we have been supporting him for the last year and a half.
Mom cries from the time she gets home from work until she goes to bed, and I rarely leave my room. She and I are rarely allowed to be alone together. There have been times we have tried to go to the store together so we could talk without him over hearing, and he insists on going with and wont let us leave without him. Mom and I are always the ones cooking dinner, and while we are working he will come and stand at the bar counter and just watch us (gives a very "overlord" kind of feeling).
I've had to start hiding important things for my mom in my room because things keep coming up missing (like her birth certificate and her SS card, and my grandfathers old service revolver). Anything we want kept in a safe place ends up hidden in my room (since I rarely ever leave it).
[step-dad] is currently unemployed and wont even look for work. He refuses to do things for himself, and if mom or I don't do it for him he takes it out on mom saying that she is lazy and that he has to support us (mom works 10+ hours a day at a Lowes Distribution Center).
Mom and I are looking at moving into a hotel at the end of the month, we can't afford rent for next month and some of the local owned hotels do a rent by the week. But, I'm not sure it's soon enough. I've started having nightmares about him physically hurting us (such as beating us wit cooking tools, or straight up finding one of the guns and shooting us), and mom hasn't hardly been sleeping at all.
I'm sorry if this seems a bit scatter-brained. I'm trying to get it all written out before he comes to check on me. Any help or advice would be appreciated
Does he ever threaten you with physical harm? The first/next time he does, call the police, file a domestic violence complaint and get a restraining order. They will remove him from the house. Verbal abuse is still abuse, you don't have to take it!
He has yet to physically harm us.
Sent by star fish
He doesn't have to harm you, he just has to threaten you. PM me if you want domestic violence advice...I may have to wait until tonight to answer - boss is on the hoof!
call the police on him.
Can't unless he threatens us with physical harm or physically harms us
Sent by star fish